The Story Behind the Grey Eyes
by DancingFeet22
Summary: "Something flickers across his bloodshot eyes. Pain." Haymitch Abernathy, the victor of the 50th Hunger Games and mentor to Katniss and Peeta, has seen the true horrors of Panem and this is his story. Follow his journey from the moment the second Quarter Quell is announced right up until the end of Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor any of its characters, I'm just writing this for fun. I hope you like the story and please feel free to review!**

**Chapter One**

I sit with my mother, my younger brother, Layle and my girlfriend, Tilly in our small excuse for a living area. The chairs are wobbly and on the verge of breaking, the whole place feels cold and it's covered in coal dust.

We are gathered together around our old television to hear what this year's Quarter Quell will entail. The picture keeps moving around but none of us care; we don't want to watch this any more than everyone else in Panem. Except, maybe Districts 1 and 2, I bet they're besides themselves with excitement.

President Snow, a short man in his mid-sixties with greying hair and large lips that are pulled tight across his face, takes to the stage. I can feel Tilly pulling closer towards me and I can't help but kiss her soft, brown hair. She's petite and looks like a doll but we've been together a year now and I know better than to get on her bad side; she may look innocent but she's as fiery as they come.

A small boy is standing next to Snow, holding a large box of cards that reminds us that there will be no end to the Hunger Games. Each card represents a twist that occurs every twenty five years and there appears to be at least fifty cards in that box. My blood runs cold but I try not to show it to my family. Layle may be ten years old but on occasions like this he allows himself to climb on to my mother's lap and holds her tight. I would usually mock him for such childlike behaviour but not today.

Snow clears his throat and begins his speech. "People of Panem, it has been fifty years since the Capitol triumphed over the rebellious districts and so this means that the Hunger Games' second Quarter Quell will soon be upon us! We must remember the importance of the Quarter Quells as they are meant to be fresh reminders of what can happen when the districts become selfish, rebellious tyrants."

He pauses for a moment and picks up a card from the box with the number '_50_' written on to it. I can see Tilly's face growing in anger so I plant another kiss on her face, it might not calm her down but it definitely makes me feel better.

Snow clears his throat again and begins to read from the card. "To remind the districts that for each Capitol citizen killed in the rebellion, two rebels died, twice the number of tributes will be reaped."

My mother's hand flies to her mouth as she gasps and Tilly buries her head in my chest. Snow has exactly the kind of face you want to punch, even if you didn't know about the torture and oppression he has inflicted over his country for decades. I have always vowed that if I ever got close enough to punch him, I would. Of course, the only way that would happen is if I entered the fight to the death that is the Hunger Games and there's no way I would come out of that alive.

Tilly's cursing under her breath and Layle is asking mother if I'm going to be safe for another year. She doesn't say anything, she simply pushes back his light brown hair behind his ear.

"Everything is going to be fine, Layle," I say, "I haven't been reaped so far and I have no intention of changing that."

This brings a smile to his face and my mother looks at me with such concern that I know I can't stay here any longer.

"Tilly and I are going for a walk, I'll see you both later."

I grab Tilly's hand and lead her out of the house, it is mid spring so it's just about warm enough to walk around without a jacket as long as you're back inside before it gets dark.

I've known Tilly all of my life; we both grew up in the Seam and kids from the Seam tend to stick together. She lives with her parents and her older brother, Drake, and ever since we were five years old we have spent almost every day together. It wasn't until my fifteenth birthday when she turned up at my house looking amazing in a teal coloured dress that I realised how in love with her I was. Thankfully, she felt the same way, too.

We walk in to town without saying a word, I can tell that she needs some time to reflect on what's happened and I also know that she's more worried about me being reaped than herself.

"Tilly," I say, stopping on the path in to town. "We're going to be okay. There's going to be thousands of slips in that bowl."

"I know," she says. "It's just…I can't lose you, Haymitch. I can't." She has to stand on her tiptoes to kiss me so I bend my head to make it easier. She has such soft lips that feel so perfect against mine.

"You won't," I say and kiss her again.

* * *

It's the day of the Reaping and my mother is straightening up my grey shirt, which apparently matches my eyes perfectly. I still don't understand why we all get so dressed up for this; four children are going to be taken away and sent to their deaths yet we feel as though we should look presentable for the occasion. I think we should all turn up in our oldest, shabbiest clothes and see how much the Capitol likes that.

"I think you're all set," says mother and steps back to take a look at me. "You look just like your father."

I smile because I don't want to upset her but I never felt any real connection to my father. He died when I was nine and the only thing he seemed to enjoy was drinking white liquor, even though we barely had enough money to feed us all. Both of my parents spent all day working in the mines but whilst my mother's priority was trying to find some sort of food for me and Layle, my father's was to get to The Hob as soon as he could and buy some booze. He's one of the few people in District 12 to ever die from liver poisoning; a rich man's disease in my eyes.

"Can we eat now?" Asks Layle and my mother nods.

We sit down and eat a bread roll each; I dread to think how much this has cost my mother. But it's reaping day and everyone across the district will be sitting down to as good a meal as they can afford.

It doesn't take us long to finish and then we're heading off towards the town square. The entire district is heading in the same direction and there are cameras everywhere to capture the moment. Not one person has a look of happiness upon their faces.

Layle virtually jumps at me and throws his arms around my waist, trying to hold back the tears.

"I'm going to be fine," I tell him. "I promise."

He pulls away and my mother gives me a hug, telling me to stand tall and wishing me luck. I say thank you and scan the crowd for Tilly. I can see her hugging Drake so I make my way towards her, shouting her name. She turns around and flashes me a gorgeous smile, albeit with a sadness in her eyes. By the time I reach her she has ran into my arms and I'm holding her close, kissing the top of her head.

"We'll get our blood taken, stand there and then when it's over we'll have a feast, okay?" I say to her and she nods before standing on her tiptoes to kiss me.

We hold hands as we queue to get our blood taken and only separate once we have to stand in the boys and girls section of the sixteen year olds' area in front of the stage that has been specially erected for the occasion. My eyes follow Tilly as she takes her place amongst her friends and I give her a cheeky wink to let her know that we're going to be okay. They won't call our names.

There are three people sitting on chairs on the stage with peacekeepers in white uniforms surrounding them. The first is Mayor Clarkson, the second is our only victor, Titam Noss and the third is the tributes' escort, a woman from the Capitol called Marsella Plush who always looks displeased to be in 12.

The clock strikes two and Mayor Clarkson approaches the microphone to tell us all about the Dark Days and reinforces the power that the Capitol has over us. There used to be 13 districts all under the control of the Capitol and fifty years ago they rebelled, only to be brutally defeated and district 13 was wiped off the map. The Hunger Games was born and since then every year each district has had to give one male and one female tribute to the Capitol so that they can fight to the death on television.

The Mayor reads out our supposed list of victors, which only has Titam's name on it, a broad an in his mid-fifties who is still lucky enough to have his thick, dark hair on his head, albeit with streaks of grey.

The Mayor hands us over to Marsella who totters over to the microphone in her ridiculously high heels. She's wearing head to toe lime green and her chest looks like it's about to burst out of her dress, it's that tight on her.

"Hello!" She says in her strange, Capitol accent, "And happy Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favour!" She pauses so that we can cheer but all she hears is silence, as usual. "Let us begin! As you know, this year will be very exciting with two female and two male tributes entering the arena!" Again, no one cheers so she continues. "Ladies first!"

She puts her hand in to the ladies reaping bowl and plucks out one of the pieces of paper and holds it up to her face.

"Clo Dawnson!" She shouts with delight and a small cry comes from the fourteen year old section. A girl is making her way to the stage, she's surprisingly tall for a fourteen year old and has long, blonde hair. She's keeping the tears back it's easy to see that she's struggling.

"And now for the boys!" Shouts Marsella once Clo has climbed on to the stage. She plunges her hand in to the bowl and for a brief moment I remember that it could be my name that she calls. "Dinium Hawkes!"

I let out a sigh of relief as I see a tall, muscular boy take the stage. I've seen him around school, he's a year older than me, but I don't know him. I think he's one of those sporty types who is on every team you can imagine. He's composed as he takes his place next to the slight Clo.

"And now back to the ladies!" Squeals Marsella, she's enjoying this far too much. I hate those Capitol people. I hate them. "Maysilee Donner!"

I hear a shriek and my head twists to the right to see a girl clutching at her twin and another girl sobbing next to them. I know how painful it would be to see Layle called up on that stage but I can't imagine how devastating it would be if it was your twin that was reaped.

Maysilee pulls away and looks confident as she walks on to the stage, there is no sign that she's terrified about what's to come and that worries me.

Now it's time for the second boy's name and I can feel my palms getting sweaty. Every year I tell my family that it won't be me but, of course, I'm still scared that it might be. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill anyone.

"Haymitch Abernathy!" Marsella booms and I'm suddenly pulled away from my thoughts and back in to a harsh, evil reality.


	2. Chapter 2

******I do not own The Hunger Games nor any of its characters, I'm just writing this for fun. I hope you like the story and please feel free to review!**

**Chapter Two**

I'm waiting in one of the fancy red rooms of the Justice Building for my family to come and visit me before I board a train to the Capitol and my death. Tributes are allowed one hour for visitors before they leave but I know that it will never feel like enough.

I genuinely thought Marsella would be shouting out someone else's name. Some other poor, unfortunate boy to be thrown in to the arena. Not me. Perhaps if I hadn't been so sure of myself I wouldn't be here now.

The door flies open and Layle runs in with tears streaming down his face. He almost knocks me off my chair with the speed that he's running at me with. I wrap my arms around him and I can feel his sobs against my chest. My mother stands in the corner, trying not to cry.

"Don't cry," is all I can say to Layle.

He pulls away and looks up at me as if I'm already dead. I'm as a good as, I suppose. "You're smart, Haymitch. Maybe…"

"Yeah, maybe," I say. "You promise me you'll behave for mum, okay? It's just the two of you now so you have to look out for each other."

He nods and throws his arms around me once more. I've always hated Snow but never as much as I do right now. It's one thing to kill me but to take away the only father figure in a small boy's life is another kind of evil.

And then there's my mother, who is now pulling me close, who has not only lost her husband but is about to lose her eldest son. In two years I was going to go down the mines and start contributing to the family but now all they'll have is my mother's wages until Layle is old enough.

"No matter what happens on the screen, you're still my son, okay?"

I'm not sure if these words are meant for me or for herself but I nod, anyway. "I'll do what I can, mum, but…"

"I know," she whispers and kisses my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She takes Layle by the hand and has to drag him out of the room; he's kicking and screaming and the peacekeepers look like they're about to shoot him if mum doesn't get him out of here soon. I have to turn away because I don't want this to be my last memory of them.

The door closes and it isn't long before it's opening again to reveal Tilly. Her eyes are puffy from the crying and her cheeks are red. She runs in to my arms and all I want to do is hold her like this forever.

"Come back to me," she says.

"I'll try."

"No!" She shouts, stepping back. "Promise me!"

"I'm not going to do that, Tilly! I can't make you, of all people, a promise I won't be able to keep."

She starts crying again and all I can think to do is kiss her. This is how I wanted my life to end; kissing Tilly. But not like this. When we're old and in our home, maybe with a family.

"I know you'll be upset…when I'm gone," I say, "but promise me you'll live your life as much as you can. Find someone you love who loves you back and be happy." I never thought I would be telling my girlfriend to find someone else but I need her to know that I want her to be happy, whoever that may be with. The thought of her living the rest of her life being lonely and mourning my death is worse than my fate. Another life that Snow would have royally screwed over.

For the rest of the hour we hold each other on one of the plush sofas, neither of us saying a word. It's soothing, in an odd way. I'm here with my girl and that's all that matters.

When the peacekeepers signal that our time is up I give her one last kiss and say "Goodbye, sweetheart."

She holds her tears back as she leaves but as soon as the door closes I can hear her burst in to hysterics. It smashes my heart in to a million, tiny different pieces.

Marsella then bursts in to the room in her lime green monstrosity and a huge grin on her face.

"Haymitch!" She cries, "Hurry along, now, we've got a train to catch!"

I groan as I stand up and follow her to the car that is waiting outside; Clo, Maysilee and Dinium are already squashed in the back and I'm expected to squeeze in to the corners. Needless to say, the journey to the station is uncomfortable and silent.

We board the train and are ushered towards our rooms; mine is bigger than my entire house. It has a large bed and a private bathroom that has all of the latest Capitol technology.

I open a few drawers and see that they are all filled to the brim with shiny, Capitol-esque clothes that make me want to spew. If I'm going to be sent to my death I'd rather do it looking like myself than some idiot from the Capitol.

An hour or two passes whilst I explore the delights of my room and then Marsella appears again to inform me that it's time for dinner. I follow her to the dining cart and Dinium is already sitting at the large table with a huge bowl of bread rolls in its centre.

I'm instantly reminded of the humble lunch that I had with my family just hours ago.

"It's just typical that the year I get chosen is the year I have to face forty seven other kids," says Dinium with a wry smile. I return it with my own chortle, maybe we could have been friends in another life but I can't let myself think life this.

Maysilee and Clo quickly join us; the former giving us each a smile and the latter avoiding our gazes at all costs. She may be fourteen but Clo still looks like a child, at least the rest of us could sort of pass for adults.

Marsella and Titam enter the room and fill the remaining seats, each grabbing a bread roll.

"Tuck in," says Titam and we all obey. As he is the only victor from our district he will be a mentor for all of us throughout the games, which means he has to find us sponsors so that he can send us gifts in the arena that could mean the difference between life and death. I know I need to impress him so that he focuses more of his energy on me but, really, who would choose me over Dinium? He looks the strongest out of all of us, although, there's something about Maysilee that makes me think she could have a better shot than all of us.

Seconds later we are presented with spicy tomato soup that I have to force myself to eat slowly so that I can savour the taste. It's unlike anything I've ever tried.

"I'm not going to lie to you," says Titam, "This year is going to be the worst Hunger Games ever," this sends Clo in to hysterics but Maysilee manages to calm her down by rubbing her back. "District 12 isn't known for how well it does in the games but I promise I'm going to try my best to get one of you home."

I wonder how many tributes he's said this to in the past only for none of them to return. He's been a mentor for forty years and not one of his tributes has survived, I can't imagine how he's lasted this long without going crazy. He's had to watched _eighty_ children go to their deaths, how can he seem so…normal?

"Now, now, no need for such the glum faces!" Squeals Marsella, "We've got a lovely meal to enjoy before we watch the reapings and then tomorrow we'll be in the Capitol! How exciting!"

"Yes," Maysilee snaps and it quickly dawns on me that this sweet looking girl may have another side to her.

The rest of the meal is eaten in silence as we size each other up. I can see Dinium glancing at Maysilee between bites and it's clear that he wants to do more than ally with her. Part of me wants to tell him to not be so stupid; there's no way he can enter in to a relationship with her but the other part of me urges him to act on his feelings. Maybe if he's too busy obsessing over Maysilee he'll be less obsessed with killing me.

I need to stop thinking like this, I'm not coming home. I need to accept that.

After we've finished stuffing ourselves with chocolate cake covered in raspberry sauce we all sit around the television to see the recap of today's reapings.

Districts 1 and 2 produce eight angry looking teenagers who look no younger than sixteen and half of them are volunteers, which means they'll be more than eager to kill anyone who gets in their way. The whole recap takes far longer than usual due to the amount of tributes that each district has to produce and it seems like each one has a potential victor. When they get to our district and I see all four of us standing on that stage, all I can think is how composed Dinium and Maysilee look compared to me and Clo. I've contorted my face so that I look so angry and shocked that I'm convinced everyone in the Capitol will dismiss me because of how ungrateful I am for the opportunity I've been given.

"Okay, I think we should all go to bed," Titam announces, "But before you go to sleep if you could just think about any strategies or skills you want to work on it will save a lot of time once we get to the Capitol."

At least he's being efficient, I think, because I don't think I'll cope if I have to spend the next few days dwelling on the many different and creative ways that I could die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for choosing to read my story! I do not own The Hunger Games or its characters, I only write this for fun so please let me know what you think!**

**Chapter Three**

I wake up in my enormous and luxurious bed, surprised that I managed to sleep all the way through the night. I thought I would have been tossing and turning all night with thoughts of mother, Layle and Tilly taking over my mind but that wasn't the case. I guess the events of the previous day had exhausted me more than I thought.

I swing my legs out of the bed, although I would be more than happy to stay here all day, it's so comfortable and I don't feel like I'm days away from death. I walk over to one of the many drawers and change in to a black trousers and shirt combination; I've never been bothered by clothes so I don't care if I look like a depressed teenager attending a funeral. After all, that's what I am.

I leave my room and head for the dining car, assuming that it's almost time for breakfast, to find that Titam, Marsella and Maysilee are already there tucking in to the many delights we have on offer to us.

"Haymitch!" Titam says with a smile on his face; how can he be so happy? "Come join us, my boy!"

I look at Maysilee as I sit down, she's avoiding my gaze and instead staring at her eggs and bacon. I wonder if she's going to be playing the strong and silent type as she says very little but she doesn't come across as weak. Maybe she just hides her tears well.

After a detailed description of each dish from Marsella I quickly pile up my plate with as many delicacies as I can; if I'm going to die soon I may as well enjoy my last few meals. Marsella shoots me a disapproving look before leaving to fetch Dinium and Clo, clearly my manners are just not up to scratch.

"I trust you both had a good night's sleep?" Says Titam.

"Yes, thank you," says Maysille and I just groan in approval. I mean, really, is there any point in speaking?

Titam seems to think so as he quickly launches in to a speech about how grand the train is and how different it is from home. By the time Dinium and Clo join us I have to restrain myself from slapping him because the way he's banging on about the Capitol and its food is just embarrassing, you'd almost think he _liked_ the Capitol.

"We'll be arriving in the Capitol in about two hours," he announces, "so until then I'm going to talk to you each individually to discuss your strategy for the games. Clo, shall we go to your room?"

Clo doesn't say a word as they both walk in to her room; she moves slowly and gracefully like a fairy flying across a cloud. I don't even know this girl and yet my heart seems to stop every time I think about what is in store for her. I can't let myself think about her, not if I'll have to kill her.

"So have you both thought about what you're going to discuss with Titam?" Dinium asks.

"Not really," says Maysilee, "I don't have any skills." I wonder if that's true, it's impossible not to doubt everyone when it comes to the Hunger Games.

"I'm sure that's not true! What about you, Haymitch?"

"Like I'm going to tell you," I say. Does he really think that I'm going to reveal any skills that he could potentially use against me? Of course, I don't have any skills but he doesn't need to know that.

Dinium smirks as if I've just said something truly hilarious and says, "Fair enough, I was only making conversation."

We spend the rest of the morning ignoring each other and return to our rooms, waiting for Titam to come and talk to us. As much as Dinium seems like a decent guy, I'm going to have to think of ways to get rid of him. I don't want to kill him but if he comes at me with a knife, I'm not just going to take it. I can't let my family see me giving up in front of the entire country.

Eventually, Titam opens my bedroom door and sits down in one of the ornate chairs in the corner of the room. I sit on the edge of the bed so that I can at least look like I want to engage in conversation.

"So, Haymitch, what have you got for me?"

"Nothing," I quickly respond.

"Nothing at all? You've never used a knife? Never run or wrestled in school?"

"Well, I mend things around the house for my mother but that's it. I'm not sporty. I'm not Dinium."

"No, you're not, but even Dinium is going to struggle without sponsors so we need to make sure we can get them on board. Have you had any ideas about how you want to portray yourself?"

"I'm not stupid, Titam, I know I'm not coming out of this! The best I can hope for is that every other tribute is as stupid as these games and they all kill each other off before I have to do anything!"

Titam sighs and stands up, probably realising that his best hope at having a victor from 12 would be to support Dinium as much as he can. "Okay, Haymitch. I'll try to think of something."

He walks out of the room and I scream in to my pillow.

* * *

Once we reach the Capitol I am quickly whisked away in to the Remake Centre where I am greeted by my so called prep team. Riosa is a scarily thin lady with blue tinted skin and is violently ripping off waxing strips from my chest. It's taking all of my will not to push her over. Antonia is massaging some strange oil in to my hair with her ridiculously long and pointy fingernails and Marcius is rubbing I-dread-to-think-what in to my skin.

I feel like a chicken that's being brushed, plucked and coated before it is put in to the oven while its tormentors discuss the trivialities of Capitol life. I know all about Plinius Hop's latest party and what a disaster it was and I still don't care.

"Okay, I think he's ready for Elerrah now," says Riosa and the three of them stand back to observe me before they nod. As they walk away I can hear them discussing that I may be handsome but I have no chance of winning the games.

I sit up as I wait for my stylist to arrive and contemplate what I'm going to do in the games. I know I'm clever, everyone tells me so, but clever will only get you so far. If I want to last longer than most of 12's tributes I need to practice with some weapons. I know I'm not coming home but I refuse to die in the initial bloodbath like most of our tributes, I want my chance to show Panem how cruel these games are. I just have to figure out how.

"Hello, Haymitch," a high pitched, melodic voice almost sings to me. I look up to see a woman who is a little bit shorter than me with straight, copper coloured hair and gold eyelashes. She's wearing a flamboyant gold dress that stops just above her knees and heels that rival Marsella's in the height stakes. "I'm your stylist, Elerrah."

"Hello."

She walks around me, examining every part of my naked body and I hate it. The prep team wouldn't let me wear a robe as they needed to completely remake me, apparently. For some reason I think of Maysilee and Clo having to undergo the same treatment and it just makes me feel sick.

"You're a handsome young man, Haymitch," she says, "you can put on a robe now."

Without hesitation I grab the robe that is hanging on the back of the door and quickly wrap it around me. "It's the opening ceremonies tonight so we're going to be dressing you as coal miners to reflect your district."

"Shocking," I say because our tributes have been dressed the same way for fifty years and, quite often, they're not wearing a great deal.

Elerrah's lips curl in to a sly smirk. "Yes, well, a good looking boy like you is going to look great in coal dust. Has Titam discussed how you're going to represent yourself?"

"No."

"Well, I can tell you're a smart boy, Haymitch, so maybe tone down the aggression and arrogance if you want to gain sponsors. I'll see you later."

She totters out of the room and I have an overwhelming urge to throw the nearest blunt object at her. They bring us here to parade ourselves in front of them, to take bets on our lives and they _still_ think they can talk to us like we're insects on their boots!

After a luxurious dinner of roast meat and vegetables Elerrah reappears to dress me in my outfit for the opening ceremony, although 'outfit' might be too strong a word. I'm wearing the tightest of black shorts and the rest of my body is covered in black powder to give the illusion of coal dust. I have a few muscles so I don't look as bad as previous tributes but, still, I look ridiculous. Elerrah places the yellow hard hat on my head and steps back to admire her work.

"Perfect," she purrs and then flashes me a far too seductive smile. She then leads me to the chariots that we'll be riding in and I can see that Clo and Dinium are already standing next to ours' and they look terrified.

Dinium is in the exact same outfit as me and Clo has a loose, black dress on but she still looks like a child dressed as an adult. It's just not right.

"Hi, Clo," I say as I walk towards the chariot. I know I shouldn't get too close to her but if Layle were ever in this position I would hope that someone would at least try to be friendly to him.

"Hi, Haymitch," she squeaks like a mouse.

"Clo and I were just discussing the other tributes' outfits," says Dinium, "we think the guys from one look terrifying."

I turn around to see the tributes from 1 shining brightly in jewel encrusted clothes that look incredibly heavy. I suppose they're all strong enough to carry the weight with all of the training that they do.

I let out one of my many groans and turn back around. I have no problem with talking to Clo, as cruel as it sounds I know she won't last long but there's a strong possibility that I may have to kill Dinium and the less I like him the better.

Before he can say anything in response Maysilee walks up to us wearing a black bra and tight, short skirt. It's clear that she's uncomfortable as she's avoiding everyone's gaze as she approaches us. Of course, Dinium can't keep his eyes off her.

"Hi, Maysilee," I say first, just to annoy Dinium.

Her eyes shoot up towards me and I realise that this is the first time I've actually spoken to her. "Hello," she says, "we look awful."

We all chuckle, including Clo, and nod in agreement.

"Is Titam coming?" Asks Clo.

"Yeah, there he is," Maysilee replies and points towards a suited figure walking towards us with a grin. Why on earth is smiling?!

"Hello, everyone," he says. "You'd better get in to that chariot, it's starting soon."

As we're climbing up on to the chariot he's attempting to give us advice on how to standout and impress the audience but it's pointless. No one ever backs District 12 because we're always the most useless and ill equipped tributes and we never stand out because we're always dressed as coal miners. What hope have we got?

As Titam walks away I catch the eye of one the tributes from 1; she's got long, brown hair that has been intertwined with jewels and she's at least three inches taller than me. She gives me an evil smirk before turning to one of her district mates and laughing. Their chariot begins to pull away and my stomach suddenly tightens.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think, I really do appreciate feedback! I don't own the Hunger Games nor it's characters.**

**Chapter Four**

Once the opening ceremony is over with we are collected by Marsella and escorted to our rooms on the twelfth floor of the Training Centre where we will be staying until the games begin. There is a large dining area and living area and we each have a room with an en suite. I didn't think they would give us a room bigger than the ones on the train but they have and the enormity of my suite both amazes and disgusts me in equal measure.

I've been told I have an hour to get ready for dinner so I quickly jump in the shower and after spending forever trying to figure out the various dials and settings I manage to scrub off the disgusting black powder that was covering my body. I change in to a blue shirt and pull on some black trousers before heading in to the dining room; I didn't realise how hungry I was until I sat down at the table.

It isn't long before the rest of the group join me, including everyone's stylists, and we are brought huge portions of food. As I stuff my face with strawberry cheesecake I can see Titam drinking a thick, brown liquid that I have never seen before. He must catch me looking at him because he quickly calls over an avox, a Capitol servant who has had their tongue cut out for committing a crime, and moments later a mug of the brown liquid sits in front of me.

"It's called hot chocolate," he informs me as I move the mug to my mouth and sip the hot drink. It's so sweet and delicious that I can't help but gulp it down before noticing that everyone is smirking at me.

"Shut up," I grunt but this only causes them to laugh more.

Maysilee and Clo are sitting next to each other, giggling as if they were sisters. They both have the same shade of blonde hair so, I suppose, they do look alike. I know that Maysilee comes from Town but I'm not sure about Clo. She doesn't have that Seam look like me; no dark hair, no grey eyes and her skin is very pale. No matter where she is from, all I can see is a scared little girl.

We finish our food and gather on the sofas to watch the recap of the opening ceremony. District 1 and 2 look magnificent in their intricately designed outfits and it's hard not to see the looks of jealousy on our stylist's faces. Elerrah sits through the entire thing with a huge scowl on her face, which I have to stop myself from laughing at.

Eventually the screen shows the four of us leaving the Remake Centre in our chariot and each of us are waving at the spectators. Maysilee and Dinium are playing the role of perfect tributes; they are smiling and waving as if they are genuinely excited to be there whereas I'm simply appeasing them. In all fairness to Clo, she's trying to be smiley and bright but it's clear that she's terrified. We eventually reach the end of City Circle and stop at the podium where President Snow stands to give his speech. For once I was grateful for my nonplussed expression, at least I didn't have to hide my distaste for the snake.

"I suppose that could have gone better but it could also have been a lot worse," Titam says, switching off the screen.

"I don't think so!" Screeches Marsella, "Not one of you made an impression and now we're all going to fail! I hope you try harder in training tomorrow!" She rises to her feet and stomps off in to her bedroom, thank goodness. I'm not sure how much more of her I can take.

"Okay," says Titam, "Tomorrow at training I want you all to practice with a weapon and spend as much time as possible as you can over the next three days at the survival stations. I think we all know that the best way for tributes from twelve to survive is if they can last as long as possible. And if you can make any alliances then do." It's a grim thought but it's true. "I suggest you get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow."

We all nod and head to our rooms. I was waiting for Titam to bring up the subject of allies but I'm not going to befriend anyone in that training room tomorrow. If I have to face this ordeal then I'm doing it by myself, I don't want to protect anyone and I don't want anyone to die whilst protecting me. The citizens of the Capitol just love to see how alliances form and break and I refuse to give them the satisfaction of watching me partake in one. I change in to some pyjamas and I fall asleep before my head even reaches the pillow.

Breakfast is a quiet affair as we indulge in more of the Capitol's highest cuisine. For once, Titam is not playing the role of the jolly mentor and sits eating in silence until he rouses us to head towards the training room.

"Remember, try and identify the main competition and make friends," he says as we get in to the lift and press the button for the training room.

When we arrive the massive room is already filled with most of the tributes, including the Careers. Seeing twenty four tributes at the start of the games is horrifying but being faced with double that number is simply chilling. The only way to describe it is sanctioned mass murder.

It isn't long before the rest of the tributes arrive and a tall man begins to explain what each of the stations are and that we are not allowed to fight with each other until we get to the arena, which seems to be fine with everyone except the Careers. I head straight for the survival skills stations and spend the morning learning how to make fires and create snares to trap food and, unfortunately, the other tributes.

The girl from 1 who smirked at me during the opening ceremony is showing her skills with an axe and it's clear she's been training with it all of her life. The tributes from 1, 2 and 4 are all grinning as she throws directly in to a dummy's head. They're so stupid! Do they not realise that she's going to be throwing that axe at _their_ heads?! I suppose they're so arrogant that they all think they'll be able to take the others out and become the victor. Well, one of them could be right, I suppose.

Over the next few days I practice with the knives and spears, which I'm not awful at using but I'm no Career. I eat alone and make no attempt to form an alliance, much to Titam's dismay, but he doesn't push the subject. Dinium is going to team up with some of the tributes from 6, 7 and 11 and he's asked Maysilee and Clo to join them. Clo can't believe that he's asked her and instantly says yes but Maysilee says she'll let him know. Poor Clo, I wonder if she knows that Dinium is only being polite.

Maysilee is definitely one to watch; not only is she playing Dinium for a fool but she's been practicing with the bows and knives and she's not bad. I've got a feeling that she's not letting on just how good she is.

On the final day of training we have to perform individually for the Gamemakers so that they can give us a score out of twelve so that the people of the Capitol can decide who they want to bet on and, possibly, sponsor in the arena.

All of the tributes are herded in to the cafeteria before we are called back in to the training room to show off our supposed skills.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Dinium asks me.

"No," I reply, because I genuinely don't. I don't see how I could possibly impress them. "Throw some knives, I suppose. You?" I'm hoping this intimidates him, slightly, but I know it won't, he's seen what I can do and it's nothing special.

"Probably something similar, maybe start a huge fire just to see what they do."

I actually find myself laughing slightly but stop once I realise what I'm doing. I can't forget that I might have to kill him.

"Look, Haymitch," he says, "I know this beyond horrible but we don't you think we deserve to enjoy what little time we have left? Just having a friend for a day is better than no friend at all."

I'm not sure what to say to this. Part of me thinks he's right and the other part thinks this is just part of his plan. Maysilee and Clo seem to get on with him so it's only me who he hasn't won over, yet. He's not a nasty person, I know that, but I can't let him be my friend. If I have to kill him my family will have to deal with the backlash of being related to the awful boy who killed 12's only chance of a victor.

"I'm okay," I say and turn away from him.

It takes over an hour for Dinium's name to be called and then another half hour until it's my turn. Clo will be the last to go in, which means she should be fresh in the Gamemakers minds and is probably her best chance of getting a decent score.

I walk in to the room, announce my name and throw a few knives the dummies, stepping back each time I do so just to test myself more than anything. I get some in the chest and one or two in the head but I doubt I could pull that off in the arena. Once my time is up I saunter out of the room and get in to the lift back to our floor where Titam, Maysilee and Dinium are discussing their sessions with the Gamemakers.

"How'd it go?" Maysilee asks as I walk in.

"Fantastic," I say and walk straight in to my bedroom. I lie on the bed and all I can think about is Tilly, this is the longest we've ever been without speaking let alone seeing each other.

I wonder how she's feeling right now. Has she spent any time with my mother and Layle or just avoided them? I hope they all stay in touch once I'm gone, maybe they can talk about me and remember how much I love them.

I'm called for dinner by Marsella but I'm not in the mood to socialise so I ask one of the avox men to bring me my food to my room. I know it's pretentious but I'm worried I'll lash out at someone if I don't have my own space for a bit.

I do, however, join them for the training scores, out of curiosity more than anything. The Careers undoubtedly score between the nine and eleven mark with a few other tributes managing to get eights or nines. Dinium's smiling face flashes on to the screen followed by an eight and the whole room erupts with applause, apart from Maysilee and I. She scores a seven, which is fairly impressive for someone from 12, and graciously accepts her stylist's congratulations.

My scowling face then appears and for some reason my heart beat picks up. I don't even care, I tell myself, I really don't. An eight flashes under my face and I have to stop myself from smiling, simply because it is the same score as Dinium. I know what I did was pretty bland for the Hunger Games so maybe he isn't as impressive as I thought. Whatever, we're both going to be dead soon, anyway.

Clo scores a three and tears instantly well up in her eyes. She goes to bed before we see her cry but it's impossible not to hear the wailing coming from her room. Maysilee rushes in to comfort her but it's no use. Clo know she's as good as dead.

"I'm going up to the roof, do you want to come?" Dinium asks. I didn't even know we were allowed to leave our floor. Now I want to know what's up there but not if it means talking to Dinium.

"No thanks," I say.

"Haymitch, there's something I want to say to you." Oh, great, another rallying speech on why I shouldn't hate him. "I think you've got a really good chance of winning this and, if you do, I was just wondering…"

"What?!" I shout.

"I was just wondering if you'd make sure my parents are okay. They live right on the edge of the seam and my mother can't work because she's always so ill. I just need to know that there's a chance they'll be looked after once I'm gone."

Why does he have to be such a hero?! It would be so much easier to hate him if he was a blood thirsty Career!

"Sure," I say. "If you do the same for mine." I know I'm not going to win but there's a chance that Dinium will and if he wants to strike a deal for the safety of our families I'm not callous enough to say no.

"Of course," he says and then leaves. As soon as we're in that arena I'm going to have get as far away from him as possible because I'm not sure if I could bring myself to save him for the sake of my life. He may be my family's best chance of a decent life but any kid from the seam will tell you, owing people can cost you your life if you're not careful.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for reading, I really do appreciate it! I'd also love it if you could leave me a review so I know if I'm going in the right direction! **

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor it's characters, I only write this for my enjoyment.**

**Chapter Five**

Today is our last day in the Training Centre before the Games begin, which means that we have to prep for tonight's interviews. This will be when the Capitol audience finally get a chance to meet the tributes before they are sent to their gruesome deaths, it's also a great opportunity for them to decide who to sponsor. It's so pathetic, not only do they want to make money on poor children's lives but they also want the glory of picking the winner before anyone else. They have no idea how important a life is unless it's their own.

Titam informs us over breakfast that we are at a disadvantage this year in that usually the tributes would get four hours each with him to discuss content and four hours with their escort to practice interview etiquette. However, as there are four of us we are only going to get an hour each so we have to practice in our rooms while we wait.

Just as I'm heading back to my room to crash on my bed Marsella grabs my arm and says, "Oh, no, no, Haymitch! You're mine for the next hour!"

I have to stop myself from swearing as she drags me over to a chair and pushes me in to it. She spends the next hour shouting at me for slouching and staring at the floor; it's an awful habit, apparently. When my hellish ordeal is finally over she lets out a dramatic sigh and tells me there's nothing more she can do.

"All I want is for just _one _of you to have some charm!" She squeals as I leave and all I can think is that Dinium is charm personified. She's going to love him.

I have to wait another hour before Titam comes in to my room but that doesn't bother me in the slightest. This bed is so luxurious and comfortable that I could happily lie here forever and not do anything else. The only thing that would make it even better were if Tilly was here lying next to me.

Titam walks in and orders for me to sit in one of the plush chairs that are placed in the corner of my room while he sits opposite me. He has a look of determination on his face that I have not seen until now, his smiley and happy exterior have seemingly vanished to be replaced by what may be a look of worry.

"So have you thought anymore about how you want to be perceived?" He asks.

"No," I reply, "the whole thing is stupid. I know I'm going to die, Titam, I just don't want it to be too horrific." Finally voicing my concerns is strangely liberating, I suppose part of me hopes that Titam may be able to help me with this matter but it's doubtful. He won't be in the arena so what can he realistically do for a no hoper like me?

"I think that maybe you should try and play the smart card. You know, act like you've got the whole thing planned out right up until you're crowned victor."

"Are you serious? Nobody even knows what the arena looks like, yet! How can I act so clued up?"

"You don't have to actually know everything, Haymitch, just pretend that you do! The people in the Capitol like a safe bet!"

"Then they'll bet on a Career, they won't care about me!"

Titam almost growls in frustration and I can see him clenching his fists as if he's trying to contain the anger that is building inside of him. I've never claimed that I can win this thing so why is he so annoyed?

"Okay, let's just try some typical interview questions that might be thrown at you." I open my mouth to object but Titam simply raises his hand and the stern look on his face somehow manages to silence me. "So, Haymitch, what do you think about this year's tributes?"

"They're beyond stupid," I snap and, to my great surprise, Titam instantly bursts out laughing. He really has gone mental today.

"As true as that may be, DO NOT say that, okay?" I give a noncommittal groan and we quickly move on to the next question. For the rest of my allotted time with him Ttitam continues to ask me the most mundane questions about my life and what I think of the games, all of which I answer honestly but none of them seem to be right.

Eventually, our time is up and Titam leaves to help coach Clo. At least she'll be more willing to learn, after all, she can easily play the cutesy child without too much help. There's even a slight chance that it could work in her favour if the Capitol is feeling soppy this year. It's unlikely but all she has is hope now.

I eat lunch alone, apart from the avoxes who are stationed around the table, as everyone else is in their rooms practising their interview technique. I can hear Titam discussing Maysilee's plan to act cool, calm and collected throughout the interview but if she's feeling brave enough she could be a bit flirty with the camera. All I can hear her saying in response is "Yes." Even when she's with her mentor she's as guarded as the Capitol's gates!

The evening quickly approaches and Elerrah saunters in to my room to present me with my interview outfit. I'm put in to a shiny black suit that looks absolutely hideous, even though I'm assured that it's currently the height of Capitol fashion. I hate the way it sticks to my skin and all I want to do is tear it off. Maybe if I do that on stage I'll cause enough of a commotion that the Capitol will be desperate to sponsor the crazy boy from 12. He's so confident, they'll say, that he just made the stage his own, he'll definitely win! Perhaps not.

We're all gathered in the lounge area before we leave for the interviews and I can see that Maysilee's stylist is still trying to go for the sexy look. Her glittery bronze dress is tight against her body and falls just above the knee and her makeup is bold. Clo, on the other hand, is wearing a floaty green dress that makes her look even younger than she already is. Dinium is wearing black trousers and silky blue shirt with most of the buttons undone. Clearly, I wasn't deemed muscular enough to pull that look off, although I happen to agree.

The interviews themselves seem to fly by with the Careers all playing the "I'm definitely going to win" angle for all its worth whilst the other tributes try to assure Caesar Flickerman, our vivacious interviewer, that they can outsmart everyone else. It's sad how wrong they are.

Clo is called to the stage and meekly answers Caesar's questions, unsure of what she should say. I look out at the audience and it looks like half of them are falling asleep. Dinium is next and quickly charms the audience with his admiration of the Capitol and thanks them for how well we've been treated. He's starting to make me feel sick and I wonder if I could actually bring myself to kill him but I have to remind myself that this is all a show. We're just giving them a show.

Maysilee does indeed act calm and cool throughout the interview, even throwing in a few sassy comments for Caesar that has him roaring laughing.

"So, tell me Maysilee," he says, "is there a special boy back in District Twelve?"

The audience are all glued to the two people sitting on the stage, waiting for this poor sixteen year old girl to reveal details about her supposedly private life.

"Maybe, maybe not," she says, "it would depend on who's asking."

The entire room bursts in to laughter and I'm half worried that Caesar is going to have a seizure with the amount of giggling he's been doing. A buzzer sounds that indicates that Maysilee's interview is over and she leaves the stage.

"And now for our final tribute!" Caesar bellows, "Haymitch Abernathy from District Twelve!"

There's a loud applause as I leave my seat and head towards Caesar. He grabs my hand tightly and shakes it before gesturing for me to sit down.

"So, Haymitch, what do you think of the Games having one hundred per cent more competitors than usual?" Caesar asks.

I simply shrug, recalling a similar question that Titam asked me earlier but I ignore his advice. If I'm going down, I'm going down as me. "I don't see that it makes much difference. They'll still be one hundred percent as stupid as usual, so I figure my odds will be roughly the same."

The audience laughs and I give them a smirk to add to the illusion that I'm here to please them. I still think they're vile.

Caesar has a small smirk but looks slightly uncomfortable as he says, "Bold answer, my boy!"

Bold answer? Isn't that the point? Anyway, the other tributes _are_ stupid!

I'm surprisingly calm throughout the interview, only giving short, witty answers that the audience seem to be lapping up and, for the first time, I begin to think that they may like me. But enough to sponsor me? I'm not so sure.

Once the interviews are over and I'm off the stage Maysilee and Dinium are glaring at me as if I've just punched them in the face.

"What?" I bark.

"Why did you say that the Games were stupid?! They're going to make your life hell in the arena, now!" Maysilee shouts.

"I didn't say that the Games were stupid, I said that the tributes were!"

"It didn't sound like that," says a worried Dinium.

Indeed, when I watch the interview replays my answer is vague enough that it would be difficult to tell whether I meant the Games or the tributes. Despite both being true I didn't want to piss the Gamemakers off this early on. I throw a pillow at the screen and Marsella instantly chastises me.

"I thought you didn't want to win, anyway?" Says Titam and rather than reply I storm off to my room like the moody teenager that I am.

I try to sleep but, of course, thoughts of the potential horrors that I will face tomorrow are impossible to avoid. All I can see is the awful girl from 1 mutilating my body in a hundred different ways. I get out of bed, unsure of what to do with myself, before remembering that we're allowed to go on to the roof. I get in to the lift and within seconds I'm on the roof of the Training Centre.

All around me is are the brightly coloured and modern buildings of the Capitol and all of them seem to be having very loud parties. The music has little melody and is grating on my ear.

"Oh, hi, Haymitch," a sweet voice says and I turn to see that Clo is sat on the floor, looking out over the city.

"Hey, Clo," I say with a small smile and sit down next to her. "How are you doing?"

She simply shrugs, still looking out over the Capitol. "I just tried to jump off the building and bounced right back up."

I should be shocked that a fourteen year old girl is jumping off buildings but I can understand. If I could choose between jumping to my death and the slow, agonising one that awaits me in the arena I'd definitely choose the former.

"Sounds fun," I say and this elicits a girlish giggle from Clo.

"It's a force field or something," she says, dreamily and then neither of us speak for a few moments, pondering our fates, no doubt. "I wonder what the arena will be like," she eventually says.

"We'll know soon enough. I've always wondered what's at the end of the arena, you know, how do they contain it?" I've been forced to watch the Games my whole life and it still amazes me that no one else has had the same question. They're all too busy killing each other, I guess.

"A force field?" Clo suggests.

"Maybe. It would definitely stop the tributes breaking out."

"I wish I could break out right now. I just want to go home, Haymitch."

"Me, too. More than anything."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading Haymitch's story, I really appreciate it! Please feel free to leave me a review so I can see if I'm going in the right direction!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters. I can only dream to be Suzanne Collins.**

**Chapter Six**

"Wake up, Haymitch!" An aggressive voice shouts in my ear, followed by a quick removal of my comfortable sheets.

I open eyes to find Elerrah standing over me with a stern look on her face.

"Go away," I groan.

"In case you have forgotten today is the big day and you need to be UP!" She attempts to push me out of the bed but she has very little strength so I reluctantly get out of the bed and change in to plain clothes.

She leads me to the roof and seconds later a hovercraft is above us, sending down a ladder for Elerrah and I to climb. I place my legs on to the ladder and suddenly I'm frozen and can't move. The ladder retracts in to the hover craft with us both still attached to it. A tracker is then injected in to my arm and we soon land beneath the arena where I will change in to the outfit all tributes must wear.

Once we arrive at the eerily quiet room, Elerrah goes to collect a package and when she returns she rips it open.

"Eat," she orders me while she inspects the clothes. I help myself to some toast and eggs but my stomach already feel so tight and nauseous that I don't think I can keep anything else down. "It's hard to say what you're going in to," she continues, "you have lots of layers, which could suggest both hot and cold temperatures."

I nod, not really caring. All I can think about is the conversation I had with Clo last night, what is at the end of the arena? It's been bugging me the whole way here and refuses to leave my mind. Even as Elerrah helps me in to my trousers, t-shirt and light coat I cannot concentrate on the fate I'm about to face.

I need to focus! I can't go in to this torture with a wandering mind, that's how you get killed in the bloodbath.

"So are you going to tell me your tactics now?" Elerrah asks.

"Stay alive as long as possible," I retort.

"Seems sensible," she says, "are you going to fight it out at the cornucopia?"

"No, I want to at least last for a couple of days." The cornucopia is a large, golden horn that is laden with food, weapons and other supplies at the start of the games and it's where the initial bloodbath takes place. This is where most of 12's tributes die as they cannot get away fast enough and the Careers know that they're easy targets.

"Titam told me that you don't have a token from home, is this right?"

I nod, "I don't place much value on pointless objects."

In fairness to Elerrah, I think she's just trying to keep me calm before my impending death but I'd really rather not talk to her right now. I just want to be with my mother, Layle and Tilly. It's the only thing in the world that I want.

"Prepare for launch," a robotic voice says over an intercom and I make my way to the glass cylinder in the corner of the room. I turn to Elerrah as the tube closes around me and she mouths 'Good luck', to which I smile. I may not like her but she's tried her best with what she's been given.

The plate beneath shoots up and my eyes are blinded by sunlight as I enter the arena. I quickly glance around me to see that the extraordinary amount of tributes are standing at equal distances from each other around the golden cornucopia. I think I have a girl from 5 to my left and a boy from 8 to my right, both of whom look terrified.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the fiftieth Hunger Games begin!" Bellows Claudius Templesmith, the official announcer of the Games.

We now have sixty seconds to take in our surroundings and the other tributes, if we move before then the plate will explode and they'll have to scrape our body parts off the plate.

It's easy to see that this is a Quarter Quell arena; its vibrant colours and vast landscape are far more extraordinary than any Games I've ever seen. The cornucopia is surrounded by beautiful flowers and sits on the greenest of meadows. The meadow must stretch for miles because that's all I can see at the moment but to the right is a large mountain, a terrain I've never experienced so I should probably steer clear of that.

Oh no, how long have I got left? I scan the other tributes again, looking for someone from 12 but they must all be on the other side of the cornucopia. Everyone seems so absorbed in the arena that some of them are even smiling! I was right! They are beyond stupid!

Finally, the horn sounds and I'm off my plate running as fast I can but as I look over my shoulder I can see that no one has moved, they're still looking at the delights of the arena. Could I risk the cornucopia? I have no time to deliberate so I sprint towards it, fairly confident that if I can get a knife I can fight off another tribute long enough to get away.

I grab a backpack and still no one has moved but as I walk further in, grabbing knives and food supplies I can see that some of the Careers are making a beeline for me so I start to run deep in to the meadow.

Now I can hear the screams, the pleading and the knives slashing through flesh. Now the Games have started and the audience must be beside themselves. I dread to think how many children are going to die within the next hour.

I don't stop moving, only slowing down from a run to a walk once I'm sure I'm far enough away from the cornucopia. I can see a woods forming and decide to head in there, hoping for some water and some shade. Elerrah was right, it's definitely hot in here but seeing as the whole arena is controlled by Gamemakers it could easily become ice cold by tonight.

My pace has slowed down but I keep moving, clutching one of the knives I managed to get form the cornucopia. I still can't believe I managed that. Haymitch Abernathy from District 12 escaped the cornucopia alive and with supplies. I smile to myself and the absurdity of it and wonder what my family is thinking at home. Maybe my little triumph has given them hope, if it has then I'm a bigger fool than everyone else in this arena.

I continue walking for another hour until I'm certain that I'm far away from the other tributes and fall to my knees to check what it's in my rucksack. Amazingly, there's a water bottle filled with actual water! I allow myself two gulps before placing it back in the bag, just in case I don't find any more water for days. There's also some dried fruit, dried beef, crackers, iodine tablets and a very small first aid kit. I also managed to grab a sleeping bag so I've done a lot better than I could have ever imagined.

BOOM! The sound of the first cannon makes me jump and curse at the same time. I count the number of cannons being fired, which indicate when a tribute has died, and when they're over I have counted eighteen. I won't know until tonight who has died in the bloodbath but I'm pretty sure that one of them is Clo. Sweet, terrified, Clo.

Maybe she's alive. Maybe she was only pretending to be weak so that the other tributes wouldn't realise how lethal she is. I keep telling myself this but I know it's not true, there's no way she could take on a Career ten times bigger than her.

I grab a handful of berries from a nearby bush to see if they're safe to eat but as soon I touch them my hand releases them as my skin starts to violently itch. I have no idea what to do so I grab my water bottle and pour a few drops on to my hand, which mostly soothes it but it's still uncomfortable.

I look down to where the berries have fallen onto my backpack and there's a tiny hole burnt in to it. I shake them off and tentatively rip off a nearby leaf from a different bush and, sure enough, it makes my hand itch and burns a small hole in to my jacket. The whole arena must be poisonous, even the things that are meant to be safe, which means that my small amount of supplies could be the only thing I have to keep me alive.

I pick up my rucksack and continue walking, although a lot more slowly so that I don't get too thirsty. I need to find a water source and then ascertain if it's safe to drink or not. Eventually, night begins to fade in and find a large tree in a clearing to sit under. The temperature drops and so I get in to my sleeping bag and clutch my knife. I don't dare sleep but I don't have enough energy to keep on walking and without a torch I'm basically asking for death.

The anthem of Panem erupts in to the arena and the seal appears in the sky. Pictures of fallen tributes also appear, the first being a boy from 3, which means that all of the Careers from 1 and 2 are alive. Seventeen faces that I can't remember appear above me and I feel so guilty that I don't know any of them, I couldn't bring myself to socialise with them during training and, thankfully, this means that their deaths do not mean a great deal to me.

And then, finally, the face I had been dreading to see flashes in to the sky. Clo's young face looks down on me as if asking why I didn't try to save her. Why didn't I do anything when I knew how terrified she was? I wish I could tell her how sorry I am, how I wish that she didn't have to die the way she did but all I can do is place three fingers against my lips and then towards her picture. All I can do now is say goodbye.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for reading 'The Story Behind the Grey Eyes,' it means so much to me! Any reviews would also be much appreciated!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters, this is purely written for fun.**

**Chapter Seven**

Unsurprisingly, I don't sleep all night. I doze off for about twenty minutes or so at a time but that's all I can manage, I can tell that the constant flow of adrenaline that is running through my body is stopping me from properly sleeping. It's such a shame that when I die I'm going to be a tired, haggard wreck.

As soon as the sun rises I pack up my bag and begin to walk in no particular direction, I just assume that the best thing to do is to keep moving no matter what. If I stop, I'm dead. The only problem is I have no idea where to go, I know I need to find water but I'm very doubtful that it will be safe to drink, even with the iodine solution I have in my bag. I just wish that I could keep on running until I'm out of this arena and back home in 12. If only.

Suddenly, the image of Clo in the sky last night appears in my mind and an overwhelming sense of loss overcomes me. I didn't even know her, I didn't want to get to know her, but she was a child who had never done anything wrong and now the Capitol had killed her. Maybe not directly but they were responsible, more so than the Career who had actually murdered her. Our last conversation had been so sad, neither of us fully accepting our deaths but knowing that they were inevitable nonetheless.

The arena! How could I be so stupid?! Of course I have a direction that I can take! I have nothing else planned so I may as well find out what's keeping us locked in here, after all, I'm not getting out alive so there's nothing to lose.

I'm not entirely sure which way I should travel but I think the mountain is over on the other side of the arena and I want to stay as far away from it as possible. It has even more of a foreboding feel about it than the rest of this place so I want to keep my distance. I trek further and further in to the woods, only occasionally sipping my remaining water. I really need to find a water source soon or hope for some rain, it's starting to get very hot as the day goes on and I can feel myself becoming increasingly dehydrated.

About an hour or two later, my sense of time has now all but disappeared, I hear the sound of three cannons and know that a bloody fight must have just taken place. That means twenty one of us have died in just over a day and there's still twenty seven of us left. This is definitely going to be the biggest and bloodiest Games that Panem has ever seen, I'm sure of it.

As I'm walking I see a brown, fluffy squirrel run in front of me and straight up a tree. There's a boy who I was in school with who manages to slip under the electric fence in 12 that blocks off the woods and he has an incredible talent for killing and skinning squirrels, amongst other things. He sells them at The Hob if you have something to trade but I never do so I mainly steer clear of him. However, he's a Seam kid so if he ever sees my mother of Layle looking even more malnourished than usual we sometimes find that he's left us one on our doorstep. Although he'll never admit that it was him who left it there.

I look up and the squirrel is sitting on a branch, glaring at me, and before I know it another five squirrels have joined me and each are baring their pointed, vicious teeth. These are not normal squirrels but muttations, genetically engineered animals that have been created in a Capitol lab with the sole purpose of destroying Hunger Games tributes.

I don't know what to do. I'm sure I have seconds before they attack but can I outrun them? I decide I don't have a choice and turn on my heel and run as fast as I can but it makes no difference. They have identified their target and they're leaping on to my skin, plunging their teeth in to my flesh and bringing agonising pain. Of all the ways I expected to die, being killed by evil squirrels was not one of them.

Luckily, I haven't let go of my knife the entire time I've been in the arena and so I sink it in to the squirrel that's about to lunge at my eye and then I start stabbing the rest of them. They squeal and howl as they fall off and, eventually, I've managed to kill them all but I'm covered in scratches and my left arm has a deep cut with blood pouring out of it.

I rummage around in my rucksack for my first aid kit but I'm not entirely sure what it is I should be doing. I grab one of the bandages and wrap it tightly around my arm, securing it with a pin. The blood is seeping through but it's the best I can do for the moment, I just have to hope that it stops soon.

I know I shouldn't but I drink what's left of my water, clean my knife and then move on. I'm starting to feel incredibly thirsty now and if I don't find water soon then I'm done for.

"Quickly!" A voice shouts from behind me but when I turn around there's no one there. I hold out my knife and find a nearby bush to hide behind. Thankfully, it's large enough to cover my body but I don't want to get too close in case my body has a reaction to its poisons.

Seconds later, a girl from 6 runs in to the clearing, followed by Dinium and another boy holding up a girl from 7, I think. This was the alliance that Dinium made in training, minus a few people that must have died in the bloodbath.

"Lie her down," Dinium instructs and he and the other boy place the girl on to the floor. She's screaming in pain and it's soon clear why as her right leg is barely attached to her body.

"Get the medicine!" The boy shouts at Dinium, "I can't let her die!"

Dinium roots around in his bag and hands over a pot of cream. "Jai, I don't think…"

"No! I have to try!" Jai bellows and starts to rub the cream on to the girl's leg but it's clear that she's too far gone.

"Jai, she wouldn't want us to waste our supplies," the girl from 6 says. She bends down next to him and places her arm around his shoulder. He stares at the dying girl and tears are forming in his eyes, I wonder how he knows her. Are they a couple? Surely I would have remembered that from the interviews. Maybe they're just close district mates.

Seconds later a cannon goes off and everyone realises that the girl has died.

"Goodbye, Tulle," says Jai, kissing her forehead. He stands up and says that they best move on so they gather their supplies and quickly head out. It's only then that I notice the pot of cream has been left behind.

I have no idea if it will help me but I only have seconds before a hovercraft descends to pick up Tulle's body and, possibly, the medicine, too. I run in to the clearing, grab the medicine and run back the way I came so that I don't run in to Dinium. He seems to have a very loyal alliance that I don't want to get in the way of.

I take off my bandages and rub the entire contents of the pot into my wound, it stings like hell but it could just save my life. I then unwrap a fresh bandage and wrap it around my arm.

I need to keep moving but all I can think about is water. The trees provide little shade and the heat is unbearable. Maybe I should just stay here and wait. Just wait for death. It's coming, anyway, so maybe now is the time to stop fighting it. I've done okay for a 12 tribute, in fact, the three of us left from 12 have all done really well. Maybe that's enough.

A sharp ray of light momentarily blinds me and I have to cover my eyes to protect them from the glare. Once I open them again I can see that a tiny white parachute with a silver box attached to it is floating towards me. Can this really be for me? Have I actually got a sponsor?

There's no one else around so it must be, although it seems far too early to be sending gifts as they will only increase in price as the Games on. I open it to find a bottle of water and I can't help but laugh. Does Titam really think I have a chance? Why else would he send me this if he didn't want me to keep going? Surely, it's a sign? I eventually stop analysing and allow myself a few gulps of the water. Maybe if he has faith in me, I should, too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for reading and for those of you that have left me reviews! Any criticism you have is greatly appreciated!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor it's characters, I only write this for fun.**

**Chapter Eight**

I continue to walk in to the woods, more aware now of every little thing hidden in the trees and the bushes. Even the smallest of insects makes me wary and so I try to avoid touching anything at all, which is easier said than done, but, luckily, I only gain a few nettle stings.

Night time descends and so I find a small clearing to get in to my sleeping bag. The temperature has dropped and so the material quickly warms me up. I hear two more cannons and then an hour or so later the anthem plays and Tulle's face appears in the sky, followed by two tributes from 10.

Once again, sleep evades me and I spend the night lightly dozing and clutching my knife so tightly that I start to get cramps in my hand. I wake up, eat some of my crackers and continue to venture on.

I have no idea if finding the edge of the arena will be of any use to me but at least it keeps me away from the other tributes. Hiding and avoiding everyone else seems to be my best chance of survival; I doubt that I would win in any hand to hand combat, although, maybe I could outrun one or two of them. Of course, I'm referring to non-Career tributes. Titam must have some sort of misguided faith in me to send me that water last night, why else would he send something so crucial to my survival? I'll definitely have to ask him if I ever get out of here alive.

The arena is starting to heat up again and I can feel myself growing increasingly dehydrated. I long for some shade but I'm fearful of getting too close to the trees as I have no idea what dreadful mutts and fruit they house.

Suddenly, a group of butterflies burst out from behind a bush and fly off in to the air. I know that Tilly loves butterflies; she loves how rare and beautiful they are. I remember once telling her that she just described herself and she went so red that Ii just fell in love with her even more. One of them lands on my hand but before I can admire it I feel a stinging sensation and my hand instantly turns a strange colour of blue that I've never seen before. I start to feel dizzy and I know that before long I'm going to be knocked out and, possibly, killed. Being killed by a squirrel would have been bad enough but being killed by a butterfly is just pitiful!

I'm losing control of my senses, stumbling through the clearing and in to the shade of a nearby tree. It's not an awful place to die, it's decorated by flowers that could make for a nice closing shot as I drift out of this world. And with that thought, everything fades to black.

When I wake up my hand is still stinging but it's nowhere near as painful as it was before I blacked out and it has returned to its normal flesh colour. It's day time but I have no idea how long I've been out, it could be a few hours or a few days. Thankfully, my senses have all returned and there are no long lasting effects from the bloody butterfly. I don't want a violent, gruesome or glorious death but I don't want to be forever remembered as the tribute that got killed by a butterfly. The Capitol would be laughing at me and my district for decades.

I drink what's left of my water and organise my knives across my belt so that I have easy access. I am hungry but I don't want to use up the rest of my rations until I absolutely have to as there's no guarantees that Titam can send me food, after all, he still has two other strong tributes to look after.

Suddenly, a deafening bang permeates the arena and I find my hands instantly jump to my ears as I look around for the source of the noise. It doesn't last very long and I can soon see why; the mountain on the other side of the arena is actually a volcano that has just erupted a blood red lava. Within seconds the cannons are firing continuously and I can't even keep count of how many have sounded. I knew that mountain had eerie feeling and now, more than ever, I'm glad that I trusted my instincts. I just hope they can continue to keep me safe.

I keep moving, worried that any tributes near the mountain are now going to be headed my way. This is probably the safest part of the arena and, no doubt, the Gamemakers are fed up with my lack of interaction with the other tributes. Poor them.

I'm moving at a quicker pace than I usually would, desperate to put some space between me and whoever is coming way, but I soon run in to some hedges that I can't see over the top of. They're cut in to a weird maze that I can't get out of so I have to go back on myself and in to the woods, wasting time that I don't have.

Knowing what has happened earlier in the day, I should be more prepared when I'm faced with three Career tributes and their evil stares.

"Hello, twelve," says a tall, muscular boy from 1. He's gripping a knife that is very similar to the one that I'm trying to figure out where to place in his body.

"Hello," I say. He could just get on with it and plunge his knife in to my chest but Careers know that the Capitol want a show and they're more than eager to give it to them. I can't remember exactly where the other two are from but it's clear from their toned bodies and blood thirsty expressions that they're Careers. I wonder if they lost any of their alliance in the volcano explosion. I certainly hope so.

One of them runs at me with his ax but I manage to duck just in time and, somehow, push my knife in to his abdomen. He stumbles to the ground with blood pouring out of his body at a rapid rate. Before I have a chance to consider what it is I've just done, I've grabbed the two knives from my belt and thrown one at another Career coming towards me with his. It hits him in the chest and a cannon sounds seconds later. I turn around to face my third attacker and he punches me so hard in the stomach that I release my other knife.

I suppose it was always going to end this way. Most tributes from twelve are killed by a Career, why should I be any different?

"Are you ready to die?" He asks but there is no need for me to reply because his face contorts and he falls to the floor, dead, with a dart sticking out of his back.

I look behind him to see who his killer is and I'm stunned to see Maysilee standing over his body with a blowgun in her hand.

"We'd live longer with two of us," she says.

"Guess you just proved that," I rub my neck as I consider what to say next. I knew she would be a strong player but I didn't think she felt the same way about me. If I'm going to even remotely trust someone in this arena, I think it's going to be Maysilee. "Allies?"

She nods and walks towards me as I remove my knives from the dead Careers.

"How many have you killed?" She asks.

"Just these two, I've been hiding out here the entire time. You?"

"He's my third," she says, avoiding my gaze.

"It was you or them," I say, not sure how reassuring my words are. I used to think that I was quite good at comforting people but that was only with minor problems compared to the horror of the Hunger Games. "How did you kill this guy with a blowgun?"

"I've dipped the darts in poison. It was all I could get my hands on at the cornucopia so I just had to improvise."

"Impressive."

I suggest that we start moving, careful to avoid mentioning the edge of the arena in case she thinks I'm mental, just in case more tributes are heading our way and in no time at all we're heading further in to the woods. I've been walking through them for days and there seems to be no end, the arena really must be the Gamemakers pride and joy if it's as large as I think it is.

"So did you ditch Dinium?" I finally ask, I've been itching to find out why I didn't see Maysilee in Dinium's alliance the other day.

"No, I never allied with him. If I'm honest, I didn't want an allies in case I'd have to protect them over myself but…well…a few days in here changes your perspective."

"I get that, I had similar reasons for going it alone."

She nods, knowingly. "How are you feeling? I mean, after your first kill."

The honest answer is that I feel nothing, I don't think I've had enough time to fully comprehend what just took place and the two teenagers that I sent to their death. They were going to kill me and if I didn't stop them then I would have been one of the corpses being collected by the hovercraft. It will probably happen before the Games are over but in that moment, I couldn't let myself die at their hands.

We don't talk a great deal as we walk, clearly each of us are trying to figure out if the other has a game plan and if that involves killing the other one off any time soon. However, we both know that killing your district mate in the Games is something you will always be shunned for, even if you don't return home. Of course, this rarely happens as 12 is almost always killed off in the bloodbath and I doubt we'll be in the position where we have to kill the other one to win.

"You sleep first, you look shattered," Maysilee says once we agree to stop for the night. She isn't wrong, my whole body is full of fatigue and simply walking is becoming increasingly difficult.

"Thanks," I say, "but I want to wait for the anthem, you carry on if you're tired."

I wonder if our amiable alliance is getting much screen time, I imagine so considering we just bumped off three Careers between us.

"No, I'll stay up," she says.

We both get in to our sleeping bags and wait for the anthem but I can feel myself falling asleep. I damn myself as the anthem wakes me up, reminding myself that I cannot afford to get comfortable in these Games, even around Maysilee.

We both look up at the sky to see that of the Careers only the girl from 1 and a boy from 4 remain, which is unheard of this early on in the games. Twelve other tributes died today, undoubtedly in the volcano eruption and as the last face appears in the sky, Maysilee grabs my hand the same way that Tilly does when she's scared or upset.

"Dinium," she whispers. We both remain silent until the anthem ends its reprisal.

"I thought he might be able to do it, you know," I say.

"Me, too. I guess one of us will have to win for him."

I nod and let go of her hand. I may be happy to be her ally but Maysilee has just reminded us both, and the audience at home, that no matter how much we respect each other there can only be one winner. This alliance cannot last forever.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you once again for reading my story, I really appreciate! Please feel free to review, I value every contribution.**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Nine**

I manage to get a few hours sleep, although all I can see is me killing those Careers, while Maysilee keeps watch and when she wakes up, although I don't feel entirely rested, I do feel a lot better compared to how I've been feeling these past few days.

"I've got plenty of food if you get hungry," she says before she falls asleep.

I'm still not sure if this alliance is a good idea or not. Maybe I can grow to trust Maysilee completely but, at the moment, there's still something about her that just jars with me. She can be so hard to read at times but she did save my life and that has to count for something, I'm just worried than in order to return the favour it will cost me my life.

I'm allowing myself to see me as a contender in these Games now, however stupid that may be. There can't be that many of us left now and I'm pretty sure that Maysilee and I have got further than any other tribute from 12 apart from Titam. I suppose I really should stick with her, after all, if she wins my family will prosper.

I try to push all thoughts about doubting Maysilee out of my mind and focus on looking out for other tributes or evil mutts. Thankfully, nothing happens and as the sun rises I nudge Maysilee to wake her up so that we can move on.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask. It seems like a fairly neutral question on which to build a firm alliance.

"Awful, I just kept dreaming about…never mind," she says, "let's pack up."

We start to roll up our sleeping bags but as we do a fairly large silver parachute lands in between us. I nod towards Maysilee to open it and when she does she cannot hide the happiness on her face.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Chicken soup!" She squeals and hands me a spoon and bowl.

"Thanks, Titam!" I shout, assuming that this new alliance has gained us some more sponsors. I quickly slurp the delicious liquid but Maysilee chastises me, telling me the slower I eat it the more full I'll feel.

"Tilly's always telling me off about my manners," I say before realising that she probably has no idea who Tilly is. "She's my girlfriend," I clarify and I feel like my heart has stopped for a second as a sharp pain shoots across my chest.

"My parents were always ridiculously strict about manners growing up, not that it matters now, I suppose."

She may be from Town but Maysilee has never come across as a snob nor does she appear to think that she is above me. I get the feeling that she knows she's as much a piece in Snow's evil Games as everyone else left in the arena.

As we continue to eat I notice that she wears a small pin on her t-shirt. It's gold and has some sort of bird mid-flight at its centre, I've never seen anything like it and Maysilee must notice my fascination as she looks at me and smirks.

"It's a mockingjay," she says, "it's been in my family for years." I have to raise an eyebrow to this; mockingjays are a genetically engineered bird that the Capitol never intended to create. It's a very bold move to be wearing such a potentially rebellious symbol in the Hunger Games.

"It's…different," I say, hoping she gets my drift.

"Oh, yes. I wanted my token to be…different," she says with a cheeky smirk and I know she understands. She loathes the Capitol as much as I do, despite being a merchant's daughter.

Once we've finished we organise our supplies and weapons and head out, hoping we find some safe water soon. I have absolutely nothing and Maysilee has very little left from a sponsor gift she received yesterday. I grip my knife as we walk and Maysilee has her hands firmly on her blowgun.

It turns out that our preparation was needed because half an hour later we are stopped in our tracks by two girls with various cuts across their bodies. I'm not sure what district they're from but one is holding a blood stained spear whilst the other is wielding a scary looking knife.

For a moment, no one moves. None of us are Careers, none of us wants to make the first move but it goes against every instinct not to take out your opponents when they are right in front of you. The girl with the spear pulls her arm back but Maysilee is too quick and sinks a dart in to her chest. I can see that the remaining girl is heading towards Maysilee with her knife so I run in to her, using my weight to force her to the ground and plunge my knife in to her abdomen. I desperately want to say sorry but if the Capitol audience think that I resent my role as teenage killer I'm worried that they could stop their sponsorship money.

I turn towards Maysilee who is now removing her dart from the girl's body and dipping it in a nearby berry bush.

"We should take their supplies," I suggest and she nods, quickly grabbing any food and weapons that may be of use to us. I do the same, coming across a bag of dried fruit and a blow torch of all things! I hope that this girl didn't use it on another tribute; I have no doubt that it would have been one of the most horrific deaths of the Games. I don't think I'll need it but I put it in my bag, anyway, it's better to be safe than sorry.

"Where now?" Maysilee asks.

"I say we continue towards the edge, hopefully everyone else is scattered in the woods."

"Okay," she says. "Are you injured?"

"No. You?"

She shakes her head and within seconds we're walking in to the woods again. I feel like I've walked past the same scenery a thousand times over but I don't want to tell Maysilee that, at the moment I look like I have a plan and I want to keep it that way. Hopefully, both she and the audience will think I'm in control and that can only be a good thing.

I actually find that Maysilee and I get on very well, we have the same dry sense of humour and, even though neither of us says it, I think it's quite clear that we want to show Snow how cruel the Hunger Games are. I learn that she has a twin, who is six minutes younger than her, named Pertha and they couldn't be more different but being twins they are incredibly close.

"Who was that other girl I saw you with at the Reaping?" I ask. This may be a mundane, trivial conversation but there is a complete lack of mundaneness and triviality in this arena and, to be honest, I miss it.

"That's Clara, she's one of our closest friends. I'm glad that Pertha has her if I don't get out of here. Hey…can you feel that?"

I look at her, bemused, as she holds out her hands as if searching for something. I suddenly feel a raindrop on my cheek and before we know it the whole arena is filled with rain water. It feels so cool and heavenly against my skin that I just stand still for a moment and allow it to soak through my clothes.

"You're going to get a chill," Maysilee says but there's a lightness to her voice.

"I don't care, this feels amazing! Come on, let's find a puddle to collect the water."

We walk on until we find a small puddle of water settling on top of the ground and fill all of the water bottles we have as best we can before adding the drops of iodine of solution.

"We need to find somewhere to take cover for tonight," Maysilee announces and so we head towards some trees and get in to our sleeping bags under the canvas of the leaves, being careful not to touch any of the foliage.

We continue to chat about home and our families whilst eating some of our supplies. Thankfully, our sleeping bags are keeping us warm enough so that we don't have to create a fire that could give away our location.

Eventually, the anthem plays and the seal of Panem appears in the sky. The only deaths that occurred today were the two tributes that Maysilee and I killed.

"So how many of us are left?" I ask.

"I really don't know, there have been too many of us to keep track."

We try and work out who has died since the Games began but it's incredibly hard to remember every single tribute but our main concern is the Careers and we think that only two of those are left. For once, there are more non-Career tributes left than Careers.

"I think there's about twelve of us," Maysilee says.

"Not long left now, then," I say.

"No, not long."

**Sorry, it's a short chapter but I promise the next one is going to have lots going on!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to leave any reviews or comments, I really appreciate them.**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Ten**

The next three days are spent walking, collecting rain water and sleeping. We encounter only two more tributes during this time and by now our reflexes and fighting abilities have vastly improved from the Training Center. In addition to these two deaths, five other tributes are killed over the course of the three days. We certainly have done well for a couple of tributes from 12. The only problem is, the less of us left in the arena, the more likely it is that one of us will have to kill the other.

Maysilee continues to ask me why we're heading this way but all I say is that I want us to be as far away from the mountain as possible in case it erupts, again. However, this only lasts so long and the fourth day she just stops until I give her my real reason.

"Because it has to end somewhere, right?" I say, "The arena can't go on forever."

"What do you expect to find?" She asks, exasperated.

"I don't know. But maybe there's something we can use," he says.

"Haymitch, I think we have to accept that-"

"Please," I interrupt. She sighs and nods before continuing to walk along the woods with me.

It isn't long before we reach the hedges cut in to a maze and, this time, I refuse to let them beat me.

"We could use that blow torch you found," Maysilee suggests and a huge smile comes across my face. I always knew she was clever!

I get out the blow torch and aim it at the hedge, being careful to stay away from the flames and not walking through the newly created clearing until the flames have died down.

I can see the edge of a cliff and I run towards it, stopping just before it ends so that I can look down on to the jagged rocks below. This must be the end, no one would be able to jump down there and survive. We've found it, we've actually found it.

"That's all there is, Haymitch, let's go back," Maysilee says from behind me.

"No, I'm staying here," I reply. I think of Clo and our conversation on the roof. I've found this for her as much as for me.

"All right, there's only five of us left. May as well say goodbye now, anyway. I don't want it to come down to you and me." She's finally said what we've both been thinking for days.

"Okay," is all I can say. I don't want a big, emotional goodbye for all of the Capitol to see. Maysilee and I could have been friends in another world but they've destroyed that, I'm not allowing them to fake sympathy over our separation. I can hear her walk away and part of me wants to run after her but I know it has to be better this way. I know I couldn't kill her.

I start to walk along the edge of the cliff, staring at the rocks below. There must be a way that I can use this to my advantage but how? There must be something, I think, as I shuffle along and kick a pebble off the cliff.

I decide to sit down and think about my next move. I'm on my own again and, although working with Maysilee saved my life on many occasions, it has to end this way for both of our sakes.

Suddenly, something is flying up over the edge and lands next to me on the ground. I stare at it for a moment before I realise that it's the same pebble I knocked over the edge seconds ago. I grab a larger rock and drop it below the edge and, sure enough, it flies back up and I catch it in the exact same position from which I threw it. I can't help but start laughing, it's a force field! Just like Clo said! I can definitely use this!

Before I can revel even further in my triumph I hear a chilling scream that overwhelms me with dread. I've heard her scream as she wrestles a tribute or throws a dart in their back but never because she's been in pain. Something has happened to Maysilee and I can't just stand here while she undergoes whatever cruel torture it is that is currently taking place.

I run towards her screams with my knife held out, ready to attack whoever it is that is hurting her. It goes against everything that the Games stands for but I run to her, anyway.

"Maysilee!" I bellow.

"Hay…Haymitch," I hear her choke, following her cries. When I reach her she is lying on the ground with blood pouring out of her neck. A candy pink bird with a long beak pulls away from her and flies off in to the trees, joining a flock that are circling above us.

I run to her side and kneel down, holding her hand. I can feel tears building up and all I want to do is scream but I can't let her last seconds in this world be filled with anger. She's dying a horrific death and I'm not going to make it worse.

"Win," she whispers to me as she closes her eyes and her life fades away. Her cannon sounds seconds later and now everyone in the arena knows that another tribute has died.

I look down at her blood soaked body and all I can think about is Pertha, the twin who is now an only child and her friend, Clara, who will be sat home in 12 grieving over Maysilee. I can guarantee that I'm on every television in Panem right now and it's making me feel sick. I want to grieve for Maysilee, she was my friend, after all, but not in front of the entire nation. I kiss her forehead and then take what remains from her bag, I know she would prefer me to have her supplies than the other tributes. After all, I actually have a chance of winning now and that benefits her family, too. I walk away, back in to the woods and I can hear the hovercraft descending to retrieve her body.

I could just go back to the cliff edge and stay there until someone comes to find me but there's only four of us left now and I can't avoid the inevitable fights for much longer. I've killed more times than I have ever wanted to but that was only because I felt confident in the alliance I had with Maysilee, it's going to be a lot different when it's just me against another tribute, despite feeling more confident about my skills.

Not that 'skills' is the right word, killing a child should never be a skill.

I try not to think about Maysilee as I walk on, I need to win now and once I'm out of here I can grieve for her in private and, maybe, with her family. I don't know them but now we're going to be connected forever because of this awful situation.

Another cannon sounds an hour later, which means that there are only three of us left. I'm more aware of my movements and the scenery around me now as the Gamemakers are going to want us all to meet up pretty soon to give the Capitol their bloody finale.

I sit down to eat the rest of the dried fruit in my bag and drink the rest of the water that Maysilee and I collected, I have a feeling that this will all be over in a matter of hours so there's no point saving anything. I'm going to need my strength.

Another cannon fires. This is it. I'm in the final two. I could win. I will win. I'm going to win for mother, for Layle, for Tilly, for Clo, for Dinium and for Maysilee.

I gather up my things, gripping my knife and begin to walk towards the edge of the arena, continually checking my back. I have no idea who the other finalist is nor where they are but I'm sure they'll find me soon enough.

I continue like this for half an hour until I hear loud footsteps behind. I turn around to see the girl from District 1 wielding an axe with a sadistic smile across her face.

Of course it would be her. It had to be.

"Hello, Haymitch," she says.

"Hello…one," I say because I have no idea of her name and neither do I want to know. Killing a nameless person is easier than killing someone with a name, even if it is a Career.

She smirks, "It's Opal. I think you should know the name of your killer, it's only polite."

I do not get a chance to reply because she's now running at me with her axe. I move to the side in just enough time to avoid a fatal blow, instead gaining a large gash to my left arm. I swing around and messily plunge my knife in to her eye; the pain from my arm is so severe that I'm not sure where I'm aiming.

Rather than becoming distressed by her bleeding eye, Opal swings her axe in to my stomach, causing me to scream out like a dying animal and my hand instantly lets go of my knife. I can't stay here, I'll die if I stay here. I have no weapon and nothing to hand that could kill her.

I start to run, clutching my stomach. For once, I have a plan. Possibly a foolish plan but it's all I have.

She's running after me, screaming taunts as she does so but I can tell that she's struggling to keep up. Eventually, I reach the edge of the cliff and fall to the ground as her axe flies over my head.

I lie on the floor and wait for the inevitable. Opal looks at me with a mixture of disdain and confusion, I know she's wondering what to do now that we're both without weapons and in various stages of dying. Maybe she thinks she can outlast me but I know she can't.

The axe flies back over the edge and just as the realisation of what is about to happen registers on her face, the axe lands in her head and a cannon sounds as she falls to the ground.

A hovercraft quickly descends to collect her body and then a fanfare of trumpets boosm across the arena.

Claudius Templesmith's voice bursts in to life and says, "Ladies and gentlemen! I give you the winner of the fiftieth Hunger Games, Haymitch Abernathy! The tribute of District Twelve!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for reading my story! Please leave any reviews or comments you may have, they are all greatly appreciated!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Eleven**

I slowly wake up to a very clinical looking room. Everything is white or silver and I can hear the continual beeping of a machine that I'm attached to. My head hurts and I'm desperate for a drink but there appears to be no one here to ask.

The last thing I remember was grabbing a ladder from a hovercraft as it came to collect me from the arena, I must have blacked out once it froze my body.

I won the Hunger Games. Me, the boy from 12, won the fiftieth Hunger Games. I should be happy, right? I'm the victor, I should feel victorious! But all I feel is exhausted and thirsty.

I look down at my stomach to find that the skin is almost shiny and perfect; there isn't one mark on my entire body. I know that soon I'll have to be prepped for the highlights and crowning and I won't be allowed to look anything other than amazing by Capitol standards. I'm a victor now and then entails a certain look and persona.

The door opens and Titam walks in, half smiling at me. He looks shattered and seems to have aged about ten years since I last saw him, although, to be honest, I feel exactly the same.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"Thirsty," I reply and he chortles before fetching me a glass of water. I gulp it down in seconds. "How long have I been out for?"

"Two days. The highlights are tonight and then the interview is tomorrow morning. There are some things we need to discuss, Haymitch."

"Like what? Which 'happy' face will work best whilst I watch forty-seven children die all over again?"

"Now is not the time for your attitude! You've upset a lot of people by using that force field as a weapon, it was only ever meant to contain the arena. You've made the Capitol look stupid."

I have to stop myself from saying 'So what?' but I know better than that. Angering the Capitol and, even worse, President Snow, can only end badly for those around me, I'm sure.

"Okay," I say, "what do I do?"

"You say that you were in so much pain and that you were so confused that you didn't know what to do. You had no weapon and all you could think about was leading Opal to the edge of the cliff, hoping she might lose her weapon, too. You got it?"

I nod, the urgency in his voice is impossible to ignore and seeing as Titam is usually such a happy man this has to mean something. He tells me that Elerrah and the prep team will arrive soon and then leaves.

Sure enough, all four of them arrive in their Capitol finery with huge grins on their faces and whisk me away to what is essentially a giant wardrobe. The walls are lined with clothes that Elerrah is carefully examining whilst Riosa, Antonia and Marcius pluck and polish my body.

They spend the whole time nattering about how exciting the Games were and, more importantly, how annoyed they are that they didn't bet on me to win. Apparently, despite being the first to grab a rucksack at the cornucopia I wasn't much of a favourite until I allied with Maysilee and then the odds of me winning weren't worth the bet. Oh, how sorry I am for them.

"I knew you were clever, though," says Riosa, "so I suppose I shouldn't have been _that _surprised."

Eventually, the hellish ordeal is over and after Elerrah has picked out a pale green suit with a black shirt for me to wear I'm pushed underneath the stage where Caesar Flickerman is currently standing.

Titam, Marsella and the prep team soon join me so that we can rise to the stage together. Titam and I are the only ones who are not buzzing with excitement as the plate beneath us begins to rise. This feels all too familiar and suddenly I'm thrust back in to the arena as I face my opponents for the first time.

The audience cheers as we rise to the stage and, thankfully, I'm torn away from the memory. Caesar congratulates us all, shaking every hand that he can before gesturing for us to take our seats. There is an ornate chair placed on the stage for me to sit on whilst I watch the three hours of supposed highlights of the Games.

This must have been one of the shortest Games in its history, it only lasted a week and they usually last for at least three. I guess that the increased amount of tributes and the volcano eruption meant that the deaths were rapidly sped up.

I grin and laugh at the various deaths like a good victor should but they each bring their own horror. Clo was taken out within minutes by one of the Careers and Dinium died running from the hot lava. Even at the end of his life he was trying to protect his alliance by directing them away from the volcano but it was all worthless. A lot of air time is given to Maysilee and I and judging from the cries in the room I think some of them think there were romantic feelings between us. I don't care what they think, I just hope Tilly realises it was a friendship out of necessity not attraction.

Once the highlights are over President Snow takes to the stage with a small golden crown. This would be the perfect time to punch him in the face, which has long been my lifetime ambition, but I sense that doing this on live television may not be the best way to start my life as a victor. Instead, I smile graciously as he places the crown on my head and the over*whelming smell of blood and roses makes me want to vomit all over him.

The interview the next morning takes place in the more intimate setting of the lounge on the twelfth floor of the Training Centre. There's no audience, it's just me and Caesar.

"I have to say Haymitch, it's been a while since a tribute from twelve was triumphant in the Games!"

"Yes, I feel very proud," I lie.

"I'm sure you do. That finale was unlike anything we've ever seen. Why don't you tell us a little about that?" At least he's got to the point quickly.

I tell him exactly what Titam told me to and this seems to satisfy him enough that he moves on to Maysilee and our potential romance. I say that it was purely an alliance but I do feel that she was a close friend, hopefully that will be enough to satisfy the audience at home. I could talk about Tilly but I don't want the cameras following us forever, it's best she's kept a secret.

The interview doesn't last long, I sense that it's only intention was for me to show the Capitol that I don't think they're stupid, and I'm soon back on the high speed train heading towards 12.+

I collapse on to the luxurious bed that I thought I'd never see again and close my eyes. Soon I'll be home with my mum, Layle and Tilly. Only it won't be our home, we'll be in a big fancy house in Victor's Village with Titam as a neighbour. For the first time since I left the Games I think about the life I will now have. I know it won't be perfect but I will have enough money to keep us fed and warm, two things we've never been able to rely on before.

In a few years I'll propose to Tilly and we can grow old just like I imagined. No, it won't be perfect but it will be better.

There's a knock on the door and I groan, "Come in."

Titam enters and sits on the edge of the bed. "You're a clever boy, Haymitch. I hope you know that things are going to be very different from now on."

"Yeah, I know I'm going to have to go the Capitol each year and mentor and-"

"No, Haymitch, I mean _really _different. Everything you do is going to be watched by Snow and the Capitol. If you don't play the role of the perfect victor, the people around you will suffer."

"Is that why you're so happy all of the time?"

"Partly. It's all an act. You have no idea how agonising it is to watch so many children go to their deaths each year knowing you can't do anything about it, even if you try. The only way I can stop myself from having a break down is by pretending to be okay with it."

"And does that work?"

"Sometimes. Look, I don't want to go on about this but I just want you to be aware." He gets up to leave but I feel that I have more to say.

"Titam, thank you. I mean, for everything. I know you didn't give up on me in the arena even though I told you to."

"Of course. You'll soon learn how difficult it is to give up on a tribute, even if they don't want your help."

He leaves and I pull myself under the covers so that I can fall asleep. Maysilee is in a dark room, crying so much that she can't breathe. She's shouting at me to save her, to help her, but every time I try to move I'm stuck to the spot.

"You killed me, Haymitch!" She yells, "It was all your fault!"

I wake up sweating and panting in equal measure. It was just a dream, it wasn't real. I go to the window and open it so that I can get a blast of fresh air. It doesn't help so I storm out of the room and sit in the lounge by myself. One of the Capitol servants soon appears and stands in the corner, looking slightly scared.

"I need a drink," I snap, shocked at the venom in my voice. "White liquor." He nods and returns with a small glass filled with the white liquid; my father's drink. I knock it back and the stinging sensation in my throat makes me wince, I don't know how my dad drank this every night but it does reignite my senses and remind me that it was only a dream. I didn't kill Maysilee. The Capitol killed Maysilee.

I must fall asleep on the sofa because Marsella is shaking me to wake up for breakfast before we finally reach home. I eat a disgusting amount of food that would usually make me feel sick but after so long of living on dried fruit and crackers the predominant feeling I have is hunger.

Finally, we reach the train station at 12 and the prep team do some last minute adjustments to my outfit before allowing the doors to open. As soon as they do I'm greeted with loud cheers and chants that tell me that 12 has not turned its back on me. I haven't betrayed them.

Of course, the cameras are there to capture everything but it's been so long since 12 had a victor that I doubt every single citizen is putting on an act. After all, they know that they are going to get a decent amount of food every month for a year now because of my victory.

I scan the crowd for my family and I can see them standing just below the platforms, grinning from ear to ear. My mother is crying and Layle is cheering louder than anyone else. Tilly is standing with her family next to mine and is giving me a small smile, the jubilations from the crowd seem to be lost on her and it's almost as if she is annoyed with me. Right now I would do anything in the world to show her that I did all of this for her. For us. If it wasn't for her and my family then I would have given up as soon as that plate lifted in to the arena.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for reading my version of Haymitch's story, it really means a lot to me. Thank you for all the reviews that I've had so far, they've been incredible.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twelve**

I have to stand on the train platform for half an hour or so whilst the various reporters fire questions at Titam and myself. I tell them how happy I am to be home and they capture the moment when me, Tilly, my mother and Layle are all reunited perfectly on camera. We hug and kiss but I know it doesn't really mean anything; we'll say what we have to say to each other when we get home, right now we are just acting for the cameras.

I kiss Tilly on the cheek, not wanting the whole of the country to see too much of our relationship, but she only smiles in response. Maybe I should just pull her close and kiss her passionately but that seems inappropriate.

As I hug my mother I whisper, "Is Tilly okay?"

"She'll be fine," she replies before she pulls away, wiping the tears from her face.

It's clear that all of the reporters love Layle; he answers all of their questions with shy, one word replies and refuses to leave my side the entire time. I think it's taking all of his might not to wrap his arms around me and never let me go.

We're then ushered in to a car that will drive us to Victor's Village and our new home. Tilly goes back to her house in the Seam and says she'll come over later, despite the reporters' pleas for her to come with us. She manages to flash them one of her gorgeous smiles and jokes that she wants me all to herself later on, which causes them all to snort with laughter. I have a feeling that Tilly is going to be the nation's new sweetheart.

The cameras follow us the entire way to Victors' Village and we're all forced to grin for the whole journey whilst the photographers try to take pictures. My mother gives my hand a reassuring squeeze as we finally drive through the gates.

There are twelve enormous mansions in this part of 12 but only one has an occupant, the rest just stand there with a foreboding presence. They all look beautiful and extravagant but they are a constant reminder that whoever they belong to has literally killed for the right to be there.

We pull up outside one of the houses on the right hand side and the driver opens the door of the car for us to get out. Layle jumps out of the car and runs up the long driveway towards the house with a huge grin on his face whilst my mother and I slowly walk towards the door.

We stand and smile for a few more photographs before a peacekeeper opens the door for us but, even then, we have to endure the press for another hour whilst they film our reactions to our new house.

There is no doubting its grandeur; each room is ten times bigger than our house in the Seam and there are a countless number of them for us to use. The kitchen is pristine and already well stocked with food and when Layle screams in delight at the sight of it all the reporters can't help but laugh patronisingly. He's just another poor starving child who doesn't know how to present himself properly.

Once the reporters finally leave the three of us fall on to the sofa and hold each other close in complete silence. This is the most comfortable I have felt for weeks.

"Mum," I say, finally pulling away, "Do you remember what you said to me before I left? About whatever happened-"

"I stand by that, Haymitch," she says with a supportive smile. "You did what you had to do to come home, none of it was your fault. I know you're not a killer."

"Good. Come on Layle, let's start devouring the sickening amount of food we have."

He flashes me a cheeky grin before looking to my mother for approval but she only pushes him in to the kitchen, telling him it's about time her sons started to look after her. I couldn't agree more.

The fridge is filled with vegetables and meat so I decide to make a stew for dinner whilst Layle stands in awe of the vast amount of ice cream flavours we have in the freezer. As I'm peeling and chopping I hear a high pitched 'ding dong' sound that I assume is our doorbell so I open the front door to find Tilly standing before me looking tired and vulnerable in equal measure.

"Hi, Haymitch," she says, timidly.

"Hey, are you coming in?" She doesn't answer but instead shuffles in the house and stands in the hall. "Are you okay?"

"No," she sobs before bursting in to floods of tears. I instantly pull her close and kiss the top of her head, I never thought I would get to do this again and it feels amazing, I just wish she wasn't so upset.

"What's wrong?" I ask, "Don't tell me you're peeved that I actually came back." This manages to get a giggle out of her as she stands back from me.

"Don't be stupid, I'm over the moon. It's just…what I saw…"

"I know but I promise you it wasn't me. I had to do whatever I could to get back, Tilly. I didn't enjoy killing innocent children."

"Not that," she says. "Maysilee."

Is that what's been bothering her the most? The idea that I may have wanted to cheat on her?!

"Oh, Tilly." I pull her close once again and hold her a little tighter as if to prove how much she means to me. "I love you. Maysilee was my ally, if it wasn't for her I would have died against those Careers. You do know that, right?"

"I guess. It's just…you got on so well and…you didn't really speak about me much."

"Because it hurt too much, Till. I didn't think for one second that I would be coming home to you and I didn't want to make you feel guilty by telling the entire nation how much I love you."

"Really?"

I finally place my lips on hers and kiss her the way I have been desperate to for weeks. She responds with equal passion and I just hope that this means I've alleviated her worries. If not, I'll keep trying until I do, I'm not losing her, again.

* * *

We're given three days to settle in to our new home before the celebrations of my victory resume in 12, however, the cameras are still hanging around to film me every time I leave the house. Every time Tilly comes to visit I can hear the crowd of reporters chasing after her but rather than hide she graciously answers their questions before entering the house.

I cannot begin to describe how incredible it is to see her every day and just talk to her for hours on end. She's a lot happier now and I'm doing everything I can to show her that I can't live without her.

"How do I look?" She asks, floating in to my room in a floor length red gown that is nothing short of magnificent on her. Tonight we're attending a banquet at the Justice Building with lots of Capitol officials and the Mayor's staff from 12.

"I don't think it would be appropriate for me to answer that truthfully," I say with a smirk, causing Tilly's cheeks to turn red.

"Come on, the car will be here soon," she says, leading me out of my room and in to the hallway where my mother and Layle wait for us.

Walking in to the Justice Building brings a cold sensation over my body; the last time I was here I was certain that I was being sent to my death. The whole building just reignites those feelings of terror and sadness and all I can see are the faces of Clo, Dinium and Maysilee. I keep saying that I'll visit their families but I still can't bring myself to do it just yet.

"It's okay," says Tilly, holding my hand. "You're safe now. I'm never letting you go."

"Good," I reply with a kiss.

The banquet itself is a fairly boring affair with everyone congratulating me on my win and regaling me with tales from the Capitol. Apparently my quick thinking and dry wit has gained me quite a few fans in the city but I really couldn't care less. The meal is delicious with chefs being brought in directly from the Capitol to ensure that our bellies are full. I think the best part of the evening was seeing the looks on my family's faces as they dined on the succulent roast beef; a delicacy none of them have ever tried.

After the meal a band begins to play an upbeat melody that we are all obliged to dance to, despite my hate of dancing. However, Tilly grabs my hand and drags me towards the dance floor and then starts moving my arms around as if I'm a robot. I try to tell her that I have absolutely no rhythm but she refuses to listen and continues to wiggle around me, trying to get me to do the same. To be honest, I'm just happy to see her smiling and laughing, again, as it has been far too long.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Titam offering his hand to my mother and she, shyly, accepts. They seem very relaxed in each other's company, which makes me happy. I don't think my mother has been relaxed for years.

The next day is the first parcel day so this means that hundreds of television cameras are filming me as I leave my house with my family and head towards the train station. I hold Tilly's hand all of the way, for some reason, since the Games I worry that if we're separated for just one moment I'll never see her again. I suppose I still worry that there's a chance she could be Reaped, I was convinced that I would be safe and I couldn't have been more wrong.

We reach the station and pose for pictures; most of the reporters are shouting at me to give Tilly a kiss but all I do is give her a peck on the cheek. This drives them crazy.

"How are you finding life as a victor?" One of them shouts at me as we wait for the train.

"Not bad," I reply, which makes them chuckle like the play things that they are.

When the train does arrive they take a picture of me handing over one of the giant boxes of food to one of the poorest families from the Seam. They smile gratefully, I just hope it's a genuine smile and not one filled with disdain for me.

Within minutes the whole of 12 are lining up to collect a parcel and the excitement on their faces is hard to hide, no matter how much they try. For once, I am pleased that I won the Games.

At lunch time and on in to the evening there is a huge celebration for the whole district, not just those government officials who were invited to the banquet last night. There are numerous bands and dancers from the Capitol as well as plenty of food and games for the district to enjoy. As the celebrations go on I get so many people telling me how grateful they are that I can no longer keep track of who they all are. I'm just glad that they haven't all rejected me, despite three of their children not making it home.

Tilly and I manage to sneak home early, despite the celebrations being at their height, because, quite frankly, we're shattered.

"I'll be glad when things go back to normal," Tilly says as we collapse on to my bed.

"Tilly, things will never be normal. You're going out with a handsome victor, you know, there's certain duties you have to perform now."

Rather than reply with something witty she prefers to hit me hard in the arm, although she's still smirking at me.

"Promise me you'll never leave again," she says.

"I promise."

"I love you."

"I love you more."


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for continuing to read this story, I'm so grateful! I also appreciate all the reviews I've had so far, they have been so encouraging!**

**Chapter Thirteen**

I knock on the door and then return to holding Tilly's hand. I didn't want to come but she convinced me that it was the right thing to do, which I suppose I always knew, I'm just worried about what the reaction will be.

The door opens to reveal a tall boy about the same age as me, although I don't recognise him, even though he's from the Seam. I have a feeling that, like Clo, he's very quiet and would never draw attention to himself.

"Oh. Hi," he says, unsure of how to react around me.

"Hi, is your father in?" I ask. The boy nods, "Would we be able to come in, please?"

He moves out of the way and gestures for Tilly and I to enter. The house is very small and covered in coal dust, much like my old house. I'd convinced myself that Clo was from Town and so it's a bit of a shock to see how she lived. When the workers at the Justice Building had told me just how poor she was it made me realise how little I knew about her, that was all my fault, though. I made no effort during training to get to know her.

Clo's brother leads us in to the kitchen where a bald man in his late forties sits at a wooden table with his head in his hands. He doesn't even flinch when we enter.

"Dad, Haymitch Abernathy is here."

The man moves his head from his hands and looks towards me with a facial expression that is impossible to read. He neither looks mad, angry, upset nor content.

"Hello, Mr. Dawnson," I say, "this is my girlfriend, Tilly."

"I thought you'd be over here at some point. You may as well sit down."

I do as he says and pull up a chair opposite him at the table. "I just thought it would be the right thing to do."

"How? Does you being here bring my Clo back? Does it stop the murder of our children every year?"

"No," snaps Tilly, "but it does show that he has a heart. You know it wasn't his fault that Clo died, it was the Capitol's!"

He simply groans and gets up to pour himself a glass of water. I would die for Tilly but I'm not sure if her last outburst was the best way to approach the situation, the man has just lost his only daughter, after all.

"So what is it you want?" He asks.

"I just thought…I wanted you to know that Clo helped me a lot in the Games. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have thought to use that force field. She gave me the idea."

"Well, I'm incredibly happy that _my_ little girl's tactic to survive helped _you_ so much!" His face is now bright red with anger and it's making me feel uncomfortable. I find myself grabbing at my belt for a knife that isn't there. My heart starts pounding and I'm running towards him with my arms outstretched.

"Haymitch! Stop!" Tilly shouts so loudly that I drop my hands and look at them in disgust. I wanted to kill him. I was going to kill him. I run out of the house without saying a word and run down the street before falling to my knees and screaming so loudly that I scare a group of children.

I can feel someone's arms wrapping themselves around me, followed by a kiss on my cheek. Tilly always smells delightful, despite living in the grimiest area of 12, and the comforting smell begins to calm me down.

"He's right, Tilly. I'm not going to see the others, I can't face it."

"No, Haymitch, he's just grieving. Do you really think Clo would rather you have died than used that force field?"

I shake my head because I know she's right, even though I still feel guilty. All of the children, including Clo, had to die in order for me to return home and it's a thought that I cannot seem to shake.

"Come on," says Tilly, "we've got lots to do." She grabs my hand and we begin to walk towards the other end of the Seam. It only takes us twenty minutes and then we're faced with another grey, decrepit shack.

I take a deep breath before knocking on the door and it takes a few minutes before it opens. A greying woman in her forties stands before me with dark circles under eyes. She gives me a smile but it is tinged with sadness, it's the kind of smile you give someone before breaking bad news to them.

"Hello, Haymitch," Dinium's mother says, "Please come in."

I return her smile and walk in to the house with Tilly. We're led in to a small living area where Dinium's father sits on a chair, sipping hot tea.

"Oh. Hello," he says.

"Hello Mr. Hawkes-"

"It's Charlie and this is my wife, Lorenz. There's no need for formalities here, not after what's happened."

It's easy to see why Dinium was so nice, clearly being raised in this household forbade him from being anything but a decent person. I return Lorenz's earlier sad smile to show how grateful I am.

"Thank you," I reply. "I just wanted to say that Dinium was a great person, he was one of the nicest people I've ever met and I cannot even begin to say how sorry I am that he's gone." Lorenz grabs Charlie's hand and gives it a squeeze, which in turn causes him to kiss hers. If I didn't know that they had just lost their only child I would say that they are the epitome of love. "But the reason I really came here was because Dinium and I struck a deal during training. If he won he would look after my family and if I won I would look after his, which means that I would like to send you some money each month. I have far too much for just me and my family."

I can see tears forming in Lorenz's eyes and I wonder if I've said the wrong thing. This is good news, right?

"That's very sweet," she says, "But there is no need. We'll be fine."

"I know the money can't replace Dinium but I made him a promise and I can't spend my life owing him that promise." They have both grown up in the Seam, they must know what I'm talking about.

"Okay. Thank you, Haymitch," says Charlie. I thank them for seeing me and tell them that I'll send the first installment at the end of this week, I also ask if there's anything else they need from me but they just smile and decline. They're living in complete poverty but I understand their refusal of help, it would mean relying on someone who may not be able to be relied upon.

"Ready for the Donners'?" Asks Tilly.

"No," I say but she simply gives me a kiss and grabs my hand once more. As we walk towards Town all I can think about is how exhausting today has been. Not physical exhaustion but mental exhaustion. So many emotions have been flying through the air that I can hardly breathe and I have no idea how I'm going to face Maysilee's family. This is, no doubt, going to be the worst part of the day.

Pertha opens the door and the tears instantly form in her eyes but she quickly wipes them away before telling us to come in. The house is not as large as my one in Victors' Village but it's a lot bigger than the one I had in the Seam. They have separate areas for eating and living whereas we pretty much had to do everything in one room.

We walk in to the living room to find Maysilee's parents, Clara and the baker's eldest son sitting next to her, they must going out. This really is as fancy as 12 gets.

"Hello, Mr. Abernathy," Maysilee's father says, "what can we do for you?"

"I…I just..," there seem to be no words to articulate what it is I want to say. I need to tell them how important Maysilee was to me, how much she helped me and how much I wish I could repay her but I'll never be able to. "I just felt that I needed to see you all. To say how sorry I am for your loss." Pertha doesn't restrain herself this time and bursts in to tears.

Maysilee's mother pulls her only daughter close and gently rocks her. "Thank you, Haymitch," she says, "that means a lot."

"I was also wondering if…if there was anything I could do for you. I know I can't replace Maysilee but maybe…I don't know…"

"We appreciate the sentiment but we have almost everything we need," she says and I know that when she says 'almost' it's because her other daughter is no longer here.

They offer Tilly and I tea, which we accept and I spend the afternoon learning more and more about Maysilee's life. I learn about the time she stole Pertha's doll, the time when she brought Clara home as well as many other anecdotes that just make me miss her more. She was my friend. I can say that now.

"Thank you for the tea," I say to Mrs. Donner as we leave.

"It was nothing. Haymitch, I just want you to know how grateful we all are that you were there when Maysilee died. We know that you could have run away but you didn't and we'll be forever grateful."

This statement seems to lift a weight off my chest, it's not closure but it makes me feel less guilty. I don't think that the Donners hate me, I think that they understand.

We walk back to my house holding hands, grateful that the day is coming to an end. I probably should have visited them all before but the memories of the arena were still far too fresh. I'll never lose them but, hopefully, over time they will ease.

I open the door to be greeted by silence, which is very unusual when you live with Layle.

"Hello?" I shout in to the house.

"In here, my boy!" A strange yet familiar voice shouts from the living room. It isn't until I walk in and see President Snow standing before me that I realise why the voice unnerves me so much. He has four peacekeepers with him, each one as faceless as the others.

My mother, Layle and Titam are all sat on the sofa looking very pale. Layle is clinging on to my mother the same way he did at the announcement of the Quarter Quell.

"Hello, sir," I say through gritted teeth.

"Hello, Haymitch," he replies, "Now, do you have any idea why I'm here?" I can take a guess that it's something to do with the force field I used but I'm not going to play in to his hands that easily so I shake my head. "I'm not sure I believe that, you're a very clever young man, Haymitch."

The way he says my name makes my blood run cold, it's not his property to abuse. "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm quite confused."

"Well, then, let me help you. The force field you used to claim your victory in the arena was never meant to be used as a weapon but that's exactly what you did. Whilst that was very clever of you it also means that you've undermined the Capitol in front of all of Panem and we just can't have that, can we?"

I don't say anything, thinking of how much I would like to punch him right now. One day.

"Sir, I don't think-" Tilly begins but Snow raises his hand to silence her.

"You need to be made aware of how powerful the Capitol is, my boy." He nods towards one of the peacekeepers, who raises it towards Layle and shoots him square in the stomach. I let out a scream that I never thought possible before; it's loud, angry and full of pain.

"No!" My mother screams, her hands covered in Layle's blood. But she doesn't have long to grieve before another peacekeeper gives her the same fate.

I have seconds to save Tilly so I push her behind me and grab her hand, refusing to let go. However, Snow just laughs whilst another peacekeeper drags me away and forces me to watch as a bullet is sent through Tilly's head.

Titam's eyes are welling up but his face remains stoic. The bodies of my mother and brother lie next to him yet he shows no emotion.

Before I can think I am throwing myself at Snow and punching him repeatedly in the face, hoping that I can kill him but it's not long before a bullet hits my leg and sends me crashing to the floor, blacking out before I even hit the carpet.

**I really hated writing this chapter but it had to be done! I hope I did it justice and now we get to hear about what happens between now and the 74th Hunger Games!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for reading and another massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed this so far, they have all been very kind and encouraging.**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

I have a front row seat at Tilly's funeral, of course. It's a lavish affair paid for and organised by President Snow himself and is very similar to that of my mother's and Layle's, whom I buried yesterday. No expense has been spared and it makes me feel as sick as I did in the Games.

Almost all of 12 is sat in the square with the black coffin on display in front of us upon a small stage. A Capitol official is reciting supposedly comforting words before Drake takes to the stage to deliver his eulogy. However, I know that every single set of eyes are transfixed on me and my reaction, which, of course, is being broadcast to the whole of Panem. The official line is that they all died because of some electrical fault in my house as it has never been used but the rumours have been rife in 12 and we all know that these killings were a warning direct from Snow. Future tributes and victors will know what is acceptable and unacceptable in the Hunger Games if they want to have a family to return to.

Drake manages to remain calm during his speech, in which he talks about how kind Tilly was and how much he and his family will miss her. He leaves the stage and is replaced by Tilly's father, who echoes his thoughts. Snow had wanted me to give a speech but I refused, I spoke at my family's funeral yesterday and that was hard enough, saying goodbye to Tilly in front of the nation would be pure torture. Anyway, he has nothing to use against me, now.

"Goodbye, my sweet girl," Tilly's father says to the coffin before giving it the three finger salute and leaving the stage.

Drake and three of his cousins then lift the coffin and begin to walk towards the hearse that has been sent in from the Capitol and will drive to the cemetery at the edge of 12. We all stand and watch and they slowly make their way towards the miserable vehicle.

"Death to the Capitol!" A voice bellows from behind and everyone seems to gasp as one as they look for its source. "Death to the scum!" It shouts again and within seconds two peacekeepers have run over to a dark haired man in his late twenties and pushed him to the ground.

People are running away, too scared to be this close to phrases of rebellion. He's still screaming his hate towards the Capitol as he's dragged towards the stage. I look to my right to find that the pallbearers are now placing the coffin in the car. Drake can no longer hide his anger and I don't know what to do. Should I go with him? He hasn't spoken to me for days but he needs to be comforted, how dare someone tarnish Tilly's funeral like this!

I look back towards the stage, along with the few that have decided to stay in the square, to see the man's hands now tied to a post and one of the peacekeepers standing behind him with what looks like a many stranded whip. Is this really happening?! My mother used to talk of whippings but they're a rarity in 12 now, no one cares enough about what we do in the poor coal district.

I look around but the hearse has driven off, taking Tilly with it.

"They must be stopped!" The man yells and just as I turn my head towards him I can see the whip coming down hard on his bare back. This continues for another fifteen minutes or so until he falls unconscious and I can't look away. Did I incite this? I want to overthrow the Capitol more than anyone but I don't want my girlfriend's funeral being used as a platform for it. Part of me wants to help this man and part of me wants to strangle him.

The peacekeeper unties him and lets his body fall to the floor before he walks away, telling the others that they'll deal with him tomorrow. I can only imagine what that means.

A group of people are now standing over him, trying to drag him off the stage and I can see that one of them is Clara. She's with what looks like her parents and she's holding a pot of herbs or something and suddenly I remember Maysilee telling me in the arena that Clara's family run the apothecary.

Maysilee. Why must she be in my thoughts today of all days? I let out a pained groan and leave the square, heading home to grab a drink before I go to the wake.

* * *

President Snow has made all three funerals a state affair due to my recent victory so Tilly's wake takes place in the Justice Building. Her family wanted a small ceremony but Snow wouldn't allow it, he pretended that he wanted to honour such a lovely young woman but we all knew the real reason. He wants to make an example of me the same way I made one of the Capitol.

I've only had two drinks but I haven't eaten for days so when I arrive I'm a little tipsy to say the least. I'm starting to understand my father more and more each day, there's a sense of delusion that comes with being drunk that I'm beginning to like. It blocks out what's really happening and that's just what I need.

Not everyone has been invited to the wake, only friends, family and officials from 12 and the Capitol, although they had nothing to do with Tilly. They all eat, drink and make small talk. No one wants to be here.

I spot Drake and his parents and in my partially drunken state decide that it would be a good idea to talk to them. We haven't spoken since Tilly died, no, was killed, and it's made me feel incredibly guilty.

"This is horrible," is my opening line. I don't know what else to say.

"Yes," says Tilly's father. "I see you're handling it all appropriately." He nods towards the drink in my hand and my chest suddenly feels tight.

"I'm so sorry, I've tried to talk to you all but no one answers the door to me." No one speaks, they just avoid making eye contact with me. "I didn't kill her. I loved her."

"We understand, Haymitch," says Drake, "but I don't think you should be here. We know it wasn't your fault but…I can't look at you without being reminded of Tilly's death."

"I lost her, too! And my mother and Layle! Do you have any idea how that feels?!" Tears are now streaming down my face and the whole room is locked on to me.

Before anyone can reply Titam has appeared and grabbed my arm. "Not now," he hisses and drags me out of the building. Everyone is staring and whispering but I don't care, like I said, I have nothing to lose now.

"Get off me!" I shout and push him away. My house isn't far so it doesn't take me long to stumble towards it and in to my kitchen. I pour myself a glass of white liquor and quickly knock it back, followed by another. The third drink is followed by complete blackness.

I wake up in my large bed with a throbbing headache. I'm not sure how I got here and I don't particularly care. I lift up my pillow and search for my knife but it isn't there, ever since my family was killed I've taken to sleeping with one. The nightmares about the Games and my family's murders have only increased and every time I hear a footstep or the creaking of the pipes I think someone is trying to kill me. Life as a victor isn't all it's cracked up to be, I'm finding that out now.

"I've taken it away," a voice says next to me. I look around to see Titam slumped in a chair, looking fairly dishevelled.

"What are you doing here?" My voice is croaky and crabby, speaking just takes too much effort and my head is overcome with pain. All I can think is that another drink would sort it out.

"I'm trying to save you from yourself! You're a mess, Haymitch!"

"Is it any wonder?! What have I got to live for now?!"

He doesn't answer for a moment. "For the future, for the hope that things will get better. You need to live for those tributes that will be reaped and need a mentor. You need to live because I can't do this by myself anymore!"

"That's a very selfish attitude to take."

He nods, the anger still hanging around on his face and tears threatening to form. I've seen too many tears, recently.

"I'm sorry. But I've worked so hard for forty years to get a tribute home and when I finally do he does everything he can to screw it up! Well, I won't let you, Haymitch!"

"Fine! Do what you like, I'm going back to sleep."

I turn over and cover myself with the duvet. I could get up and get dressed but what's the point? Blacking things out is so much easier and much more comforting. Not being in the present gives me some form of contentedness these days and being content is a hard thing to find.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so much for reading and for all the incredible reviews I've had so far, they make me excited about writing this!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

I sit at the table and eat. I sit at the table and wait. The last six months have taken on a rather mundane routine; I wake up, I wash, I eat, I dress, I sit and repeat until it's time for bed, again.

Titam makes regular appearances and has poured away any alcohol I manage to get my hands on, although he's told everyone in 12 not to sell it to me and, unfortunately, they've all listened. I know he means well but he has his ways of coping and I have mine, I wish he would just let me get on with it.

I put the last spoonful of cereal in to my mouth just as the doorbell rings and I reluctantly rise from the table to go and answer it. I already know who stands on the other side and I'm not sure my current mental state can handle them.

"Hello, Haymitch," Elerrah purrs as I open the door. I don't know why she has to make everything she says sound so seductive, especially when she looks so ridiculous and is at least fifteen years older than me.

"Come on, we've got lots to do!" Marsella shouts and pushes past me as if I'm not there.

I gesture for everyone else to enter and they all seem to be beaming as they walk through in to the living room. Riosa even gives me a kiss on the cheek! I follow them but Marcius promptly pushes me out of the door and instructs me to have a bath, handing me some sort of shampoo to rub into my hair.

I fill the tub half way up and give myself a quick scrub, massaging the lotion in to my hair, although I'm probably not doing it properly. Not that I care, all of this prep is just to show me off to Panem before I begin my victory tour but I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate. My family are gone and no one wants to talk to me, why should I pretend to be happy?

I pull on a pair of underpants and a dressing gown before returning to the living room where five outfits have been laid out on the sofas for my perusal.

"Do I get to choose?" I ask Elerrah.

"Of course! I know better now than to force you in to something you don't want."

I smirk because she doesn't know me like she thinks she does. If she did she would know how awful I feel and that I could not care less which outfit I'm paraded around in.

"That one, then," I say, pointing at a black trousers and navy winter coat combination.

"Okay, great! I know exactly what to do with your hair!" Screeches Antonia and pushes me down in to one of the chairs.

Riosa tries to attack me with some sort of makeup pallet while Antonia works but some strict words and a stern look manage to scare her off. I know I have to play along to a certain extent but I refuse to look like one of the Capitol's morons.

My hair has been styled in to some sort of large wave, which doesn't look as ridiculous as I'd imagined and if I could manage a genuine smile I probably wouldn't look half bad.

"I'm so excited for the tour!" Squeals Marsella "The parties are going to be amazing!"

"Yes, everyone in the Capitol is talking about you, they can't wait for you to come back," adds Marcius.

"And are they talking about the deaths of my family? Hmmm? Has that gossip died down yet?"

None of them say anything, they just look at me with various stunned expressions. I shouldn't snap at them, they're just clueless children, but I just wish they'd engage their brains now and again.

They scuttle out of the front door, apart from Elerrah who saunters everywhere and I follow about a minute later. The reporters instantly start clicking their cameras and asking me questions as I get in to the car that will take me to the station.

"I'm very excited," I say, "Yes, it will be hard but my family will always be with me," I say and "No, there's no girl in my life at the moment," I say with as little venom as I can.

By the time I get on the train all I want to is climb in to that luxurious bed that I know waits behind one of the carriage doors but Marsella has sat us all down, including Titam, and is now reciting the itinerary for the following two weeks. The tour will start in 11 and then work its way through the districts until we reach the Capitol where there will be a huge banquet at Snow's mansion. Once we return home there will be another party in the square at 12.

I think of the square and the day of Tilly's funeral; no one has seen that dark haired man since, although that's hardly surprising. Ever since that day we've had more peacekeepers than ever before patrolling the district and punishments are a lot sterner. Being the most pathetic district in Panem meant that we were usually left to our own devices but now we're all anyone talks about.

Whippings are a lot more common now, our Head Peacekeeper, Nikolas Frume, seems to gain a sick kind of pleasure from them. Clara and her family now spend most of their time dealing with the injuries and it's all my fault.

Dinner is as extravagant as ever with more dishes that I haven't tasted but are all delicious and I drink about three cups of hot chocolate after the main meal is over.

The prep team retreat to their rooms and Marsella tells me to get to bed soon or I'll be of no use to anyone. I'm no use, anyway.

"I notice that there was no wine at dinner," I say to Titam, who is sat in a large chair with a mug of tea.

"Everyone comments on how clever you are but it's only now that I'm seeing it," he mocks.

"When are you going to just let me be?"

"When I'm dead." I guffaw at his response. "I'm serious, Haymitch. Who else have you got now? Don't you think it's time you stopped treating me like an annoying pet?"

"I'm going to bed."

We reach 11 the next morning and after breakfast we're all escorted to the Justice Building where I'm given my outfit and told how the day will pan out. I am to give my speech to the crowd gathered outside the building and then there will be a dinner and a ball this evening.

I nod and wait for my name to be called by the Mayor of 11 and when it is I steadily walk on to the stage. They all clap but there is no emotion on their faces. The families of 11's dead tributes stand below me and I know that I killed one of their children but I'm not sure who their parents are.

"Hello," I begin, "And thank you for your hospitality, it has long been a dream of mine to visit 11 and you have not disappointed." This speech came directly from Snow's office, apparently I couldn't be trusted to write my own. I talk about how honoured I am to have won and thank them for sacrificing their children in order for me to win. I hope they don't hate me. I hate me. Thankfully, it's soon over and I can leave the stage.

The evening involves a lot of food and dancing as well as being introduced to the victors of 11, of which there are only four and they are all getting on a bit. They're nice enough and seem to know Titam quite well so I just spend most of the nice sitting by myself, snapping at anyone who dares talk to me. I can almost see the anxiety attack overcoming Marsella.

It's pretty much the same routine throughout the victory tour; we arrive, I make my speech, I ignore everyone at the parties and then we get back on the train. However, when we reach 4 I allow myself to feel something resembling excitement. It's so beautiful with its sunny weather and beaches that I can't help but smile, it couldn't be any more different from 12.

As 4 is a Career district there are quite a few victors to meet at the dinner but it's the eldest that seems most interested in me, she keeps smiling at me whilst the others fail to hide their disdain of me. They won by brutality but I won with my wits and it clearly bugs them.

"Haymitch, this is Mags," Titam says as he introduces me to the woman at the ball.

"Hello," I say.

"Lovely to meet you," she says, "How are you finding our little district?"

"It's hardly little! 12 is little!"

She cracks up laughing and says, "True! I remember being shocked at the size of it during my victory tour."

She must have been one of the earliest victors, like Titam. The things she must have seen.

"I'll leave you to it," Titam says and seems to give Mags a small nod before he walks off.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"Why don't we sit down? I'm getting too old for all of this standing and dancing!" She leads me over to one of the seats that outlines the large hall and we sit down next to each other.

"Am I in trouble?" I whisper, already knowing that I am but not sure what news Mags can tell me.

"No," she says in a hushed tone with a smile, "But I just want you to know that there are others that share your views."

"My views?"

"About the Capitol. Do you understand me?" She raises her eyebrows, refusing to say anything else. My views on the Capitol? Does she mean there's some sort of rebellion underway?

"Lots of others?" I say, trying to get the information I need without being blatant. I don't know what her real intentions are.

She nods. "And we need someone clever, Haymitch. Titam and I, we're getting old, would you be able to help us one day?"

"Definitely," I say. I don't even care if she is spying for Snow, he can kill me if he wants but if there's even a slight chance that I can kill him I'm going to take it.

"Great!" She shouts, "Now let's dance!" She grabs my hand and before I can object she's pushed me on to the dance floor and is shaking her hips as if she's twenty one, again. I find myself laughing for the first time in months and the guilt isn't as strong as it once was.

District 3 aren't exactly friendly but they're hospitable enough, the whole tour is designed to remind them what they lost so I can understand. I doubt past victors have felt much love from 12. Districts 1 and 2, however, outwardly loathe me but that's fine with me, at least they're not pretending. I hate phonies.

When we arrive in the Capitol it's as mad and bold as I remember it to be. As soon as I'm off the train I have to give a speech to the thousands of people who have come to welcome me to their strange city and remind them to watch my interview with Caesar tonight.

The interview itself is fairly boring; there's questions about the arena, about life back in 12 and, of course, the deaths of my family.

"How are you coping?" Asks Caesar, feigning concern.

"I'm getting better, thanks to Titam," I say, "He's been there a lot for me." For once, I'm not lying and I do appreciate what Titam is doing, even if he does frustrate me.

"Now that's what I like to see!" Caesar roars, "Fellow victors sticking together!"

The crowd cheers and I try not to punch him the way I did to Snow.

The banquet at Snow's mansion is beyond even my mad expectations of the Capitol, there are about twenty rooms just filled with food for us to eat and dance around. My stomach feels nauseous at the sight of it; all of this food would feed the whole of 12 for a week, at least.

"Excuse me, Mr. Abernathy," a slim woman in her thirties says to me. She's a little shorter than me and her bright blue hair has been cut in to some sort of swirly design. "My name's Charla Strand, I was one of your sponsors in the arena."

"Oh! It's so nice to meet you, thank you!" I say with some sincerity, which makes her blush. I am partly grateful, the gifts that Titam sent Maysilee and I definitely kept us alive.

"I just wanted to meet you and maybe…have a dance?"

"Of course," I say and lead her to the dance floor. I've never thought of myself as having much charm, especially with an older woman, but it seems that I'm getting rather good at this business of lying. I think the idea that a rebellion could be in the air is spurring me on so that Snow's fall is even greater.

Minutes later I see him talking to a Capitol official and when he notices me he gives me one of his sinister smiles before beckoning me over. I say goodbye to Charla and walk over to my lovely president.

"I see you've been getting to know your sponsors," he says.

"Yes."

"You know you have a lot of female admirers in the Capitol, my boy. There are ways you could thank them personally and maybe even redeem yourself in my eyes…."

"You mean sleep with them?!" I don't shout it but there's still a huge amount of shock in my voice. Snow simply cackles and nods.

"Some of these ladies are very beautiful, you know, you could do a lot worse."

I don't reply. Instead I turn around and head straight for the bar, ordering a large glass of wine. I've refrained from drinking for Titam's sake but I no longer see why I should stop myself. I tried, I failed, end of.

It isn't until an hour later when Titam and Marsella are dragging me back to the train with sick down my front that I maybe think that I've gone too far.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you, again, for reading my story, I'm loving writing it! The reviews have been really encouraging and I appreciate any feedback you may have!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Sixteen**

I can't believe it's been a whole year since I was reaped. The worst year of my life has finally come full circle and now I'm preparing to meet the poor child who I'll be mentoring for this year's Games.

I sit in my living room with Titam, drinking hot tea because I'm still an alcohol-free zone, although I occasionally convince someone at The Hob to sell it to me if I offer them a ridiculous amount of money. I feel bad for exploiting their poverty but I just need whatever I can to get through the nights, so much so that I've started sleeping in the day rather than facing the dark.

"So how are you feeling about it all?" Titam asks.

"Not great. I don't want the responsibility of keeping someone alive."

Titam chuckles, "Well, just think, this year's tributes have got a much better chance than we did. They've got a mentor each!"

"No, Titam, they've got the worst odds possible! How likely do you think it is that a kid from 12 is going to win this year when I won last year?"

He doesn't say anything, he just drinks his tea because he knows I'm right. This time last year I was sitting around a wonky table in my old house with my family, enjoying a final meal there before I was whisked away to begin a new life. I still can't believe that was only a year ago.

"Titam, what happened to your family?" I've been wanting to ask him this for months but it's never felt appropriate for some reason.

"My parents got very sick a few winters after I won and there was nothing I could do for them so it's just been me ever since."

"And no wife?"

He shakes his head. "No, not that I didn't have the chance. It's just…well, you know what the nights are like."

I do know what the nights are like; they're filled with horrific memories mixed with things that never happened but feel just as real. Tilly and Maysilee have frequently turned in to blood thirsty mutts half way through a dream and caused me to wake up screaming, slashing my knife at the air. I can understand why Titam wouldn't want someone to see that.

"Come on, we'd better go," he says and finishes the rest of his tea.

We make the short walk to the square to find that Marsella is already waiting for us by the side of the stage. She's wearing a strange shaped silver dress with silver lipstick to match and an annoyed expression on her face.

"I've been waiting here for half an hour!" She shouts.

"Chill out, Marsella, they haven't finished lining up yet," I say, looking out to the square as the lines of unhappy children form. I look out at the pale faces and I desperately want to tell them what lies in store for two of them, I want to warn them of the horrors and what happens if you don't play Snow's game. But there's no point, whoever gets chosen is likely to die and I don't want to scare all of these children for no reason. They have enough to worry about.

Ten minutes later we're ushered to the stage and Mayor Clarkson reads out the usual spiel, only when he reads out the list of victors my name is added, which sends a chill down my spine. 'Victor' is an empty word, there is no feeling of glory or triumph, just loss.

Marsella squeals about how excited she is to be back in our district and wonders if we'll have two victors in a row this year. She hovers her finger around the girls' reaping bowl before pulling out one of the slips.

"Alba Morston!" She says in to the microphone and a brunette girl from the fifteen year old section walks on to the stage. I recognise her from the Seam but I've never spoken to her.

Marsella then picks out the boy tribute's name and says, "Robert Caid!" A scrawny boy of eighteen makes his way to the stage and you can hear his mother crying loudly from the sides. This was his last year of eligibility.

The tributes are herded in to the Justice Building whilst Titam and I head for the train station. We're shown to our rooms and mine seems to be even more extravagant than last year, if that's possible.

"If we're going to bring one of them home," Titam says as we sit down at the feast in the dining cart, "We need to keep each other in the loop, okay?"

I nod, although I can sense that he's not as confident about this whole situation as he wants me to believe. After all, it must be strange for him to have a fellow mentor at last.

"Can I have the girl?" I ask, "I don't feel comfortable mentoring someone older than me." She also looks like she has more of a chance, Robert has no muscle tone and just looks plain weak. Thankfully, Titam has no issue with this arrangement.

When they do arrive on the train with Marsella neither of them wants to talk and it's not until breakfast the next day that Alba finally seems ready to talk strategy.

"So what is it you're good at?" I ask.

"I'm quite fast but that's it. I've never killed anyone."

I have to laugh, her flippant reply is just a little too close to home. "Fair enough," I say, "Spend equal amounts of time at the weapons and survival stations in training, then. And how do you feel about being the strong and confident type?"

"I think I can pull it off."

"Great, we'll talk again in the Capitol." I leave the room with a small sense of hope, at least she seems like she wants to survive. Last year I condemned myself for no reason but, hopefully, she's going to fight to stay alive.

When we reach the Capitol Titam and I head towards our rooms on the twelfth floor whilst Alba and Robert undergo their transformations in the Remake Centre. Titam tells me that Robert is going to have to work really hard if he wants to survive, he really is as weak as he looks.

"It looks like Alba will be our best bet," he says grimly and I agree.

"Is this how you've done it each year? Supported the safe bet?"

"Unfortunately, yes. It at least gives you hope."

* * *

Before the Opening Ceremony begins Titam and I make our way to the Victors' Box, which is a viewing gallery in City Circle especially for us victors. There is, of course, plenty of food and drink to keep us entertained as we watch our tributes enter on their chariots, however, not everyone is mentoring this year and it's easy to see that they're a lot more relaxed than those of us that are.

I find myself talking to Chaff, a man in his early twenties from 11 who won about five years ago. He lost his hand in the arena but refused to have a prosthetic so his arm now ends in a stump.

"So how have you found your first year?" He asks.

"Awful. I just wish I could get my hands on some booze more often, Titam seems to be keeping me on a leash!"

Chaff snorts and says, "Stick with me, I'll sort you out."

Before long the tributes are entering the City Circle and, unsurprisingly, Alba and Robert look pitiful in their ridiculous coal miner outfits. Elerrah and her team really aren't doing us any favours.

The next day is the first day of training and, although Titam is going to try his best with Robert we've basically agreed to focus our efforts on Alba so I make sure to talk to her before she goes in to training.

"How do you feel about alliances?" I ask, trying not to think about Maysilee as I do so.

"Well, it helped you last year. But I don't know if I can stand any of them for long."

"It won't be for long, though. See if there's anyone worth allying with and work on that as well the stations, okay?"

She nods and I send her away before I meet Titam on the bottom floor to meet with potential sponsors. There's a special room designed for mentors to meet with rich Capitolites who may want to sponsor one of the tributes. It's a huge room, outlined with tables of food and drink and even has a band playing soft music to create a relaxing atmosphere. Screens are mounted on the walls with pictures of the tributes and Titam tells me that when the Games begin they will also be broadcast on the screens so sponsors can make up to date decisions. There's only a few strange looking people from the Capitol here but Titam and I quickly get to work, telling them all how great Alba is and that I'm convinced 12 will be triumphant, again. Some of them seem convinced whereas others just won't give me the time of day, they'd rather hear about the "unfortunate" business with my family.

The next three days seem to fly by with Alba informing me that she's become quite handy with a knife and it looks like she's going to ally with the tributes from 11, which Chaff and I are quite happy about. His tributes look a lot more muscular than ours but who isn't? However, Alba manages a seven, which stands her in good stead for 12 standards. I've even managed to convince some Capitolites to deposit their money in to our account.

Soon it's time for the interview prep and I've made it quite clear to Elerrah that Alba is not to be sexualised, she can look strong but not like a promiscuous Capitolite, she's still only fifteen.

So far Alba has been the model tribute and she isn't stopping now, every question I ask her she replies with witty and confident answers and doesn't falter once. The guilt I felt over winning begins to haunt me again, how many tributes put this much effort in and died whereas I didn't try until I was in the arena?

"Okay, I think you'll be fine," I say, "But I have to ask, how are you feeling? I haven't seen you cry once."

"I cried when I said goodbye to my family and then told myself that would be the last time. If I want to come home I can't be seen as weak."

"You're definitely not weak, Alba."

She gives me a smile and then leaves for her etiquette lesson with Marsella. I've surprised myself by how much I've been trying with Alba, as much as I've wanted to stay in my room and just drink endless amounts of alcohol I just feel spineless every time I consider doing it. Alba didn't ask for this, she deserves as much help as she can get.

For the interviews the victors sit in the audience among the distinguished Capitol guests and the cameras flit between the tributes and us to see what our reactions are. The Hunger Games are the main opportunity each year for the Capitol to see what their favourite victors are getting up to.

As usual, the Careers are pompous and convinced that they are all going to win. The sad truth is that they are all old enough to be stylised in a sexual way and the people of the Capitol just lap it up. Knowing what I do now about Snow's plans for victors, the people in the audience are probably just wondering who will be their latest play thing.

I'm suddenly pulled out of my thoughts as Caesar welcomes Alba to the stage and begins to ask for her thoughts on the Capitol.

"It's very different from home, I can see why the victors love it so much," she flashes the audience a charming smile that is too sickly sweet for me but perfect for them. Elerrah listened to my warnings and has put Alba in a full length metallic dress with bold makeup that definitely gives her an air of strength and confidence.

"And do you think you're prepared for the Games? A score of seven isn't bad," says Caesar.

"I'm definitely prepared, I think I have as good a chance as any of the other tributes."

The interview is a moderate success, she's not as flashy as the Careers but she is firm with her answers, I only worry that the audience will forget her.

Tomorrow the games will begin and, for the first time, I start thinking about how I'll feel if Alba doesn't win.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you again for reading, I'm having so much fun writing this! I'm also very grateful for any feedback you may have and just want to say a big thank you to MaudieStirling, your reviews are so sweet!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

It's an early start for all of us today, Alba and Robert have been taken away to the catacombs under the arena and Titam and I are heading in to the Control Room where we will be monitoring the Games and sending in gifts to our tributes.

When I walk in the thing that amazes me most is the amount of television screens that are mounted on the walls. There are two large screens at either end of the room and, at the moment, they are showing various interviews with gamemakers and past victors in the build up to the Games. However, this all seems fairly stupid as no one in the Capitol wakes up until late morning, anyway.

There are twenty four work stations outlining the room and each has a screen displaying what Panem is currently watching, one which shows you your tribute and a third screen that allows you to choose which camera you want to view from so that you can see what the other tributes are up to.

My station has 'Haymitch Abernathy, District 12' hanging above one of the screens and Titam is next to me so it will be easy for us to communicate when the Games finally begin. At the moment the Panem Screen is showing aerial shots of the arena, which is a huge forest based design this year with two small lakes at either end of it. From the looks of it there are lots of places to hide, which means the gamemakers are gearing up for a fairly long Games this year.

"Titam, what's this?" I ask, pointing to a small icon in the corner of the currently blank Tribute Screen.

"If you click on it you can see how much sponsorship money Alba has and select gifts to send her."

"I bet this was complicated for you last year with four of us."

"Oh, yes. I was so happy when you and Maysilee teamed up."

I thought it would get easier to hear her name over time but it hasn't, yet. Every time someone mentions her I just want to leave the room but I can't think like that right now, I need to help Alba.

I click on the icon to find that my efforts with the people of the Capitol have not be fruitless as Alba has a nice little pot of money to start with, I must have more sway here than I thought.

"Thirty minutes until launch," a robotic voice says from a speaker in the corner of the room.

This time last year I was trying not be sick as I waited for the sixty second call and the same feeling is returning. I wonder if I'll ever lose it; will I ever sit at this station and be completely unfazed by the whole experience? Part of me hopes so but then the other part doesn't want to lose with touch how awful the Games are, the moment I accept them is the moment I become as despicable as the Capitol.

The thirty minutes seem to rapidly disappear and suddenly the screens before me burst in to life. The tributes are rising in to the arena, surrounding the golden cornucopia and its vast amount of supplies.

Alba and Robert are separated by seven tributes but I've told Alba to meet up with her alliance as soon as she can and then get the hell out of there. She could do okay if she fought it out at the cornucopia but I don't want her to risk it.

The claxon sounds and they've all jumped off their plates, some heading in to the forest whilst the others brave the imminent bloodbath.

"Damn!" I hear Titam shout and I glance over to where Robert was stood to find a Career pulling a knife out of Robert's back. How did he get that knife so quickly?!

My eyes turn back to Alba, who is shouting out for her alliance but the boy has already been killed and the girl is paying no attention to her. I can see the panic in Alba's eyes and I'm screaming at the screen for her to run before one of the Careers gets to her.

She quickly snaps out of it and grabs one of the small backpacks that lies far away from the cornucopia and sprints in to the forest. She was right, she's really fast, which I only appreciate when I see that the boy from 2 has thrown his spear in her direction.

Titam leaves his station and brings his chair over to mine. He already looks like he's about to have a heart attack and we're only fifteen minutes in to the Games.

"Are you okay?" I ask, although I know how stupid a question that is.

"Yeah, it was bound to happen. It's not the first time."

I look at the Tribute Screen to see that Alba is still sprinting through the forest and, thankfully, is far enough away from the bloodbath that they won't come looking for her, yet. She slows down but only to a jog so that she's constantly moving and it isn't long before she reaches the lake on the far left of the arena.

She sits down and examines the contents of her rucksack; a water bottle with iodine solution, a couple of crackers and a bandage. It's not great by any means but at least she has a water bottle, which she proceeds to fill up.

"She needs a weapon," I say and click on the icon in the corner of the screen.

"Wait, Haymitch! Don't waste your money too early, she may be able to make one."

"With what, Titam? If someone finds her, she's got nothing to defend herself with!"

He purses his lips as if he's trying to stop himself from saying what he really wants to but I don't care, I'm not leaving Alba without a weapon. She told me she was most confident with a knife so I find her a rather menacing looking one and send it in to her. Hopefully, she'll see this as a sign of my faith in her.

She opens the parcel and examines the knife before saying, "Yeah, that'll do, Haymitch!"

I smirk, she's going to get a lot of followers in the Capitol if she keeps coming up with golden lines like that.

She packs up her bag and continues to walk in to the forest, steering clear of the water source is probably the best strategy right now as I can see on the Panem Screen that the other tributes are desperately looking for something to drink.

I spend the whole day fixed to my station and tell Titam to go relax, he has no need to stay here, anymore and he's starting to look a bit ill. Eventually, night falls and the anthem plays before revealing those that died in the bloodbath, which was a total of twelve. Half of them gone in less than an hour.

The night is uneventful as Alba finds an area filled with bushes and trees to sleep among, it's a good job that they're not poisonous this year. I just hope that there are no mutts lurking around.

I find myself nodding off but I wake up as soon as my head starts to drop. I could call Titam and ask to switch but he's done this for years, it doesn't seem fair to change over this early on.

Dawn approaches and my heart starts pounding against my chest. The boy from 5 is nearing Alba and she's still sleeping.

"Wake up! Wake up!" I'm screaming at the screen, praying that she can hear me, somehow.

The boy's step must be loud because her eyes open and once she sees him her hand is instantly on her knife and she's standing up, waiting for the fight. He has an axe in his hand that looks identical to the one that Opal carried. No, I can't think about her now.

The boy launches at Alba but she's too quick and she's dodged out of the way. The only way she can kill him is to get close to him but that means getting close to his axe. She turns around and begins to sprint, leaving her backpack on the ground. The boy is quick off his feet, too, and soon he's chasing her through the forest. When he gets close enough he puts all his force behind his axe and throws it at Alba's back. It finds its target and Alba falls to the ground, the sound of her cannon following.

"No!" I yell, hitting the screen. "No! Wake up! Alba!"

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Chaff standing over me. "It's okay, Haymitch. Why don't you go to bed? Get some rest?"

Everyone in the room is staring at me but I don't care, this little scene is just adding to my reputation as being the mess from 12 and it's pretty accurate. "I…I don't even know what to do."

"Go to bed," Chaff repeats and I nod, heading off to my room.

When I get there I ask one of the avoxes to bring me a bottle of white liquor, which he does but its' clear from his expression that he doesn't think he should. Titam is asleep and I feel horrendous so what's the harm? I drink the bottle dry but don't fall asleep until my knife is in my hand.

When I wake up it's late afternoon and Titam is standing over me with a displeased look on his face, he's obviously seen the empty bottle by the side of the bed.

"I don't think this is the best way to handle things, is it?" He says but I simply groan, my head is throbbing. "Come on, the press wants to interview us."

Titam leads me to the Sponsorship Room where a small press conference has been arranged, apparently they're desperate to know how I'm feeling after losing my first tribute.

"It's a shame," I say, "Alba was a very strong tribute but she obviously wasn't strong enough." A deliberately vague answer to avoid any further questions, I didn't quite realise how much coverage they like to get of the victors. In the past I've tried to watch as little of the Hunger Games as possible.

Thankfully, the press conference doesn't last long and I give them a few witty comments to keep them entertained before we leave. All I want to do is crawl in to bed and drink, these flashing cameras are doing nothing for my mood nor my headache.

"Titam! Haymitch!" A voice shouts from across the room and I can see Mags walking towards us. "I thought I might find you here!"

Titam smiles and gives his old friend a hug. "Hi, Mags. How are your tributes doing?"

"Good, I think the girl could do it, you know. I was just wondering if you both wanted to go out and get some dinner…and talk," she raises her eyebrows at this last sentence.

"Can we do that? Just leave?" I ask.

They both chuckle. "Of course, it gives the Capitol a cheap thrill to see their victors out enjoying themselves," says Titam.

If I can get out of this depressing place for a few hours then I'm not going to turn it down, besides, I enjoy spending time with Mags.

We get in a taxi and go to a restaurant called _Alfred's_ which is massive even by Capitol standards. The whole place is decorated in purple and gold and because Haymitch Abernathy has entered the building we're given one of the best tables on the second floor.

"Shall we get some wine?" Says Mags.

"I don't think so," says Titam, "Haymitch can't handle his drink."

"I'm not a child!" I snap, "I'd love some wine, please, Mags."

We scan the menus in silence before finally ordering with a waiter who has purple hair to match the décor. He's overcome with delight at serving three victors, which means that we are given extra bread and side dishes for the meal. I suppose being a victor isn't all bad.

"So, are you still interested in that thing we spoke about?" Asks Mags.

"Of course, is it happening soon?" It's hard not to get excited when the idea of killing Snow is mentioned.

"I'm afraid not, I think it could be decades before anything happens but we need to make sure we have a solid team in place when it does."

"So how long have you been planning this?"

"Too long," says Titam, "Me, Mags and some other victors have been discussing this for decades but it's difficult to plan anything when you're resources are limited and you only see each other once a year."

"Indeed," says Mags, "that's why we need to make sure we can get you young ones on side as soon as possible but it hasn't been easy. Not everyone shares our views."

"The Careers," I say and they both nod. It would be quite a coup to get districts 1, 2 and 4 to turn against Snow.

"Anyway, let's talk about something else shall we?" Mags tilts her head slightly and I can see that some of the gamemakers I encountered last year are now sitting at a table on the other side of the room.

Mags is right, organising a rebellion is going to take a long time. I just hope I don't have to wait until I'm her and Titam's age to see it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello and thank you for reading my story! The support I've received has continued to be amazing and any feedback you may have would be greatly appreciated (both good and bad!)**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

I'm eating one of the nicest desserts I have ever had the fortune to indulge in; an apple tart direct from the bakery in Town. I could never even afford their bread before I became a victor but now I find that I'm treating myself to their delights a little more often, although I try not to flaunt my wealth in front of the whole district.

However, on this occasion there is a large group of us eating this amazing pudding because it's the annual dinner in 12 for this year's Hunger Games victor, a seventeen year old from 1 called Satin Banks. She is the second victor since I won and all I can think about when I look at her is the four tributes that have died on my watch. I'd do anything to have them sitting where Satin is and eating apple tart.

Mine and Titam's tributes died in the bloodbath this year and I spent the rest of the Games hopping from bar to bar with Chaff once Titam was safely asleep in his bed. As much as I respect and appreciate Titam he doesn't understand how I deal with things; he pretends it's not happening whereas I prefer to blank it out. That's why Chaff has become an important ally during my trip to the Capitol each year, not to mention that he's equally as keen to join the rebellion whenever it actually happens.

Satin seems nice enough, for a Career, she's happily making small talk with everyone but it's clear that she pities our small district, it has none of the glamour or glitz that 1 has. She's playing the gracious victor well but it's obvious that she can't wait to get out of here and move on to 11.

When the inevitable dancing occurs Satin asks me to dance with her and, despite my many protestations, she persuades me to engage in one dance.

"So, how are you enjoying life as a victor?" I ask, feeling that I should say something but I'm not sure what. I've seen this girl in action, she's as ruthless as they come and it's difficult to engage in conversation with someone who you've seen mutilate fellow tributes.

"It's great! I love my new house and all of the attention I'm getting!" She squeals. "Although, I do have something I want to ask you, Haymitch…"

"Yes?"

She's looking at me straight in the eyes now. "Well, when you won did...did..." She turns her gaze away from me, "did you have as much fun as this?"

"Err…yeah, I suppose."

Thankfully, the song soon comes to an end and she leaves to go and dance with the Mayor, who seems very flustered by her proposition. I decide it's time to go and seek out Titam to see if he wants to leave, too. As we're walking home talk quickly turns to Satin and how much Snow must love her.

"It's unfortunate, though, what's going to happen to her. No one should have to go through that," says Titam.

"What?"

"Haymitch, she's gorgeous. And we all know what Snow does with the gorgeous ones."

I nod, finally understanding. That must have been what she was trying to talk to me about earlier, she wanted to know if Snow had planned the same life for me. Those idiots in the Capitol think that when we win the Games our lives suddenly become perfect but they haven't got a clue. I would swap all of this if it meant going back to my poverty stricken life in the Seam, it sounds like heaven compared to the life I have now.

"I've got something I need to tell you, Haymitch," he stops and sits down on a nearby bench, gesturing for me to do the same.

"What is it?"

"I've got lung cancer. I don't know how long I've got left but it's not looking good."

I feel like someone has punched me hard in the stomach and I'm landing on the ground with a loud _thud_. How can he have cancer? He's not even that old! I can't lose Titam yet, I just can't.

"But you could afford the treatment!"

"It's too late and, to be honest, I'm not sure if I want to fight it."

"Not even for me? For almost three years you've gone on about us sticking together and now you're just bailing out!" I shout and walk off, heading in any direction I feel. I can hear Titam shouting after me but I ignore his cries, I just want to be alone right now.

I'm desperate for a drink but everywhere, including The Hob, is closed now and I haven't got any at home. I stomp my way through Town and only stop when I reach the square. A small crowd has gathered and I'm keen to see what all the fuss is about, being a victor in 12 means I usually get invited to everything official but whatever this is I've been left out of it.

I walk a little closer and I can see that a small fire has been lit and two people are sitting next to it, toasting small pieces of bread over the flames. This is one of our marital traditions in 12, after the couple have had the official ceremony they have The Toasting. I don't know how long it's been around for but any married couple in 12 will tell you that they don't feel married until they've performed this little tradition. It seems odd to have the ceremony on today of all days but the workers at the Justice Building usually have very few spots for weddings; they can seem too trivial to some.

I can't quite see who the couple are so I walk further towards the square without getting so close as to cause a disruption, I may have my faults but I wouldn't ruin someone's wedding day. I can finally make out their faces and it both saddens and delights me to see that it's Drake and his now wife, Herma. They've been going out since they were my age and Tilly and I were always sure that they would get married one day. I just thought that I would have had an invite.

They're both grinning from ear to ear and I find myself also smiling; I haven't seen Drake and his family look happy for years. Finally, they have something to celebrate. I look at Drake's parents and whilst they are clearly happy I can see that their expressions are tinged with sadness, I wonder if anyone else can see it or if I've just become more adept at noticing pain. They all know that Tilly should be there, celebrating one of the biggest events in Drake's life.

I find a bench and look down on the celebrations, wishing more than anything that I was there, too. I'll send a card or something, maybe a gift as well, although I doubt they'll accept it. They've all made it quite clear that they don't want me in their lives anymore.

When Titam dies I will truly be on my own, my only companions will be the other victors that I get to see once a year and the poor tributes I'll have to mentor. It's best that way, though. Anyone who gets close to me just risks being killed by Snow and I refuse to put someone through that, again, let alone how horrendous it will be for me.

I just hope that 12 has enough white liquor for its pathetic excuse of a victor.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello and thank you for reading my story! All the feedback I've had so far has been great and I really do appreciate it!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Nineteen**

I stumble on to the stage and take my place at my assigned seat. Marsella is shooting me one of her infamous looks of agitation but I deal with it by having another swig from the bottle I'm holding. I can think of a million other places I would rather be right now.

Titam died two months ago and I've been in various states of consciousness ever since. Getting my hands on some white liquor has been a lot easier, whether people are less scared of the repercussions or they can see that I genuinely need it, I don't know but there's no longer the difficulty there once was.

Snow didn't pay for a lavish funeral like he did for my family but I'm glad, it meant I could give Titam the send off he deserved. There was only me and a few of Titam's old school mates in attendance but it was enough, we said goodbye and I'm in the process of organising some sort of memorial for him if it's allowed. A few reporters from the Capitol wanted an interview but I only gave them a few quotes to keep them happy, after all, Titam wasn't exactly one of the most famous or adored victors. I doubt most of the Capitol even knew who he was.

"Happy Hunger Games!" Marsella finally says in to the microphone and I swear that nearly every child in the square tenses their bodies a little bit more. After the lecture on the Dark Days and the naming of our victors she plunges her hand in to the girls' Reaping bowl and tortures them while she hovers her hand over the strips.

She takes out a piece of paper and says, "Norver Birch!"

There are no cries but as the sixteen year old girl walks on to the stage her eyes lock on mine and I can see tears forming in them. She knows. She's going to die and there's nothing either of us can do.

"And now for the boys!" Says a grinning Marsella, placing her hand in to the bowl. "Horley Rorsh!"

This time there is a loud, painful cry that can only be the sound of a mother losing her son. A slight, thirteen year old boy approaches the stage and it's clear he can't contain the tears that are building up. He keeps taking deep breaths as if to stop himself hyperventilating.

The tributes are escorted in to the Justice Building and everyone in the square begins to head back home. I get out of my seat and finish the rest of my bottle.

"You're a mess, Haymitch Abernathy!" Marsella shouts at me.

"Tell me something I don't know, sweetheart." She scowls at me, which was the desired response. I have so few pleasures left in life that if I get the chance to wind Marsella up I'm definitely going to take it.

"Come on! There's a train we need to be on!" She grabs my arm and begins to drag me towards the car that's waiting to take us to the station. We could walk it in fifteen minutes but I doubt Marsella has ever had to walk further than to her front door, these Capitol people are so lazy!

The car ride is bumpy and my head is feeling woozy, it also isn't helping that Marsella is babbling on about etiquette and how I should behave at official events. It's enough to make you sick, which I am as soon as we get on to the platform. All over Marsella.

"Arghh! You are so vile!" She shouts, "Why don't you just go sleep it off in your room?!"

"Excellent idea!" I say and board the train, heading straight for my Capitol approved bedroom carriage.

Once again, I must have drunk more than I thought because when I wake up I'm in my room in the Training Centre. I have no recollection of how I got here at all.

I slowly swing my legs out of bed and ask one of the avoxes to fetch me some painkillers for my headache and as much food as they can; I'm starving.

No one seems to be around so I eat alone, devouring everything that is placed before me in seconds. Ever since Titam died I haven't been keeping on top of everyday things such as buying food, he was usually the one who made sure I went in to Town to buy groceries but now I just couldn't care less.

There's a knock on the door and one of the avoxes opens it to reveal a subdued Chaff.

"Hey, Haymitch," he says, sitting down at the table and helping himself to an apple. "Your tributes are in the Remake Centre, just in case you were wondering."

"Thanks."

"I know it's hard, Haymitch, no one deserves to be put through what you have, unless it's Snow, but don't take it out on those kids. You need to at least try."

I grunt in response. "At least your kids have a chance, you've got enough mentors to go around, all mine have is me and that's not saying much."

"Which is why you're going to have a shower right now and come with me to the Sponsorship Room."

I attempt to argue but he simply grabs me and shoves me towards my bathroom. He's a lot taller and bigger than me so I have no chance but to do as he says and within twenty minutes I'm looking like a clean and normal nineteen year old man. Well, by my standards, anyway.

When we get to the Sponsorship Room Chaff instantly dives in to schmoozing with the Capitol elite whereas I need a few moments to collect my thoughts. That's when I realise that I have nothing to say about my tributes, I have no idea what their skills or qualities are. I approach a woman in her fifties and attempt to make her part with her money but when she asks why these kids are different from anyone else that comes from 12 all I can say is that they're clever. Unsurprisingly, she isn't convinced.

I leave the room feeling defeated and realise it's time to be heading towards the Victors Box for the Opening Ceremony. Chaff arrives about twenty minutes later and offers me a glass of wine.

"You're gonna need it," he says. He couldn't be more right.

When Norver and Horley enter on their chariot they look both unhappy and embarrassed as they wave at the audience in their coal miner outfits.

"I've been awful to them," I say under my breath.

"Yeah, but you've got time," says Chaff, filling up my glass, again.

The next morning I make sure that I'm awake for breakfast so that I can impart whatever misguided wisdom I have.

"Okay guys, make sure you spend time on the survival stations. Your best hope is to just hide out for as long as possible."

"How do you know that?! You haven't even asked if we've got experience with a weapon!" Norver shouts at me.

"Because even if you do have experience I can assure you that the Careers will be ten times better! But they're usually so stupid that they ignore learning about survival skills."

"Maybe we should listen to him, Norver," a timid Horley says.

"Why? He's too drunk to know what he's talking about!"

"Fine! You go get yourselves killed!" I bellow and storm off back to my bedroom, ordering a bottle of white liquor when I get there. If they don't want my help then I'm happy to just spend the rest of my time in this room drinking myself in to oblivion. Now that's a plan with some definite results.

Over the next three days both Mags and Chaff try to get me out of the apartment but I refuse. I have no desire to explore the Capitol and I certainly don't want to help innocent children to die, they'll probably do better without me.

Before I know it Marsella is throwing cold water over me because it's the first day of the Games, apparently it's the only way to wake me up.

"Those kids need you!" She screams, "Get dressed and go to the Control Room!"

I don't want to get up but if it stops Marsella from talking then I'll happily oblige. I shower and pull on some clean clothes before heading downstairs. I knew this would be hard without Titam but this is worse than I could have ever imagined. I just feel so lost.

I take my place at my station and it both saddens and relieves me to see that Chaff is in the one next to me. Titam's station has been removed and I wonder if anyone from 12 will ever sit there, again.

"Hey, Haymitch. How you doing?" Asks Seeder, a woman in her late thirties who is a victor from 11 along with Chaff.

"Not great," I say.

"I miss him, too. It feels like there's something missing in the room."

I nod in agreement, that's exactly how it feels. I forget that most of the people here knew Titam a lot longer than I did but I don't like the idea that any of them were closer to him than I was. I never said it when he was alive but he was the closest thing to a father I had. I wish I had told him that.

I look at the Panem Screen to see that this year's arena is a vast dessert with small rock pools dotted around it. There are very few hiding places and I doubt any of the tributes are prepared for this, especially mine.

"Thirty minutes until launch," the robotic voice says across the room.

I click on the icon on the Tribute Screen and, although I expected it, I'm a little disappointed to find that there's no money there. I spend the next thirty minutes just staring at the screen, willing the money to appear in our account but it doesn't.

Before I know it the screen bursts in to live and Norver and Horley are rising in to the arena. Because I'm the mentor for both of them I have two Tribute Screens this year and both of them show the faces of two very scared teenagers.

The sixty second countdown begins and all of the tributes are scanning the cornucopia to see what's there. They can't risk it, they need to run. I hope they know that, I hope someone told them that.

The claxon sounds and the bloodbath begins. My tributes go down within five minutes.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you for your continued support and for the great feedback I've had, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint as I really enjoyed writing it.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty**

I wake up screaming, slashing my knife at the air. All of the dead tributes were coming to kill me, all of the tributes I failed to keep alive. I can't even remember all of their faces, each year I withdraw a little further away from them and don't allow myself to commit them to memory. But, sometimes, they come back to me in the dead of night and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

I've convinced myself that not helping them is best thing to do, at least they'll die straight away without having to go through the torture that is the Hunger Games. It also means I don't have to get my hopes up only for them to die half way through. This year my male tribute got in to the top eight and, stupidly, I did everything I could to get him home. I got the sponsors with some help from Mags, I sent him gifts when I felt he needed them but that didn't stop the spear from the District 4 male from shooting through his heart.

I go to the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. It was just a dream. No, a nightmare. But it wasn't real, this is real. I am Haymitch Abernathy, I am twenty two and I survived the fiftieth Hunger Games. I lived. Others didn't.

I drag myself downstairs and pick up an envelope that is lying on the mat by the front door. I rarely get post, the Capitol pays for all of my bills and I have no friends to keep in touch with. When the idiots from the Capitol want to get in touch with me they just phone, although, I'm pretty sure I ripped that off the wall a few months ago. I can't remember.

I open the envelope to find a piece of paper and a picture of a baby wrapped in a blue blanket, I turn it over to find the words _Chester Arnold_ written on the back. That was Tilly's surname. That's Drake's surname!

I unfold the piece of paper attached to it to find that it's a letter from Drake. It reads:

_Dear Haymitch,_

_I am writing to tell you that just over a week ago Herma and I welcomed our son, Chester, in to this world. We weren't sure if we even wanted children, knowing what could happen to them, but when we found out that Herma was pregnant neither of us could hide how happy and excited we were._

_Having Chester has made me re-evaluate a lot of things in my life, especially you. Although Tilly is never far from my mind I know that none of it was your fault and both Herma and I would love it if you could come and visit Chester. I'm not saying that we have to be close, I know how difficult things are for you, but I thought you might like to meet him. Don't you think he has Tilly's eyes?_

_I hope to see you soon,_

_Drake_

They have a son! Tilly has a nephew! Of course, the whole feeling is bitter sweet but even I can feel joy for someone who so clearly deserves it. I know what I have to do now so I quickly eat some breakfast, shower and get dressed before I head in to Town.

I feel a sense of purpose that I haven't felt for a long time and it's refreshing as well as welcome. Life is still horrible but taking pleasure in something little is all I have now.

The rebellion is still going nowhere, every time I get the chance to talk to Mags she says we have to wait until our numbers are up and we also need someone, if not a few people, from the Capitol on side, which will be nothing short of a miracle. Even then we need to get the districts on side somehow, they won't just start a rebellion for no reason. We need something drastic to happen and, unfortunately, the best way to reach out to people this way is if it happens by itself. The whole thing is just a waiting game.

I'm not sure what you're meant to buy new born babies but a blanket is the first thing that comes in to my head and, to be honest, I'm not the most creative person. I may be clever but that only helps me so far, I've never had a need to buy a sentimental gift before.

I find the dressmaking shop in Town, I'm sure they'll be able to help me. My mother used to make mine and Layle's clothes but, occasionally, when she had the money she would buy us something from the dressmaker's shop.

I can imagine Layle now, a young man at sixteen, arguing with my mother over what clothes he should be wearing to school. Although, he never argued with anyone. I wonder if that would have changed as he grew older. I shouldn't let myself think about these things, I should be happy about Chester's birth. Excited, even.

I open the door to find a young woman, she must be about my age, sitting behind the counter. She's slim with strawberry blonde hair, which is very rare in 12. I bet she's not short of admirers.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Abernathy," she says. "Are you collecting something?" She looks down at a notepad and flips the pages, searching for my name, no doubt.

"No, no," I say. "I'd like to order something if possible."

"Of course. A new suit?"

"Umm, no. Would it be possible to have a blue blanket with 'Chester Arnold' stitched in to it, please? Or is it just fancy dresses and suits?"

She smiles at this. "Usually it's just fancy dresses and suits but I'm sure we can arrange something, my mother has a lot of different fabrics."

"Excellent. Could I take even more advantage of your good nature and have it ready by the end of the day?"

She hesitates for a moment, looking at her notepad. "Oh, go on then," she says, "seeing as you're a new customer. We want you to come back, after all."

I thank her and head off towards The Hob to buy some white liquor. I can afford to buy it from the merchants in Town but they don't always stock it and the guys at The Hob need the money more than the merchants do. When I'm not a passed out mess in my bed I do try to be an upstanding member of the district, not that I'm fooling anyone. I know they all think I'm a pathetic drunk, just like my father.

As soon as I walk in I can see that the market is in full swing; all of the stalls are open and everyone is trying to trade whatever they have for a little more food or some slightly better clothes, even if they do have holes in them.

I head straight for the tall man who sells illegal white liquor; I don't ask where he gets it and he doesn't say a word about my reliance on it. It makes me laugh that I used to hate the stuff and now I can't seem to live without it.

As I'm handing over my money I can hear a great cheer spread across the room. I turn around to see that Cliff Everdeen has walked in carrying a very large bag, which I can only assume is loaded with dead animals. He works in the mines but it's well known that he slips under the fence that surrounds 12 and ventures in to the woods to hunt for game. He was the boy that used to leave food on our doorstep when mother, Layle and I were in the depths of starvation. I haven't seen him around for a while but when I do I always try to repay the debt I owe him. He never accepts.

"Congratulations!" Someone says to him, "How's married life treating you?"

"Not bad," he says with a grin.

"If you of all people can bag yourself a Town girl then there's hope for the rest of us!"

"Clara's not like that, we are living in the Seam, after all!"

Clara? There's only one Clara that I know from Town and as far as I knew she was going out with the baker's son. It's amazing what you miss when you're in a drunken haze.

I cannot claim to know Clara well, we only say hello to each other in the street now. There's so many things we want to say but they're just too painful to verbalise, even after all of this time. Nevertheless, I'm still a bit shocked that she would leave her nice life in Town for Cliff Everdeen and the Seam. Life is hard in 12, anyway, but it's a lot worse in the Seam. Still, who am I to judge?

I go back home and drop off the liquor before heading back in to Town and to the dressmakers. When I open the door the young woman who was there before looks startled to see me.

"I'm really sorry but I'm not quite finished," she says, holding up the blanket. She's got a needle and thread in her hand and from what I can see the stitching is looking beautiful.

"That's okay, do you mind if I stick around?"

"Of course not, I'll get you a chair." She brings out a chair from the back room and places it on the other side of the counter. "I shouldn't be too long."

I watch her as she pierces the fabric with the needle and then pulls the thread through; the concentration is etched across her face. She has to keep pushing a piece of her red hair behind her ears because it's falling across her eyes. I suddenly realise that I can't take my eyes off of her.

"Am I getting in the way? Should I go?" I ask.

"No, it's fine. As long as you aren't too bored."

"Not at all," I say and I swear that she blushes just a little before turning back to her work.

About fifteen minutes later she's finished and placing the blanket on the counter for me to inspect it. The stitching is in gold and she's written Chester's name in beautiful calligraphy, I just hope the little blighter doesn't slobber over it too much when I give it to him.

"It's perfect," I say, handing over the money. "Thank you."

"No problem, I'm glad you like it."

I want to say something else but I'm not sure what. I should just leave but walking out of the door just seems…wrong. She's looking at me in confusion, probably wondering why I'm standing here in silence and not moving.

"Uhh…what's your name?" I ask.

"Vieve Budson."

"Budson? Like a rose bud?"

She giggles at this and I can feel my cheeks turning red, what a cringey thing to say! I'm acting like a stupid teenager not a young man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Yes, I suppose so," she says.

"Well, I'll see you around."

"Bye," she says and I actually manage to turn around and leave the shop. Although, once I'm out all I want to do is go back inside.

I try to shake all thoughts of Vieve as I walk towards the Seam; I'm going to see my dead girlfriend's nephew, thinking that way about Vieve is just inappropriate. I was going to marry Tilly, maybe we would be married now, it isn't right for me to turn my back on her like that.

I get to Drake's house sooner than I anticipated, I must have almost run here without realising. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. It's going to be fine, he said he wanted to see me. I have to keep telling myself that.

The door opens and Herma is standing before me, looking a little tired. Clearly Chester is playing the part of the new born well.

"Haymitch," she says, surprised. "I…we weren't expecting you."

"Is this a bad time?"

"No! Come in, please."

She leads me through their tiny hallway and into the living and dining area where I find Drake sitting in a chair, cradling Chester. His eyes don't break away from his son until Herma tells him I'm there. He looks up, and to my great surprise, he smiles at me.

"Hey, Haymitch," he says, "Take a seat."

"Thanks, I got your letter and…well, I've brought him a present." I hand over the blanket to Herma who looks like she's going to cry when she sees it.

"Oh, it's beautiful! Thank you so much!" She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. I never thought that one of the Arnolds would be doing this to me, again.

Drake simply laughs, "Sorry about her, she's a bit emotional at the moment. Do you want to hold him?"

"Really?" Drake nods and hands him over to me without waiting for an answer. I don't know what I'm doing but Drake is instructing me to support his head and relax my arms a little. Thankfully, Chester doesn't burst in tears and start screaming at the sight of me. Instead, his eyes lock on to mine and all I can think is that Drake was right. He does have Tilly's eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you for reading my version of Haymitch's story and for all the reviews I've had so far. I really do take all comments on board so please keep them coming!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty One**

I've never got the obsession with babies; they cry, they poo, they sleep and that's about it. When Layle was born I just found him frustrating for the first year and then that older brotherly love finally kicked in and all I wanted to do was protect him, especially from the mess that was our father.

Chester is one of the most placid babies I've ever encountered, not that I've been around too many of them, but every time I hold him he seems content enough to stay in my arms and sleep. When he wakes up he always does a big yawn and only starts crying when he's hungry and that quickly stops as soon as you put a bottle in his mouth. If only adults were that simple.

I have a lot to thank this little boy for, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be visiting Drake and Herma for the third time in a fortnight, which is three times more than I've visited them over the past six years.

"He loves his blanket," says Herma, sitting down with a cup of tea.

"Herma, he can't speak, how could you possibly know that?" I say.

"Because he won't sleep without it! Honestly, he'll just scream the place down until it's in his cot with him."

I give Chester a little smile, not believing his mother's words for one minute, although I would like them to be true.

"I think he's quite attached to his Uncle Haymitch," says Drake.

I'm not his uncle, I could have been but I'm not. I should correct Drake but I'm so eager not to lose this family again that I let it slide. Besides, I secretly like the title, not that I'm going to let anyone know that.

"I think you'd make a great Dad," says Herma.

I can't help but laugh; she can't be serious! "I don't think so! You can't hand them over to someone else when they're yours!" They both laugh, holding each other's hands. "Anyway, I couldn't have kids with the way things are, you know, when you've got to do what I do…"

They both nod, the smiles from their faces now fading. They must know that the closest thing I'll ever have to a child is lying right here in my arms and I've no intention of changing that. I don't know how anyone could have a child when there's a chance that they could lose them. Of course, I don't say this. Chester is a gift.

That's when it hits me. I can't get close to him. I can't allow myself to be his uncle when he could be reaped one day and I'll have the responsibility of keeping him alive. He's looking up at me like I'm the most important thing in the world right now and I don't think I can face that look every day. It will break my heart when it turns to a look of panic and disgust.

"I'm sorry, this is a bad idea," I say and hand Chester back to his mother. "Good luck with everything. You deserve it."

I leave the house but Drake is running after me, shouting my name. I keep walking, hoping he'll just go home and forget about me but he soon catches up.

"Haymitch! What the hell was that about?!"

"I can't get close to him, Drake! I want to but…you wouldn't get it!" I scowl as I turn to leave, again, but Drake grabs my arm and pulls me around.

"I know what's going on in that head of yours, Haymitch, and it's bull! Chester is going to be fine."

"I thought that and then I ended up losing everything! You can't pretend it's not a possibility!"

"Fine, then, go! Ruin your chance of some happiness!"

He leaves and heads back towards his house, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole of the Seam could hear him stomping away. I desperately want to chase after him and tell him that I made a mistake, of course I want to be part of Chester's life, it's the only thing I want right now. But I know the best thing I can do is cut myself off before I get too close; I can't imagine seeing him grow up, buying him birthday presents, maybe even teaching him a few things only for the worst thing possible to happen to him.

I realise that I'm standing in the middle of the street with people peering out of their windows at me so I start walking to the only place I can think of. I don't want to go home, yet, all I'll do is drink and, for once, I'm not in the mood. I walk through Town and beyond the Justice Building until I reach a gated field where we bury our dead.

There's a special area that has been sectioned off for those who lost their lives to the Hunger Games and the memorial I organised for Titam stands at the top, above his grave.

It's a marble statue of Titam himself with an inscription at the bottom which reads '_Titam Noss, The first victor of District Twelve and lifelong mentor._' I had no idea what would be suitable and seeing as he had no family there was no one else to ask.

"I need you, Titam," I whisper and the tears just start pouring. I don't know when the last time I cried was, I usually just down a bottle of liquor before I get to that stage but no one is around and it feels good to just let it out.

I just want one conversation with him, he was the only one who understood the hardships of this life. He understood the nightmares and the hope that comes with every new tribute. The hope that they could be a fighter. He also understood the pain that came when it was clear that they had no chance of winning.

"Mr. Abernathy, are you okay?" A sweet voice says behind me and all I want them to do is go away. I don't want to be seen like this.

I wipe away the tears from eyes and turn around to see that Vieve is standing before me, wearing a pale blue dress that highlights her slim figure. I'm both shocked and relieved to see her.

"Hi, Vieve. I'm fine, it's just been a tough day." She nods. "What are you doing here? If you don't mind me asking."

"My cousin died in the Hunger Games eight years ago, it would have been her birthday today. I was just laying some flowers on her grave."

I rack my brain to see if I can remember who the girl tribute was eight years ago but nothing comes to me, I think the relief that Tilly was safe for another year blanked out anything else.

"I'm sorry," is all I can say. "Are you heading back to Town?"

"Yes, are you?"

"I am now."

We slowly walk through the cemetery and I find myself telling her all about my encounter with Drake and not once does she look like she wants me to shut up, even though if I were her and I would definitely tell me to shut up. She listens to every word and tells me that she would never claim to know what I've gone through but she thinks she understands. After her cousin died she didn't want anything to do with anyone, she's still not even sure if she wants to get married and have kids knowing what can happen to them.

"I'm sorry if I've bored you with my pathetic troubles," I say as we reach her mother's shop.

"Don't be sorry, I know how hard it can be to talk to someone, sometimes."

"Well, let me make it up to you. Have you got any plans for tonight?" She shakes her head. "Then let me cook for you, eight o'clock at my house, okay?" She opens her mouth to object but I hedge my bets and kiss her on the cheek before running home. If I don't give her the chance to say no then she has to come. I hope.

As soon as I get home I start peeling and chopping the vegetables that I've just bought from Town. I'm going to make one of the few things that I can actually cook, which is a chicken casserole recipe that I got from the Capitol last year. Of course, it won't be half as good because we don't get the same ingredients here but, hopefully, it will do.

Before I know it eight o'clock has arrived and I'm showered, shaved and dressed in the cleanest clothes I could find. As I'm setting up the table I realise that she might not actually come, after all, who would want to spend the evening with District Twelve's biggest joke?

Thankfully, there's a knock on the door and all my stresses disappear as I open the door to find Vieve standing on the door step looking beautiful in a red blouse and black skirt.

"Hi," she says. "I didn't know if I should bring wine or something but you ran off before…"

"No, this is meant to be a thank you from me. Come in."

I lead her in to the dining room and it's clear from her face that she can't get over the size of the house. Even people from Town can be impressed, I suppose.

"Shit, you're not vegetarian, are you?" I blurt out, suddenly realising that I have nothing else to serve her.

She's giggling as she sits down at the table. "No. You can't be vegetarian in a place where you have to get anything you can."

"Very true," I say, wondering if she's ever actually struggled for food. Maybe. I think I'm technically the only rich one in 12 by Capitol standards.

I take the casserole out of the oven and place it on the table and, even if I do say so myself, it smells incredible. I've made some roast potatoes to go with it so this is probably the first decent meal I've had in months.

We both tuck in and Vieve praises me on my culinary skills, surprised that I had any at all.

"So has the shop always been in your family?" I ask.

"Yes, it's as old as Panem as far as I know."

"And do you like working there?"

"Yes, I know it sounds frivolous but I love clothes. When I see some of the things that those Capitol people wear, it makes me gag! I know I could make something far better!"

"Sometimes thinking of frivolous things is the only way to get through the day and, yes, they're pretty awful."

I ask about her cousin and she tells that her name was Robin and she was killed by a Career three days in. I vaguely remember the Games, it was an arena with very little vegetation so it was difficult to hide and it all ended pretty quickly. I don't think it was one of the most popular Games among the Capitolites.

"Sorry, I'm sure you don't want to talk about this."

"It's okay, it's nice to talk about her. My family don't even mention her, now."

We spend the rest of the evening talking about life in 12 and how we never knew each other in school, despite being in the same age group. Apparently, I was too busy hanging around with Tilly and the Seam kids so our paths just never crossed. I know that kids from the Seam and from Town should mix more but when every day is spent trying not to starve to death it's easy to see why so many of us resent those from Town. If there's one thing that being a victor teaches you it's that everyone's got problems, no matter where they're from.

I offer to walk Vieve home, although I don't know why because it's not very far to her house. I'm just not ready to say goodbye, yet, I suppose.

"Thank you for a lovely evening," she says, "Maybe we can do it again, sometime?"

"Really?"

"No, I'm lying, I'd hate to see you again."

She manages to get a small chuckle out of me, I thought I was meant to be the sarcastic one. "Yeah, me too, it would be horrible."

She leans in and kisses my cheek but she lingers there a little longer than you'd expect. Does she want me to kiss her? I haven't been in this position for so long I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

"Bye, Haymitch," she says and flashes me a smile before she leaves. I'm officially in hell.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my story. I really appreciate all the reviews I've had so far, you guys are amazing! Please feel free to leave good and bad comments, it keeps me going!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

I may have survived the Hunger Games but there's nothing quite like the pain of being poked with pins all over your body. I'm covered in a thin fabric, which is apparently meant to help with the final size and shape of the suit that Vieve is fitting me for, and I think she's enjoying watching me squirm every time she places another pin in. I've asked her to make me a new suit for the Victory Dinner at the Justice Building next week but I think she knows my real agenda. We've been seeing a lot of each other over the last few weeks but it still doesn't feel like enough. Every time we take a walk I feel upset once it's finished and every time she comes over for dinner I want to chase after her as she walks home. She's been driving me crazy simply by talking to me on a regular basis, I just don't understand.

"Sorry," she says through her laughs after sticking yet another pin in to my leg.

"This suit better be really good," I say.

"You know, I think you're lying to me. I'm sure you have plenty of suits, this is all just an excuse to come and see me."

I give a non-committal grunt that makes her smirk, I knew she was on to me! I'm useless when it comes to women, with me and Tilly it just sort of naturally happened but I've got no experience in trying to actually get a girl to like me. I should probably give up but every time I think about backing off all I can see is Vieve and her smile and all of my resolve disappears.

"So are you looking forward to meeting Andum Harcourt?" Vieve asks, referring to the latest victor, a scary looking eighteen year old boy from 4.

"No, I hate meeting the Career victors and the way this one was in the arena…well, I don't want to get too close."

"I don't blame you, the way he speared that poor little girl from three was just horrific."

I don't say anything because out of nowhere an image of Clo appears in my head. She will be forever immortalised as the timid fourteen year old I knew her as, not the twenty year old she should be now. I remember the night I saw her face in the sky and the guilt I felt; the feeling that I could have done something to save her, anything at all. I could have just stabbed the Career who was heading for her and let her run away, I was strong enough to fight but she wasn't. She, like the tribute from 3, was just a little girl.

"I could have saved her," I say, anger growing in my voice. I clench my fists to try and stop it boiling over.

"Pardon?"

"I could have saved her and I didn't!" I shout, "She was only fourteen! She should have lived!" I can feel my face turning red as I push over one of the clothing rails, I don't know what I'm doing but I have no control to stop it. All I can see is obstacles that need to be removed; squirrels, hedges and poisonous trees. "I should have saved her!"

"Who, Haymitch?" Says Vieve, trying to remain calm, despite the quiver in her voice. "Who do you think?! Clo!" I slam my fist down on the counter and the pain shoots through my hand but I don't cry out, it's nothing more than I deserve.

I can feel Vieve's arms slowly moving across my back, which causes me to flinch, but she doesn't stop until her left arm is resting on my shoulder. She's so close that I can smell the floral scent that she's wearing. Over the past few weeks it's become so familiar that I welcome it now as she leans into me.

"You couldn't save her, Haymitch, no one could." She wraps her other arm around me and pulls me close, I haven't felt this kind of affection for years and it slowly pulls me out of my hysteria as we stand like this for what seems like hours.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I'll pay for the damage."

"Don't be silly." She pulls away and gives me a reassuring smile that lets me know she's not mad at me. There's an understanding in her eyes that I've not seen in anyone else, except maybe Titam.

I take my chances and lean in towards her, placing my lips on hers and kissing them softly. She doesn't move away, instead she responds the same way and moves her body a little closer so that I can put my hands around her waist.

"That took you long enough," she says with a smirk.

The front door opens and Vieve's father, a balding man in his late forties, walks in and looks around the shop in shock before laying his eyes on mine and Vieve's rather close position. He just grunts and walks through the shop in to the back room, causing Vieve and I burst out laughing.

This feels good. Laughing. And kissing. This feels normal.

* * *

The Victory Dinner soon comes along and I'm wearing a dark blue suit that Vieve has made for me. She didn't even charge me for it so it looks like there are some perks to wooing the dressmaker's daughter.

The speech that Andum gave earlier in the day was pleasant enough, he said how different 12 was from 4 and that everyone was treating him so well but none of it washed with the crowd. Everyone just stood there glaring at him.

I make sure to get a seat next to Mags at the dinner and she spends the whole evening cracking jokes and trying to embarrass her latest victor. I get the feeling that she doesn't like his Career mentality and would have been quite happy if someone else had won. Of course, being a mentor you can't think like this, even if you hate your tribute the thought of not bringing them home is enough to motivate you to at least try and help them.

When the dancing commences Mags pulls me aside under the pretense that she wants to catch up but we both know what her real intentions are.

"Anything new?" I whisper, although the music is loud enough to drown us out.

"Did you notice the new Gamemaker this year? His name's Plutarch Heavensbee? He's a bit older than you."

"No, sorry," I reply. I spent most of the Games in a drunken blur and I don't tend to notice when they employ new Gamemakers; they're not worth my time.

"Well, he was asking me a lot of questions about the Dark Days and life before the Hunger Games. It all seemed quite risky if you ask me, I mean, you wouldn't think that anyone from the Capitol would be interested, would you?"

"No, they're only interested in themselves. Still, it doesn't mean he's on our side."

"Of course not but just keep an eye out, see if he says anything to you when you see him."

I nod, it's not exactly the news I was hoping for but it will do. If there's any chance that we could have someone who lives and works in the Capitol on our team then it's definitely worth looking in to.

"I noticed that you've not been drinking…" she says and I just shrug. "Any reason?"

"No," I say, turning my head away so she can't see the smile I'm trying to hide. I don't feel ready to talk about Vieve yet, as much as I adore Mags I just want to keep Vieve for myself for the time being. If I start telling people it will only put her in danger.

"It's a girl, isn't it?" She squeals, hitting my leg, and I know there's no point in lying any longer, she's too clever. She is organising a mass rebellion against Panem, after all.

"Yeah, there's a girl," I say. "But I'm worried, Mags. After what happened with Tilly…"

"Stop right there! Snow has already made an example of you, I very much doubt he would try that, again. I hate to break it to you but you're old news now, young man."

"You might be right."

"Of course I am! Now, tell me what she's like!"

I spend the rest of the evening telling her all about Vieve and how we met, which means I have to relive the ordeal with Chester but Mags is nothing but sympathetic. She says that her and her husband decided against children because with her being a victor it was more than likely that the Reaping would be fixed and her children would be chosen. Even so, they were both desperate to be parents.

I feel bad that I didn't know she'd had a husband; I've known her for five years and it seems like the whole time has been about me and my problems. But Mags being Mags, she just tells me to shut up but, despite this, I have to ask what happened to her husband.

"He died ten years ago, he went out on his boat and a storm hit. But we had over twenty years together, so I'm grateful for that."

We're then interrupted by Andum's escort who is getting worked up because if they don't all leave within the next ten minutes they might not reach 11 on time, which is ridiculous when the whole tour is scheduled around Andum. I just assume that when these silly Capitol people go to Escort School or wherever it is they go, they are told that if their tributes are late by just one minute they'll end up in the Hunger Games themselves.

Mags waves away the hysterical woman before hugging me goodbye and saying that we'll catch up in the Capitol. Only another six months to go.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello, thank you for reading my story! It's so nice to hear that so many of you are enjoying this, it's so encouraging! A few of you have asked me if I'm going to write up until he meets Katniss and Peeta and the answer is yes! I'm hoping to write all the way through until the end of Mockingjay unless everyone gets bored before then.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

I'm at the train station and hugging Vieve so tightly that I'm worried I'm hurting her but she doesn't seem to mind. Her body feels so warm against mine and the thought of not seeing her for a month is more upsetting that I had anticipated.

We've not hidden our relationship from the rest of 12 but, at the same time, we've not been flaunting it. I'm still worried that if Snow finds out something awful is going to happen, although I suspect one of his spies has already filled him in. When you live in a district that is as poor as 12 it's very tempting to give away information at the right price.

"It's okay," she says, "It won't be long."

"It will, I wish you could come, too."

"I know. Just try not to drink too much," she jokes. I know she doesn't mean it, though, I've hardly been drinking since I met her and when I do it's usually only when I've had a really bad panic attack. She just seems to understand the pain or, if she doesn't understand, she's sympathetic, which is more than most people are.

"I'll try," I say and kiss her.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you, too." It's been about four months since we said those words to each other and I never get tired of hearing them. They make me realise that there is something worth living for in this is wretched place, the only reason I haven't ended it all is because I know that future tributes will have no one to mentor them but now that I have Vieve I have a more solid reason to stay. She's real and so is the love we share.

I give her one more kiss before I board the train and wait in the living area. I help myself to a decadent sandwich filled with cheese and meat and think about what strategies could work this year.

My tributes are both seventeen and the girl, Thea, looks strong enough to actually be a contender this year. Her family own the carpentry shop in Town so I'm hoping that this means she knows how to use a knife or a saw. The boy, on the other hand, is called Felix and, although he has some muscles, he looked terrified when he walked up on to that stage. I just hope that the shock wears off soon so that he can start concentrating on what's ahead.

Half an hour later Marsella bursts through the door with the tributes in tow, shouting about how great the train is. I didn't notice it earlier but her skin has been pulled tight across her face, which makes her mouth looked stretched and ridiculous. I guess she must be starting to get old by Capitol standards, although she only looks to be in her early thirties.

Thea and Felix sit down in the ornate chairs and an avox pours them a glass of orange juice, which they meet with confusion. Oranges are a rarity in 12 so orange juice is basically unheard of, after I explain that it's safe to drink they gulp it down.

"So do you have any ideas about strategy?" I ask, "What can you guys do?"

"I'm not taking any advice from a drunk, I'll be fine by myself," snaps Thea and I can see, out of the corner of my eye, Marsella is pursing her lips.

"Thea, maybe we should listen to him. He is our mentor," says a timid Felix.

"I don't care! All of his tributes die and I'm not going to be one of them!" She stands up and asks to be shown to her room, despite Marsella's protests.

Felix looks up at me with wide eyes, like a puppy waiting for its trainer to teach him. He really does think I can save him and I'm not sure I'm going to be okay if we get too attached, I've been burned too many times, now.

"Okay, kid, why don't you just chill out for the time being and we'll talk in the Capitol tomorrow?"

He nods his head and I grab a glass of wine before retreating to my room. It's going to be a long train ride just locked in here but I can have food brought to me and, hopefully, I'll just sleep for most of it. The less time I spend with Felix, the better.

As usual, once we reach the Capitol the tributes are whisked away to the Remake Centre to endure hours of waxing and remodelling. This is where I usually go to the Sponsorship Room or just straight to my bed depending on how much I've been drinking but a small man with hot pink hair comes running up to me.

"Hello, Mr. Abernathy, I'm Talbot Dion, twelve's new stylist," he says, shaking my hand a little too enthusiastically.

"Oh, what happened to Elerrah?"

"She got a job on another television show," he says, almost guiltily. I guess she got fed up with us losing every year, I can't say I'm too bothered about her leaving but she has been here ever since I won so I'll always feel some sort of connection to her.

"First year?" I ask and he nods. Poor man, twelve always gets the new ones because we're so awful. "Just don't make them look too stupid."

I spend the rest of the day hanging around the Sponsorship Room but very few people want to talk to me. Surprisingly, the male tribute from 5 looks like the one to beat this year and all the Capitolites are clamouring over each other to sponsor him.

I go to the Victor's Box and indulge in some of the food that's been put on for us while I wait for the victors that I can actually stand to arrive. I go to pick up a piece of fruit but Brutus, a monster from 2 who won the year before me, gets there first and looks like he might strangle me if I don't let him have it.

"Jeez, just take it," I say and he just grunts as he saunters away.

"Haymitch!" Mags' voice shouts across the room and my mood instantly lifts as she walks towards me, pulling me in to a hug. "How is that girlfriend of yours?"

"Girlfriend?!" Chaff says, walking just behind Mags. "Haymitch actually got himself a _girlfriend_?"

"Hilarious," I say. "She's fine, thank you, Mags." What I really want to say is that I wish Vieve was here right now, holding my hand, but there's too many ears around. I also have a miserable brute image to uphold.

"I'm glad to hear it, maybe next year Chaff will have got himself loved up, too."

"Don't start, Seeder's been trying to fix me up with her cousin for months," he moans.

"Mags, are we going to meet Plut-"

"Shush!" She snaps and puts her hand over my mouth and then laughs so that it looks like one big joke. "Not here!" I nod and she removes her hand, still laughing so I join in, too.

Eventually, the Opening Ceremony starts and the tributes ride in on their chariots, the Careers looking as terrifying as usual and the tributes from 4 look ridiculous dressed as giant fish. Mags hangs her head in shame, cursing the stylist.

Thea and Felix are the last to arrive and, to my great astonishment, they're not half naked. Talbot has dressed them in simple vests and shorts, which may be a little tighter than I'd have liked, but, still, they don't look as ridiculous as previous years.

Over all, they don't make much of an impression but until the stylists stop dressing them like coal miners, they never will.

The next three days are dedicated to training and while Thea avoids me at all costs, Felix hangs on my every word. He, somehow, manages to get himself in to an alliance with 10 and 7 and tells me that he's been practicing with a spear. Their training scores aren't great, either, Thea gains a six and Felix gets a five. By the time the interviews come around Thea comes across as an egotistical know it all and Felix is average at best. All I can do now is hope.

When I see Chaff in the Control Room on the morning of the opening day of the Games, we both down a shot of white liquor and then sit at our stations. This has become our ritual over the last few years and is frowned upon by most of the other victors apart from Mags and Seeder.

I sit at my station and wait, the arena this year is covered in snow and there's a large mountain just to the right of the cornucopia so I'm guessing that if the tributes don't get supplies straight away they never will as they'll be covered by avalanche pretty soon.

Just as the announcer tells us that we have thirty minutes until launch the mentors from 6 stumble in. They're both morphling addicts and they just look pitiful, although I can understand, I mean, isn't alcohol my drug of choice?

The tributes rise in to the arena and the countdown begins. They're all wearing large jackets with fur rimmed hoods so it's difficult to work out who is who but I eventually find Thea and Felix. The gong sounds and they're away.

Thea grabs a small knife and rucksack from the outskirts of the supplies and heads off in to the wilderness before anyone can notice. Felix grabs a fair sized rucksack and begins to run away but the boy from 2 wrestles him to the ground and I have to close my eyes as he slits Felix's throat.

Thea trudges through the snow for hours, putting a lot of distance between her and the other tributes but as night falls I can see the Career alliance heading her away. She's pitching a tent for crying out loud!

"Move!" I shout at the screen. "Move you stupid girl!"

It doesn't matter, they reach her within minutes and begin to taunt her with their many weapons. That's what I hate most about the Careers; they won't just kill their victims, they have to make a show out of it for the Capitol.

"I can't watch this," I say to Chaff and leave my station. I can hear the screams and the cannon firing just as I reach the door.

Marsella is waiting for me in the apartment with a look of exasperation written all over her face.

"I tried!" I shout at her.

"I know, they just weren't good enough, quite frankly."

I clench my fists, it's almost as if she's glad that they died. I feel like a fool for thinking she might actually care about the kids she's sending to their deaths each year.

I spend the following two weeks drinking white liquor and eating, mainly in my room. Marsella has gone home to her place in the Capitol so I have the whole apartment to myself but I feel safer in this room for some reason; I can turn the walls in to a calming day time scene during the night and then sleep in the day.

I'm awoken one day by someone nudging me quite aggressively and I can hear them jump away when I pull out my knife. It's like an extension of my arm, now.

"Go away, Chaff!" I groan in to my pillow, lowering the knife.

"It's not Chaff, I'm afraid," a strange, Capitol sounding voice says.

I look up to find a Gamemaker sitting at the edge of my bed with a nervous expression on his face. Is he scared of me?

"Plutarch I'm guessing," I say.

He nods. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Abernathy. I'm sorry for waking you but this is the only time I could escape from my duties." I just groan, calling what he does 'duties' is hardly appropriate. "Anyway, I haven't got long, but I felt that the sooner we met the better. I'm on your side."

"So I've been told."

"I know you probably don't believe me but I will prove it to you. I can't talk here but when we meet next year we can discuss it more. Goodbye."

He quickly leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. I'm not entirely sure what the point of that small encounter was but all I can think is that I need another drink and quickly.

When the day comes to leave the Capitol, I could not be happier. Mags tells me that I need to give Plutarch a chance as we say goodbye at the station, she's got a lot of faith in him. If Mags trusts him I suppose I should too but, still, it's difficult to trust someone who wears a Gamemaker's uniform.

The journey home seems to take an eternity but as soon as I step off the platform Vieve is there waiting for me with tears in her eyes. My first thought is that something awful has happened but before I can ask she's running towards me and burying her head in my shoulder.

"I don't want you to ever leave me again!" She says.

"I'll try my best," I say, kissing her head. "I'm sorry I didn't call, I didn't want to risk it getting back to Snow."

"That's okay. I'm just glad you're home." She lifts her head and gives me a kiss that I've been dreaming about for weeks.

"I drank way too much."

She laughs and gives me another kiss, "Oh, well. You can spend the rest of the year redeeming yourself. I've got lots planned."

That may just be the most perfect sentence I have ever heard.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you for reading! All of your comments have been so lovely and encouraging so far and they really mean a lot to me. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

I haven't seen Dinium for so long and, yet, here he is, walking through the poisonous arena with a knife in his hand. He's not alone, though. He's being followed by my latest tributes; two scrawny kids from the Seam who I can barely remember. I didn't get to know them, they had no hope and died in the bloodbath within seconds. I hated myself for feeling nothing when they died but it made it easier to cope, somehow.

Dinium is leading them through the arena, telling them how to survive and what to do if they attacked. He should have been their mentor, he would have saved one of them.

Suddenly they've turned in to wild dogs with sharp teeth and they're pouncing on each other, ripping flesh off each other's bones as they do. They have no mercy and their growls get louder as the pools of blood grow. This is my fault, I know it is.

"Haymitch!" A voice shrieks, "Wake up! Come on!"

My eyes open and I find myself hyperventilating and sweat dripping down my body. I'm sitting up in bed with Vieve next to me, she's resting her hand on my arm but she looks scared.

"I'm so sorry," I pant, "Did I hurt you?"

"Of course not," she says, soothingly, and strokes the side of my face. "You just worried me; that looked like a bad one."

"It was." I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, to make sure she's real. This is Vieve Budson, my girlfriend, and she's real and I love her more than anything. She's practically living with me now and there's nothing as amazing as seeing the woman you love every day, even when she wakes up in the morning she looks incredible. I should hate myself for how soppy I sound but I don't, I've learnt that I have to keep everything that I love close to me.

The only problem is that Vieve has been dropping hints about getting married and I keep avoiding them. I'd love nothing more than to make her my wife but I'm still worried about what Snow would do if he found out. Part of me feels guilty every day for being in a relationship with her; she doesn't deserve the drama that comes with my life. And if there is a rebellion one day I have no doubt that Snow would use her against me.

"As lovely as this is, Haymitch, I can't breathe," she says so I untangle myself from her and settle for a kiss, instead.

"I have to tell you something," I say and I reveal everything about the rebellion and my latest meeting with Plutarch in the Capitol. Apparently, his father was a Gamemaker but after his first year he realised how horrific his job was and couldn't bear to carry on but, of course, if he stopped then Snow would kill his whole family for being disobedient. Instead, he raised Plutarch to sympathise with the districts as much as he could for a Capitolite and he's spent his whole life trying to find ways to become involved in a rebellion. He had to be very careful about approaching the victors for help but he thought his best bet was Mags because she was one of the eldest, she's lived through all of the Hunger Games and may even know something about the time before. He took a risk in talking to her about such things but he had no idea that the rebellion needed someone like him so badly.

"This is why I can't marry you," I say, "I really want to Vieve, but, I feel selfish just being with you and if Snow found out that we were official, well…I don't even want to think about what would happen to you if there was another war."

She doesn't say anything for a moment but simply stares at me. "How could you be part of a rebellion and not tell me?! I'd do anything to see a bullet go through Snow's head!"

"I didn't want to get you hurt!"

"I'm a big girl, Haymitch! I want in."

A huge grin spreads across my face, I knew I loved this woman for a reason! She returns my smile and instead of chastising me further for keeping secrets from her she falls on top of me and places her lips on mine.

The next day Vieve sends me out with a shopping list while she cleans the house, apparently she wants to have a celebratory meal tonight now that she's a member of the rebellion. I'm not sure what it is she can do to help but just having her by my side will be enough for me.

I buy the meat and the vegetables and then head to the bakery as Vieve made it very clear that if I didn't come back with the bread I would spend the rest of my life wishing I had. I don't really understand why bread could be so important, to be honest.

I open the door to find the shop empty apart from the baker and his two eldest children standing behind the counter. He's teaching them how to wrap loaves of bread for the customers and they're listening intently.

He's always seemed like a decent man and it still baffles me that Clara chose Cliff instead of him. I suppose us Seam boys have got that rugged look thing going on; Vieve always says that I'm her bit of rough.

"Hi, Haymitch," he says. "What can I do for you?" Before I can answer a loud crying erupts from the back room and he has to disappear for a moment. When he returns he's holding a baby in his arms, shushing his cries. "Sorry, their mother has gone out so I have to run the shop _and_ look after them."

"It's fine," I say, "I'll just have a loaf of bread, please."

"Here you go, Mr. Abernathy," one of the boys says and hands me a badly wrapped loaf. I thank him and place the money on the counter.

"So what's this one called, then?" I ask.

"Poo poo Peeta," the youngest boy says and they both burst in to laughter. Peeta doesn't seem to mind, though, he's stopped crying and has now fallen asleep in his father's arms.

"Well, I'd best get going or Vieve is going to kill me." They all chuckle and I head for home.

When I get to my front door, however, Vieve has attached a note to it that tells me to leave the food in the kitchen and go upstairs to change. I do as instructed and find another note lying on top of my best suit telling me to go in to the garden once I'm done.

I have no clue what she's up to but I play along, anyway. She's the only person that I would ever willingly let make a fool out of me.

I open the door to my fairly large garden and can see that a small fire has been lit with Vieve and her parents standing next to it. They all look like they're going to dinner in the Capitol with Vieve wearing a creamy lace dress and her curled hair has been pinned on top of her head with cream flowers to match her dress. She looks more beautiful than ever.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Vieve walks up to me, holds my hand and pecks me on the lips. "I know we can't officially get married and that's okay. Maybe one day we can but right now all I want is for _us_ to know that we're husband and wife."

Vieve's mother walks over to us and hands Vieve two skewers with pieces of bread resting on the tips and I finally realise why she was so desperate for me to buy the bread earlier.

"What do you think?" Asks Vieve. "Will you marry me?"

I take one of the skewers and give her another kiss. "As if I'd say no."

We hold hands as we walk over to the fire. There's no official ceremony for the toasting so it's pretty much up to the couple what they want to do. Vieve's parents each say a few words about how much they love Vieve and, to my surprise, how glad they are that she found me.

"Well, I'm glad I found you, too," she says, "And the thought of ever being without you is just unbearable. I know things are hard but, as long as we're together, we'll be able to cope. I love you, Haymitch Abernathy." She squeezes my hand and suddenly I realise that it's my turn to speak. I didn't even know I was getting married this morning and now I'm expected to pour my heart out!

"Umm…" I begin and immediately tell myself off for starting so awfully. "Look, I'm often told how clever I am so I should be good with words but, quite frankly, I don't know what to say. I guess I can spend the rest of my life thinking about that but, for now, all I have to say is that I love you."

She smiles at me and I know that she doesn't need to hear anymore. We place the skewers over the flames until the bread is lightly toasted and then we feed it to each other before placing another kiss on the other's lips. I don't care about a piece of paper from the Justice Building, this feels far more official. I have a wife who I adore and I'm never letting her go.


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you, again, for reading Haymitch's story! I hope you like the chapter and I welcome any and all feedback, enjoy!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Walking around 12 isn't the prettiest sight but we don't have many options. The meadow on the other side of the fence is strictly forbidden and so the only pleasant walk you can have is through Town and down to the square.

As Vieve and I near the square my stomach starts to tighten; they're already erecting the stage and positioning the lights for tomorrow's Reaping. The whole district seems to be avoiding the square, it's as if they think they can avoid tomorrow's events and the loss that two families will feel. Nothing can change that, of course, but I understand.

"Just think, when you get back from the Games it will almost be our one year anniversary," says Vieve and kisses me on the cheek. I know she's trying to make me feel better but she'll never be able to. She'll never be able to fully understand the pain I have to go through every year, although, it has got easier over time but I'm pretty sure that's because of the white liquor.

We continue to walk through Town, stopping in a few of the shops to buy some groceries. Everyone we encounter seems to be avoiding my gaze; I represent their children's death as much as the Reaping does. I feel like a monster that children hear about stories, no one wants to believe in me but they're scared at the same time.

As we leave the butcher's I almost knock over Herma, who has a firm grip on a two year old Chester. He has dark eyes like his parents and so much brown hair on his head that I can't quite believe it. This may be the worst day of all for me to bump in to them, especially as Vieve hasn't stopped talking about babies for the last three months or so.

"Hello, Haymitch," says Herma. "This a friend of Mummy and Daddy's, Chester. Say hello."

"Hewwo," says Chester with a big smile.

"Hello yourself," I say, "Herma this is my wife, Vieve."

Herma's eyebrows shoot up, "Oh, hello. I knew you were together but…congratulations!"

We both thank her, I felt bad for not letting them know about our secret toasting last year but that would mean getting in contact, again. I see them once every couple of months in Town but we tend to just walk in the opposite direction. It's easier that way.

"How is Drake?" I ask.

"Daddy mad, Mummy mad!" Says Chester and both Vieve and I have to chuckle at him.

"He means we had an argument, that's all, but Drake's fine, thanks."

Nobody spoke for a moment; there is so much to say, yet, once it is said a huge can of worms could come spilling out. Faking niceties is the extent of our relationship now so I ruffle Chester's hair and say goodbye to them both.

"I wonder if our kids would have dark or red hair," Vieve says as we walk away.

"Vieve, I know where this is going. We decided not to have kids, remember? You know they'd be Reaped."

"You say that but maybe it isn't fixed, maybe-"

"Stop! I don't want to talk about this."

"Fine. Talk to the air, then, I'm going home." She lets go of my hand and virtually runs out of Town and back towards Victors' Village. I should run after her but I'm in no mood for an argument right now, I know I'm right and she should, too.

I turn on my heel and walk through the Seam, heading for The Hob. If Vieve wants to sulk then I'll show her how it's done. I march in to the giant hall and order a bottle of white liquor, drinking it so quickly that my head feels woozy. I order another and spend the rest of the day fading in to a drunken blur.

I finally stumble home early evening to find Vieve sitting on the sofa, stitching a skirt or something. She looks up at me as I come in but just scowls before telling me I can sleep it off in one of the guest rooms. I don't think I've ever seen her so angry.

The next morning I wake up to the smell of coffee and toast filling the room and soon realise that Vieve has placed a tray of breakfast on the bedside table next to me. She's even put a fake flower in a vase for me.

She sits on the edge of the bed and gently strokes my face. "Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, just a headache. I'm so sorry, Vieve, I know I-"

"Don't apologise, I shouldn't have brought it up, I know how worried you are about today." She kisses me on the lips and tells me she's going to head over to her parents. We agreed that it would probably be best if we arrived at the Reaping separately due to the many cameras that would be present but we'll say goodbye properly at the train station.

I eat the toast and drink the coffee before making myself look a little more presentable. What I really need is a drink so I allow myself a small glass of white liquor before heading to the square.

I don't pay any attention during the Reaping, my eyes are fixed on Vieve and her parents who are standing the crowd, holding on to one another. That's what I want to be doing right now; holding on to Vieve. It's only when the whole sorry thing is over that I realise I have two very scared fourteen year olds to mentor this year.

I meet Vieve at the train station and hug her for as long as I can, the thought of not being with her every day for weeks is killing me. I wish I could just hide her in one of the train carriages.

"Just think of me," she says, "And stay strong. Those kids might not be coming back but I'll be here, okay?"

I nod and kiss her goodbye before retreating to the train and its various wine selection.

The journey to the Capitol is as fraught as ever; I have two kids who are shaking with fear and Marsella just refuses to shut up. Of course, neither of them have any combat skills nor an idea about how they want to approach the Games so I just tell them we'll talk in the Capitol.

I've become so jaded by the whole thing now that I'm starting to wonder if I even care if they live or die. I never thought I'd say that but it's true; I just don't want to be here. I've been doing this for seven years and not one of my tributes has come home.

Titam's face suddenly flashes in to my mind, I have no right to moan when he did this for over forty years without once making a scene about it. I still miss him, even though I don't talk about him a lot these days. I wish that Vieve had got to meet him, I think they would have got on really well. I wonder if all victors live in the past as much as I do or if I just think about it so much because of what's happened to everyone I loved.

When we reach the Capitol I head straight for one of their infamous bars. I should go to the Sponsorship Room but I know there's no point; the best thing that can happen to those kids is that they have a quick death as soon as possible. Making them suffer for weeks only for it to end in torture would be ten times worse.

"Isn't the Opening Ceremony in two hours?" The barman says to me, taking away my empty glass.

"Yeah, you're right, you know," I say, "You're a smart man." I stumble out of the bar and through the streets of the Capitol until I reach City Circle and make my way to the Victor's Box.

A few of the victors are sitting around chatting but not all of them have arrived, yet. I can see Chaff, Seeder, Mags and Beetee, an older victor from 3, all crowded together in a corner. They seem to be laughing at something when Mags spots me and gestures for me to go over.

"I've been looking for you everywhere, where the hell have you been?" She says but with a smile that makes the whole scenario unnerving. Clearly she's trying not to act annoyed with me in front of everyone else. "Never mind, I can smell you. Go and eat something, Plutarch is going to be paying a visit, soon."

"So these guys know, too?" I say, indicating Seeder and Beetee.

"Yes! It's amazing what you miss when you spend years consumed with alcohol."

I ignore Mags' tone and go over to the banquet table, loading my plate up with bread and cheese. To be fair, I know that Mags is right but I just don't want to admit it. Planning a rebellion requires a lot of people and a lot less drunks.

Plutarch enters the room about ten minutes later and starts talking to Brutus about his plans for this year, which Brutus is eating up. He's so violent, I bet he can't wait to see all of those poor kids get ripped apart.

I walk back over to our small group and, eventually, Plutarch follows.

"Sorry about that, I have to pretend to be here on Gamemaker duty," he says to us all.

"So what's up?" Asks Chaff.

"Actually, I've got some news that Haymitch isn't going to like."

I can feel everyone's eyes lock on to me and my blood runs cold. Why am I being singled out all of a sudden? "What is it?"

"I'm afraid that Snow knows about your wife."

"You have a wife?!" Mags almost screams but manages to keep her voice quiet enough that no one else notices. Chaff and Seeder are both sharing her look of bewilderment whilst Beetee seems completely nonplussed.

"It's not official," I say, "I'll explain later. How did he find out?"

"I'm afraid I don't know but we have to be careful. I doubt he'll do anything to hurt you as you do not have the following in the Capitol that you once did." I should be hurt but it's true and I don't even care, I'm just worried about Vieve.

"But what you're saying is that we need to keep…umm…our alternative views to ourselves for a while?"

"Yes. I'm sure in a year we can press on but, for now, Snow may be keeping his eye on you."

Plutarch lets out a roar of laughter before walking away and making conversation with the other victors.

"I'm so sorry," I say to everyone. "I didn't think he'd find out."

"Hey, you're in love, don't be sorry," says Chaff and hands me a glass of wine.

"I can't believe you got married!" Says Mags, "Were you ever going to tell me?!"

"Yes, it happened after the Games last year so I haven't had the chance!"

And rather than lecture me about my foolish behaviour and how I'm damaging the fight against Snow they all congratulate me and demand to know every little detail, especially how Vieve and I aren't officially married. So I tell them all about how she surprised me and how brilliant the last year has been. I just hope it wasn't all for nothing.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello and thank you for continuing to read my story, it means so much! I've loved everyone's speculations about the Haymitch/Vieve storyline, hopefully that means I'm keeping you all on your toes! Please feel free to leave me reviews as they really do mean the world to me.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

I breathe a sigh of relief as the train finally pulls in to 12, this was definitely harder than last year and I thought that was bad. Last year being away from Vieve left my whole body aching but this year it feels like a tight squeeze that won't subdue until I'm holding her, again.

I always thought that the worst part of my trip to the Capitol was seeing my tributes meet their gruesome fates but I was wrong, not having Vieve by my side every day is far worse. She's the only fragment of hope I have in my life and being without it is pure torture.

When I see her waiting for me at the station I cannot get over how beautiful she looks, despite the bags under her eyes. I hope she hasn't been losing sleep over me. I've been worried about her for a month, worried that Snow might do something to her and I would never know about it. But now that I can see her all I can think about is how much I love her.

She runs in to my arms and smothers my face in tiny kisses, which I should find embarrassing but I don't at all. I've missed the warmth of her body and her sweet perfume for too long.

"It's nice to see you, too," I say and kiss her properly on the lips.

"Well, sorr-y for missing my husband!"

I chuckle and grab her hand, "Come on, I've got something I need to tell you."

We almost run home, not because we can't wait to get our hands on each other but because I'm so desperate to fill her in on the Snow situation that I don't want to waste a minute, who knows what could happen in that time. I suppose that most husbands would keep this news to themselves but I know Vieve, she'd get it out of me somehow and then be furious that I didn't tell her.

"What's going on?" She asks, worriedly, once we're inside the house. "Are you okay?"

I sit her down on the sofa and tell her everything. I tell her that Snow knows about our relationship, although I'm not sure if he knows that we're married, and that anything to do with the rebellion has to be put on hold for the moment in case Snow is watching us. I find myself apologising more in the last ten minutes that I have done in my entire life.

"I understand if you want to leave, Vieve, all of this drama is too much for anyone."

Rather than get a reply I feel a burning pain across my cheek and it isn't until I see Vieve's hand retract that I realise she's slapped me.

"Stop moping!" She chastises, "I'm your wife and I'm not going to leave you over something as stupid as this. Snow will have won, again, then, won't he?"

I smirk, still clutching the side of my face, I didn't realise how strong she was. She's right, of course. If we did split up then we'd just be bowing to Snow's every whim and letting him know how terrified we are of him, which is partly true, but I have to put Vieve first. If the only way to keep her safe is for her to leave me then I'll have to deal with the pain, it would be far worse to see her die just for me.

I spend the next three days in a complete bubble. Vieve keeps finding ways to stop me from leaving the house and I'm more than happy to oblige, leaving her for just one second fills me with a small amount of dread. In an odd way I think this issue with Snow has brought us closer together, if that's possible.

When I finally manage to leave the house I head for The Hob with the intention of spending as much money as I can there. I feel like I've been spending way too much time in Town lately and, to be honest, I'm sure they can get by without my money for a while.

I buy some questionable stew from Greasy Sae before heading over to the white liquor stall but before I get there Cray, one of our peacekeepers who is a little bit older than me, steps in front of me. The peacekeepers in 12 tend to turn a blind eye to most of the things that go on here, the Capitol are not bothered by our humble district and so the peacekeepers rarely hand out harsh punishments, not since the whippings after I won. They went on for about a year and then everything seemed to revert back to the way it was. Cray, however, has always seemed sly to me.

"Hey, Cray, everything all right?" I ask in my most chipper of voices just to annoy him.

"Yes, thanks, I'm great. What about you? How was the Capitol?"

"Oh, you know. Excitable."

He smirks. "I heard that Snow found out about you and Vieve."

How could he know that? I haven't seen anyone since I got back. Of course! It must have been him that told Snow!

I clench my fist and grit my teeth, ready to strike the laughing idiot's face before I hear Sae shouting at me to stop. I look over to her and see that she's shaking her head.

"You'll make it worse, Haymitch," she says and I have to agree. The last thing I need right now is Snow finding out that I've attacked one of his peacekeepers.

I unclench my fist and walk away, hearing Cray shout at me as I leave He's telling me that he'll be watching my every move.

When I get home Vieve is in the kitchen, stirring something in a bowl. She must see how angry I look because she quickly sets it down and runs over to me.

"What's happened?" She says.

"Cray told Snow about us!" I yell, "And he's made it quite clear that he's going to keep spying on us!"

"Haymitch, it doesn't matter! We're not doing anything wrong, are we?"

"It does matter! He could torture you just to spite me, that's how he works! We should never have got married!" The moment the words are out of my mouth I regret them. Vieve moves away from me and tears begin to form in her eyes. "Vieve-"

"Don't! Don't you dare touch me!" She shouts and runs up the stairs, tears streaming down her face. I hear the door slam and I let out a frustrated scream, why do I always have to screw everything up?!

I wait a few hours before I attempt to rectify the situation but when I open the door to our bedroom she just screams at me to get out. Rather than push my luck anymore I pour myself a large glass of white liquor and go to bed in one of the spare bedrooms.

We hardly speak to each other over the next few days, every time I enter a room she leaves and every time I try to talk about what I said Vieve just shouts obscenities at me. I can't be mad at her, though, she's right, I'm as vile as she says I am.

"Are we ever going to talk about this?" I ask her one day as she's stitching a new cushion.

"Maybe. But not right now." She doesn't even look at me when she speaks.

"Fine," I snap, "I'm going out, if you even give a damn."

I grab my jacket and storm out of the house towards The Hob, hoping to see Cray so that I can finally take a swoop at his face. He may have a gun but I have a fist and a hell of a lot of anger. If he hadn't wound me up so much the last time I saw him Vieve and I would be perfectly happy. This is all his fault.

However, when I get to The Hob all I see are the regular guys from the Seam and the traders, laughing and joking with one another. I immediately head for the bottles of white liquor and keep drinking until I pass out.

When I wake up I'm lying outside The Hob with no idea how I got there. It's starting to get dark and the building is closed so I can only assume that someone dragged me out of there at closing time.

I slowly stand up and, thankfully, I only feel a little bit tipsy now. Walking home isn't too much of a problem, apart from the looks of disgust I get from the passers-by. When I reach the gates of Victors' Village I want to turn around but I know that, despite our current situation, Vieve will still be worried if I don't come home. At least, I hope she'll be worried. Maybe she doesn't care, anymore.

I open the door and walk in to find that Vieve hasn't left the sofa, she's still working on the cushion she was making earlier. Her head shoots up towards me and I can see that she's been crying.

"I thought you were never going to come back," she weeps.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because of how horrid I've been, I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, don't you say sorry," I say and sit beside her, resting my hand on hers. "Vieve, I'm the one who has acted like an amazing jerk. You do know that I didn't mean it, don't you? Without you I'd be even more of a mess than I am now! You're the only reason I try to act like a half decent person."

"Then why did you say-"

"Because I was angry, you know I don't think, sometimes." I gently stroke the side of her face, "Vieve, I hope you know that I would do anything for you. You are my life."

"And you're mine," she says before cuddling in to me. "I can't wait until someone takes out Snow."

"Me neither."


	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you for reading my story, everyone's support has been so touching! Any reviews you have are always welcome and in this chapter you'll finally find out what I had planned for Vieve (I hope it doesn't disappoint!)**

**I do not own The Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

I shouldn't have been surprised. When I woke up she'd gone, I don't know how long for, but she definitely wasn't lying next to me. I looked in every room in the house, shouting her name, but she wasn't there. I was surprised she'd even let me sleep in the same bed as her after the argument we'd had last night.

It had been the same argument for months, now. Kids. Snow. The rebellion. Vieve was desperate to be a mother even though we agreed before we got married that neither of us wanted to bring children in to this world, especially me. She knows that they would get reaped; nothing would excite the Capitol more than to see a disgraced victor's child thrust in to the arena. Victors' children have gone in before and they don't always make it out, in fact, the Gamemakers seem to give them extra struggles just to see if they're as good as their parents. I couldn't knowingly send my child in to that, let alone mentor them to kill other children.

Vieve thinks that the best way to show Snow that he isn't bothering us is to just have kids but I just can't believe that. Of course Snow is bothering us! He's bothering the whole country, whether we all admit to that or not. Everything we do and think is because of him, it's impossible to escape his snake face and evil mind. His spies are everywhere, which means he is, too.

I've only got a week left before I have to go back to the Capitol and I really don't want to spend it fighting with Vieve. I knew that being married wasn't going to be blissful all the time but I'm sure that we've fought more over the last few months than any other newlyweds have and it breaks my heart. I can feel her slipping away and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to hold on to her.

All I want right now, apart from a drink, is to talk to Titam. Or Mags or Chaff, or anyone I trust. But communicating with the dead is impossible as far as I know, as is contact between districts. You're told when you can and can't get in touch with other people, especially other victors.

There's only one person I can think of right now and I doubt he wants to see me but I'm desperate so I walk out of the door and head for the Seam. I keep looking to see if I can spot Vieve on my way there but I'm guessing that she's gone to see her parents in Town. She spends a lot of her time there, now.

When I reach my destination I knock on the door and pray that someone answers. I really have nowhere else to go.

Drake opens the door but as soon as he sees me the smile that was on his face quickly vanishes. He's only twenty-eight but all of those years down the mines make him look a lot older. In the background I can hear Herma playing with Chester, his laughter seems to fill the house.

"Oh," says Drake, "You were the last person I expected to see."

"I'm sure," I reply, "I just…I really need to talk to someone."

"No, Haymitch, it doesn't work like that. Either you're in our lives or you're not, you can't just dip in and out when you want something."

I suppose I deserve that, I'm just thinking of myself, again and not how my actions affect those around me. I can't bring myself to say anything so I just nod my head and leave. I sense that Drake wants to come after me but he has always been a man of his word and so I walk alone to The Hob.

Thankfully, Cray isn't there when I arrive. He always seems to be lurking around, taunting me, and right now I would love nothing more than to smack him in the face. Even if he has his stupid helmet on.

My stomach rumbles and I realise that I haven't eaten anything yet so I head over to Greasy Sae's stall and ask her what's on the menu.

"Beaver stew," she says, "Cliff brought me a very nice looking one this morning."

I put my money on the counter and she serves me a bowl. I can't say that I know Sae particularly well, she's middle aged and has been in The Hob for as long as I can remember. She's one of those people that everyone in 12 seems to know but, at the same time, they know hardly anything about her. She's pleasant enough but I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her.

"So have you and Vieve had another argument?" She asks and when she sees the shocked expression on my face she simply smiles. "You only ever look this depressed when it's about Vieve."

"Yeah, it is."

"So are you going to tell me?"

I pause for a moment, wondering if I should, but I have no one else to talk to and Sae seems to want to listen. She doesn't strike me as a nosey person in the slightest and I think I'm a fairly good judge of character so I tell her everything, apart from the stuff about the rebellion. I feel guilty for betraying Vieve like this; these are our problems but she has her parents and her friends to talk to whereas I only have her.

"I can't lose her Sae," I finally whisper, to myself more than to Sae.

"You won't, not if you start appreciating where she's coming from. Maybe if you tried to see things from her point of view a little bit more you wouldn't be so hasty to dismiss what she's feeling."

"But…having kids would destroy her in the long run. If they got reaped, that would be far worse that not having had them at all!"

"I get it but having children is something a lot of women, and men for that matter want, you can't just ignore that."

She's right, I know she is, but there just seems to be no way of dealing with this so that both Vieve and I are happy. I know a child would make her happier than anything in the world and it breaks my heart that I don't want to give her that but what else can we do?

I finish off the stew and Sae tells me to get home straight away before things escalate even further, the longer we avoid each other the worse it will be. I try to remind her that Vieve is the one who left but I get a clip around the ears instead so I just say thank you and leave.

When I open the door to the house it seems eerily silent, I call out for Vieve and she tells me that she's in the living room. A feeling of relief washes over me, she's come home. However, when I walk in to the living room that feeling quickly disappears once I see that her face is red and puffy from crying and a suitcase is standing next to her.

"What's-" I begin.

"I'm sorry, Haymitch," she interrupts. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I really don't want to do it."

"No, please, don't," I plead, "You can't." I can feel my eyes begin to burn with tears and my heart is pounding against my chest. I don't think I've felt this afraid since I was faced with Opal in the arena.

"I don't want to but, all the arguing and the fighting, it's too much for me." She walks a little bit closer and takes my hands in hers. "I love you so much but this isn't a life either of us deserves. I can deal with the nightmares and the outbursts but I can't deal with me growing resentful of you."

"Then don't, let's have kids! We'll have a whole brood if that's what you want!"

A trace of a smile breaks out across her face. "But it's not what you want."

"I want you. More than anything." I lean and kiss her, expecting her to pull away, but she doesn't. Instead she reciprocates with equal force and passion and all I can think is that I can't let her leave me. We're meant to be together, I know it.

When we finally pull away the tears are streaming down her face. "You'll always be the love of my life, Haymitch."

"Then why are you going?" I'm trying to keep my voice soft but the overtones of anger are hard to hide.

"_Because _I love you. I hope you'll understand someday." She picks up her suitcase and gives me one more kiss on the cheek before walking out of the door. All I want to do is run after her but making a scene in the middle of the street isn't going to win her back.

Instead I just fall to my knees and howl like a dying animal that knows it has only minutes left to live. Everyone I've ever loved has gone, they're either dead or I've pushed them away. It's like every time I get close to someone I curse them, they cannot possibly be happy while they're in my company. I'm like some sort of monster that's grown worse with age.

Vieve was the only good thing in my life, the only thing I would die for if I had to. I'd loved Tilly as a boy and I know that was real, I know it was, but the love I have for Vieve was completely different. It was as if we were two halves of the same body and there was no way one half could function without the other. That's what I felt, anyway.

The white liquor from the kitchen doesn't last long, I only had two bottles in, anyway. I spend the next week drinking and sleeping, watching myself as I waste away and not caring one bit if I live or die. I don't want to eat because I don't see the point in living right now. It isn't until Marsella marches in to my house one day that I remember I'm supposed to be heading for the Capitol. I miss the Reaping for the first tie ever because I'm trying to pack but when I leave to go to the station and I pass the people leaving the square I catch a glimpse of Vieve.

She's standing with her parents, with a look of nothing across her face. There is no sadness, no pain, no happiness, just nothing. She looks paler than usual, as if all the colour has drained out of her. Her red hair is still dazzling but it seems out of place next to her pale skin, as if it's the last part of her body not to give in to the sadness she's feeling. She looks up towards me and all I want is for her to run up to me and throw her arms around me but she doesn't. Instead, she looks away and walks home.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you for continuing to read Haymitch's story and for all the reviews I've had. You are all awesome!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Mags has taken me to this restaurant quite a few times, it's almost like an old haunt for us, now. I bet she's been coming to _Alfred's_ for decades, with various young male victors, no doubt. I tease her about this but I'm usually met with a solid punch on m my arm.

I've been spending the last half hour retelling the story of my failed marriage. She came looking for me as soon as I reached the Capitol but, of course, I was passed out in my room and had been ever since I got on the train in 12. Marsella was furious, as always, although it's hard to tell now that her face has been pulled even tighter.

Mags promptly woke me up and dragged me out of the Training Centre and in to the centre of the city, telling me I needed to sober up. I always need to sober up.

"Well, maybe it's for the best," she finally says. "She can have that family she always wanted, now. Don't you want her to be happy?"

"Of course I do!" I snap, "But I want her to be happy with me." The statement hangs in the air for a while; the statement that epitomises my selfishness. I want, more than anything in the world, for Vieve to be happy and it's only just starting to dawn on me that that won't be with me.

Mags gives my hand a friendly squeeze across the table. "What about your tributes? Have you got any fighters this year? That might motiv-"

I snort before she can continue, my tributes are skinny kids who don't seemed to have stopped shaking since I met them on the train. I'm just hoping that's because of the Hunger Games and not because of me.

"I do understand, Haymitch," says Mags, softly and I nod. I know she understands better than anyone; she's seen every horror the Games has ever produced and the consequent victors, not to mention the things she has been through herself. It's easy to see why her and Titam were so eager to overthrow Snow.

Before I can even bring up the topic of rebellion Plutarch walks in laughing with a group of Gamemakers, I assume that the rest of their gang are watching over the tributes in the Training Centre. They quickly spot us and walk over, grinning at how brilliant they think they are.

"Hello, Mr. Abernathy," one of them says. He looks about my age and I think he's called Seneca Crane but I'm not sure how I know that. "Mrs. Shore."

We both graciously say hello with our best fake smiles.

"We were just discussing the arena," he continues, "You're going to love it!" The rest of them chortle in sick amusement, I sincerely doubt that I'm going to love anything about it.

"Well, we haven't got much time before we have to get back," Plutarch interjects, "It was nice to see you both again." He holds out his hand to me and I take it, although I don't think we've ever shaken hands, before and we've known each other for a few years, now. He's looking directly in my eyes and smiling but I can feel something sliding from his sleeve in to mine so I play along and smile back. Once the Gamemakers sit down at their table I slip the piece of paper Plutarch has given me in to my pocket.

I don't say a word to Mags in case someone hears us and I don't open the folded paper until I'm back in my room in the Training Centre. I can hear the avoxes placing the food for dinner on the table so I have to be quick.

The note reads: _The Rock, tomorrow, 2pm._ Finally, something to look forward to! He must want to discuss something about the rebellion, why else would he be so secretive? I almost jump off the bed and head in to the dining room for dinner.

My tributes, Keelie and Trist, are already sitting down, amazed by the plethora of food before them. I ask how training went but they seem shocked that I'm speaking to them, I can't say I blame them as I have been avoiding them for most of the time. I've developed a perfect technique to not get hurt when my tributes die and that's not to get attached to them, not that it always works. Seeing any child died makes me angry and upset, whether I know who they are or not.

I jump in a taxi the next day and ask to be taken to 'The Rock', which is apparently a restaurant on the outskirts of the city. I'm guessing the name has something to do with the previous name for the mountains that surround the Capitol but either way, it's a stupid name. This whole place is stupid.

Plutarch and Mags are already sat at a table when I arrive and when I pull up a chair they genuinely look happy to see me.

"Are we waiting for anyone else?" I ask, "Chaff? Beetee?" I haven't spoken to Chaff much since I got here, although he seems to have spent most of his time with a wine bottle. I think something bad has happened at home but I don't want to pry.

"No, it's just us," replies Plutarch, "We don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves." It's only then that I notice that Plutarch is hunched in the corner as if trying to hide from everyone. I forget that he's taking as much of a risk by being here as we are. Still, it's very hard to be sympathetic to a Capitolite.

"So why have you summoned us O Great Leader," says Mags, as witty as ever. Even Plutarch smirks.

"We need to start talking strategy, even if we may be decades too early. Who knows when we may need to act." We both nod, "I've slowly been recruiting more victors but I've had to be careful, some of them are very loyal to Snow as we know."

"So who have we got so far?" I ask.

"I thought you might ask me that. All I'm going to say is: how many bright stars could love want?" He placed great emphasis on the last sentence but Mags and I simply look at each in complete confusion. "Think about it," he says.

"How many bright stars could love want?" I whisper to myself. What has this got to do with the members of the rebellion? I mean, I can understand why he doesn't to say the names out loud in case someone hears but…I've got it!

"You mean," I begin in a low voice, "Haymitch, Mags, Beetee, how many bright…" Plutarch cuts me off with a nod before I can continue and Mags gasps with realisation.

"You really are a clever boy!" She chuckles. I don't think I've been a boy for a very long time, now, but Mags seems to think that everyone is a teenager.

"Anyway, back to strategy," says Plutarch, "I think it's clear that we need all of the districts on our side and the only way to do that is to organise an uprising in every one of them."

"But how do we do that?" Mags asks.

"They need a leader, someone who they can trust and will be happy to follow," I reply, "And possibly die for." They both nod, there's no way all twelve districts would just rebel for no reason. "I could do it," I say, "I've got nothing-"

"Oh shut up!" Mags snaps, "You're just feeling suicidal right now because of Vieve. No one will follow you, anyway, they all think you're a mess."

I laugh a little louder than I expect to. She's right, I'm not thinking straight right now, and I'm just desperate to prove that I'm worth something. I'm also the laughing stock of Panem, who would realistically risk their life for me? Stupid Haymitch.

When I get back to the Training Centre I think about the riddle that Plutarch said earlier: how many bright stars could love want? I know the first three and I think 'stars' means Seeder and 'could' is Chaff but the final two are confusing me a little bit. The only victor I can think of beginning with 'L' is Lucas, one of the morphling addicts from 6 but what use would he be? The same goes for 'want,' which I'm pretty sure is Beetee's friend Wiress, who also happens to be a tiny bit insane. If this is Plutarch's dream team I really have no idea how we're going to overthrow Snow.

When I see Chaff on the first day of the Games I carefully hint at my ideas about who's in the rebellion and he's as equally confused, although he can't think of any other names to match so I must be right. I hope Plutarch knows what he's doing.

We each have a shot of white liquor and then I sit down at my station and wait for the Games to begin. I was right, I hate the arena. There's mountains everywhere I can guarantee that most of those are volcanic. The tributes rise up and within minutes Keelie and Trist are gone. All I can do is give out a long sigh before grabbing my bottle of booze and leaving the Control Room.

I thought when I arrived back in 12 I would feel relief but I don't feel anything. Vieve isn't waiting for me at the station and there's no one for me to visit, it looks like the only people I have now are those that I see once a year. I can't even blame Snow too much for this one, most of it was my doing.

I spend most of the following weeks in bed or on the sofa with only knife and a bottle of liquor for company. It should be boring but I'm barely conscious for most of it, I dread to think how awful I look. The cushion that Vieve was stitching lays on the sofa and I really want to tear it to pieces but I can't, it's too beautiful and it's all she's left me.

I'm awoken from my haze one day by a very loud knocking on the door. I reluctantly answer it and, to my great surprise, Drake is standing in the doorway.

"I'm so sorry," he says. "Are you all right?"

"It's just the same as every year," I say and take a swig from my bottle. "Come in."

"No," he says, walking in to the living room. "I mean about Vieve. She seemed really nice but just getting married like that only a month or so after you broke up-"

"Whoa! What? Did you say Vieve got married?"

He nods his head. "Yeah, a couple of days ago. I assumed you knew."

"Who?" Is all I can manage to say, I can't even look at Drake whilst he's talking to me.

"Some boy she grew up with. I don't think anyone believes she loves him but he's besotted with her."

I know what she's done, I guess she was a lot more desperate to have a family than either of us thought. I remember when we first met and she was adamant that she didn't want children and now she's married the first man she can think of just so that she can have that. I should hate her. Maybe part of me does. But I don't, I can't.

"I'm sorry, Haymitch."

"Yeah, me, too."


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you all for your continued support, I really have enjoyed writing this and it's lovely to know that it's actually being read! Please keep the feedback coming just so I know that I'm going in the right direction!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

I wish I could recall the events of the past six years but I can't, in fact, I'm amazed that I'm still alive considering the amount of alcohol I consume. I'm thirty one years of age and I've been addicted to white liquor for about half of my life, the one thing I swore I would never do. I wouldn't become my father.

I'm not my father, though, I'm far worse. He only destroyed his family whereas I've given up on so many tributes that I dread to think how many families have had to deal with grief that I could have helped to avoid. I want to blame the kids but I can't, it's not their fault they're so ill equipped compared to the Careers.

Ever since Vieve left there hasn't been a great deal to get excited about; the rebellion seems to be floundering and I'm seriously doubting that we'll ever overthrow Snow. Every year I go to the Capitol with the small hope that Plutarch will have some news or some sort of assignment for us but he never does. Until we can raise an army that threatens the Capitol's forces we've got no chance.

It's the day before the Reaping for the sixty-fifth Hunger Games and I'm spending it with Ripper, a woman who lost her arm in a mining accident and now sells liquor in The Hob. She's lucky she's got her head screwed on otherwise she would have died of starvation years ago, it's not like there's a lot of job opportunities in 12.

"Don't you think you should get going now?" She asks.

"Probably," I reply, finishing off what's left in my bottle. The only time I see people now is when I venture to The Hob, other than that it's just me, myself and I locked away in my ridiculously extravagant mansion.

I walk past the square in Town where cameras and the stage are being erected for tomorrow. I used to feel horror when I saw them setting up and now I feel nothing. I hate myself for it.

Amongst the throng of people buying groceries from the shops I can see her, holding the hands of her twins as they leave the bakery, her husband follows with his arms full of bread. I rarely see her nowadays, I think the last time I saw her was about a year ago because the twins looked more like toddlers and now they're children. I bumped in to her mother one day and she told me that they were named Rufus and Melia but I didn't know what to say, they weren't my children and I have no connection to them. I look at the way she smiles at them and she seems happy, that's all I can hope for, now.

The day of the Reaping is as grim as ever, although Marsella has finally given up on being 12's escort in favour of marrying a rich husband. When I arrive at the square a woman in six inch heels and a neon blue dress with matching wig totters over to me. Her lips are a deep blue and she has a creepy smile as she extends her hand to me.

"Effie Trinket," she says, "I'm twelve's new escort." I shake her hand, trying to work out how old she is. I want to say she's slightly younger than me but who knows with these Capitolites?

"Haymitch Abernathy." She starts wittering on about timings and schedule and all I can think is that she Marsella Mark II so I take my seat and zone out.

Mayor Undersee, who took over from Clarkson last year, begins his speech with less of the nerves he had last year but without much conviction. He would have been Maysilee's brother-in-law as he, somehow, managed to persuade Pertha to marry him. Poor, broken Pertha who is rarely seen in 12 and when she is she just looks ill.

I must fall asleep on stage because the next thing I know I'm being slapped across the face by Effie and everyone is filtering out of the square.

"Mr. Abernathy!" She shouts, "Have you no respect for the Hunger Games?!"

"You really want me to answer that?" She scowls and attempts to drag me out of my chair but I just gently push her away. "Hey, watch the suit."

Once on the train I immediately help myself to a glass of white liquor as I wait for Effie and the tributes to arrive. When they do board the train Effie's eyes go straight to the glass in my hand and the kids' are wide open, gazing at all the food before them.

"Is that such a good idea?" Effie snaps.

"Oh, yes. Do you want one?"

"No! I do not! I have a very important job to do and so do you!"

I try to get to know my tributes but they just look terrified of me, maybe I'm slurring more than I usually am. Or maybe I'm just genuinely terrifying. They're definitely Seam kids, they have the grey eyes and dark hair and you can almost see their bones. I just want to go to my room but Effie is making me stay until the recap of the Reapings are played otherwise she's going to chuck all of the alcohol out of the window. I'm not really paying attention the way the others are; the Careers are all muscle and the commentators are going crazy over the fourteen year old from 4.

"So what do you think of Finnick Odair?" One says to the other.

"He definitely looks like a contender, even at fourteen. I'm sure he's going to break a few hearts, too!" The commentator chuckles and I have to stop myself from throwing something at the screen. He may look older but he's still only a fourteen year old boy! I bet Snow is brimming over with excitement at the sight of him.

On the second day of training Plutarch summons me to one of the Capitol's extravagant restaurants and when I arrive Mags is already at a table sipping a glass of wine. The last couple of years have been tough, she needs a stick to walk now and after a fall she had about two years ago her speech has become a bit hard to understand if you haven't known her for years.

I sit down and order and talk quickly turns to Finnick. "He certainly had everyone swooning over him at the Opening Ceremony," I say.

"Indeed, I really think he could do it, you know. And he's a decent kid, not like some of the Careers I have to mentor." Her eyes seem to be drifting away from me and I can tell something is on her mind.

"Mags, this may be all the alcohol in my body talking but, are you okay?"

She gives me a smile and says, "It's just…you know what happens to the beautiful ones and he's the most handsome tribute the Games have ever seen. I don't know if he can handle it."

"Well, you can't think about that until he actually wins."

She nods and it isn't long before Beetee, Chaff, Seeder and Cecelia, a victor in her twenties from 8 arrive. I don't know much about her but she seems nice enough and I think Chaff has a soft spot for her, despite her getting married last year. They all order food before Plutarch comes sauntering in with a huge grin on her face.

"Ahh, victors! Fancy seeing you here!" He says as he approaches and starts to shake everyone's hands. A few of the Capitolites are looking at us but none of us are particularly loved here, anymore so they mostly just keep their attention on their food. "Would you mind if I joined you?"

"Of course not, Plutarch," says Beetee. "Wiress was meant to come but she's not feeling too well. I'm sure she would have loved to have seen you." He looks over his glasses as if to make sure that Plutarch has understood why his district mate is absent from our little meeting.

Plutarch pulls up a chair and leans in to the table slightly. "Now, I can't stay long, as you can imagine there's lots to plan!" The glee that slips in to his voice sometimes makes it difficult to forget that he was born and raised in this city, even if he's not as ignorant as the rest of them. "But I thought I should keep you updated, what do you know about District Thirteen?"

We all exchange looks of confusion, "It got blown off the map," Cecelia says before adding, "Didn't it?"

"Well, maybe not. I can't say too much but I may have come across some records that indicate it struck a deal with the Capitol to have nothing to do with the rest of Panem if they left thirteen alone."

"Why would the Capitol agree to that?" I ask, as far as I know 13 were just a bunch of graphite miners with less money than 12.

"Because they had more nuclear weapons than the Capitol did and the technology to make more whereas the Capitol didn't."

We all look at him in stunned silence. Our entire lives we've been led to believe that 13 was obliterated in the war and only 12 districts are part of Panem.

"So you're telling me that for sixty-five years we've been sending our kids off to their deaths whilst thirteen just sits around doing nothing?"

"I doubt it's that simple, Haymitch. I'll have to do more research before we even contemplate contacting them, I don't know if they'll even be able to help us but it's some sort of plan."

"Plan? We've never had a plan! I've committed myself to this rebellion since I was seventeen and I feel like I've done nothing to help move it forward, do you have any idea how frustrating that is?!"

"Haymitch," Mags puts her hand on mine but I push it away.

"No, Mags. We're supposed to act grateful that he's helping us but it makes no difference to him, he's never had to suffer like we have!" I stand up and walk out of the restaurant with, thankfully, only the group of victors staring at me. Everyone else is too busy moaning about how small their portions are.

I avoid everyone until the Games begin and even then I can tell that no one is happy with me. I walk in to the Sponsorship Room and Mags instantly grabs my arm and drags me over to a quiet corner of the room. I try to pull away but she's still surprisingly strong for a seventy year old.

"Look, Haymitch, I know you're not a huge fan of people in general but you're going to have start accepting that the only way to overthrow…you know…is if we trust Plutarch!" Her voice is hushed but there's a stern tone to it.

"But nothing's happening!"

"I've been waiting over a half century for this so I think you'll be okay to wait a little longer! We need you, Haymitch, but not if you're going to actively try to destroy everything we're building. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a fourteen year old boy who needs my help."

Of course, one of my tributes goes down as soon as the bloodbath begins and the other is found a few hours later by a tribute from 3. Finnick, meanwhile, has joined forces with the Career alliance but it's clear they're all jealous of his good looks and I have to wonder how long it will be before they turn on him.

I watch a few clips of the Games from my room over the course of the month, just to see what it is Mags likes so much about this kid. He's got all the charm and the witty lines and when he's given a trident from his sponsors he becomes unstoppable. I'm amazed that Mags could even afford to send him one, I've seen the price of them from the catalogue and they're the most expensive gifts you can send.

On the last day it comes down to just him and a boy from 2 but when he tries to attack Finnick with his knife the trident is already buried in his chest before he can even break in to a run.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the sixty-fifth Hunger Games, Finnick Odair, district four tribute!"


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello and thank you for reading! I appreciate everyone who has followed the story so far and any reviews that you've taken the time to write, they are so encouraging. I hope you enjoy!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty**

Everyone in 12 is assembled in the square, waiting for Mayor Undersee and Finnick Odair to take to the stage. The families of our dead tributes stand nearest the front of the stage whilst everyone stands around, hoping that the whole thing will be over, soon. We're meant to celebrate the Hunger Games and its victors but when you're last victor was sixteen years ago and has since become a drunken mess, it's easy to see why no one has a smile on their face. I could go inside the Justice Building and watch the proceedings with Mags but I prefer to watch these things on the outskirts, if I have to show up I don't want to look like I'm too enthusiastic about celebrating teenage killers.

Eventually, the mayor takes to the stage with Finnick behind him and, despite the somber mood, a few of the teenage girls can't help but stare at our latest victor. I understand, of course. He has blond hair, bronzed skin and sea green eyes that make him the perfect example of what a victor should be and what the Capitol goes crazy for. It was revealed in his post-Games interview that ninety per cent of his sponsors were female.

The mayor finishes his speech about how great Finnick is and then hands the microphone to the only-just-fifteen year old who may look like a Capitol model but is clearly a little nervous.

"Thank you for that speech, Mayor Undersee," he says, "My ego is now well and truly inflated." He gets a few laughs from the crowd and even a smirk from me. Unlike me, his wit isn't laced with malice but with an endearing charm. "I'd just like to say how grateful I am to the people of 12 for welcoming me here, you've all made me feel very humble." I don't listen to the rest of the speech because I know it's just a load of rubbish constructed for the cameras, I'm sure Finnick had some input when it comes to the witty lines but we all know the truth; he's only here to represent Snow's control over us all.

The dinner held in the Justice Building is as boring as ever; Finnick sits at one end of the table charming the mayor and his family, his young daughter is perfectly smitten with him, whilst I sit next to Mags at the other end of the table and make my way through a bottle of wine.

"So, how have you been?" She asks.

"You don't want to know," I say and take another sip of wine.

Mags sighs, "I do care about you, Haymitch. I've known you a long time and if I could just flip a switch and make you happy, I would."

I give her a kiss on the cheek because I'm not sure what else to do. I know she cares for me and there's not much I wouldn't do for her, either. "Thank you, that kid is lucky to have you as a mentor."

"Iif I'm honest, that kid might well be the envy of all of Panem right now but he knows what's going to happen when he turns sixteen and I don't know what to say to him. Will you-"

"Mags," I interrupt, "What do you really think I can say to him?"

"Please, Haymitch. He knows if he doesn't play along Snow will kill his family."

I finish off my wine and agree to talk to him once the meal is over, although I'm still not sure what she expects me to say. I never had to go down that route, Snow had already taken everything I loved away from me by then so there was nothing to protect. He would be better off speaking to Gloss, a guy from 1 who won two years ago and who Plutarch has informed me is involved in Snow's prostitution game. Although, he doesn't seem like the most approachable of people.

Once the dancing gets under way I skulk off to a corner with a bottle of white liquor and sit there until a nervous Finnick approaches me. This kid is really going to have to turn it on if he has to be the nation's next sex symbol.

"Hey," he says and pulls up a chair next to me.

"Hi, Mags said you wanted to talk."

"Yeah, although I feel like a prize idiot. I feel like I should know how to handle all of this." He flashes a smile at one of his prep team as she waltzes past with the Mayor, who looks ridiculously uncomfortable. "I don't know what Mags has told you but all Snow wants me to do this year is to go out for dinner with my sponsors because, you know-"

"You're under age."

"Right. And then he's probably going to reveal what he really wants. I just don't know if I can do it, I mean, I love my family but would he-"

"Kill them?" I snap, "Yes, without so much as a second thought. I know form first hand experience." I can see that my words have shocked him slightly but my years of tact are well and truly behind me, now. "I get that this is a horrible thing to consider and, trust me, I'd happily mutilate Snow for what he's about to put you through but would you rather be forced to sleep with rich Capitol women or see your family all killed in front of you?" He doesn't answer me so I pass him my bottle of liquor and he promptly downs the rest of its contents, which does make me laugh, the kid's a fast learner. "You've got eighteen months before anything serious has to happen. My advice is to think of ways to cut yourself off from it, you'll only have to endure it for about a month once a year and then the rest of the time you can spend with the people you genuinely care about."

He nods and I can see in his eyes that he understands. I feel like he would be a huge asset to the rebellion, he must hate Snow as much as the rest of us, even if he is from a richer district and he proved to be quite resourceful during the Games. I suppose we'll have to see how he behaves over the next few years. He stands up to leave but I grab his arm before he can walk off.

"One more thing," I say, "DO NOT let Snow see how much he's hurting you, that's just letting him win. You're going to have to become a great actor and be the handsome playboy that the Capitol expects, okay?"

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Haymitch."

I feel awful, I've basically just told a fifteen year old boy to prostitute himself out. I know it's his only chance of keeping his family alive but, still, it's sickening. I say goodbye to Mags, who begs me to try and make myself a little happier before she sees me, again. I just smile, I'm not in the habit of making promises I can't keep.

* * *

Four months later and I'm stumbling back from The Hob after another night of heavy drinking, I still have no idea how I'm still alive. I survived the Hunger Games and I seem to be surviving liver damage, it would be the greatest cosmic joke if I turned out to be immortal. That would probably the worse punishment anyone could hand me.

I've got another two months of loneliness before I have to head back to the Capitol; a time that has grown to become bittersweet. I may get to see my only friends but I also have to watch as two of my district's children meet a bloody death. I wallow in my own self-pity as I head through Town and pass out on the bench, the stars in the dark night's sky seemingly taunting me from above.

"Haymitch, wake up! Are you okay?" A sweet voice is saying from above me but I can't quite place it. I slowly open my eyes to find Vieve standing over me with a look of concern that I have seen so many times. I sit up and look at her beautiful face; she's cut her strawberry blonde hair so that it stops just below her chin but it suits her perfectly.

"Vieve," I whisper. I don't know what else to say, I haven't had a conversation with her in years. Just saying her name is soothing.

"Are you okay? How long have you been out here?"

"I don't know. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting back to that precious family of yours?" I know I shouldn't be jealous but I am and I can't hide it, despite how much I want to talk to her. The alcohol just amplifies any emotions that I'm feeling.

"Fine, I'll just leave you to make a show of yourself to the whole district!"

"Yeah, you do that. You've got a habit of making people think you care about them and then suddenly changing your mind!"

I can see tears forming in her eyes but I don't do anything to comfort her. I want to hold her and kiss her, I always have, but, even in my state, I know it would be wrong. She made her choice.

"If you really think that I left because I didn't love you anymore then you didn't know me at all. Maybe one day you'll figure out that I was trying protect you!"

"What?" I move closer to her and her eyes lock on to me with an intensity that I've missed for so long. This was the look she'd give me when she was both angry and telling me how much she loved me, I didn't realise until now how easy it can be to confuse those two emotions.

She moves slightly closer and her lips are almost on mine but not quite. She's close that I can hear her heart beating. She still smells of flowers.

"I'll always love you, Haymitch," she says, "I just want you to be safe and happy."

She wipes her eyes and walks away, not looking back once as she disappears in to the streets of Town and leaving me feeling completely dumbfounded.

How can she love me when she chose to leave me? And how can she expect me to be happy when I'm not with her? I've never stopped loving her but, not for one moment in seven years, have I ever thought that she might still feel the same. How can she when she traded me in for her perfect family?


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you for continuing to read, I hope that you're enjoying! I'd also like to say another thank you to everyone who has left me such lovely reviews, I appreciate them all and any feedback is always welcomed.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-One**

We don't get many television programmes at home, we only really watch the mandatory news bulletins and the annual Games, neither of which appeals to those in 12. The only other occasional shows we get are extravagant cooking shows from the Capitol that none of us can replicate or reruns of old Games just to remind us who is in charge. Not that we need reminding.

However, the television in my room in the Training Centre has thousands of channels covering every topic imaginable but they're all just as boring as the rest. The screen is filled with crazy Capitolites and their weird accents wittering on about nonsense that only they care about. Of course, a lot of the main channels are covering the build up to the Games and speculating over what the tributes are going through in their training. This part of the Games has always been top secret so no one really knows what the tributes get up to until the victor is crowned and can reveal all.

Ever since I got to the Capitol this year every camera has been on Finnick and reporters have been dying to know what his first year as a victor has been like and, most importantly, if there is a lucky girl who has captured his heart. I remember all the press coverage I got after I won but that's nothing compared to what Finnick is dealing with.

He's currently on my television screen, sitting on a bright blue plastic chair in an equally as bright television studio being interviews by some giggly woman from the Capitol. She has one of the shortest skirts on that I've ever seen and she keeps leaning in towards him. fluttering her huge eyelashes.

"If I'm being completely honest, every woman in this beautiful city has captured my heart," he says to her with a cheeky grin, which causes her to giggle even more.

"And have you met a lot of our women, yet, Finnick?"

"Not as many as I would like to." I have to hand it to him, he's playing up to this sex symbol thing ridiculously well. I guess he's been spending a lot of time perfecting his persona over the last six months but, still, I find it difficult to forget that he's only fifteen. The way he's behaving now is only scratching the surface, soon he's going to have to really embrace the playboy character that Snow expects from him in more ways than one.

I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him during the Opening Ceremony as some of the young, female victors wouldn't let him out of their sights but Mags told me that he wasn't sure what to tell his parents.

"They're kind people," she'd said to me, "They didn't raise him to flaunt his body and he knows it's going to break their heart."

"Well, all the more reason that they should know why he's doing this, then," I said but I don't know if she passed on the message. There are enough secrets in this world, hiding things from those closest to you makes you only makes each day more unbearable. That's what I loved so much about Vieve; I could tell her everything and she understood.

I'm broken out of my reverie by Effie tottering in to my room wearing some silver and gold monstrosity.

"You know, it's good manners to knock," I say.

"That only applies to decent human beings," she replies, "Anyway, I want to know what your strategies are for our tributes. At least _one _of us should try to help them." Unlike Marsella, Effie seems to want to take an active role when it comes to helping out the tributes but I think that's more to do with furthering her career than actually helping them to survive.

"After much deliberation and consideration, I have come up with an excellent, well rounded strategy." She raises her eyebrows at me as if urging me to go on. "And that strategy is to keep them alive for as long as possible."

"That's it?" She shouts, stamping her foot. "You are utterly useless!" Tell me something I don't know, sweetheart, I think as she storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She is one of the most infuriating people I have ever met!

By the time the interviews arrive Effie has apparently spoken to all of her Capitol friends in an attempt to gain sponsors whereas I have spent most of my time hitting the many fine bars we have available to us with Chaff. His mother has just died so his mind is as screwed up as mine, for once and our mutual appreciation of alcohol has been a great help.

Just before I can take my seat I can see Plutarch heading my way as I finish off another drink at the backstage bar. He looks as happy as ever but I think that's the only expression he's allowed to have in the Capitol, he can never look like he's not enjoying his job. Whenever I catch him showing off about the latest twists in the Games or the size of the arena I have to just switch off to stop myself from punching him.

"I haven't got long," he says.

"It's nice to see you, too," I reply.

"I'm up for a Senior Gamemaker position and I can't be seen to be away from my duties," I snort at this, "I know it sounds like I'm climbing the career ladder but this job potentially means more resources for the cause."

"Okay, what is it?"

"I've spent all year trying to get information on thirteen and I really do think it exists, the problem is even if I can find out a way of contacting them I can't really do it using government resources…I need money, Haymitch."

"Then it's yours," I say, "I'm guessing you need me to pass the message on?" He nods, says thank you and is gone as quickly as he arrived. Finally, some progress! I have no idea how he's going to pull this off and, to be honest I'm not sure if I want to know, but if all he's asking is for some money then he can have it. I can't even spend half the money that I'm given each year and then it only really goes on booze and food.

Surprisingly, my tributes get away from the bloodbath this year but it's only a few hours until the Careers take them out and I'm left cursing at the screen. After a few days of drinking and when most of the mentors have become relieved of their duties I begin my mission with earnest, approaching everyone in the rebellion about giving money to Plutarch. He got a message to me on the first day of the Games about an account he has set up and how much money he needs so all we have to do when we get home is transfer the money. Of course, it isn't in his name or registered to him. Apparently, there are actually a handful of people in the Capitol who are sympathetic to our plight, I just hope he's put his trust in the right people.

Mags isn't mentoring this year so I wait until we both go out for a meal to break the news to her but when I get there she's got Finnick with her so it looks like I'll have to rearrange.

She pulls me straight in to a hug and tells me that I look a lot better than I did when I got here, she's right, too. It seems that when I have something to focus on my need for booze subsides somewhat, not that the cravings aren't there.

"Finnick can't stay long, he has to meet a…friend" says Mags, "But I was a bit worried about leaving him in the hotel with all of those young women lusting after him." Finnick's face instantly turns red but he manages a small smile.

"I've never got to experience the delights of the hotels that Snow puts you up in," I say. I've always been a mentor so that means I'm expected to stay in the Training Centre with my tributes to work on their strategy, not that I always do.

"You're not missing much," says Mags, examining the menu.

A waitress comes over, her eyes fixated on Finnick. He really is the latest craze in the Capitol, I mean, there have been plenty of good looking victors in the past but none of them seem to have caught the Capitol's attention in quite the same way that he has.

"Wh..what can I get you, Mr. Odair?" She asks.

"Just a water for me, please…I'm saving myself for later," he winks at her and her face turns the same shade that his did earlier. I catch Mags' eye and we have to stop ourselves from laughing, these Capitolites will go crazy over the cringiest of things. After we've ordered and the waitress finally leaves Mags and I allow ourselves a little chuckle at Finnick's expense.

"Shut up!" He says.

"I see that you're more confident with the ladies now, Finnick," I say, stifling a laugh.

"Clearly I'm not, I'm clueless!"

"You'll get there," says Mags, "And I've told you that I'm always available for flirting lessons." This is when I really do laugh, so much so that I almost spit out my wine. Finnick is clearly getting annoyed but I think it does him good to remember that he's still only a teenager and part of that is being made fun of by older, wiser people.

"Look, Finnick," I say, "You don't have to say a great deal, they're already all in love with you."

When the waitress comes back with our food she looks at Finnick and this time he simply smiles at her and her face turns red, again. I raise my eyebrows at him as if to say "See?"

It isn't long before he has to leave to go and meet one of his sponsors for dinner, he's assured me that all he's been doing since he's been here is having dinner with them, nothing more, even though some of them have hinted that laws are made to be broken.

"You almost sound concerned, Haymitch," says Mags.

"Well, it's sickening, he's only young." She nods, "So I've got something to tell you." I fill her in on Plutarch's latest plan and how she can give him the money, assuming she wants to, but she just shoots me a look when I say this, of course she wants to. I also ask her about possibly recruiting Finnick but she says we may have to wait a few years, he's still adjusting to this new life that has been thrust upon him and asking him to risk his life this early on would just be too much.

"You asked me to join when I wasn't much older," I say.

"Yes, but it was quite clear early on that you hated Snow and…he still has a family."

I understand, of course, I would hate to be the one to ask him to risk his life for the sake of the rebellion when he's already risking too much.


	32. Chapter 32

**Thank you for continuing to read 'The Story Behind the Grey Eyes,' all of the support and lovely comments I have received have genuinely encouraged me to continue writing. I'm always grateful for any comments you may have!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

I'm woken up on this cold January morning by such a loud bang that my hands instantly fly up to my ears. I sit up in bed and look around before grabbing my knife. Only moments ago I was dreaming that I was back in the arena and Dinium, Clo and Maysilee were all trying to bludgeon me to death with spiked maces. That had been the only weapon the tributes were allowed last year and the deaths were some of the most horrific I have ever seen in the Games.

I call out to see if someone has broken in to the house but no one replies and after looking through all of the rooms it's clear that I'm the only soul here. Nothing has been moved and I can't hear footsteps.

I go back in to my room and look out of the window across the district; it always amazes me how grey everything is. Not only does coal dust cover about every inch of it but the buildings and paths are all dark colours and looks dismal. I think of District Four with its turquoise sea and little fishing villages, despite the dictatorship we live under they still have some beauty to admire. We just have grey.

Just when I give up on trying to work out what the loud noise was I see hoards of people running towards the mines and it doesn't take me long to realise that the two must be linked. I pull on some warm clothes and run out of the house, following the crowds of people.

"There's been an explosion!" I hear someone shout, shortly followed by hysterical screams and cries.

Everyone is pushing each other, trying to get close enough to see what's happening. Children have run out of the school and mothers are frantically attempting to keep them away whilst calling out for their husbands. The baker has run in to view and is trying to herd people in to some sort of order so that there is room for the miners to get out of the lifts. His three sons are helping by guiding people to safer areas with the youngest uttering soothing words to one particularly hysterical woman.

I need to do something but I don't know what. I could try to calm people down, reassure them. No one would listen to me, even if I tried. I just melt in to the crowd and wait for the others. In another life it would be me in that mine, suffering from the explosion and Tilly would be standing here, waiting to see if I was alive.

After what seems like hours the first lift opens and a group of six or so miners fall out of it, quickly met by screams of relief from their families. They're all covered in coal dust and blood, one even has a deep gash on the top of his thigh and his face has been drained of all colour. All I can think of when I see them is the arena and the blood that poured out of Maysilee's throat as she died. It seems like I cannot escape her today.

I can't face this, I'm a pathetic excuse of a man that has no right to have a panic attack right now. Instead, I slink away in to the crowd and run home, panting like a dog that's been running for miles. I can still hear the screams and the cries but I can't help. They don't need me. They're better without me.

Three weeks later and I have a front row seat at the memorial service. The stage that is used for the Reaping has been reconstructed and the Mayor is giving a speech about how terrible the accident was. A few Capitol officials are sat on chairs, feigning sympathy but their brightly coloured clothes just look out of place in the sea of grey that is before them.

The families of the dead miners line up next to the stage, waiting to receive a medal that is meant to help their feeling of loss, somehow. Stupid Capitol.

Cliff Everdeen's name is called and a gaunt looking Clara takes to the stage with her two daughters; one is a dark haired girl of about eleven, who reminds me so much of her father whereas her sister looks to be about six and has Clara's blonde hair. I can't say I was ever friends with Cliff but I respected him a great deal, like all of 12 did. He was a rare example of a good man in this sorry place and I know that a lot of his game kept families alive. I can't help but wonder how this small family is going to cope now, I can't imagine that Clara would be able to hunt and all of her family from Town are long gone. Any money they did have was lost a long time ago.

"And presented with this medal of valour is Katniss Everdeen, Cliff Everdeen's eldest daughter," says the Mayor, handing the medal to the grieving girl. Her face is expressionless yet hard, it's as if she knows she's going to have to grow up quickly and soon.

* * *

As disgusted as I am to say it, I'm almost glad when my annual trip to the Capitol comes around. The last few months in 12 have been worse than ever, since the mining explosion everyone has been in a state of grief. Even those who didn't lose anyone knew someone who died, we're a small district and the mines are many families' main sources of income. I'm just glad that Vieve's husband works in Town, I wouldn't want her to go through losing her husband.

My tributes this year are as thin and weak as ever and make no effort to hide their disgust with me, which suits me fine. I tell them to let the stylists do whatever it is they want with them as I always do, it's their only hope when they have a mentor like me, and then we part ways, with me heading straight to a local bar. I know more than anyone that my need for alcohol has got worse over the years, I can almost hear Titam's sighs of disappointment, but without it I cannot bare to face the world. It doesn't like me and I don't like it so the less I'm aware of it, the better.

I turn up at the Victor's Box slightly tipsy and hoping to chat with Finnick. The rebellion recruited him after it became clear that the women he's being forced to sleep with know a lot about the sordid affairs of the Capitol and may have some dirt on Snow that we could use one day. I was all for him joining but I just want to make sure he knows what he's getting in to, he was adamant this time last year that he wanted to be a part of it but a lot can happen in a year, as any victor will tell you.

However, he's not here so I head over to Chaff and ask him about his tributes, he's off the hook this year with Seeder and an older victor from 11 choosing to mentor, instead. Mags soon joins us with a look of huge concern on her face.

"What's happened?" I ask.

"Finnick," she says, "The girl he's in love with has been reaped this year and he's her mentor. I can just tell that it's torturing him."

I can imagine, not only has he got to deal with the constant sexualisation he's being placed under but now he's facing the prospect of losing someone he loves. I can't help but think of Tilly. I only hope that if the worst does happen he doesn't retreat from the rebellion, we need him.

"Do you think she could win?" Chaff asks.

"I don't know, she's a nice girl, fiery sometimes, but I don't know if she could kill anyone and I doubt her survival skills are up to much."

"Well, the whole Capitol is in love with Finnick, hopefully he can bring in enough sponsors for her."

Mags sighs and it's then that I can see that Finnick has entered the room; every female has their eyes on him and some of the men, too, for that matter. The fourteen year old that entered the arena four years ago has disappeared and a muscular, chiseled young man that is idolised all over the country has replaced him. He has no trouble with flirting, now, and is currently whispering something crude in to Cashmere's ear.

Once he's disentangled himself from her and the many other young female victors that we have he makes his way over to us and the flirtatious smile he was just wearing quickly fades.

"Don't say anything," he says, "I just need a day to comprehend it all before I listen to any advice."

"Well, you're going to get it, anyway," I say, "You need to be careful from the start. If Snow finds about your girl he's only going to make things worse for you. These ladies you have to see, they're not going to be happy about sharing you with someone you genuinely love." Everyone looks at me for a moment, I know they were all thinking it, maybe even Finnick was to a certain extent, but I'm the only one who voiced it. "Does...what's her name?"

"Annie," Finnick replies, the pain clear in his voice.

"Does Annie know about these women you have to visit?" He nods, "If she still loves you knowing that then you do everything you can to get her home, okay?"

He smirks at this, "I never had you down as a romantic, Haymitch." Everyone laughs but I just groan and head for the bar. If that's what I get for trying to reach out to someone I'd rather just get drunk. Still, I think I perked him up a little bit.

I pour myself another drink and can see that Plutarch has entered with a few other Gamemakers and they're all circulating the room. I have no idea if he got the senior Gamemaker job but by the way the others are looking at him I guess that he has; they're all younger than him, anyway, apart from Seneca Crane, who landed the job of Head Gamemaker last year.

I head back towards Mags, Finnick and Chaff to see that Cecelia has now joined them. Her stomach is slightly swollen and Mags is running her hand over it, grinning the way women do when they think about babies. It's a rare moment of sweetness under awful circumstances.

"I've turned in to a baby machine over the last few years!" Cecelia says as I approach. I wonder if Vieve was that chirpy when she was pregnant or if she became really moody, I've heard that it can go either way.

Plutarch saunters over with a huge grin on his face and begins to shake everybody's hands. I get the sense that now is not the time for talk of rebellion; there are Gamemakers everywhere and Plutarch has his smug game face on.

"Nice to see you again, Plutarch," says Mags.

"Yes, well it's always good to _make contact_, isn't it? I've been doing this for almost _thirteen_ years now and getting to chat with previous victors is always my favourite part." He chuckles and raises his eyebrows at us just so that we know what he's referring to.

We all smile and agree, there's no way we couldn't understand what he's trying to say. He's made contact with District Thirteen.


	33. Chapter 33

**Hello and thank you for continuing to read my story, I feel like it's getting very exciting, now! As always, I really appreciate any comments you may have and look forward to reading them!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"The less you know about the how and the who, the better," says Plutarch before waving at a few passers-by.

Mags and I walk next to him through the park, which I think is far too open a space to be discussing such matters but Plutarch feels that we should move around the city more. I suppose that everywhere is going to be bugged to some extent but at least we can keep moving here.

The park is vast but none of the colours are natural; the grass is an artificial lime green and the flowers are too big and too bright. I'm getting a headache but that could just be from the Bloody Mary I had at breakfast.

"Fair enough," says Mags, "So what can you tell us?"

"Well, their president is happy to help us when the time is right but, of course, there are negotiations to be had. I'm working on a documentary about Panem once the Games are over and some of our crew are going to get lost just outside of twelve…" He doesn't say anymore and I sense that he's withholding information to keep us safe.

"How many people in the Capitol are sympathetic to us?" I ask, amazed that there is a possibility that a handful of Capitolites would like to join us.

"Enough," he says. "Don't worry, I've spent years watching them before I approached them and they're all willing to die before saying anything."

I guffaw at this, a promise from a Capitolite is only worth so much in my book. I change the subject as we approach a quieter area of the park and ask Mags how Finnick is coping. It's the second day of training and from what my tributes have told me Annie isn't exactly a force to be reckoned with. She doesn't lead her district partner's side and rumours are rife that they're a couple.

"He's doing as well as can be expected," she says, "He's secured her a lot of sponsors but she's not a killer and I don't think she can think on her feet like he can."

I would usually just will this kind of tribute to die in the bloodbath so that they don't have to suffer the Games but I know what she means to Finnick so all I can do is hope that she wins by some miracle.

"He's even asked me if there's a way that I can fix the Games," says Plutarch, I look up at him, hopefully, but I know the answer. "Nothing I can do, though. It would raise far too many questions and I don't have the authority."

I can't be mad at him, I understand. He's risking enough as it is and we need his place in the Capitol if we're going to move forward with the rebellion.

During the interviews Annie plays the sweet and innocent angle and has the whole audience 'awwing' at her but I'm not sure it's enough to get them to support her. She says that Finnick has been a wonderful mentor and that gets some interest but Capitolites like safe bets and she definitely isn't that.

The morning of the Games begin with Chaff and mine's usual drinking ritual before I head over to Finnick's station to see how he's coping.

"Have you seen the arena?" He asks and I shake my head, "There's a dam holding back a load of water, I'm hoping it floods the arena and Annie can just swim away."

"Fin, I've never-"

"I know!" He snaps, "But all I've got his hope, now." I nod, pat him on the back and go to my station where a bottle of white liquor is waiting for me.

The tributes are soon rising on their plates and mine are shaking but they still have a look of determination on their faces. The countdown finishes and their off, with each of my tributes grabbing a small rucksack from either side of the Cornucopia and running in to the trees. It looks like they've decided to team up but I'm not convinced that they'll last long.

I look at the Panem Screen to find the cameras have swung over to Annie and her district mate, a tall eighteen year old, who has managed to pick up a spear and a knife and is grabbing a shell shocked Annie. They run in to the trees before they're caught in the bloodbath.

My tributes make it to the second morning before the Careers find them and send a spear through each of their chests. At least it was quick. I grab my bottle of liquor and head over to Finnick's station where he's watching Annie and her district mate tucking in to a bowl of stew.

"One of the commentators has been saying what a cute couple they make," he says through gritted teeth.

"At least they don't know _you're_ a couple. If it keeps her alive you're going to have to go with it."

"I know. It's stupid, though, there's never been a couple in the Hunger Games!" I'm not sure what to do so I just do what I do best and offer him my bottle, which he takes a huge swig from. "Mags is meant to be here, soon, she's covering for me while I go on a not-so-hot date."

As if on cue, Mags hobbles in to the Control Room and gives us each a somewhat proud smile. She told me once that I'm the closest thing she has to a son and now Finnick is part of this dysfunctional, psychologically damaged family. I'm glad they have each other all year round, I know how lonely it can be.

"Off you go then, stud muffin," she says and manages to elicit a smile from him. He gets up and kisses her cheek before running out of the room with every set of eyes transfixed on him. "He's not handling this well at all," she says as she sits down.

"I don't think there is a way to handle this well." She sighs and nods. "He's hoping that the dam breaks and the whole thing floods."

"I know. They fix the Reaping and the Games to suit themselves all the time, why not do it for us for once?!"

I don't think I've seen Mags so angry. I've seen her upset plenty of times, mainly after I've been hitting the booze hard, but I can count on one hand the amount of time I've actually seen her angry. She really is like a mother bear with her cubs right now.

The following weeks are a somewhat blur, although I try to remain as sober as I can for Finnick's sake. Mags and I have a sort of unspoken agreement that we'll monitor the screens whilst Finnick is attending to his other duties, the other 4 victors should be helping but they'd rather spend their time in the Capitol's bars and clubs. They've already written Annie off.

One day I bump in to Plutarch as I'm leaving the Control Room and manage to get him on his own for five minutes, much to his dismay. He plasters on his fake smile but I know he needs to get back to work.

"Five minutes," I say and he nods. "I know you don't have the power but Seneca Crane does, why don't you suggest flooding the arena? It will just look like you're eager to spice things up in the Games and it will save Annie."

"Haymitch, I-"

"Come on, Plutarch, you're clever with words. Make it look like a sadistic idea not a way to fix it."

He doesn't say anything but walks away before someone can see us. He's a clever man and he knows how to work people, I'm sure he could do it if he tried. If he wants to help us the way he says he does he'll at least give it a go.

A few days later and Finnick has deep circles under his eyes. Mags keeps teasing him that he won't look like the nation's sex symbol for much longer if he doesn't get any sleep but he doesn't laugh.

"Shit!" He shouts and my head instantly turns to the Panem Screen in front of him. Annie and her district mate are walking through the woods but a boy from 1 is catching up with them, an axe in his right hand. "Come on, Annie, move!"

"Can you hear that?" Says Annie, turning around.

"I think someone's coming!" Shouts the boy and they're soon running as fast as they can but it's too late and the tribute from 1 comes bounding up behind them with a look of delighted terror on his face.

Annie keeps running, only looking behind her occasionally. The boy from 1 grabs the boy from 4 and slices his axe through his neck just as Annie looks back. She starts screaming a deafening scream, crying out for her dead ally but the boy from 1 is heading towards her so she starts running and doesn't stop for well over half an hour. Luckily, the boy from 1 is attacked by a group of mutts and has to stop to fend them off.

Annie spends the next few days walking around with a distant look on her face, crying out for Finnick. We can all see what's happened but no one dares to say it. She's lost it. She's no longer the Annie he knows.

Just as Finnick has seemingly come to terms with Annie's death our miracle happens. An earthquake erupts over the arena and the dam breaks and within the hour the whole arena has flooded, taking out many of the tributes. A few can climb trees and are hanging on for dear life whilst Finnick screams at the screen.

"Come on, Annie! All you have to do is tread water, outlast the others!"

Over the next hour the other tributes slowly lose their grip and are submerged under the water, their cannons following a short while after. Annie is still moving her arms and legs, looking fairly content for once. All that water must be some sort of weird comfort.

Eventually, Claudius Templesmith's voice booms in to the arena, "The winner of the sixty-ninth Hunger Games, Annie Cresta; tribute of District Four!"

We all breathe a sigh of relief and pat Finnick on the back and I remind myself to check whether Plutarch did have anything to do with it. If he did then my respect for him just doubled. Maybe he has finally earned my trust.

Finnick stands up and turns to me, "I want to be there when we send a bullet through Snow's skull."

I couldn't agree more.


	34. Chapter 34

**Thank you for continuing to read my story, it really means a lot! Any comments and feedback you may have are always welcome!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

The only thought that is going through my head right now is that I can't believe it's been twenty years since I won my Games. Some days it feels much longer and then other days I'm haunted by images of the arena and it feels like no time has passed at all.

I'm suitably tipsy as I take my seat on the stage and wait for the Reaping to begin. This past year has been as nondescript as usual, the only highlight was seeing Finnick during the Victory Tour. He was a lot more relaxed than he was in the Capitol but the protectiveness he felt towards Annie was hard to hide. She seems to be scared of her own shadow and only Finnick knows how to get even the remotest of smiles from her.

The clock strikes two and Mayor Undersee takes to the mic to deliver his required speech before handing over to Effie who is wearing a dress that resembles some sort of deformed fish. Maybe she's hinting that she would be better placed in 4 than 12.

After she's told everyone how exciting the Games are she plunges her hand in to the girls' bowl and pulls out a slip. "Saskia Jade!" She reads and a blonde haired girl from the sixteen year old section approaches the stage, her face expressionless.

"And now for the boys!" Effie squeals and places her hand in the other bowl. She finally pulls out the slip and shouts, "Chester Arnold!"

I feel like I've been kicked in the chest repeatedly and I have to do everything in my power to stop myself from screaming. I can't let the Capitol know that Chester means something to me, it would only make things worse for him.

I haven't seen him in years but once he's on the stage I can't get over how grown up he looks. He has thick, dark brown hair and Tilly's eyes; they haven't changed since he was a baby. He must be about fourteen but he's tall and handsome, hopefully that will count for something. I can see that he's looking out over the audience and his eyes are fixed on his parents.

Drake has one arm around a sobbing Herma and the other is around a thin girl of about ten; I never even knew they'd had a second child. I just knew this day would come and, even though I've kept my distance, it's even worse than I'd imagined.

I'm already sitting in the dining cart, waiting for Effie to arrive with the tributes. She eventually totters in with Chester in tow, apparently Saskia isn't ready to leave her room, yet.

"I'm surprised you're awake!" Effie says in her strange voice, "Don't tell me you've actually decided to put some effort in this year!"

I catch Chester's eye but I can't read him. He's neither angry nor upset, just plain. All I can see is the eyes of the fiery girl that I fell in love with all those years ago.

"My dad told me about you and my aunt," says Chester. Effie is visibly confused by the statement and I can almost see her ears prick up. "And he told me just now…he told me that I should trust you. That you really would help get me home." His voice is a mixture of confusion and desperation, he knows I'm his last hope but it may not be enough.

"Your father has always been a very wise man," I say and this gets a smile out of him. "How old are you, kid?"

"Fourteen…well, almost." What he means is that he'll be fourteen if he ever comes home, again. "Is it true you bought me my baby blanket? Mum always used to say that it was a gift from you when I was born but I never really believed her. I mean, you never-"

"It's true," I say, not wanting to get in to the reasons why I was never around. It still hurts to see him sitting before me but I know in my heart of hearts that it would be one hundred times worse if he thought of me as his uncle. "Why don't we get some dinner and then watch the reapings?"

"What an excellent idea!" Screeches Effie, she probably feels like she's being left out of our little reunion.

Saskia finally joins us with her puffy red eyes and makes small talk as we eat. Nobody talks about my connection to Chester but Effie must know that I've made my decision, even though it's illegal to not help Saskia, too. But how can I when I remember how happy Drake and Herma had been at his birth? And how happy, no matter for how short a time, I had been, too?

The Careers are as monstrous as always and there is a boy from 6 that I tell Saskia and Chester to watch out for, he has a sly look about him that gives me the creeps. The girl from 7 is sniveling and crying like no one's business, she's definitely not getting any sponsors. When they finally get to 12 I'm relieved to see that my reaction to Chester's name doesn't give anything away.

Once we get to the Capitol I pull on some clean clothes and make myself look half decent before heading straight to the Sponsorship Room. I can't say I'm surprised when no one wants to deal with me, they prefer to talk to Finnick or the brutes from 1 and 2.

I spend the entire afternoon there with no luck so I grab some dinner before heading to the Victors' Box. This year's stylist for 12 looked as zany as ever when I met her earlier so I'm not holding out much hope for Chester's outfit.

The room soon fills up with Finnick and Annie helping Mags to walk, she has a cane now but it's clear that her age is catching up with her. Nevertheless, she gives me a warm smile as she approaches.

"Hello," I say to them and they all reply, although Annie seems to be in her own world.

"Annie, why don't you take a seat and I'll get you something to drink?" Suggests Finnick. Annie simply smiles and follows him to a chair.

"Poor girl," says Mags, "I don't think she knows where she is half the time." She turns her head to me and looks me up and down. "You're looking very clean cut. What's happened?"

Just as Finnick and Chaff approach us I tell them all about Chester, my connection to him and how I'm going to do everything I can to get him home.

"I know that feeling," says Finnick. "Although I doubt Plutarch can do anything for you this year. Sorry." The last word comes out softly as if he's done something awful.

"Don't be sorry, that was down to me after all," I say and flash him a cocky grin, which he returns. "Has anyone spoken to him, yet?"

"I have," says Mags. "That documentary went as planned and they're prepared to give us whatever we need but _everyone_ has to be in revolt before things move forward." We all nod, "He also said something about a stylist he wants to get in soon, apparently he's on our side but I'd zoned out by then, you know how he goes on, sometimes." We all laugh but I still feel tense.

The tributes are soon entering City Circle on their chariots and the girl from 7 is _still_ sobbing! Chester, meanwhile, doesn't look too bad in his coal miner's outfit and is giving the audience a perfect smile.

The next morning at breakfast I advise both of my tributes to pick a weapon and perfect it but hold back on just how good they are. I know that Chester has no experience with a weapon and if he wants to win he's going to have to kill.

"What's the point?" Says Saskia, throwing down her napkin, "We're not going to win." She leaves the table and I'm left staring at Chester.

"Don't forget the survival stations," I say.

"I won't, you know my sister said the same thing to me in the Justice Building."

"That's pretty smart for such a young kid," I pause, thinking about whether I want to know more or not. "What's her name?"

"Freya," he says. "Freya Tilly Arnold."

I smile because what else is there to do? "Every time I look at you I see her, you've got her eyes…and her fire, I think."

"Let's hope so, I'll see you later." He rises from the table and collects Saskia before leaving for training.

The interviews are soon upon us and coaching Chester is a lot easier than I thought. We've decided to go with the 'cheeky chappy' approach as he's not old enough to play sexy but I'm sure he can get a few of the female Capitolites to fall in love with him. When he finally takes to the stage with Caesar he's got the interviewer in hysterics as he tells him about his life in the Seam.

"Now, young Chester, were you pleased with the eight you scored? If my memory serves me correctly that was the same score that your mentor pulled two decades ago!" Says Caesar.

Now would be the perfect time to reveal that Chester is my sort-of nephew but I explicitly told him not to say anything; having me an uncle is _not_ going to help. Thankfully, he listens, and just tells Caesar how honoured he is with his score.

The day of the Games arrives and I'm more nervous than I anticipated. I hardly slept last night with hundreds of visions of Chester's death haunting my dreams. I don't talk to anyone as I approach my station, I can't face the wishes of good luck right now.

The Games soon begin and Chester manages to grab a fairly large rucksack and a scary looking knife before running away from the bloodbath. He probably shouldn't have stuck around so long but at least he's away, now. Saskia, on the other hand, only lasts for about ten minutes before the girl from 1 sends a spear through her heart.

As the Games go on, Chester puts his survival skills to use and the sponsors are flooding in. He gets in to a fight with a boy from 9 on the third day but manages to plunge a knife in to his abdomen before sprinting away. The look of horror on his face is hard to mask.

Everyone volunteers to take my place for a few hours while I sleep and, even though I'm grateful, I find it hard not to watch Chester at all times.

"That Johanna girl is really starting to get on my nerves," I hear Cashmere say one day and realise that she's talking about the girl from 7. Somehow she managed to get her hands on an axe but all she's doing is moping around and crying.

"Hello little boy," I hear from the screen and my head shoots back round. A boy from 2 has stumbled across Chester in the woods and has his knife poised.

"No, no, no!" I shout and Finnick comes running over.

"Calm down, Haymitch, he's done well so far," he says but there's an uncertainty in his voice.

"I'm not a little boy," says Chester, calmly. "Little boys don't slit people's throats when they least expect it." He's twirling his knife in his hands now.

"Stop acting like a Career!" I shout, "Just run!"

The boy from 2 runs at him but Chester is already off the mark and bounding through the woods, dodging the plants and trees that block his path but I can see it happen before it happens. The boy from 2 catches up and launches his body at Chester, flattening him on the ground. Chester closes his eyes and waits for the knife to plunge in to his chest.

I feel numb.

I spend the next week in my bed with only a bottle of white liquor for company until Chaff stomps into the apartment one afternoon, dragging me in to the lounge area.

"You have to see this girl!" He shouts and switches on the television. A highlights show of the Games is being shown and Johanna is throwing an axe in a Career's chest, a look of malice etched across her face.

"She's taken out two Careers and a kid from ten," says Chaff. "And do you know what she said when she did?"

"What?" I groan.

"Blame Snow."

"Stupid girl," I say.

"I know but if she wins, Haymitch, she could be just what we need."

He's right, of course. We've been waiting for someone to get the districts in to a frenzy and maybe she's it. Maybe she's the one who can expose Panem for what it really is but I'm not sure. She's angry, all right, but we need more than anger. We need someone who knows when to use that anger and when not to. I just hope they come soon.

Much to everyone's surprise Johanna is crowned the victor and emerges from the arena with quite a few kills under her name. When I arrive back in 12 the last thing I expect to see is Drake, Herma and Freya standing at the station. I just stare at them for a moment, unsure of what to do. Why would they want to be here?

"I tried," I eventually say, "I really tried. He was good, it's just-"

"We know, Haymitch," says Herma, tears threatening to stream down her face. "We just wanted to say thank you. You sent him all the right gifts and he had all the skills but he was just a boy."

"We just wanted you to know that we don't blame you," says Drake, "Please don't punish yourself."

I say thank you but I can't do as they ask. I've been punishing myself for years but not like I'm about to, I've never lost a tribute I actually cared for and the pain is unlike any other I've experienced. I really don't know how I'm going to make it to next year.


	35. Chapter 35

**Thank you for reading and your continued support, you've all been so encouraging! I also feel like I should apologise for what happened to Chester but that had been my plan all along (I know, I'm a horrible person) and I hope I did him justice!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

I've been through some awful times but these past six months are definitely in the running to be the worst. It must be about noon when I wake up on my sofa, covered in my own vomit with one hand on my knife and another on an empty bottle. I can't have been asleep that long; I very rarely get to sleep before 3am and I know that last night was bad.

I can't remember how but there's a feeling of dread and pain all over my body that only comes when my nights have been haunted by images from my past. Most recently I've been seeing little Freya running through the arena, crying out for her older brother only to be attacked by a group of ravenous mutts.

My stomach feels hollow, I know I haven't eaten for days but I've felt no desire to. It's still a mystery to me that I'm alive. I don't deserve to be. Not when innocent children like Chester are being slaughtered every year for sick entertainment.

I ever so slowly stand up and stagger in to the kitchen before pouring myself a glass of water. My throat is dry and raw and the stench of vomit should make me gag but it doesn't. I've become used to it very quickly.

As I walk back in to the living room I notice a small piece of paper with my name on it is sitting on the coffee table; I have no idea how that even got there. Did I put there last night or did someone just walk in? I can't say I care, I've got nothing worth protecting. The whole of 12 could rob me and I'd just let them carry on.

I unfold the paper to find that it's a note from Drake, inviting me over for dinner next week. Ever since the Games him and Herma have been determined to include me in their lives again, after all, what are the odds that Freya will be reaped, too? The worst has happened and they have forgiven me, they want me to grieve with them but I can't. I wish they hated me, it would make things easier. I let out a pained, low groan as I tear up the paper in to a thousand tiny pieces before raiding my cupboards for more alcohol. I'm running low, I'd better visit Ripper.

I begin to head out of the house but as I open the door a scared little man is standing on my porch, his hand raised ready to knock on the door.

"Hello, Mr. Abernathy," he says, to which I give a disgruntled groan. "I'm from the Justice Building and your presence is required at Johanna Mason's Victory Speech." He says the whole thing with his eyes closed as if my appearance is just too disgusting to handle. I can tell that the smell is getting to him, too.

"I'm not going," I say.

"I have been told that I _have_ to bring you. No matter what…" his voice should sound threatening but it just sounds weak.

Rather than continue this farce of an argument I slam the door behind me and head towards the square, the stupid man trying to keep up with me. By the time we arrive the Mayor has already finished his speech and Johanna has stepped up to the mic. I really don't understand why my being here makes any difference.

Johanna's face looks hard and the anger I saw in the arena is threatening to return. "Thank you, Mayor Undersee," she says, "And thank you District Twelve for your kind hospitality. I would also like to thank the families of the fallen tributes," she looks down at Drake, Herma and Freya and Saskia's parents. "Without their sacrifice I would not be standing here before you." There's no heart in this speech, nothing that marks it out at something she's written but I'm not sure if anyone else can spot it. She goes on to tell us about how hard the Games were but also how important they are and I know that this speech has come directly from Snow's office, clearly her little outburst in the arena put him on edge.

I do make some form of effort for the dinner and make sure I have a shower and wear clean clothes. I have no desire to go but Plutarch wants me to see if Johanna is really worth recruiting or if she'll be a liability and right now the rebellion is the only thing I have to live for.

The meal is mediocre but it's the first food I've eaten in a while so it's welcome, as is the wine. I must get through a whole bottle by the end of the meal.

"Have you met Haymitch, Johanna?" Asks Blight, a victor from 7 who is about ten years older than me. He's always seemed like a decent guy but we've never been friends; I think he's always had a problem with my drinking.

"No, not yet," she says, her voice calm and steady.

"Well here I am!" I shout before laughing raucously. "Who wouldn't want to hang out with this fine specimen of a man?" She rolls her eyes and continues to eat her turkey. "No one likes a prissy madam, Johanna! The Capitol won't like that at all!"

Blight shoots me a look and I know better than to carry on so I just demand more wine, instead.

By the time the dancing hour is upon us all I want to do is knock Johanna down to size, does she not realise how hellish the Games were for me this year? I lost the closest thing I had to a nephew! She must be a manipulative person to win the way she did, she had it all planned out from the reaping right up until the end. I can't help myself when I stumble over to her, interrupting a conversation she's having with Blight.

"Chester should have won," I spit at her, "Not you. At least he was a nice kid!"

Her head snaps around to me and her eyes have a darkness to them that I've not seen before. "Maybe you're right," she says. "At least then my family would be alive!" She turns on her heel to leave but I grab her arm and pull her back.

"What do you mean?" I slur.

"You wouldn't understand."

I laugh, "Trust me, sweetheart, I'm an expert at losing families."

She lowers her voice as she speaks so that only Blight and I can hear her. "Snow wasn't best pleased with how I spoke about him in the arena so he offered me a way of redeeming myself…he said if I-"

"You don't have to say it, us victors all know the deal."

"Well I didn't! I spat in his face and walked out of the room, only once the celebrations back in Seven were over he had my whole family shot in front of me."

"You didn't tell her about me then?" I say to Blight and he shakes his head, much to Johanna's confusion. She's clearly angry with both of us, now.

"The same thing happened to me," I say and offer her a glass of wine.

"No, thanks. I'm not going to be like you." The anger from her face has gone and been replaced with pity. She's still hurting, still pining for her family but she's seen the future in me and I can't say I blame her for rejecting it.

As I walk home I think about Chaff's comments during the Games. Johanna could be the one to get the districts going but meeting her tonight has confirmed my belief that she isn't the one. We should certainly recruit her, I'm sure she wants Snow dead just as much as the rest of us and now she knows how the game works maybe she'll have her head screwed on a bit better. She's a clever girl.

We can definitely use her but she's not the one. We have to keep waiting.


	36. Chapter 36

**Thank you for reading and for all of your comments, I read them all and appreciate every single one of them. I know those that are regular readers have been waiting for this chapter, I hope it doesn't disappoint! Here we go!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters**

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

I start the day with a drink, well, several. Today is the day that I meet my forty-fifth and forty-sixth tributes and I have no intention of remembering them. Ever since Chester died I've blotted out the Games with as much drink as I can and, thankfully, I can only remember bits. Sometimes faces will come to me at night, often accompanied by their bloody deaths but I'm finding it more difficult to remember names these days.

Effie has already been around to tell me that I'm late but she quickly left once she got a whiff of my odour. Even I would be repulsed with myself if I actually cared about anything.

I stumble out of the house and can see the huge crowd that has gathered in the square; I rarely venture out these days and only then it's to buy booze so the daylight hurts my eyes a little. By the time I reach the side of the stage Mayor Undersee is already at the end of the speech and reading the names of previous victors.

"That's me!" I slur and stumble on to the stage. The crowd claps unenthusiastically and Effie simply turns her nose up at me so I wrap my arms around her and force her in to a hug. I know she hates this, which makes it all the more worthwhile as she pushes me away and approaches the microphone.

"Happy Hunger Games!" She screeches, her pink wig slightly off centre. "And may the odds be _ever_ in your favour! Before we begin I'd just like to say what a…privilege it is to be here once again," she gives an uncomfortable smile to the cameras before turning back to the mic. "Ladies first!"

She places her hand in the girls' reaping bowl and moves her hand around, torturing all of the children stood before her. She finally pulls out a slip of paper and clears her throat. "Primrose Everdeen!" She shouts.

I'm barely listening but I recognise the surname, of course I do. I look in to the crowd to see a thin girl who looks about ten approaching the stage, tucking in her blouse as she does so. Before I can even begin to feel sickened by the whole thing I hear a shout from the back and a girl with dark brown hair is pushing through the crowds.

"Prim!" She shouts, "Prim!" She runs up to the girl and pushes her behind her, protectively, and it's then that I recognise Cliff Everdeen's eldest daughter. The girl who collected that medal of valour four years ago, the girl I occasionally see in The Hob with a permanent scowl on her face. "I volunteer!" She says, "I volunteer as tribute!"

Effie looks around in confusion, unsure of what to do. I've never had a volunteer during my time as a mentor and I can't ever remember seeing one as a child. People just do not volunteer for the Games in 12, I suppose I have to share some of that blame. This girl has definitely got my attention, I doubt I'm ever going to forget her. Although, her name eludes me right now.

"Lovely," says Effie before reciting the protocol but, to the Mayor's credit, he just dismisses her and tells the girl to come forward.

The little girl is screaming, clinging to her sister but a tall boy comes forth and takes her away, he says something to her but I can't hear. I think I've seen him in The Hob, too.

"Well, bravo!" Says Effie as the girl climbs the stage. "That's the spirit of the Games!" Oh, shut up, Effie! "What's your name?"

"Katniss Everdeen," says the girl.

"I bet my buttons that was your sister. Don't want her to steal all the glory, do we? Come on, everybody! Let's give a big round of applause to our newest tribute!"

No one claps, they just stare. I'm not sure if it's because I'm drunk and possibly hallucinating or if it is actually happening but everyone seems to be placing three fingers on their mouth and then holding them out to Katniss. They're all saying goodbye. They're saying goodbye to someone they respect. Jeez, this girl must have some sort of spell over the entire district.

"Look at her. Look at this one!" I shout, stumbling towards her and placing an arm around her. "I like her!" I really do, she's showing compassion, not the malice and hate that the Capitol promotes. "Lots of…" What's the word? It's on the tip of my tongue. "Spunk!" I finally shout, "More than you!" I shout at no one in particular, before realising where all this sudden anger is coming from and who it's meant for. "More than you!" I shout at the camera at the end of the stage, losing my footing as I do so. The last thing I see before I black out is the stunned look on the faces of my district.

I wake up in one of the posh chambers on the Capitol train, unsure of how I got here. Then I remember. The Reaping, the girl, my drunken display. I should be disgusted with myself but I don't care, all I can think about is the booze that is on board somewhere. I get up and stagger down the corridor, unsure of which door I need to be looking for. My brain really has had a break these last few years.

I fall through a door to my right to find a young boy sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. This must be the boy tribute, I blacked out before I got to see his name being called. He looks up and wipes his hands over his eyes. I can't deal with the ones that cry all the time.

"This isn't where the booze is," I say and I can tell that I'm slurring.

"No," he says.

"What's your name, kid?" I ask, it seems polite after I've stumbled onto such a private moment.

"Peeta Mellark."

"Mellark!" I shout, "That's the baker's name!"

He nods, "I'm his youngest son."

"Ahh, I can see it, now," I say, starting to recognise the features beneath his blotchy skin. I wonder if he knows that his dad was desperate to marry Clara only for her to ditch him for Cliff. Does he know the connection he shares with Katniss?

That's when it hits me. Clara's daughter. I'm meant to keep her alive.

"I'm going for a nap," I groan before I can get even more lost in my thoughts. I go back to my room, order some white liquor and then pass out.

It's dark when I wake up and I can hear my stomach rumbling so I attempt to find the dining cart, again. I stagger in to find Katniss, Peeta and Effie sitting on the sofas.

"I miss supper?" I ask before throwing up all over the floor. That's what you get for drinking on an empty stomach, I suppose.

Effie screeches something before tottering out of the room and before I know it Peeta is holding one of my arms whilst Katniss grabs the other.

"I tripped? Smells bad."

"Let's get you back to your room," says Peeta, "Clean you up a bit."

They both drag me to my room and somehow manage to place me in the bathtub before switching on the water. They then argue for a bit over who should look after me before Katniss finally leaves. Even in my drunken state I can tell that a million thoughts are going through her head. Who she should trust, who she shouldn't.

"Arms up," says Peeta and I do as he says. I'm not entirely sure what's going on now, to be honest. He sighs, "She's never going to get home if you're our only chance."

The next morning I'm feeling a little more sober and know that if I don't get any food in to me soon I'm going to pass out, again. When I arrive, Effie and Peeta are already eating and making idle chit chat. I sit down and pile my plate high before ordering a cup of hot chocolate and dipping bits of bread roll in to it. Ever since I was reaped I've found this drink to be oddly comforting on the train ride to the Capitol, apart from the white liquor, of course. Speaking of which, a Bloody Mary would be perfect right now.

I notice that Peeta is staring at me so I ask one of the attendants to bring him a mug. I have some recollection of what he did for me last night and the sense of despair he felt.

"It's called hot chocolate," I say, remembering when Titam introduced it to me all those years ago. Peeta quickly drains the mug and orders another.

I hear footsteps and see that Katniss is standing in the doorway. "Sit down! Sit down!" I shout, to which she scowls but obliges and quickly stuffs her face full of food.

Peeta tells her about the hot chocolate and there's something in his eyes that unnerves me. I'm not sure what it is. It's not anger or hatred, it's something else I can't quite place. Helplessness.

"So, you're supposed to give us advice," Katniss finally says.

"Here's some advice," I snap, "Stay alive!" I can't help but laugh, surely they must know by now that I'm of no help at all. They've grown up with the Games, they know that 12 is hopeless. They know that I'm hopeless.

"That's very funny," says Peeta and smashes the glass I'm holding out of my hand. "Only not to us."

Rage overcomes me before I can think and suddenly I'm standing up and punching Peeta in the jaw. Who does this kid think he is?! I turn around to grab another drink but a knife slams in to the table and when I look up I can see that Katniss is responsible. I'm stunned. I've had angry tributes before but none that potentially had the skills to harness that anger to make them viable contenders.

"Well, what's this? Did I actually get a pair of fighters this year?" Peeta grabs some ice from the fruit tureen but I stop his arm, "No. Let the bruise show. The audience will think you've mixed it up with another tribute before you've even made it to the arena."

"That's against the rules," says Peeta.

"Only if they catch you. That bruise will say you fought, you weren't caught, even better." I turn to Katniss, I know I shouldn't get excited, every time I do my tribute still dies. But these two… "Can you hit anything with that knife besides a table?" She grabs the knife and throws it at the wall, securing it between two planks of wood. She can actually use a knife! "Stand over here. Both of you," I say, nodding to the middle of the room. I walk around them, seeing how fit they are and if the Capitolites will like the look of them. "Well, you're not entirely hopeless. Seem fit. And once the stylists get hold of you, you'll be attractive enough." As much as I despise them, the stylists know the Capitol's tastes better than anyone.

"All right, I'll make a deal with you. You don't interfere with my drinking, and I'll stay sober enough to help you. But you have to do exactly what I say."

They both agree and Katniss starts wittering on about strategy and the Cornucopia but I have to cut her off before she gets ahead of herself.

"In a few minutes, we'll be pulling into the station. You'll be put in the hands of your stylists. You're not going to like what they do to you," I can already tell that Katniss isn't a fan of being told what to do or say, "But no matter what it is, don't resist."

"But-" she says, predictably.

"No buts. Don't resist." I grab a bottle of booze from the table and head back in to my room because my head is spinning. I've given these kids hope and I know how dangerous that is. I've made them a promise and I don't know if I can keep it.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my version of Haymitch's view on the Games! Everyone's comments have been so encouraging and I appreciate every single one!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

Once we reach the Capitol I head straight to my room in the Training Centre whilst Effie starts calling up her connections to fill them in on her latest tributes. I have a shower, shave, get changed and even douse myself in some of the expensive cologne they have on offer before heading straight to the Sponsorship Room. I feel that if I don't hit the ground running straight away I'm never going to get back in to this. The last time I was this committed was with Chester but he didn't have the intrigue that I'm sure Katniss and Peeta have.

However, before I've even left the room the door opens and a young man in a black outfit walks in. He's got gold eyeliner on and if I didn't know for certain that he was from the Capitol I would say he looks fairly normal.

"Hello, Haymitch," he says. "I'm Cinna."

"Oh," I say, "Plutarch's friend." He nods. Plutarch has been saying for a few years how one of our sympathizers was eager to get in to Games so that he could show off his designs. Apparently he thinks it's the perfect platform for his art.

"I thought we could discuss Katniss' and Peeta's outfits."

"I suppose now is as good a time as any. What are you thinking?"

He says that him and his partner, Portia, aren't going down the coal miners route, which I'm over the moon about, but he wants to know if I have a problem with Katniss and Peeta matching.

"As if they're a team?" I say.

"Yes, we feel it will make them stand out. The tributes are always dressed individually but this will give them an edge."

Make them look like a team. Yes, that could work. Being from 12 they're going to need to stand out somehow. I think I like this guy. I agree to his plan and head for the Sponsorship Room.

I have to say that I'm startled once I arrive, I thought I would be pleading with people for hours just to get the chance to talk to them but two Capitol women quickly totter towards me as soon as I walk in to the room.

"Ladies," I say and they both smile.

"We want to know about this Katniss Everdeen!" One of them squeals, "I thought that her volunteering for her little sister was the sweetest thing anyone from twelve has ever done!" I try not to grimace as she insults my home district.

"And that Peeta Mellark isn't too harsh on the eyes!" Giggles the other.

I smirk, "I suppose not. They're both very strong minded people," I begin, although I'm not entirely sure if my words are true. "And I can guarantee that if you were to Sponsor either one of them you would get a good show for your money." This has got their interest so I launch in to a big speech about how they're desperate to win and that Katniss' wish to see her sister again will mean that she'll do anything to get home. I have a feeling that I'm not far wrong.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Effie laughing with an older man from the Capitol and I think I can hear her mention the names 'Katniss' and 'Peeta' so I can only assume that she's also trying to win sponsors. She really does want to get out of 12.

As I get ready for the Opening Ceremony my mind starts to wander back to the train with Peeta attempting to clean me up. _"She's never going to get home if you're our only chance." _That's what he said, I'm sure, but it seems strange that he should be so concerned for his other tribute and not for himself. And then I think about the looks he gave her at breakfast, the longing, helpless looks and suddenly I'm cursing myself for being so stupid. He loves her and she doesn't know. I don't think he has any intention of coming back alive, not if it means that Katniss has to die. Is this why Cinna wants them to match? Did he see something at the Reaping that I missed?

I head over to the Victors' Box, my mind whirring with this new discovery. Should I confront him about it or see if he tells me? Worse still, should I exploit it? I can see that Katniss has a lot of potential, far more than any other tribute I've mentored, but crossing this line could be a new low, even for me.

I can see Mags, Finnick and Annie lingering by the banquet as I enter and Annie has that distant look on her face that has become so normal for her, now. Ever since her win she's blended in to the background and the cameras have no real interest in her, which is a blessing, really. Mags is talking to her whilst Finnick smirks at the ladies, I don't know how he manages to look so disinterested in Annie when I know all he wants to do is look after her. Because he needs to, I suppose.

"Haymitch!" He shouts as he enters. "If you'd wanted diving lessons you should have come to me!" The whole room hears and a ripple of laughter ensues.

"Very funny, Odair," I say and lightly punch him on the arm.

He leans in and sniffs me, which I find odd. "What's that? Have you _showered_?"

"Now that _is_ a joke!" Says another voice and when I turn around I can see that Johanna has joined us. We've managed to bury the hatchet since my display at the Victory Dinner but I know there's no love lost between us. "I see you've got a volunteer this year."

I nod and motion for them to come closer. "I'm going to get her home," I whisper, "I think she could be what we're waiting for." They all exchange looks of uncertainty. "I know it's early days but I'm really going to try."

I debate whether I should tell them about Peeta's potential love for Katniss but I know that other mentors are lurking around, trying to found out about the competition so I keep it to myself. It isn't long before the chariots are riding in to City Circle and as soon as Katniss and Peeta enter we all take a collective gasp. I really do like Cinna.

Katniss and Peeta seem to be on fire and the whole crowd is going crazy for them. They're even holding hands and Katniss is blowing kisses to the audience! The permanent scowl on her face seems to have gone and has been replaced with a happy and sweet expression. She's the crowd's darling.

I don't waste a moment and as soon as the ceremony is over I go to the Sponsorship Room to see if anyone's about. Unlike this morning, everyone seems to flock to me now, desperate to know about my flaming tributes.

I get back to the apartment just as dinner is being served and find that everyone is already tucking in to their food.

"Everyone's talking about your designs, they loved them!" I say to Cinna and Portia. "Including myself." They say thank you and seeing the shocked expression on Effie's face is enough to make anyone laugh.

For dessert an Avox girl brings over a cake and sets it alight. Katniss catches her eye and announces that she knows her, much to everyone's surprise. I'm sure she does know her, the shock in her reaction was far too natural but I quickly explain what an Avox is to warn her to keep quiet. This girl has no idea just how rebellious she is. Peeta quickly wades in and claims that she looks like someone they know but I'm sure it's a lie, he's just convincing me even more that he's besotted with her.

After we've eaten the cake we move to the living area to watch the recap of the Opening Ceremony and Katniss and Peeta's entrance still takes my breath away, even though I was there.

"Whose idea was the hand holding?" I ask.

"Cinna's," says Portia.

"Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice." I catch Cinna's eye and he gives me a smirk, he may just be our best ally, yet. I turn to my tributes, "Tomorrow evening is the first training session. Meet me for breakfast and I'll tell you exactly how I want you to play it. Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk."

They both nod and leave whilst everyone else in the room looks at me with confusion.

"What's going on, Haymitch?" Asks Effie.

"Portia," I begin, "Has Peeta given the slightest hint that he may be in love with Katniss?" Cinna and Effie snap their heads round, although Cinna doesn't seem as taken aback as Effie does.

"Well, he does talk about her a lot. I don't know if he's necessarily in love with her."

"Okay, well, I'm sure I can find out but I'm pretty sure he is and I think that if we want to get sponsors on side we need to present them as a couple."

"But that's so cruel!" Snaps Effie.

"Not if he's already in love with her," says Cinna. "It's never been done before; it would make them stand out." I can tell that he was already thinking along the same lines.

"Only we can't tell them, yet, because I'm not sure how they'll react and they could ruin the whole thing." There's just something about Katniss that makes me doubt she'll be able to play along and it would be cruel to expose Peeta's feelings before he's ready. Everyone agrees and adjourns to their rooms for their night.

As I get under the covers I start to doubt my plan. I might have to choose one of them to support more and it looks increasingly like it's going to be Katniss but she can seem so cold and guarded sometimes whereas Peeta is just naturally more likeable. No, I can't let my heart choose. I've been burned before.

Peeta and I arrive for breakfast at the same time the next morning and it's clear from Katniss' scowl that she's not happy with her outfit; she's wearing a burgundy tunic very similar to Peeta's. If she wins I just hope she appreciates what everyone is doing for her, especially this poor boy.

"So, let's get down to business," I say after my belly has been filled. "Training. First off, if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now." I ask this as more of a test of Peeta's love rather than anything else.

"Why would you coach us separately?" Asks Katniss.

"Say if you had a secret skill you might not want the other to know about."

Katniss considers this for a moment but Peeta speaks first. "I don't have any secret skills and I already know what yours is, right? I mean, I've eaten enough of your squirrels." My first thought is that if she's half as good as her father was with a bow then we've got a real chance this year. My second thought is that Peeta is desperate to help her.

"You can coach us together," Katniss says.

"All right, give me some idea of what you can do."

"I can't do anything," says Peeta, "Unless you count baking bread."

He's very quick. "Sorry, I don't. Katniss, I already know you're handy with a knife."

"Not really but I can hunt. With a bow and arrow."

"And you're good?"

"I'm all right."

"She's excellent," says Peeta and immediately starts singing her praises, to which Katniss acts shocked. He's telling her not to undersell herself to me if she wants help but she's a Seam kid through and through so she repays her debt by telling me how strong Peeta is. Although, he quickly dismisses this. Breakfast is certainly an eye opener today.

Peeta finally turns to me after revealing that his mother thinks Katniss will win over him. This kid has got crap coming at him from all angles. "She has no idea," he says, "The effect she can have." She really doesn't, even when it's sitting next to her.

"Well then," I say, "Well, well, well. Katniss, there's no guarantee there'll be bows and arrows in the arena, but during your private session with the Gamemakers, show them what you can do. Until then, stay clear of archery. Are you any good at trapping?"

"I know a few basic snares."

"That may be significant in terms of food. And Peeta, she's right, never underestimate strength in the arena. Very often, physical power tilts the advantage to a player. In the Training Centre, they will have weights, but don't reveal how much you can lift in front of the other tributes. The plan's the same for both of you. You go to group training. Spend the time trying to learn something you don't know. Throw a spear. Swing a mace. Learn to tie a decent knot. Save showing what you're best at until your private sessions. Are we clear?" I'm amazed at how easily the words spill out of my mouth, at how passionate I am to get one of them through this. I guess all of these years in the Capitol have taught me something. I tell them to be together all the time, to which they object but I'm firm. I'm certain now that Peeta wants to protect her and the sooner we present them as having some sort of relationship, the better.

Before I head to the Sponsorship Room I give myself a moment about how best to reveal Peeta's love for Katniss so that we get the Capitolites on side. I can build up the story to the sponsors during training and then…yes, the interviews. That's when we ramp things up. The eve of this year's Games is going to end in a way that's never been seen before.


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you for reading Haymitch's Story and for all of your feedback, I really appreciate it!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

I spend the next three days tirelessly parading around the Sponsorship Room trying to get people interested and giving as many interviews as I can, which feels alien and familiar at the same time. It's been a while since reporters have genuinely wanted to speak to me.

I think I shock the other victors with how much effort I'm putting in but those that are in the rebellion are eager to know more about Katniss. As I get to know her it's clear that she doesn't like being told what to do and second guesses everything that everyone does. She's clever and careful who she trusts, I can see that and it's making things a whole lot harder.

"Do you really think we could use her?" Asks Finnick one day.

"I think so, I mean, everything she's done so far is two fingers up to the Capitol and she doesn't even realise! She just has to win, first."

"My tribute says she's not too bad with a spear but, of course, he thinks he's far better."

"Typical Career," I say, "I think she has a chance. She's got this cold, calculating aspect to her that could put her in good stead in the arena."

"Cold and calculating? I believe you just described yourself."

"Oh, shut up and go back to flirting!"

By the time the training days are over I feel utterly exhausted. I've tried not to drink too much but I need a glass now and again just to get me through; I have no idea how Mags and Titam did this for so long. I know they put the effort in every year whereas this is the first time for me in a long time.

On the final day I get back from the Sponsorship Room just as Peeta is returning from his private session with the Gamemakers, he looks pretty stressed so I tell him to go and rest. We can talk about it later. Twenty minutes later Katniss storms in to the living area and straight through to her room, slamming the door behind her. Effie and I instantly head over and knock on the door but she refuses to open it. How bad could it have gone to warrant this behaviour? How are we supposed to help her if she doesn't speak to us? She's so infuriating! Eventually we give up and I help myself to a large glass of wine, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay sober for.

Katniss does, however, emerge from her room when it's time for dinner but she has that now infamous scowl on her face. I know things are rough but does this kid ever smile? Not that I can give lectures on smiling, I only give unimpressed smirks these days.

There's lots of nonsensical chatting at dinner that starts to drive me insane so I finally ask just how bad things were in the training room.

"I don't know that it mattered. By the time I showed up, no one even bothered to look at me. They were singing some kind of drinking song, I think. So I threw around some heavy objects until they told me I could go." I HATE Gamemakers, they have no idea the hell they are putting these kids through.

"And you, sweetheart?" I say to Katniss.

"I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers."

"You what?" Says Effie, voicing everyone else's shock.

"I shot an arrow at them. Not exactly at them. In their direction. It's like Peeta said, I was shooting and they were ignoring me and I just…I just lost my head, so I shot an apple out of their stupid roast pig's mouth!" I have to fight the urge to laugh; I can just picture their faces, especially Plutarch who can be very dramatic when he wants.

"And what did they say?" Asks Cinna.

"Nothing. Or I don't know, I walked out after that."

"Without being dismissed?" Says Effie.

"I dismissed myself."

"Well, that's that," I say, buttering a roll. Katniss starts worrying about what will happen to her family but I tell her that it's too late in the Games to replace her and they can't reveal what happened in the training room, anyway, so why would they hurt her family? I'm a bit of an expert in this sort of thing, now. "More likely they'll make your life hell in the arena."

"Well, they've already promised to do that to us anyway," says Peeta.

"Very true," I say and then curiosity gets the better of me. "What were their faces like?"

"Shocked. Terrified. Uh, ridiculous, some of them. One man tripped backwards into a bowl of punch!"

I laugh and a part of me hopes it's Plutarch, I can picture it, now. This girl must be getting his attention and I desperately want to talk to him before the Games begin. Surely he can see Katniss' potential as much as I can? Maybe he can do something in the arena for her…

Talk then turns to the scores and both Peeta and Katniss are worried about scoring low but Portia manages to calm them down. Scores are mainly for sponsors, anyway.

When it's time to watch the scores the Careers get their usual eight to ten marks but the biggest surprise is probably the little girl from 11 who gains a 7. Chaff is her mentor and, apparently, all she can talk about is Katniss, which worries me, slightly. She must be twelve but she looks much younger, I can't look at the screen for long because my willing Katniss to win means the death of a small twelve year old.

Peeta's face eventually flashes up with an eight underneath it and everyone in the room is pleased, especially Peeta. I have to admit, I can see that he's strong but I didn't think he would score that high. Then it's Katniss' turn and an 11 flashes under her picture! This girl just continues to surprise me.

"There must be a mistake. How…how could that happen?" She asks me.

"Guess they liked your temper. They've got a show to put on. They need some players with some heat."

We all congratulate Katniss before retiring to our rooms, although, just as I'm finishing a glass of wine I hear a knock on the door. The last thing I need is a lecture off Effie but I remind myself that I'm meant to be trying this year.

"Come in," I say and a sheepish Peeta walks in, closing the door behind him. "Hey, kid, you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. I need to talk to you."

"Take a seat," I say and gesture to the plush sofas in the corner of the room. "What is it?"

"I know you've been trying really hard and we both really appreciate it, even if Katniss doesn't say so, but," he turns his head away from me, "We _have_ to make sure that Katniss gets home."

"Peeta, do you love her?" I try to keep my voice as soft as possible.

To my great surprise he doesn't deny it but looks me squarely in the face. "Yes and I know how much people at home need her. I'll do whatever it takes, Haymitch, I mean it."

"You know what you're agreeing to, don't you? You're saying that-"

"I know," he interrupts, "As soon as Effie called my name I knew I wouldn't be coming home and I've accepted that so now I have to help her."

I nod, I can't believe how brave he is for someone so young. "In that case we've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. From what the other mentors have told me Katniss isn't making much of an impression and I've been making some bold claims to potential sponsors. The best thing you can do at the interviews is declare your love for her in front of everyone, make her desirable, make the audience cry at how horrible your situation is."

"It is horrible. But yeah, that's fine. Should I…should I tell her before-"

"No," I snap, "She won't know how to react. It's best to keep her in the dark, she doesn't always think before she acts."

He agrees and a small smile creeps across his face before telling me that he can't see her tomorrow knowing what he's planning, he doesn't like lying to her. How can she not see how much this boy loves her?! Things would be so much easier if she just loved him, too!

"Did you know?" He says as he gets up to leave.

"I had an incline but I didn't want to force it out of you." I think he gives me a genuine smile as he leaves.

The next morning Peeta and Effie are already eating breakfast when I arrive and talking about tomorrow's interviews. He tells Effie he's going to be coached separately from Katniss but doesn't elaborate as to why. I wonder if he slept last night.

As soon as the object of his affections walks in he gets up and goes in to his room before he can even say hello to her. Once I reveal that they're splitting up I swear I see a flash of anger across Katniss' face but she doesn't act on it, just says "Good" before beginning her four hours of etiquette prep with Effie.

Peeta is eager to get started when I go into his room and asks how he's going to go about pouring his heart out.

"Well, Caesar is actually really good with the tributes and he _always_ asks the good looking boys if they've got a girlfriend but you need to draw it out, create suspense."

"Right…"

I don't think he's quite sure so we spend the four hours practising different scenarios and, eventually, he seems pretty adept at dropping Katniss in to the conversation in a dramatic way. He's also pretty funny, which is never a bad thing.

"I've been thinking," I say after about three hours, "if you really want to protect Katniss you're going to have to make sure the Careers don't get to her; they're definitely going to be annoyed at that eleven she scored."

"What are you getting at, Haymitch?" I can tell he's getting annoyed but I don't know how to broach my latest idea, it came to me last night and could either be a stroke of genius or extremely foolish. I've just frantically been trying to think of ways to keep this girl alive.

"How do you feel about getting in with the Careers and keeping them away from Katniss? You'll have to say that you don't really love her, of course, you can just tell them that it was all my idea. But, hopefully, the audience will realise that you're trying to protect her."

"And why do you think they'd let me in? We've been avoiding them all week."

"I know, you're going to have to do something to prove your worth. Do you think you could kill one of them?" I hate asking this, the words don't seem right coming out of my mouth but I know they need to be said.

"I don't know, I'll try. I suppose we can't really plan what will happen in the arena."

I've been so busy trying to work on Peeta's strategy that by the time it comes to prep with Katniss nothing is coming to me.

"What?" She says.

"I'm trying to figure out what to do with you. How we're going to present you. Are you going to be charming? Aloof? Fierce? So far, you're shining like a star. You've volunteered to save your sister. Cinna made you look unforgettable. You've got the top training score. People are intrigued, but no one knows who you are. The impression you make tomorrow will decide exactly what I can get you in terms of sponsors."

I can tell that I've got her attention, now. "What's Peeta's approach? Or am I not allowed to ask?"

"Likeable. He has a sort of self-deprecating humour naturally." I wonder if I should reveal all, see if she can handle it but I know it's too risky. "Whereas when you open your mouth, you come across as sullen and hostile."

"I do not!" Huh, typical teenager.

"Please, I do not know where you pulled that cheery, wavy girl on the chariot from, but I haven't seen her before or since."

"And you've given me so many reasons to be cheery."

"But you don't have to please me, I'm not going to sponsor you. So pretend I'm the audience. Delight me." It's becoming increasingly difficult not to antagonise her, as much as I can see her potential for the rebellion she's still so stubborn.

I ask her hundreds of questions but her answers are either bland, hostile or both. She's not trying at all and I quickly revert back to drinking.

"They want to know about you, Katniss," I say, almost begging her to change her persona.

"But I don't want them to! They're already taking my future! They can't have the things that mattered to me in the past!"

"Then lie! Make something up!"

"I'm not good at lying."

"Well, you better learn fast. You've got about as much charm as a dead slug." I suggest she plays 'humble' but even this is too much of a stretch for her, it looks like Peeta is our only hope, now. "I give up, sweetheart," I finally say. "Just answer the questions and try not to let the audience see how openly you despise them."

I grab a bottle of white liquor and head to my room, wondering how on earth I'm going to get her home.


	39. Chapter 39

**Thank you, again, for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter! All feedback is welcome and I appreciate any comments you may have.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

By the time I wake up the next day Peeta and Katniss are already in the hands of their prep team so I spend the hours wisely by heading, once again, to the Sponsorship Room where I stumble upon Plutarch chatting away to a group of Capitolites.

He doesn't approach me immediately but waits half an hour and then walks over with that infamous grin.

"Haymitch!" He says as he wraps an arm around me. "How's she getting on?" He whispers before he pulls away. This is the first time I've seen him since I arrived in the Capitol but it's of no surprise to me that he's fascinated by Katniss.

"Well, she doesn't really like to do what she's told, which is a good and a bad thing, I suppose."

"She's certainly fiery, she sent me flying in to a bowl of punch when she launched that arrow!"

I laugh, the image of Plutarch landing in a punch bowl will never fail to amuse me. "I've got a plan," I say once I've stopped laughing but I keep smiling to keep up the pretence for any onlookers. "And it may just smell enough of rebellion to get her home."

He nods as I explain my plan and agrees that it just might work, not only would young lovers torn apart by their circumstances appeal to the soppy Capitolites but it would also, hopefully, anger the districts.

Just as we're saying goodbye Plutarch says, "Of course, it had to be you that would come up with such a cunning plan!" I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not. I suppose I'll find out if and when Katniss wins.

After I've had enough of the Sponsorship Room and their many delicacies I go to Peeta's room to find Portia making a few last minute alterations to his black suit. My mind instantly heads towards Vieve and that day in the shop. I must have a melancholy look on my face because Peeta is staring at me as if I've got two heads.

"Are you okay, Haymitch?" He asks.

"Yes," I groan, trying to shake off any thoughts of Vieve. "I just wanted to check that you're all set for tonight. How are you feeling?"

"A bit nervous but I'm determined to do this." He looks down before adding, "I need to."

I slap him on the back and say, "You're going to be great, I'll see you later," before leaving the room. For some reason he puts me on edge; his sheer determination to sacrifice himself for someone he loves just makes me feel like a pathetic excuse of a man. A fact I already know but don't want to be reminded of.

Cinna has very kindly made me a fancy new suit for the interviews so after I've showered I put it on and accompany everyone else to the room where the interviews will take place. Just before I take my seat with the other victors I notice that Katniss has her scowl etched across her face so I make sure to tell her and Peeta that they still need to act like a happy pair. I try to suppress the guilt I feel when I see Peeta's face.

I find my seat next to Chaff, who has already fetched me a bottle of white liquor and wait for the interviews to begin. When his tribute, Rue, takes to the stage I can sense his body tensing as she looks so childlike compared to the other tributes. She's very sweet and gets a lot of sympathy but I doubt anyone is backing her.

Eventually, Katniss takes to the stage in one of Cinna's amazing designs that makes her look like she could turn in to a fireball at any moment. I can tell she's nervous but Caesar manages to get a funny remark out of her about lamb stew that has the audience cracking up. I'm just hoping that she can keep it up.

"Now, Katniss," says Caesar, "When you came out in the opening ceremonies, my heart actually stopped. What did you think of that costume?"

"You mean after I got over my fear of being burned alive?" Another laugh. _Keep going_, I think.

"Yes. Start then."

"I thought Cinna was brilliant and it was the most gorgeous costume and I couldn't believe I was wearing it. I can't believe I'm wearing this, either." She stands up and says, "I mean, Look at it!" To my surprise she starts twirling on the stage and she really does look like she's on fire, the effect is incredible and the whole audience feels it. She stops, claiming she's dizzy but Caesar grabs her.

"Don't worry, I've got you. Can't have you following in your mentor's footsteps."

The cameras quickly point to me and I just smile and wave, although I'm fighting the urge to smack Chaff who is guffawing like nobody's business.

The cameras swing back to Katniss and Caesar is trying to find out how she got that eleven but she reminds him that it's secret, which almost makes him wet himself, I'm sure.

"Let's go back then, to the moment they called your sister's name at the reaping And you volunteered," says Caesar and I can feel my heart beat picking up. She was doing okay up until now but this could change everything. "Can you tell us about her?"

"Her name's Prim. She's just twelve. And I love her more than anything." It's simple but at least she's given them some insight in to her life. I'm just willing for her time to be over, now.

"What did she say to you? After the reaping?"

"She asked me to try really hard to win."

"And what did you say?"

"I swore I would." Yes! It might not have been the best interview but at least she's told the audience that she has a solid reason to win and that's she's going to try her hardest.

The buzzer sounds and as she leaves the stage I begin to tense. Peeta's up next and it's almost time for his big reveal. I'm certain that Katniss is going to hate us both within the next five minutes but I don't care, hopefully she'll realise what we're trying to do for her.

Peeta is brilliant as soon as he steps on to the stage, he's joking with Caesar and has the whole crowd roaring with laughter. He's set the whole thing up beautifully now and when Caesar asks him about a girlfriend I almost breathe a sigh of relief. So far, so good.

Peeta shakes his head in response to the question but in such a way that you don't really believe him.

"Handsome lad like you," says Caesar, "There must be some special girl. Come on, what's her name?"

"Well, there is this one girl. I've had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping." I can almost hear the sighs of sympathy from the audience.

"She have another fellow?"

"I don't know, but a lot of boys like her."

"So, here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?"

I clench my fists, waiting for Peeta's response. This is it. This is his chance. Katniss' chance.

"I don't think it's going to work out. Winning…won't help in my case."

"Why ever not?"

"Because...," he's stammering, unsure if he should go ahead with it but eventually he spits it out, "because…she came here with me."  
I knew he could do it, he's got the whole room gripped and the look of sadness on his face is going to read well with the audience. I almost hit myself for being so emotionally distant, I know that it's not a look faked for the cameras.

Katniss' face appears on screen. She's suitably shocked and I'm hoping that she doesn't lash out. Luckily, she just looks down as if she's embarrassed. I'm guessing she has no idea how perfectly she's just played her role of the heartbroken teenager.

"Oh, that is a piece of bad luck," says Caesar.

"It's not good," says Peeta.

"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady. She didn't know?"

Peeta shakes his head and says, "Not until now."

Caesar asks the audience if they'd like to get Katniss back up on stage, which sends a cold chill over my body, before informing them that it's against the rules. As Peeta leaves the stage I'm convinced that he gets the biggest applause, as well as a few tears. During the anthem all I can hear is whispers of "Poor Peeta" and "They'd make such a sweet couple."

Chaff turns to me, "Was that your big plan?" He asks.

I nod, "What do you think?"

"It's either the best strategy that the Games has ever seen or the worst. I guess we'll soon find out."

I grin, finish off my bottle of white liquor and leave my seat to go and check on Peeta and Katniss, something I'm dreading. I meet up with Effie, Portia and Cinna before we get in to the elevator and as soon as it opens in to our apartment we can see shards of something splayed across the floor and Peeta sitting amongst it.

"What's going on?" Screeches Effie, "Did you fall?"

"After she shoved me," replies Peeta, allowing Effie and Cinna to help him up.

"Shoved him?" I shout, the feeling of anger growing inside of me. This girl is just not good for my health!

"That was your idea, wasn't it?" She says, "Turning me into some kind of fool in front of the entire country?"

"It was my idea," says Peeta, "Haymitch just helped me with it."

"Yes, Haymitch is very helpful. To you!" She spits.

"You are a fool," I say, "Do you think he hurt you? That boy gave you something you could never achieve on your own."

"He made me look weak!"

"He made you look desirable! And let's face it, you can use all the help you can get in that department. You were about as romantic as dirt until he said he wanted you. Now they all do. You're all they're talking about. The star-crossed lovers from District Twelve!"

"But we're not star-crossed lovers!"

I can't contain my anger any longer and push her against the wall, she may have the mind-set of a hunter but her social skills are atrocious. "Who cares? It's all a big show. It's all how you're perceived. The most I could say about you after your interview was that you were nice enough, although that in itself was a small miracle. Now I can say you're a heartbreaker. Oh, oh, oh, how the boys back home fall longingly at your feet. Which do you think will get you more sponsors?"

She shoves me away and I can see that she's thinking it over. She's still adamant that she should have been told but after everyone has assured her that her reaction was perfect her face softens a little.

"She's just worried about her boyfriend," says Peeta and my head snaps around, he didn't tell me she already had a boyfriend!

"I don't have a boyfriend," Katniss snaps.

"Whatever," says Peeta, "But I bet he's smart enough to know a bluff when he sees it. Besides you didn't say you loved me. So what does it matter?" Poor kid, even now he's still trying to protect her. He doesn't really want her to know how he feels in case it confuses her. After a little more arguing and reassuring Katniss that this is the right strategy we sit down for dinner and then watch the interview recaps.

Eventually, it's time for bed and for us to say our goodbyes. This is the last time any of us are going to see Peeta in the flesh but I just hope that stupid girl makes it out.

Effie shakes their hands and wishes them luck before she says, "I wouldn't be at all surprised if I finally get promoted to a decent district next year!" Argh, this woman!

I, meanwhile, do nothing. I hate goodbyes.

"Any final words of advice?" Asks Peeta and I realise that this is my last chance to impart any words of somewhat wisdom I have.

"When the gong sounds, get the hell out of there. You're neither of you up to the bloodbath at the Cornucopia. Just clear out, put as much distance as you can between yourselves and the others, and find a source of water. Got it?"

"And after that?" Asks Katniss.

"Stay alive." I don't know what else to say, after all, that's all I want her to do. Survive this hell and then help the cause. Possibly.

As I try to sleep all I can think about is Katniss and the horrors that await her. I know I should be worried about Peeta but he's resigned himself to the fact that he's going to die and, unfortunately, so have I. He's a good kid, a rarity in this country, but I don't think he has the same rebellious streak that Katniss does. She may not be our figurehead but I'm sure she hates Snow enough to help us. At least, I hope she does.


	40. Chapter 40

**Thank you so much for reading and your continued support, I hope the latest chapters are keeping you on your toes even though you know the story! Any reviews you may have are always welcome and I read every single one of them.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty**

I get about three hours sleep before I have to rise and face the day. I know that Katniss and Peeta are long gone by now and on their way to the arena, which fills me with anxiety, dread and terror as well as one hundred other emotions. The last time I was this nervous was when Chester was a tribute but, dare I say it, I think I feel worse this time around.

Almost all of the mentors are at their stations when I walk in to the Control Room and Chaff is waiting for me with a shot of liquor and a grim smile.

"I think we're going to need more than one this year," I say after we've knocked it back. Chaff smirks and fills up the glasses again. We wish each other good luck and take our seats.

The screens are already showing the arena and I can see that there are lots of trees and places to hide as well as a large lake and a few small ponds with what seems to be a large wheat field on the other side. At least it won't be difficult for Peeta and Katniss to find water.

Finnick and Johanna both come over to wish me luck, although Johanna isn't as talkative as Finnick.

"That's a clever strategy you worked out for them," says Finnick, "He looks like he really does love her."

"He does," I say, "He'll do anything to get her home."

Both of their faces instantly turn to a state of shock and I think it's then that they begin to think that Katniss may just have something special about her. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

I don't have wait long before the tributes are rising in to the arena and surrounding the golden Cornucopia. Katniss and Peeta are a few tributes apart but close enough that they can see each other.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!" Booms Claudius Templesmith and the sixty second countdown begins.

I can see both of them scanning the area for weapons and to see where the other tributes are; I can see that Peeta's eyes have found the Careers whereas Katniss' are locked on to a bow and arrows that have so clearly been placed to entice her into the bloodbath.

My heart starts pounding, worried that she's going to make a foolish mistake and then I see that Peeta is looking at her, shaking his head. He knows what she's thinking and he's trying to stop her, which only makes my heart sink.

The gong sounds and they're away, Peeta is heading straight for the weapons, which I would usually advise against but I know that he's trying to prove himself to the Careers. Katniss doesn't move as quickly but when she does she manages to grab a loaf of bread and a piece of plastic. I'm urging her to run but she's heading for an orange backpack. Why doesn't she just get out of there?! Surely she knows she'll have sponsors lining up in no time!

Peeta has grabbed a spear and a knife and has distanced himself from the fighting, unsure what to do. He needs to decide quickly before another tribute comes at him.

Katniss gets to the backpack at the same time a lanky boy does, they fight over it before the boy falls forward with a knife in his back. The menacing girl from 2 has thrown a knife in his back and it doesn't take Katniss long to realise that another one is heading her way. I'm almost yelling at her as she runs, thinking that all of my hard work could be over in minutes. The girl from 2 throws her knife but Katniss lifts her bag over her head and the knife wedges itself in, causing me to breathe a sigh of relief.

I look back to Peeta who is now wrestling with the boy from 1, somehow they've both lost their weapons and Peeta's strength is winning out. He's doing well but if he wants to get in with them he needs to kill this boy and without a knife I don't know how he's going to do it. He pushes the boy over and is sitting on top of him, lifting his fist in readiness to punch him.

"Marvel!" The horrible looking boy from 2 shouts, bounding over towards Peeta and the boy.

"Cato! Behind you!" Peeta shouts and the boy, surprised, turns around to see the boy from 4 running at him with a knife but when he reaches Cato he's greeted by a sword being plunged into his abdomen.

All three of them are still for a moment. Peeta has just saved Cato's life, something none of us could have imagined and is probably an even better way of getting into his good books than by killing one of his allies.

"Get off him!" Cato yells at Peeta, who reluctantly obliges. It's hard to tell if he's going to thank Peeta or stab him with his sword, his face is filled with confusion.

"I want in!" Peeta says before anyone else can do anything. "I want to be in your alliance. I know you want to kill Katniss and I want to help."

Both of the boys smirk and have now been joined by a blonde haired girl holding the bow and arrows. She sees a male tribute running away and clumsily fires an arrow at him, it lands in his lower back but she just leaves him to bleed out.

"You really think we're going to believe that?" Says Cato after he's lost interest in the dying boy.

"It's true, all of that lovey dovey stuff is a lie. Haymitch knows she has no chance of winning so he just wanted me to help her look good but I'm not going along with it. I'm not dying for her." _Yes you are_, I think.

They all think it over for a moment, the screams of the last victims of the bloodbath surrounding them before Cato speaks, clearly he's assigned himself the role of leader. "Okay, you might be useful."

"We should just kill him, Cato," says the girl.

"If he steps out of line just once, then we will," he says, looking directly at Peeta who just nods. Cato picks up a knife and hands it over to him before introducing him to the rest of the alliance. Seconds later the girl from 2 strides over, her knife at the throat of a boy who can't be more than fourteen.

"This one said he can help us," she says. "He wants to dig up the explosives from the plates and place them around the supplies."

"That could be useful," says Marvel and Cato agrees before detailing the gruesome death that the boy faces if he doesn't do exactly as he says.

"Why is he still alive?" Spits Clove, the girl from 2, nodding at Peeta.

They all begin to explain and my focus shifts to Katniss, safe in the knowledge that Peeta is alive for the time being. Katniss is walking through the woods, hopefully looking for water. I feel like I've been holding in a breath for the last hour and it's only now that I can let it out.

Finnick walks over and slaps a hand on my back. "That Peeta has got more balls than I thought," he says.

"He sure does. I can't believe your tribute turned against his own alliance, did you know he was going to do that?"

"No, he didn't really say much to me, to be honest. I'm going to check on Annie, do you need anything?" I shake my head and he leaves. This is probably the first year that his tribute has been killed on day one.

I can see that Katniss is checking her supplies whilst the Careers talk tactics with Peeta. She has some food, although she's lost her bread, and a few supplies but no water, which I specifically told them both to look for.

I tap the icon on the Tribute Screens to see if we've got any sponsorship money and both of them have a decent amount to start with but I'm not going to use it until they're desperate. They seem fine for now and Peeta has his pick of the supplies.

As night falls Katniss sets a snare and finds a tree to settle down in whilst Peeta sits down to eat with the Careers. The boy from 3 has completed rewiring the mines and I'm wondering how long it will be until they all turn on him.

"Yours are doing well," Chaff says to me and I have to admit that I've completely forgotten he was there, let alone been concerned with how Rue is doing. I haven't been able to take my eyes off the Tribute Screens.

"Yeah, how's Rue getting on?"

"Surprisingly well," he says, "She's hiding in the trees, looking down on Katniss."

He points to the screen and I can see that just above Katniss sits a little girl in a very high tree, watching everything below her. I can't help but smile, she's not as innocent as she looks.

One of the Capitol attendants brings us food as the anthem plays and recaps who died today. Eleven in total. Katniss starts to fall asleep and it's only then that I realise how tired I am but dropping off now seems like a betrayal somehow.

I stare at the screen for an hour, Peeta and the Careers are trudging through the arena looking for victims whilst the boy from 3 stays behind to guard the supplies. Cato wants to look for Thresh, a huge boy from 11, but apparently he's run in to the wheat field and no one wants to follow him.

"Haymitch," a soft voice says in my ear and I turn around to see Mags pulling up a chair. "Why don't you have a nap and I'll keep watch?" I want to say no but fatigue wins out and I'm soon drifting off. Typical Mags, always looking out for me.

I wake up two hours later and Mags tells me that a girl was lighting a fire near Katniss, which caught the attention of the Careers and now they're heading her way.

"No!" I gasp. "No, no, no!"

"It's okay, they haven't seen Katniss," says Mags, "But she can hear them and she knows Peeta's with them. He's gone to kill the girl because she was slowly bleeding to death."

When I look at the screen I can see the cold expression on Katniss' face as the Careers talk below her. Peeta, meanwhile is holding the dying girl's hand as he places his knife in her heart. I know that must have hurt him, even if it was a mercy killing.

"Why don't we just kill him now and get it over with?" Says Marvel.

"Let him tag along. What's the harm? And he's handy with that knife," replies Cato. "Besides, he's our best chance of finding her."

"Why?" Says Clove, "You think she bought into that sappy romance stuff?"

"She might have. Seemed pretty simpleminded to me. Every time I think about her spinning around in that dress, I want to puke." I have to admit, this makes me laugh. That's my girl!

"Wish we knew how she got that eleven," says the blonde haired girl, I think I heard someone calling her Glimmer. She reminds me so much of Cashmere, looks like butter wouldn't melt but you can bet that she knows a thousand and one different ways to kill someone.

"But you Lover Boy Knows," says Marvel but he doesn't say anymore as Peeta returns.

"Was she dead?" Asks Cato.

"No. But she is now," says Peeta, followed by the cannon. "Ready to move on?"

They all nod and are soon running off into the woods as the dawn light breaks through. The camera on the Panem Screen switches to Katniss who gives them a cheeky smile, she's playing with the audience perfectly! It's only then that I notice the pin on her jacket, how could I have not noticed that before?!

She's wearing a gold pin that encircles a small mockingjay; it's the same pin that Maysilee wore twenty four years ago and I can't help but wonder how Katniss came to own it. Did the Donners give it to Clara after she died? I can't imagine so, Maysilee told me it had been in the family for years. I suppose it doesn't really matter. I don't believe in signs but if ever I needed one, this is it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Thank you all, again, for continuing to read and for all of your lovely comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter, things are starting to get exciting, now!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-One**

Katniss quietly climbs down from her tree and checks her snares, which have trapped a fair amount of food and proceeds to skin, gut and cook her kills. It may not be the wisest thing to do with the others so close but the cameras are locked on her, showing Panem just how resourceful she is.

Her face isn't giving anything away and I, just like the rest of the country, want to know what she thinks of Peeta joining the Careers. I doubt she realises that he's protecting her but I hope she doesn't say something stupid to shatter the star-crossed lovers angle.

The day goes on and while the Careers head back to their base to sleep Katniss continues to walk, searching for water. I can tell she's getting desperate now but I'm reluctant to send her something as simple as water this early on.

As she gets closer to one of the ponds I can see her resolve loosening and eventually she's crying out for me to send her water.

"Come on, Haymitch, she's going to die if you don't send it to her," says Chaff, "You've got plenty of money."

"Look how close she is," I say and point to the pond, "She'll figure it out."

Chaff doesn't seem to agree but within twenty minutes Katniss is on her feet and running towards the pond. That's when I know that she's understood. She may have limited social skills but when it comes to survival her brain is unlike any other.

She spends the next few hours there, filling up her water bottle and gulping it down. At least now she's got some energy back and the audience will have regained their faith in her.

"I thought I'd relieve you of your duties," an irritating voice says in my ear that can only belong to Effie. I look up to find she's head to toe in a dark brown that makes her look like a tree branch.

"That's not your job," I snarl.

"I know but I want to help and you're no good to them without any sleep." She pulls up a chair and stares me down until I agree but I refuse to leave, even if my smell is offending her and just doze off in my chair.

It feels like no time at all has passed when I hear her shouting "Wake up! Haymitch! Katniss is in trouble!"

My eyes spring open and I can see that Katniss is being chased by huge fireballs, no doubt that's a comment by the Gamemakers on Cinna's designs. I just hope this isn't one of Plutarch's ideas.

Katniss is faster than I thought but she has to stop for a moment to tear off her jacket, which has caught fire, and when I look at the Panem Screen I can see that the Careers are also being chased by the wall of fire. The Gamemakers want a show and they're pushing their biggest contenders towards each other.

By the time the Careers have caught up with Katniss she's climbing a tree high above them, despite the huge burn down one of her legs. Peeta's eyes flit between her and the other Careers, it's clear he's worried and unsure what to do.

"How is everything with you?" Katniss yells at them, which gets a laugh from everyone in the room, including myself.

"Well enough," says Cato, "Yourself?"

"It's been a bit warm for my taste," she replies and my heart beat starts to slow. She's got the whole country eating out of the palm of her hands, I'm sure. "The air's better up here. Why don't you come on up?"

"Think I will." Glimmer tries to hand him her bow and arrows but Cato refuses, preferring his sword but he's so muscular and heavy that he has no chance of climbing as high as Katniss and falls flat on his back.

Glimmer aims her arrows at Katniss but hits the tree instead so Katniss gabs the arrow and waves it at her, tauntingly.

"What is she doing?!" Screams Effie.

"Playing the part," I say, "And she's doing brilliantly."

The Careers group together, discussing what they should do next. Clove suggests that she climb up there but Cato quickly vetoes that, it's obvious that he wants to be the one to kill Katniss.

Eventually Peeta chimes in and says, "Oh, let her stay up there. It's not like she's going anywhere. We'll deal with her in the morning." Excellent! He's convinced them to wait it out and given Katniss a chance to form a plan without them realising. I wonder if she's realised what he's doing, yet.

Effie totters off a little while later once she sees that nothing is going on and I slip out for half an hour just to shower and get changed. When I return I can see that Rue has been hiding out in the tree next to Katniss and is pointing to a tracker jacker nest above her head. I shout out in frustration, it's not like Katniss to miss something like that! Those things can kill you as soon as they touch your skin!

I look at her leg and can see that the burn is still horrific, she desperately needs medicine and I'm happy that we've got enough money to send it to her but not yet. I'll wait until the anthem so that the parachute doesn't give her location away to anyone else.

It turns out that Katniss has similar ideas as when the anthem begins she tells Rue to go and begins to saw at the nest, covering the noise. If she cuts it free it will land directly onto the Careers below and possibly kill one or two of them. Maybe even Peeta. As I send in the medicine I try not to think about him, he knows what he's agreed to.

However, she doesn't manage the whole thing before the music ends and has to return to her spot in the tree where her burn medicine is waiting for her. She looks at it and says, "Oh, Haymitch, thank you." No problem, sweetheart, just keep it up.

I allow myself to doze off, again, whilst Katniss and Peeta and sleep but it seems the law now to only wake me up _after_ something major has happened.

Finnick is violently nudging me and screaming something about the tracker jacker nest.

"What?" I groan as I come to.

"She's cut the nest free and it's landed on the Careers, they're all headed for the lake."

I look at the screen to see that most of the Careers are running away but Glimmer is twitching on the floor and her body has become horribly misshapen. Katniss climbs down from the tree, visibly woozy and pulls out the stingers. Even in this state she's smart. So smart that her eyes almost glint at the realisation that Glimmer has her hands wrapped around her previous bow.

As Katniss grapples with the dead girl's body a cannon fires, followed by a hovercraft to take the girl from 4 away who was killed by the tracker jackers.

"That's us out," says Finnick a little too light heartedly, although, I know how jaded we've all become since becoming mentors.

It's painful watching Katniss tear the bow and arrows out of Glimmer's hands but we both know it's her best chance. Finnick asks why she hasn't fled but I just say that all will be revealed, I don't want word getting out about Katniss' talents with so many Careers still alive, despite how much I trust Finnick. Mentors have a nasty habit of eavesdropping.

Peeta comes bounding back in to the clearing to find Katniss clutching the bow and arrows and looking completely dazed.

"What are you still doing here?" He says, much to her surprise. She's probably waiting for him to send that spear through her stomach but instead he just prods her with it in effort to make her move. "Are you mad? Get up! Get up!" She slowly gets to her feet, "Run!" He yells, "Run!"

It's only when an angry Cato reappears that she starts to move and Peeta only has seconds to block his path.

"Move!" Bellows Cato but Peeta blocks his path, again. Cato smirks, "So this was your plan all along, hmm? To protect your little girlfriend?"

"Yes," spits Peeta and all I can think is that this is the moment he's going to die. He could run but Cato would only be seconds behind him and with a thirst for blood.

Cato runs at Peeta, who blocks the former's sword with his spear and pushes him away but the Career is too quick and slices the top of his thigh with his sword. Peeta lets out a chilling scream and throws his spear at Cato but wildly misses. Instead, he begins to run, despite the amount of blood pouring out of his leg. Cato doesn't even flinch, Peeta is no longer worth his time.

I glance over to Katniss' screen to see that she has blacked out in a small hole, clutching the bow and arrows. It's impossible to say how long she'll be out for. Peeta, meanwhile, has paused to wrap up his wound and is now limping in a random direction.

"Are you going to send him anything?" Asks Finnick.

"Let's just see how long he lasts," I say, "It could be a waste."

Finnick nods, knowingly.

Breakfast is soon sent over and we eat in silence, despite me telling him that he should go and rest, he has no reason to stay here but, to be honest, I think he's pinning as much hope on Katniss as I am.

Just as we finish Plutarch walks in and is quickly jumped on by the mentors from 1 who have no qualms when it comes to cosying up to Gamemakers. He graciously talks to them for a moment before walking over towards me and Finnick.

"Haymitch," he says, "I've set up a press conference for you this afternoon; the residents of the Capitol can't get enough of Katniss and Peeta."

"It's been years since I've given an interview," I groan. I'm not excited by the prospect at all, despite the likelihood that it will increase the number of sponsors.

"You'll be fine," says Finnick and then he lowers his voice before adding, "And besides, the more in love the districts are with Katniss, the better."

I have to agree and ask him to man the station whilst I go and get ready, although Effie soon turns up to offer her services but refuses to let Finnick leave. Pathetic.

The press conference takes place outside the Training Centre with plenty of reporters and members of the public making the trip to speak to me. Plutarch has gone back to Gamemaker Headquarters and has basically left me to fend for myself.

There are, of course, lots of questions about the romance between Katniss and Peeta and, although Peeta has done everything to protect Katniss she doesn't seem quite as enamored with him. These questions obviously unsettle me but I just put on my best smile and try to charm the annoying creatures that stand before me.

"Peeta has certainly put his life on the line for Katniss, which only goes to show just how much this young boy loves her," I say and there's a ripple of agreement across the crowd. "However, Katniss is clearly trying to put aside her feelings for Peeta so that she can see her little sister, again. Can you imagine the conflicting emotions that must be going through that poor girl's head? She longs to see her family, again, but if she ever wants to get home she might have to kill the boy she's in love with." This really gets them going and they all move a little closer, screaming their questions at me. For once, they've placed themselves in the shoes of a tribute and are imagining what it would be like to kill someone they love. They may be frivolous and stupid beings but they're still human and we can all relate to love.

I quickly wrap up the interview, worried that I've been away from the Control Room for too long and head back. When I walk over to Effie and Finnick I can see that Katniss is still out cold but I can't find Peeta at all.

"Is he dead?" I ask, my body feeling cold. No, he can't be, otherwise that interview I just gave would have been pointless.

"No, he's just frightfully clever!" Squeals Effie and points to Peeta's Tribute Screen. "Can you see? He's painted himself with mud to blend in with the moss and the rocks." I have to focus for a while as there looks like no one is there at all but the dried blood on a nearby rock indicates his location. This kid is more resourceful than I thought.

I tell Finnick and Effie to go, they've done enough and now it's time for me to get back to my job. Officially, only mentors should be at their stations but one person can't stay at a station forever, especially when there are no other victors from your district.

Neither of them wake for two days but the donations are still pouring in. Peeta keeps whispering Katniss' name in his sleep and from what Finnick has been telling me from his recent dates my little press conference has really tugged on the country's heart strings. No one is happy about these two apparent love birds splitting up.

I'm starting to get agitated, though, as little Rue keeps checking in on a sleeping Katniss. I can tell she's drawn to her and I don't think Katniss has it in her to turn her back on someone who looks so feeble.

Once Katniss is awake, she treats her burns and begins to walk, following a small stream and hunting as she does so. This is great, she's coming in to her own, now and actually stands a chance, especially with all the sponsorship money she's getting.

Just as she's cooking some sort of bird her head whips around, her bow aimed at the trees. I don't know what she's seen until she says, "You know, they're not the only ones who can form alliances," and Rue moves out of the woods and in to view.

Katniss offers her food and Rue knows which leaves to use to heal her tracker jacker stings. They quickly get talking and agree to become allies, which fills me with dread. I know her compassion for those less able than her is one of her nicer qualities but now is not the time for that kind of thinking, she can't die saving Rue.

Chaff must sense my reluctance as he turns in his char towards me. "You know, Rue has a lot of brains, they might do well together."

"I can see that," I say because it's true. She's survived this far without a weapon and just her wits. "You know I don't want Rue to die, it's-"

"I know, Haymitch, I've been here just as long as you have, remember?"

As night falls they both get in to Katniss' sleeping bag and when the anthem plays they both start whispering so no one, including myself can hear. Yes, they're both clever but I can't shake the feeling that Rue will be Katniss' downfall, even more so than Peeta.

"Let's try out these glasses," says Katniss and slips on a pair of night vision glasses that Rue had to explain to her. "I wonder who else got a pair of these."

"The Careers have two pairs. But they've got everything down by the lake," replies Rue, "And they're so strong."

"We're strong, too. Just in a different way."

"You are. You can shoot. What can I do?"

"You can feed yourself. Can they?"

"They don't need to. They have all those supplies."

"Say they didn't. Say the supplies were gone. How long would they last? I mean, it's the Hunger Games, right?" I can sense that something is ticking away in Katniss' brain, a plan is forming that involves action and not hiding, something the audience is getting desperate to see.

"But Katniss, they're not hungry," says Rue.

"No, they're not. That's the problem. I think we're going to have to fix that, Rue."

I turn to Chaff who meets my bemused expression with a look of concern. It's hard to know what they're planning, Katniss has left the whole country on edge with that last comment and is now falling in to a light sleep.

"Drink?" Chaff asks.

"Drink," I reply and we both rise in search of a large bottle of white liquor.


	42. Chapter 42

**Hello and thank you for continuing to read my story, it means a lot! Any comments you may have are always welcomed and appreciated!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Two**

The next morning Peeta awakes just long enough to cover himself in more mud and moss before dropping off back to sleep. I debate whether I should send him something but he's done okay on his own so far and seeing as Katniss is the one actively participating in the Games it's more likely she's going to need my help soon.

She and Rue spend most of the morning discussing the Careers and how they're guarding their supplies whilst hunting and gathering. They're forming a very close bond and it both saddens and frustrates me.

By the afternoon they've formed a plan; Rue will light three fires that they've set up in a bid to draw the Careers away from their supplies which, somehow, Katniss will destroy. I'm willing them to change their minds because everyone watching knows that boy from 3 has set up mines around the supplies.

They decide on a three note signal using the mockingjays in the arena so that they can tell each they're okay before Rue throws her arms around Katniss. As they embrace the anxiety builds in my chest.

They part ways and it isn't long before Katniss has reached the Cornucopia and is hiding in the trees, surveying the Careers. They notice the smoke from Rue's first fire and they all jump into action, telling the boy from 3 to come, too.

"What about Lover Boy?" Shouts Marvel.

"I keep telling you, forget about him," replies Cato, "I know where I cut him. It's a miracle he hasn't bled to death yet. At any rate, he's in no shape to raid us."

The camera swings on to Katniss who has a look of hard concentration on her face. She knows Peeta's injured but I'm guessing she's still confused as to why he acted the way he did.

"When we find her, I kill her in my own way, and no one interferes," says Cato beforethey all head out. Clearly he doesn't know how Katniss works at all because she would never be stupid enough to draw attention to herself by lighting such a large fire. He has no idea that she's playing him!

Katniss doesn't move for a while, still looking at the supplies and figuring out a way to get rid of them. Just as she's about to move the red headed girl from 5 creeps out and does some sort of dance, she's obviously figured out that the supplies are mined. She almost falls over but recovers before stealing some food and disappearing, again, in to the woods.

"It's mined," whispers Katniss. I'm sure she's said more for herself than for the cameras but at least the audience knows what she's thinking. She carefully moves so that she can get a clearer look and loads her bow. She shoots an arrow that opens a bag of apples but only slightly. Her second widens it and the third rips it wide open.

The explosion knocks her back and it takes her a while before she can get to her feet and, even then, it's clear how dizzy she is. Her left ear is bloody, which has us both worried, and she only has minutes to hide before the Careers return.

My eyes are fixed to the screen as Cato shouts in rage but I ask Chaff if Rue is okay, I have to.

"She's alive," is all he says. I could use my extra screen to zoom in on Rue but Katniss is my priority right now.

Cato kills the boy from 3 now that his job is done and Katniss is scaring me senseless by not moving. She needs to get out of there but it's nightfall before anything happens.

The Careers light their torches and go hunting after it's revealed that two tributes died today and there are now only eight left. This whole thing could be over very soon.

I allow myself to look for Rue while Katniss gathers her things and moves away from her hideout. The little tribute is safely hidden in a tree, sitting in Katniss' sleeping bag. I don't know if I should be relieved that she's alive or not, if she were dead I know it would make things a lot easier for Katniss.

Both of my tributes are now fast asleep so I settle down in my chair. I haven't slept in a bed for a week now and my whole body aches but I can't bear to be away from the screen.

"NO!" A booming voice jerks me awake and it takes me a few seconds to identify whose it is. Chaff is standing up, almost shaking the screen.

My head turns to my station and I can see that Rue is hanging in a net with Marvel smirking at her, spear in hand. I can see that Katniss is close but it's difficult to say if she'll get there in time to save her ally.

"Katniss! Katniss!" Rue screams.

"Rue! Rue! I'm coming!" Yells Katniss and just as she enters the clearing, armed with her bow, to see Marvel send a spear through Rue's body.

Katniss immediately turns and her arrow flies in to the boy's neck. This is the first time she's directly killed someone and it has all the emotion and bloodshed that the Capitol will love but I know that it's going to haunt her for the rest of her life. However long that may be.

"Are there more? Are there more?" Katniss frantically asks and after Rue assures her that there's not she cuts her free from the net and lies her on the ground.

"You blew up the food?" Asks Rue.

"Every last bit."

"You have to win."

"I'm going to. Going to win for both of us now." The cannon for Marvel sounds but neither girl cares.

"Don't go," says Rue but Katniss would never do that. Instead, she places Rue's head on her lap and brushes her hair.

"I can't watch this," says Chaff and leaves the room. When I look back at the screen Katniss is singing a very old song from 12 that we learn in school. I've heard that her father was an incredible singer and she's not too bad herself, only there's a sadness tinging her voice. The cannon sounds when she's finished and she gently lies Rue's head down before taking Marvel and Rue's supplies.

Just as she's about to clear out she turns back and does something amazing and rebellious in equal measure. She collects nearby flowers and decorates Rue's tiny body in them, making it look like she's just sleeping in a meadow. She gives her our three finger salute and leaves.

I should be glad but I'm not. Katniss is now free to win but at the expense of a little girl. I do the only thing that comes naturally to me and find myself a bottle of white liquor. When I return to my station I'm surprised to find that Chaff is sitting there.

"I'm sorry," I say to him.

"Thanks. I've had some calls from home and they want to send Katniss some bread to say thank you."

I've never heard of one district giving a gift to another but maybe this just shows that things are changing out there. Maybe there is a ripple of unrest slowly trickling through the districts.

Chaff gives me back my seat and I can see that Katniss' sponsorship money has increased so I immediately send her in the official bread of district eleven, hoping that she knows where it's from.

She opens up the parcel and I can tell that she's both happy and surprised. She looks up and says, "My thanks to the people of District Eleven." Take that, President Snow!

Effie appears with tears in her eyes, twittering on about how sad it all is and how sweet Katniss behaved, much to her surprise. I'm not sure if that's because Katniss can be so stubborn or because she's from 12, it's hard to tell how Effie's brain works a lot of the time.

"Anyway," she says, "You need to sleep in a proper bed and I'm not taking no for an answer!"

I don't argue and slope off to my room to find Cinna sitting in the living room. I didn't expect to see him until the Games were over.

"Plutarch sent me," he says as if reading my mind. "He said he's very impressed with our little mockingjay."

"And so he should be."

"Have you been out much? Have you heard how mad everyone is?"

"Cinna, I've been locked in that horrible Control Room for a week, what do you think?"

He smirks, "Well, this star-crossed lovers angle has been incredible, the whole Capitol is in uproar, most of them are calling for a rule change."

"If only," I say before telling him that as lovely as it is to see him, again, I really could do with some rest.

When I wake up, it's late morning, I obviously needed to rest more than I thought. I should be annoyed that I've slept so much but as much as Effie drives me crazy I know she would have sent for me if anything had happened.

I switch on the television for an update but all they're showing are interviews with the remaining tributes' families. Katniss' little sister, Prim, appears on screen with a sweet smile but all she can talk about is how desperate she is for Katniss to come home. They also interview Peeta's father, who is pleasant enough but doesn't have the same charisma that his son has. How can they expect him to be happy when his son is currently involved in national death match?

When I reach the Control Room Effie has been replaced by Finnick, not that I'm surprised. Her hair probably needed rearranging or something.

"Shouldn't you be off gallivanting somewhere?" I say.

"When I could be enjoying the delights of your company, Haymitch? Never!"

I smack him across the head and let out a laugh. I'm in a fairly good mood today, it's amazing what a decent night's sleep can do.

Finnick informs me that Peeta has managed to drink from the stream before falling back to sleep and whispering "Katniss" repeatedly. I honestly don't know how he's still alive.

Katniss, meanwhile, is wandering aimlessly through the arena, which is slightly alarming.

I spend most of the afternoon quizzing Finnick about what he knows is going on the Capitol and he only reiterates Cinna's comments. Everyone has completely fallen in love with the tributes from 12.

It turns out that Finnick does indeed have to go off gallivanting so we say goodbye and I stare mindlessly at the screen until the evening.

After the anthem a fanfare of trumpets erupts in to the arena and I'm suddenly very alert. Trumpets usually mean an announcement, mostly a feast, which Katniss would not need to go to. She can get food by herself, no problem.

"Congratulations to our final six tributes!" Claudius Templesmith's voice booms, "I have an announcement for you all, there has been a rule change." A rule change? Since when were there any rules?! "This year both tributes from the same district will be declared the winner if they are the last two alive."

I'm stunned. I didn't think the rumours and upset would be enough to actually bully the Gamemakers in to declaring two winners. Templesmith has to repeat the news as the tributes seem to be confused but once the news sinks in Katniss is calling out Peeta's name and a huge grin is forming across my face.

Yes, sweetheart! That's what we want!


	43. Chapter 43

**Thank you for reading my story and I hope you've enjoyed it all so far! Please do leave me any feedback you may have as I read all of the reviews and appreciate every single one!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Three**

I barely sleep, just nodding off every now and again. Katniss hasn't gone looking for Peeta straight away, which is a smart move as I can see that the tributes from 2 are out hunting. They were ecstatic at the rule change, although I sense that Clove was happier than Cato. I think it's clear who would have won if they had been the final two.

I'm still dubious, however. The Gamemakers have never bent to the will of the crowd before, despite how attached the audience can get to some tributes. There are always rumours of rigging the arena to suit a certain tribute, many of which I can testify to, but I suppose there's never been call for two winners before. I should feel a sense of pride but it has yet to make an appearance.

Almost as soon as Katniss is awake she begins her search for Peeta, lighting a fire halfway, I'm guessing to distract the Careers but it's hard to say if they'll fall for that trick, again.

An hour or two later she begins to follow the stream and notices Peeta's dried blood on the rocks. She's so close, all she needs to do is find him! He's so well hidden that even I'm struggling to find him and I know where he is.

"Peeta! Peeta!" She says in to air but there's no response. She begins to turn away when Peeta suddenly speaks up.

"You hear to finish me off, sweetheart?" I bet he thinks he's hysterical mimicking me like that.

"Peeta?" Katniss whispers, "Where are you?" She moves slowly along the bank, almost treading on his hand. "Peeta?"

"Well, don't step on me."

She jumps back and immediately begins to examine how he's camouflaged himself. "I guess all those hours decorating cakes paid off."

"Yes, frosting. The final defence of the dying."

"You're not going to die."

"Says who?"

"Says me. We're on the same team now, you know."

"So I heard. Nice of you to find what's left of me."

Katniss instantly launches in to a plan about how to clean him up but he tells her to lean in first so that he can tell her something. It's impossible to hear what he says but they look so close they could be kissing. I just hope he's reminding her that she can't pretend not to be in love with him, now. This rule change has been for them and they need to give the audience a show.

Katniss giggles as she pulls away from him and then begins an attempt at cleaning him up and treating his wound, which involves a lot of disgusting pus. The whole thing is very sweet and it shows she cares for him but it's not exactly the reunion the Capitol would have been expecting. They haven't even kissed, yet. This is cute but we need hormonally charged lust if they want to get home. The prices of gifts are increasing so I have to be even more careful than before with what I send them.

"What's next Dr. Everdeen?" Asks Peeta, playfully. The way he talks to her is so full of love that I just want to shake Katniss in to realising his feelings for her. She just thinks it's all a game.

"Maybe I'll put some of the burn ointment on it. I think it helps with infection anyway. And wrap it up?" She does as she says before pulling out Rue's rucksack and handing it to Peeta. "Here, cover yourself with this and I'll wash your shorts."

"Oh, I don't care if you see me." Yeah, I bet you don't, young Peeta.

"You're just like the rest of my family," she snaps, "I care, all right?" I'm hoping that this unusual innocence to her character suggests to the audience that she's just embarrassed by her feelings for Peeta in front of the camera, otherwise they're going to want to know why she isn't desperate to get him naked. She seems to be doing everything she can to ruin my plan!

"You know, you're kind of squeamish for such a lethal person," he jokes, "I wish I'd let you give Haymitch a shower after all."

I laugh before quickly stopping when Katniss asks Peeta what I've sent him. When he says nothing I do feel a pang of guilt. He's been bleeding out for days and I haven't sent him a single thing, not even food. No, this is what he wanted. Anyway, I can help them both, now.

"Why, did you get something?" He asks.

"Burn medicine. Oh, and some bread."

"I always knew you were his favourite," says Peeta, which annoys me, slightly.

"Please, he can't stand being in the same room with me."

"Because you're just alike."

Are we? I think back to Finnick in the Sponsorship Room when I called Katniss cold and calculating; he said that I'd just described myself. I can't deny that we are similar, we both grew up in the Seam and understand the need to provide for your family but I don't know about anything else. I try not to dwell on it too much, whether we're similar or not I need to find a way to get both of those kids home.

Katniss allows Peeta to sleep while his clothes dry and just as I'm about to get up in search of some food a brightly coloured Effie comes running in. Well, a version of running, she can only take small steps in those ridiculous shoes.

"I've just been giving interviews on how sweet Katniss and Peeta are together!" She squeaks.

"Oh no, what did you say?"

Her eyes narrow but I can tell that she's still eager to show off. "I said that it's just lovely that they can finally be together after thinking the worst for weeks. And I also thought it was cute how Katniss is trying to fix him up, she's really looking after her man! I think she might love him as much as he loves her, you know."

I lower my voice, "Do you think people are annoyed that they're not all over each other?" I know Effie's head is mainly full of fluff but she does have moments of showing some intelligence. I don't trust her completely but after nine years, I feel I know what I can and can't say to her.

Clearly she's thrilled that I want know her opinion so she moves a little closer and whispers, "Well, some of my friends have been curious but I think, on the whole, they just think that Katniss is worried about him dying. They've only just met up, I'm sure all of the hanky panky will begin when he's better rested!"

I have to laugh at the phrase 'hanky panky,' it's always seemed like such a strange saying to me. I ask Effie to mind the station for an hour while I go shower and get some food, which she's more than happy to do.

When I get back I find that Katniss and Peeta have moved a little further downstream in to a cave. Katniss is building some sort of fort out of leaves and vines to conceal it but I can see that the other tributes are on the other side of the arena.

"Katniss," says Peeta and she walks over to him, brushing the hair back from his eyes in a way that could convince anyone that they really are a couple. "Thanks for finding me."

"You would have found me if you could," she says.

"Yes. Look, if I don't make it back-"

"Don't talk like that. I didn't drain all that pus for nothing."

"I know. But just in case I don't-"

"No, Peeta. I don't even want to discuss it," she snaps and puts a finger on his lip to quieten him. I know she knows that the cameras are on her but something about the sterness in her voice makes me wonder if she does care for Peeta, even if it's just because he's from 12. She may be calculating but she's not void of emotion.

"But I-," Peeta begins, again but Katniss stops him by quickly placing her lips on his and kissing him. Finally! It's not as passionate as I would like but, hey, at least I have something to work with, now!

"You're not going to die," she says, pulling up the sleeping bag around him. "I forbid it. All right?"

"All right," he says and I'm sure he's still in shock.

Katniss steps out of the cave for a moment and this is where I test just how similar we are. This is when I see if she truly understands me. I click on the catalogue icon and find the cheapest bowl of broth I can before sending it in to her. This is only meant to be a sign, the more she gives me the loved up teenager the better the gifts will be because I'm sure we'll have sponsors desperate to give money to them. They can say that they sponsored the first ever couple to win the Hunger Games.

She opens the package expectantly but her face soon turns sour when it's not the gift she hoped for. I know she's understood me when she goes back in to the cave and tries to act smiley saying, "Peeta! Peeta, look what Haymitch has sent you."

The cheery girl from the Opening Ceremony and interviews has finally reappeared as she tries to get Peeta to eat. She's covering him in kisses and pleading with him to eat but it takes an hour for him to drain the bowl.

As the night goes on the pot of sponsorship money slowly increases and I allow myself to feel a little more confident about getting them both home, although I know that the medicine Peeta so desperately needs will wipe out our funds. I want to support him but I can't be stupid; Katniss is still the one we need to get home.

Mags comes and keeps me company for the rest of the night, although I tell her a woman of her age should be sleeping in a bed. This, of course, gains me a crack across my calf from her cane.

"She's special that one," Mags says.

"I know but she's so infuriating! She just refuses to do as she's told or go along with any sort of plan that isn't her own."

"Not unlike someone else we know," she teases with a gummy smile and I haven't the energy to argue. "You sleep, I'll watch."

When I wake up Mags has been replaced by Chaff who is sipping away at a glass of wine. I look to the screen to see that Katniss is sitting next to Peeta, telling him about when she bought a goat. I ask Chaff what's going on.

He smirks, "He wanted her to tell him a story. Young love is so soppy." I agree.

"You can get going if you want, you must have been here for ages."

"It's okay, I've got nothing better to do and Katniss is strangely fascinating."

I guffaw as I sit up and check our sponsorship money, it's up from yesterday and now that everything is so expensive I'm glad that I've spent it sparingly. I suggest that Chaff go and help the older mentor who is helping Thresh but I get the distinct impression that there's no love lost between the two of them so I let it drop. Besides, it is nice to have company and I seem to have been Mr. Popular this year.

Suddenly, the trumpets sound and Claudius Templesmith's voice is heard across the arena inviting everyone to a feast but this is no ordinary feast. Apparently, each of the tributes needs something and they'll be able to get it at the Cornucopia at dawn tomorrow.

Surely they're trying to tempt Katniss with the medicine for Peeta and I think she could do it but, no doubt, Cato and Clove will be there and they'll be out for her blood.

"No," says Peeta to Katniss, as if reading my mind. "You're not risking your life for me."

"Who said I was?" She asks.

"So you're not going?"

"Of course I'm not going. Give me some credit. Do you think I'm running straight into some free-for-all against Cato and Close and Thresh? Don't be stupid. I'll let them fight it out. We'll see who's in the sky tomorrow night and work out a plan from there."

"You're such a bad liar, Katniss. I don't know how you've survived this long." This begins an argument between the two as Katniss is eager to go but Peeta is threatening to follow her and thereby slowing her down, risking both of their lives.

"Then you have to do as I say," she says, "Drink your water, wake me when I tell you, and eat every bite of the soup, no matter how disgusting it is!"

Peeta agrees and does indeed eat all of the soup that Katniss has prepared for him. He's given so much up for her and just when he has the chance to live it looks like he's going to come good on his promise to die for her.

"I can't let this happen," I whisper to Chaff. "He has to come home."

Katniss goes outside to wash up the pans and I send her in a parachute with a small vial of sleep syrup. It's a common remedy in 12 to put patients to sleep and with a healer for a mother I'm sure she'll recognise it straight away.

She tests it out before mashing it up in a bowl with some other berries and mint and returning to the cave.

"I've brought you a treat," she says to Peeta, "I found a new patch of berries a little further downstream."

He takes a mouthful and frowns. "They're very sweet."

"Yes, they're sugar berries. My mother makes jam from them," she really is a bad liar, "Haven't you ever had them before?"

"No but they taste familiar. Sugar berries?"

"Well, you can't get them in the market much, they only grow wild." She's almost got the whole lot down his throat now.

"They're sweet as syrup," he pauses. "Syrup." His eyes widen in realisation but Katniss is too quick and holds his nose and covers his mouth, forcing him to swallow. He tries to make himself sick but he's already falling asleep.

"Who can't lie, Peeta?" She says and I know that the whole country must be going ape right now. She's going to risk her life for him the way he did for her. It's as if they really are in love


	44. Chapter 44

**Thank you all for reading, I hope you've enjoyed it so far! Any comments you may have, both good and bad, are always welcome as they really do encourage me to keep writing (although I'm enjoying this so much I find I can't stop typing away!)**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Four**

Sleep evades me again and I'm grateful when I see Katniss is getting ready to leave in the very early hours of the morning. She, thankfully, gives Peeta a kiss goodbye and heads off wearing her night vision glasses.

It's not particularly exciting watching her walk towards the Cornucopia and possibly her death but it gives me something to do. She has to wait around for a few hours before it begins to get light and then the ground before the golden horn splits in two. A table with four backpacks, each labelled with a district number, rises from the space and the smallest of the bags has '12' stamped across it. It's so small that I don't doubt for one second that it's not Peeta's medicine.

Suddenly, the girl from 5 darts out of the horn, grabs her backpack and runs back in to the woods. I keep forgetting about her! She's been so quiet and cunning that she's managed to disappear in to the background without me giving her much thought, even her mentor seems to slink in and out of the Control Room without a sound.

I can see the nervousness on Katniss' face and I immediately become anxious. Clove is waiting on the outskirts of the woods whilst Cato searches for Thresh and none of it sits well with me.

Katniss darts out of the woods and Clove is instantly on her tail, throwing a knife but Katniss manages to deflect it with her bow and I manage not to scream. I can hear Satin Banks scream as one of Katniss' arrows pierces her tribute's arm and I have to stop myself from smirking. Now is not the time to be smug, everything could change in a second.

Just as Katniss grabs the medicine one of Clove's knives slices her forehead open just above her eyebrow and blood starts streaming down her face. Clove launches her body at Katniss' and slams her in to the ground.

"No, no, no," I whisper because I don't want anyone else to hear me grieving. I really wish Mags was here right now.

"Where's your boyfriend, District Twelve? Still hanging on?" Clove taunts. This is good, she wants to put on a show, which means Katniss might have a chance to flee.

"He's out there now. Hunting Cato," spits Katniss. "Peeta!" She screams and it's clear this has unnerved Clove for the moment but once she's satisfied they're alone she goes back to mocking Peeta and showing off her knife collection.

"I promised Cato if he let me have you, I'd give the audience a good show." Katniss tries to move but it's no use. "Forget it, District Twelve. We're going to kill you. Just like we did your pathetic little ally…what was her name? The one who hopped around in the trees? Rue? Well, first Rue, then you, and then I think we'll just let nature take care of Lover Boy. How does that sound? Now, where to start?" She examines Katniss' head and face, "I think we'll start with your mouth." Her knife is scarily close against Katniss' skin and I know that I've made an awful mistake. I should have never sent that sleep syrup.

Clove continues to taunt but Katniss is defiant to the end and spits up blood in her face, which only angers Clove more but before she can begin her cruel torture Thresh has appeared out of nowhere and is picking her up. She's screaming like a little girl and I can hear Satin gasping. Thresh throws her on to the ground with a look of pure rage on his face.

"What'd you do to that little girl? You kill her?" Thresh shouts.

"No! No, it wasn't me!" Screams Clove.

"You said her name. I heard you. You kill her? You cut her up like you were going to cut up this girl here?"

"No! No, I-" Clove's eye line drops and she can see that Thresh is holding a small rock in his hand. "Cato! Cato!" She screeches. It's amazing how quickly these Careers go from ruthless killers to scared out of their wits, it just shows how horrific these Games really are. No is truly unafraid of them.

"Clove!" Cato screams in the distance, he's still running around the woods looking for Thresh.

The tribute from 11 doesn't waste any time in bringing the rock down on Clove's skull, I doubt he even cares if she killed Rue or not. He knows she's a Career and Cato is on his way to save her. When he's finished he turns to Katniss, rock raised and her weaponless. I'm not sure if I'd rather see her killed by a Career or the boy from 11. Maybe he'll do it quickly because she's from a neighboring district.

"What'd she mean? About Rue being your ally?"

Katniss quickly spits out her alliance with Rue and how she died and even tells him about how she decorated her with flowers. Uncertainty comes across Thresh's face as he lowers the rock. He knows she's not lying but killing her means one step closer to home.

"Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl. You and me, we're even then. No more owed. You understand?" Of course she does, she's grown up in the Seam and clearly Thresh understands the value of owing a favour. Cato shouts for Clove and Thresh shouts at Katniss to leave.

She stumbles to her feet with her bow and the medicine and races through the woods as if she's being chased by a pack of wild dogs. She reaches the cave in no time at all, opens the bag on her arm to reveal a syringe and plunges it into Peeta's arm. Only then does she allow herself to black out with blood slowly dripping from her head.

I don't know what to do, neither of them are awake but Katniss' wound is only going to get worse and needs help as soon as possible. This whole thing is getting too much for me, I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of going in to a mental breakdown and trying not to drink too much is becoming more difficult as the days go on.

I stare at the screen for an hour, willing one of them to wake up but nothing happens. Finnick and Mags come to visit and I'm grateful for the distraction.

"I don't know what to do with myself," I confess. "I just wish they'd wake up!"

"I'm sure the worst of it is over," says Mags, "Why don't you go and rest?"

I want to object but my body really could do with some sleep, this whole thing has been exhausting from start to finish and I'll be so glad when it's over. I'm inching closer to getting them home and if I'm going to put all my effort in to the final push I think I owe it to myself to get some rest.

I sleep right through until the following morning and when I go back in to the Control Room I'm glad to see that both of my tributes are awake and Katniss' head has been bandaged. Seeder took over from Mags and Finnick last night and I'm really grateful, it looks like everyone is pulling together to get these kids home.

As I sit down Katniss is retelling the events of yesterday and they're on the verge of another argument when Katniss says that Thresh saved her life because he felt he owed her. They have a few sweet moments together before Peeta urges Katniss to go back to sleep. The Gamemakers have turned on a huge storm and I can't help but wonder if it's because they want to keep Peeta and Katniss in that cave.

Nothing really happens all day, which frustrates me. They're being very sweet with each other but there's no sense that they're two lovers locked in an arena where either, or both of them, could die at any minute.

I have to admit that I zone out at one point as they're being so dull until Peeta says, "I wonder what we'd have to do to get Haymitch to send us some bread."

My head snaps up and I can see a flash of realisation across Katniss' face; she knows what they have to do and until they do I'm not feeding them. The audience demands a show, after all.

"Well, he probably used up a lot of resources helping me knock you out," she says cheekily and I know she's trying to start up some sort of flirtation.

"Yeah, about that. Don't try something like that again."

"Or what?"

"Or…or…just give me a minute."

"What's the problem?" Katniss purrs.

"The problem is we're both still alive. Which only reinforces the idea in your mind that you did the right thing."

"I did do the right thing." This is great, finally some hint that she can't live without him.

"No! Just don't, Katniss! Don't die for me. You won't be doing me any favours. All right?"

"Maybe I did it for myself, Peeta, did you ever think of that?" Yes, keep going! "Maybe you aren't the only one who…who worries about…what it would be like if…"

"If what Katniss?"

She doesn't speak for a moment and I'm almost begging her not to backtrack. "That's exactly the kind of topic Haymitch told me to steer clear of." No, no, no! What is she doing?! She knows I would never say that!

"Then I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself," says Peeta and they kiss but they're not getting any food for that. If Katniss wants help then she needs to play the part more, Peeta is doing all the work while she decides what she feels and none of us have time for that.

The next day is just as boring as yesterday and I'm starting to wonder what else there is I can do. I've set it all up for them and now all they have to do is play along, I'm half tempted to ask Plutarch if he can send me in there so I can yell at them.

However, by midday the audience are readying themselves for bloodshed.

"Come on, Cato!" Yells Gloss from across the room and I look up at the Panem Screen to find that Cato has braved the wheat field and found Thresh.

Cato has his sword ready and Thresh has a long knife, waiting for the attack.

"I know you've got my backpack!" Yells Cato, "I've come to collect it."

To my surprise it's Thresh who runs at Cato and slashes his abdomen but Cato pushes him away before the knife can go any further in to his flesh. The storm only adds to the dramatics. They're both fast and strong so the following battle is bloody but it doesn't take long for Cato to get a bleeding Thresh onto his back and menacingly plunge his sword in to his stomach. I can hear Gloss celebrating and shouting "Now for District Twelve!"

I turn back with a groan to my tributes but it isn't until late afternoon that anything happens. Katniss must realise how tame they're being and asks Peeta to tell her when exactly he fell for her, which may just be the cleverest thing she's done so far. He tells her that on his first day of school his father pointed at Katniss and said that he was going to marry her mother but she ran off with a miner because the birds stop to listen to him sing. I smile at this, Cliff was the epitome of what a man should be, really. I'm also surprised to learn that Peeta has known his connection to Katniss all along, he didn't tell me this during training.

He goes on to say that he heard Katniss singing in school and he fell for her just like his dad had for his mother. This will have the entire Capitol 'awwing' I'm sure.

"You have a…remarkable memory," says Katniss and I'm worried that she's going to ruin the whole thing. She's analysing, again, when what she needs to be doing is reciprocating Peeta's emotions.

"I remember everything about you," says Peeta. "You're the one who wasn't paying attention." I know how that feels, kid. She just ignores what she doesn't want to acknowledge.

"I am now," she says.

"Well, I don't have much competition here."

She pauses a moment. "You don't have much competition anywhere." She leans in and kisses him and I know that we're back on track. We can do this.

I send in a feast of food including Katniss' favourite lamb stew in the hope that she gets the message. This is what she needs to be doing if she wants to win.

"I guess Haymitch finally got tired of watching us starve," says Peeta and my mood quickly falls. As much as I need to lie, I hate doing it.

They begin to eat, which is followed by another sweet moment dotted with a few comic lines that I'm sure will make the highlights show when they win. Peeta has to assure Katniss that he doesn't care what his parents think of her and if they win they'll be living in Victor's Village, anyway. This soon leads on to some light mockery of me, which I'm past caring about now. If it helps them bond then I don't really care,

"How do you think he did it?" Asks Katniss and I'm not sure if I want to listen, anymore. Poking fun at me I can deal with but speculating over my time in the arena is something else. I know that reruns of my Games were very limited due to the way in which I won so I suppose it's only natural that they would wonder but, still, it's not exactly a happy subject.

"He outsmarted the others," Peeta finally says after some thought and then the conversation ends. Good, they shouldn't waste time talking about me.

When the anthem plays and Thresh's face appears, neither Peeta nor Katniss can quite believe it.

"You all right?" Asks Peeta.

"It's just…if we didn't win…I wanted Thresh to. Because he let me go. And because of Rue."

"Yeah, I know. But this means we're one step closer to District Twelve."

He's right. There's only four of them left, now, which means only two more need to die before they can be declared winners. Maybe this our year. Maybe this year I'll be on the winning team, again at long last.


	45. Chapter 45

**Thank you all for reading my story and for all the lovely comments I've received! You've all encouraged me to keep writing and I only hope that I'm keeping up the standard!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Five**

The next morning the rain has cleared and Katniss and Peeta finish off what remains of their food before they set off hunting. I find a camera that is closest to Cato to see that he's asleep just on the edge of the wheat field and wearing some sort of body armour that would protect him from Katniss' arrows. It's hard to say just how bad his injuries are but it's clear that he's a lot weaker than before.

It isn't long before Katniss gets irritated, apparently Peeta is walking too loudly and scaring off game. They get in to a bit of a fight before deciding to split up, which annoys me because they're meant to be acting like they can't stand to be apart from one another. They agree on a signal and Peeta goes off in search of berries and plants for them to eat whilst Katniss hunts for meat.

As Peeta moves back and forth collecting berries he doesn't notice when the girl from 5 sneaks up and steals some of his food. I'm amazed that she's done this well without killing anyone, she's got by purely on her cunning and her wits. She disappears as quickly as she came and Peeta is none the wiser.

Katniss whistles and waits for Peeta to reply but when there is no response a look of worry spreads across her face and she immediately heads back to their meeting point.

"Peeta! Peeta!" She must hear Peeta heading back and get confused because she aims her bow at him and only changes the direction of the arrow at the last minute when he appears. "What are you doing? You're supposed to be here, not running around in the woods!"

"I found some berries down by the stream," he replies.

"I whistled. Why didn't you whistle back?"

"I didn't hear. The water's too loud, I guess."

"I thought Cato killed you!" She shouts and Peeta pulls her in to a hug, trying to reassure her. Good, I think, because it was starting to look like Katniss was just annoyed with him and not worried about his safety. Of course, Katniss being Katniss she has to ruin it all by giving him a lecture on signals.

She turns around and sees that some of their cheese and apples are missing and says, "And you ate without me!"

"What? No, I didn't," says Peeta.

"Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese." Shut up, Katniss, this doesn't matter!

"I don't know what ate the cheese but it wasn't me. I've been down by the stream collecting berries. Would you care for some?"

Katniss bends down to look at the berries that Peeta has collected and I can tell that something is going through her head, although I'm not sure what, exactly. Before she can say anything a cannon booms and seconds later a hovercraft appears to collect the girl from 5. How did I miss that?! Cato is still asleep so how did she die?

"Climb," orders Peeta, "He'll be here in a second. We'll stand a better chance fighting him from above."

"No, Peeta," says Katniss, "She's your kill, not Cato's."

Peeta shares my confusion but as Katniss holds out the berries I quickly catch up. The berries are called nightlock and are extremely poisonous, according to Katniss, and because Peeta was so happy collecting them the girl must have thought they were edible.

Peeta goes to get rid of the rest of them but Katniss suggests that they keep them, coming up with a far-fetched plan of dropping them if Cato is in pursuit of them in the hope that he'll eat them. It sounds silly to me but there's no harm in her hanging on to them, I suppose.

They only have Cato to face now and they're home but he's still knocked out in the wheat field. However, they don't know that and seem keen to face the final battle so they build a huge fire but, of course, Cato doesn't show. They decide to head back to the cave, despite the long walk.

Finnick comes to join me just as Cato is waking up and I'm grateful; I don't think I can face watching this fight alone.

"He's quite far away from them," says Finnick. "It could be a while."

"Yes," I reply, "But there's no way he's going to stand around waiting. Gloss has sent him in some food so he's ready to fight."

Finnick and I take it in turns to sleep throughout the night. Cato is bounding through the arena but he has yet to stumble upon Katniss and Peeta. By late afternoon Chaff has joined us and my tributes are eating the rest of the food, preparing to face the final fight.

"You two don't have to stay if you don't want to," I say but they both ignore me.

"I think Mags is coming down, soon," says Finnick. "She wants to be here for you."

I turn back to the screens to see that Katniss and Peeta are leaving the cave to find that the stream has been drained of all its water.

"The lake," says Peeta, "That's where they want us to go." They check the other water sources in the arena to find that they too are drained and begin their trek to the lake. I can see that Cato is walking around the woods, his sword ready to go but he's still quite a distance from my tributes.

Mags joins us early evening, just as Peeta and Katniss are reaching the area surrounding the Cornucopia and we all eat a large meal of beef stew. I feel like I'm the one who's about to go in to battle, not Katniss and Peeta. My stomach is constantly twisting and turning.

The mockingjays are singing the tune that Rue taught Katniss almost a week ago, now, and it's so peaceful that I could just drift off to sleep.

"Oh, no! Look at those, they're awful!" Mags screams, a deep panic in her voice. We all look to where she's pointing to find that a large pack of wolf like creatures are chasing Cato through the woods. He's dropped his sword and he's sprinting towards the lake. He bursts through the trees with no interest in either Katniss or Peeta.

"He's got some kind of body armour!" Katniss shouts.

"Forget about that!" I shout, "You need to run!"

It's as if she hears my words because her eyes dart behind Cato and that's when she notices the pack descending upon them. She doesn't even call out for Peeta as she runs, her mind only concentrating on survival. When she does turn around Peeta is hobbling behind her, telling her to keep running.

She follows Cato towards the Cornucopia and begins to climb the horn. Once she's up there Cato is lying on his back, panting. She loads her bow with an arrow but before she can finish him off Peeta cries out. She turns to see that he's at the tail but the mutts are gaining on him.

"Climb!" She shouts and begins to send arrows towards the mutts as Peeta scrambles on top of the golden horn.

Cato is mumbling something but Katniss can't hear, her eyes are fixated on the mutts below.

"He said, 'Can they clib it?'" Says Peeta.

Katniss looks down to see that the mutts are gathering as if they are humans discussing a plan. They stretch out and begin to run at the horn in an attempt to jump on to it but they can't. Katniss lets out a chilling scream as one of her arrows lodges itself in one of the mutts' throat.

"Katniss," says Peeta, gripping her arm.

"It's her!" She screams.

"Who?" Katniss' head is snapping in every direction; she's gone completely manic. "What is it, Katniss?"

"It's them. It's all of them. The others. Rue and Foxface and…all of the other tributes."

Everyone in the Control Room takes a collective gasp as we realise what she means. All of the mutts have a district number around their necks and their eyes…their eyes seem to match one of the fallen tributes. Those sick, sick Gamemakers.

The mutts split in to two groups and attempt to jump up on either side of the horn. One manages to get its claws into Peeta but Katniss is gripping his arm and pulling him up whilst he stabs it until it dies.

It's all happening so quickly. No sooner has Peeta got back on the horn and Katniss armed her bow that Cato is on his feet and pulling Peeta in to a headlock.

"No, no, no!" I shout, jumping to my feet.

"Calm down, Haymitch, they can still do this," says Chaff.

Katniss has her arrow aimed at Cato but only his face is unprotected, the rest of his body is covered in armour.

He laughs as he says, "Shoot me and he goes down with me."

No one moves for a moment, they all know that Cato is right. Katniss could easily win but that would mean Peeta's death and, as confused as she may be about how she feels about him, I know she cares enough about him not to do that.

Peeta's lips are turning blue but his mind is still working. He raises his hand and makes an X shape on the back of Cato's hand. Cato realises just after Katniss does and the arrow flies in to his hand, releases his grip on Peeta.

Katniss lunges forward to stop Peeta from going over the edge with Cato and the two back away in the centre of the horn, falling to their knees and clutching at each other.

"They've done it," says Finnick.

"Not yet," I say, "Not until Cato is dead."

The rest of the night is terrifying and bloody; Peeta's leg is bleeding out from where the mutt attacked him and Katniss is doing her best to keep him awake until Cato dies. She's bandaged up Peeta but it's impossible to say if he's going to make it through the night.

No body leaves my side the entire night, we all take it in turns to sleep and try our best to avoid watching Cato being torn apart by the mutts. Effie saunters in at about three in the morning, eager to share this moment with us but even she, a product of the shiny Capitol, isn't thrilled at the way Cato is dying.

It's dawn before anything happens and Cato's body is dragged before the horn by the mutts. I wake everyone up, convinced that the victors will be crowned soon. Cato is mumbling something but it's difficult to say what, I think he just wants it to be over.

Katniss understands and lifts her last arrow before sending it through his skull.

I'm stunned for a moment. My tributes have won. I can take them home. They can live.

The mutts disappear in to the ground but nothing else happens. No hovercraft appears, no announcement from Templesmith so Katniss and Peeta climb down and head for the lake in the hope that they just need to be away from Cato for them to be declared winners.

"What's going on?" Asks Effie.

"I don't know," I say, "But I don't like it."

Suddenly, Templesmith's voice finally erupts in to the arena. "Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games. The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour."

Everyone looks at me, expecting some sort of tantrum, I'm sure, but I'm not surprised. I had a feeling this was all too good to be true. At least one of them gets to come home. Although that isn't comforting.

When I look back to the screen Katniss is pointing her arrow at Peeta and it's clear that within that one movement all the work we've done so far has vanished. Peeta throws his knife in to the lake and she drops her bow, realising that he could never kill her. This girl will never cease to annoy me.

"No. Do it," says Peeta.

"I can't," she says, "I won't."

"Do it. Before they send those mutts back or something. I don't want to die like Cato."

I can hear Effie snivelling away next to me. I think she really did get quite attached this year.

"Then you shoot me," says Katniss. "You shoot me and go home and live with it!"

"You know I can't. Fine, I'll go first anyway." He rips off the bandage on his leg and blood immediately starts to pour from the wound.

"No, you can't kill yourself," she says, frantically, trying to put the bandage back on his leg.

"Katniss, it's what I want."

"You're not leaving me here alone."

"Listen," he says, pulling the both to their feet. "We both know they have to have a victor. It can only be one of us. Please, take it. For me. I love you so much and I'd rather die than live without you."

My heart starts to sink. He's one of the most decent and moral kids I've ever had to mentor and now he wants to kill himself so that Katniss can live. She may have more to go home for but if all this was based on who's more wholly good then Peeta should take the crown. He's right, though, the Games needs a victor. It's the only way the districts can bear to watch this hell each year.

Katniss goes to get something from her belt but Peeta pushes his hand down on hers. "No, I won't let you."

"What's she doing?" Asks Chaff but no one answers.

"Trust me," whispers Katniss and pours a handful of the nightlock in to Peeta's hand before pouring the rest in to her own. "On the count of three?"

They agree and I can feel my hear pounding against my chest. No, she needs to live! I need to take her home!

"One." Maybe this could work, though. "Two." Defying the Capitol, it will make her a martyr. "Three."

Everyone is staring at the screen in shock as Katniss and Peeta lift the berries to their mouths. This is it. All that hope and hard work is finally coming crashing down.

"Stop! Stop!" Claudius Templesmith's voice booms. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Game, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you- the tributes of District Twelve!"

They both immediately spit out the berries and everyone around me seems to be cheering so loudly that I think I might go deaf. I don't move. I don't know what to do. I've never had a tribute win and now I have two.

"I need to see Plutarch," I say, "Snow won't be happy about this."

They all stop cheering as they realise the truth. Effie, however, covers her ears and hums loudly before leaving. I think she's twigged my political views over the years but she doesn't want to get involved.

"You're right," says Mags, "Go get cleaned up and I'll make sure he meets you in your room, okay?"

I nod, kiss her on the cheek and run to my room. I should feel elated, relieved, even but the Games are still not over. Katniss has dared to undermine the Capitol and I know what happens next. I guess we really are similar.


	46. Chapter 46

**Thank you for reading and for all your reviews, they've been so helpful and encouraging!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Six**

I wait around in my room for almost two hours before Plutarch shows up. I'm not entirely sure what the protocol is once your tribute has won but all I want to do is go and check on Katniss and Peeta. Part of me is worried that the Gamemakers will kill Peeta in his sleep just to satisfy Snow.

When Plutarch walks in I pretty much bombard him with questions about Katniss and Peeta but he just puts his finger over his lips, warning me to be quiet. He leads me outside, talking about how successful the Games were until we reach a quiet street just behind the Training Centre. As soon as I'm sure that we're alone I ask him if Katniss and Peeta are okay, are they awake and, of course, if he's heard from Snow.

"They're both fine, although it looks like part of Peeta's leg is going to have to be amputated and replaced with a mechanical one." It's not ideal but at least he's alive, he'll learn to cope with a mechanical leg, I'm sure. "They're both asleep right now while the doctors work on them," Plutarch continues, "but Seneca Crane has been called to Snow's office and I'm doubtful that we'll ever see him again."

"I knew Snow would be pissed off."

"Yes so you're going to have make sure Katniss plays this star-crossed lovers thing until the bitter end."

"Of course," I reply. "That thing with the berries, though, it just shows how much we need her." Plutarch nods in agreement but he thinks it's best not to say anything to her for another year or so, her and Peeta are going to have a hell of a lot of attention on them for the foreseeable and seeing as she tends not to do as she's told she could risk the whole rebellion being exposed.

"There's already an unease in the districts, though," he says, "After they revoked the rule there were reports of people being very…treasonous shall we say. Snow has sent out extra Peacekeepers."

"Okay, I'll make sure we're careful," I say and we both say our goodbyes before heading off in separate directions. It's best for us not to stand around chatting any more than we need to.

I go straight to the hospital only to be told that I can't see either of my tributes as they're both undergoing a lot of surgery, particularly Peeta. One of the Capitol doctors tells me that they're planning on giving Katniss a breast enlargement to fit in with the Capitol aesthetic but I soon get in to a very long and angry argument with him, telling him that Cinna can do something with her clothes if they're that bothered. I know I'm meant to be keeping the Capitol happy but I refuse to let them alter a young girl's body just so that they can parade her around in their ridiculous outfits.

I spend the rest of the day discussing strategy with Cinna and Portia and signing off on their designs. The whole country is going to be watching Katniss and Peeta's every move from now on so it's vital that we start off in the right way. Cinna's designed some very innocent and girly looking outfits for Katniss, which completely contrast with the idea that she's killed children to be crowned one of the victors, but he's pulled it off.

We all agree that keeping Katniss and Peeta separated until we get back to 12 is the best; Katniss is likely to tell Peeta that their whole relationship was an act and who knows what could happen then. This is easy enough to do as I just tell the Gamemakers that showing their reunion on television is going to be far more entertaining than if they've already seen each other.

I spend the night thinking about what I need to say to Katniss, what she needs to do to keep everyone she loves safe. I don't sleep, of course, it's only when dawn is starting to break that I can feel myself dozing off.

At midday an avox comes for me and leads me down to the hospital so that I can see both Katniss and Peeta before the ceremony this evening where the highlights will be played and they'll both be crowned victors. By the way we're rushing through elevators and corridors I can only assume that the Capitol audience is getting tired of waiting to see the young love birds.

I'm led down a very clinical looking corridor where Effie and Cinna are waiting for me. They're already talking about what the people of the Capitol think of Katniss and Peeta.

"They've certainly got everyone talking about the Capitol's control over the Games," says Cinna and raises his eyebrows at me. I can tell that there's a warning in there.

"I still can't quite believe that we've won!" Says Effie, completely oblivious to Cinna's comments. "I mean after nine years of being an escort for District Twelve one starts to wonder if she'll ever have her moment on the stage!"

Before I can reply with a witty and scathing comment appropriate for Effie's ridiculousness I hear loud footsteps running down the hall and when I turn my head I'm pleased to say that I can see Katniss coming towards me.

Her skin and hair look perfect and she has no visible scars; no one would have any clue what she's been through.

To my surprise she runs at me and instantly wraps her arms around me. I suppose that the Hunger Games does strange things to you but I remember that same relief I felt waking up to see Titam all those years ago.

"Nice job, sweetheart," I whisper in to her ear, meaning every word of it. I need to tell her how much trouble she's in but now isn't the time. I can already see from her face that she has a hundred different thoughts whizzing through her head right now.

"Oh look at you!" Says Effie, patting Katniss' hair, "You really do look like a pearl."

Cinna doesn't engage in such nonsense but simply hugs Katniss and congratulates her, although I know that he realises how empty those words are.

"Where's Portia?" Asks Katniss, a tinge of despair in her voice. "Is she with Peeta? He is all right, isn't he? I mean, he's alive?"

"He's fine," I reply, "Only they want to do your reunion live on air at the ceremony."

"Oh. That's all. I guess I'd want to see that myself."

"Go on with Cinna. He has to get you ready."

They both leave and I ask Effie if she wants to visit Peeta with me which, of course, she does. The avox leads us back down the corridor and in to another room where Portia is fitting Peeta's suit. He, too, looks remarkably healthy considering the injuries he sustained, although he needs a cane to keep himself upright.

"How's that leg of yours?" I ask as I enter the room and a small smirk appears on his face. I bet the kid never thought he'd be getting ready to take to the stage as a victor.

"Fancy," he says, "But I preferred my old one."

I wonder if I should tell him about Katniss. I know she cares for him but not in the way that he does for her. Maybe he could handle it, he's just been through the Hunger Games, after all. And I hate lying to him.

"What's wrong?" He says. "Is Katniss okay?"

"Everything's fine, just keep up the good work," I say and turn on my heel to leave. I can't look at him without hating myself.

I go back to my room, grab a few drinks and get ready for the ceremony. I have no desire to sit through three hours of Hunger Games footage, I've seen it all over the past three weeks and I'm no rush to relive it. I may have got my kids home but that doesn't take away from how horrific it all is.

As soon as I reach the underneath of the stage I make a beeline for Katniss. There wasn't much time to talk to her before but I feel that she needs to know what's going on before she takes to that stage. She's impossible to predict, which makes her a liability right now.

I tap her on the shoulder and she jumps back, startled. I can't blame her for being on edge.

"Easy, just me," I say. "Let's have a look at you." She's wearing a yellow and orange dress that makes her look like a small flame. As if her fire is dimming. "Good enough."

"But what?" She says.

"But nothing. How about a hug for luck?" I can tell she's confused as she puts her arms around my neck but I can't really blurt out how unhappy Snow is with so many people around. "Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at, and they're the joke of Panem."

She laughs as if I've just told her something truly hilarious; she catches on quickly. "So what?"

"Your only defence can be you were so madly in love you weren't responsible for your actions." I pull away and adjust her hairband, "Got it, sweetheart?"

"Got it. Did you tell Peeta this?"

"Don't have to, he's already there."

"But you think I'm not?"

"Since when does it matter what I think? Better take our places," I say and lead her to the spot where she'll rise onto the stage. "This is your night, sweetheart. Enjoy it," I say and kiss her head because I'm not sure what else there is to do. I've done my best and now I can only hope that she plays along, too.

The anthem begins and Caesar warms up the crowd, whipping them in to a frenzy about crowning their victors. He then introduces Effie, who has the biggest grin on her face as her plate rises. Cinna and Portia are next and are greet by huge applause; their designs have become the envy of everyone in the Capitol.

And then it's my turn. For the first time since I won my Games I'm rising through the stage to screams and applause. I give a little smile and a wave but I'd rather be anywhere other than here.

"It may have taken him twenty three years to get a tribute home but when he does he does it in style!" Shouts Caesar, "Haymitch Abernathy will go down in history for being the first mentor to bring _two tributes_ home!" This sends the crowd wild and I have to stop myself from laughing. If they think that I'm a success then they're even more screwed up than I thought.

I take my place on the stage and wait for Katniss and Peeta to rise through the stage and when they do they're reunion couldn't be more perfect. They run in to each other's arms and kiss for about ten minutes, I have to basically push them in to the small sofa that's been placed on stage for them.

We all take our places and are forced to live through the whole thing, again. It's strange to see the highlights showing a love story amongst all the blood and death, it's so jarring that I'm glad the audience can't see my face in the dim light. Amazingly, the producers have managed to make Katniss look just as in love with Peeta as he is with her. I suppose everyone is trying to gloss over the fact that Katniss made a fool out of the Capitol.

After they're both crowned by our awful president we are rushed over to President Snow's mansion to stuff ourselves with food and thank all of our sponsors, although I just find a corner and drink. However, I don't dare take my eyes off love's young dream just in case Katniss slips up.

When we get back I quickly push Peeta in to his room so that he can't talk to Katniss, much to her annoyance but I just tell her that she needs her sleep. I feel as if I'm getting ready to go back in to the arena as I'm so on edge.

Caesar and a small film crew arrive in the room the next day for the interviews and it's clear that Peeta isn't happy with me keeping them apart but I think Katniss understands that I must have an ulterior motive. If she's as calculating as I'm supposed to be then she'll get it.

The interviews go surprisingly well with Katniss saying all the right things to convince Caesar that she can't live without this young baker, although she does require some prompting from the Capitol's infamous interviewer.

When it's all over Katniss asks me how she's done and all I can say is, "Perfect," because I'm desperate to get back home and wait for the fall out when all is revealed.

When we get on the train I immediately pour myself a large glass of white liquor. I've got them both home, I don't have to curb my drinking any longer. Besides, I have a feeling that I'm going to need it more than ever.

In all the commotion and worry I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to everyone, to discuss Katniss with them and ask for some advice. I know I should be the one to tell Peeta but the guilt is too much. I can't handle decent people, they rub me up the wrong way.

The train stops for fuel and I can see Katniss and Peeta disappearing outside holding hands. I doubt she can keep this up for much longer now that we're out of the Capitol so I follow them, unsure of what to say. I can't have them falling out but Peeta needs to know.

When I catch up with them I can sense the tension so I put my hand on Katniss' back and decide to do the most cowardly thing I have ever done. "Great job, you two," I say, "Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be OK." I turn my head and walk back, unable to look at Peeta and my heart sinking deep into my chest.

I can't do this anymore, it's Katniss' turn to take some responsibility. She can be the one to tell him how we used him to get her home. She isn't perfect by any means so why should I have to deal with all this rubbish? She's so blind to his feelings that maybe now it's her turn to feel guilty instead of me.

I've got them home, that's all I was ever meant to do. I've done more, in fact. Maybe now I can just take a break from mentoring and concentrate on the rebellion. Next year's tributes have no need for me now that they have Katniss and Peeta. I can just spend the month in the Capitol getting drunk, guilt free. Yes, that sounds like a plan I can get on board with.


	47. Chapter 47

**Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed the Games chapters! I welcome any and all reviews so do please keep them coming!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

As we wait for the train doors to open Peeta takes Katniss' hand but there's a look of sadness on his face. It's the kind of sadness that only comes with a feeling of loss; lost hope and lost love. He has a longing look in his eyes that I've so often seen in my own reflection, all he wants is for her to reciprocate his feelings but she seems incapable right now.

The doors open and the cheers and applause are deafening as they both step on to the platform. Effie and I follow but it's clear who the stars of the show are and everyone wants a piece of them. Reporters from every angle are shouting at them to move so that they can get a photograph and pushing themselves as close to their latest victors as possible. The peacekeepers are just about coping with all the extra bodies.

Clara and Prim take to the stage just as Peeta's family do and they all embrace, the looks of relief on their faces are hard to miss. However, Peeta's mother seems nonplussed by the whole thing which makes me feel quite angry. You'd think a mother who very nearly lost her son would be overjoyed to see him again but it's impossible to tell from her expressionless face.

As I watch Prim jump in to Katniss' arms a new sensation comes over me, it's not quite pride but it isn't happiness, either. Twenty-two children still had to die in order for this reunion to happen. I suppose I'm just glad that I won't be too hated for another year; I brought _two _tributes home, surely there's something redeeming about that? Maybe parents won't pull their children away from me as I walk down the street, maybe they won't fear me in the same way they once did.

"Your cousins can hardly wait to see you!" Says Clara with a smile and turns to a small family standing at the bottom of the podium. They're all Seam kids and the way the eldest son is looking at Katniss I'm not entirely convinced he's her cousin. I've seen them at The Hob together and I seem to remember Peeta mentioning Katniss having a boyfriend, is this who he was talking about? Either way, he's wearing another look that I recognise: jealousy. And what kind of cousin would be jealous of a new boyfriend?

"How do you feel about your success this year, Haymitch?" A reporter shouts at me and suddenly all eyes are on me, awaiting my reply. I give them as decent a smile as I can manage as I contemplate what to say. There's no such thing as success in the Hunger Games but I doubt that's a suitable answer when the Capitol already hates us so much.

"Obviously I'm over the moon, more for these two than for myself," I say, trying to take the focus off me, "I think we all shared their feelings of distraught and despair when we believed that they couldn't be together. And now that they're _both_ back home, it's a relief to all of us." If Snow sees this, hopefully, it will go some way to convincing him that Katniss' trick with the berries was out of desperation and that everyone thinks that. No one would possibly think she was being rebellious.

I look towards Katniss and Peeta who are both smiling and holding hands but they shift uncomfortably. The tension from the train is still present.

"We can't thank Haymitch enough," says Peeta and kisses Katniss' cheek, which makes the whole crowd swoon. Katniss' supposed cousin, on the other hand, simply scowls.

"And what do you think of your daughter's new boyfriend, Mrs. Everdeen?" Says the reporter.

Clara looks a bit taken aback by the question but nevertheless speaks in to the microphone that is thrust in to her face. "Well, I think that Peeta is the very model of what a young man should be but Katniss isn't old enough to have any boyfriend at all," she replies before giving Peeta a comically stern look. She must know how Katniss feels, I'm sure that any mother could read their child, even when they're acting in front of the entire nation. The reporters may think it's funny but I think she's probably just protecting her daughter.

The press conference is soon over and we're free to go, although Katniss and Peeta's introduction to their new homes are recorded for the viewing pleasure of Panem to show them how we reward child killers in our fair society. I hang around in the background to make sure that they're reacting appropriately before heading home. Ever since Vieve left I've felt uncomfortable living in this big house by myself, it's probably bugged and doesn't really feel like mine, even though I've lived here for twenty-four years but it has that Capitol style stamped all over it. Even so, I don't think I've ever been more grateful to get inside it than I am right now.

Three days later and I'm thrown in to a whirlwind of banquets and celebrations. The food and music are plentiful and Katniss and Peeta are just about managing to keep up the adoring couple act. They exchange light kisses and rarely leave each other's side. When Parcel Day arrives they even stand together smiling and handing out gifts to the queue of people at the train station. It's difficult to watch. I know they're battling with the demons of the arena as well as the mixed feelings that they have for each other but if they slip up just once it could be at the detriment of everyone's survival.

On the final day of celebrations we have a big festival in the square that the whole district attends but I leave in the early evening because not only am I desperate to get away from the cameras but I'm also desperate for my bed. I stumble in to find a letter on my doormat from Effie informing me that she's sending someone over in the next few weeks to fix my phone. Apparently, it's not fitting for the latest winning mentor to be unreachable but I beg to differ. I've done my bit for the year now just leave me be, thank you.

Just as I'm scrunching up the letter and opening another bottle of liquor there's a knock on the door. I groan as I go to open it, hoping it's not some silly reporter asking for another quote about the star-crossed lovers. They seem to be lurking around, questioning anyone who they happen across in the street. Instead, I find Clara Everdeen.

"Hello," she says, timidly. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," I say, leading her through to the lounge. It's only then that I realise that we haven't spoken in about two decades, which seems strange after I've helped her daughter survive an ugly death match. I suppose that she was just too tied up with Maysilee for me to ever consider a friendship, I don't like being reminded of my fallen ally. "Is everything okay?"

She lets out a laugh but there's no joy to it, "I'm not sure that anything will ever be okay, again, but I just wanted to say how thankful I am. Although that doesn't really cover what you've done for me…what you've done for our family."

"Well, it wasn't all me. You must know how resourceful Katniss is."

She nods, "Yes but she needed help and that's what you gave her. You'll always be welcome in our home, Haymitch. You're family, now."

"I don't know about that," I say, gulping the liquor.

"You are," says Clara, sternly. "We never really spoke about Mayilee and I never thought for one moment that you'd have to mentor one of my girls but you have and those connections are never going to disappear." I give a noncommittal groan, I've not given much thought to what she's saying and it's making me feel slightly awkward. "You'll always be welcome in our new home."

She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me on the cheek before saying thank you, again, and leaving. I watch her out the window as Katniss and Prim approach the house, their arms interlocked as if they were knitted together. Clara waits for them with her arms open and Prim runs straight at her whilst Katniss slowly walks towards her before allowing her mother to wrap her arms around her. They stand like that for a good while before heading in to the house and I can't help but feel glad that Katniss has people to share the burden of tonight's nightmares.

Are these my family? I never thought of Katniss being family, especially as she drives me so crazy most of the time. I suppose we'll always have shared horrors and there'll be more to come that only she, Peeta and I can understand. And I do care for them both in my own way. I wouldn't ever want any harm to come to them, they've got good hearts, despite Katniss' thought processes being misguided at times.

I can't think about this right now, though, I need a drink.

I spend the next month enjoying the advantages and disadvantages of white liquor. The advantages are that I can block out days on end whilst the disadvantages are vomit and horrible migraines. When Ripper runs low on supplies I'm forced to relive the memories of the past twenty-four years, some real and some not. Tributes turn in to mutts and people I thought of as friends turn on me in an instant with an evil glare in their eyes.

Peeta brings me plenty of delights from the bakery whilst Katniss brings me game, which is a nice addition to my kitchen. I know they feel like they have a duty to look after me but most of the time I'd prefer to be alone; it's nothing more than I deserve.

One day there's a knock on the door and I can't be bothered to move from the sofa to answer it. I have a bottle of liquor in one hand and my knife in the other, I'm in no mood for company but the knocking keeps coming.

"Haymitch!" A voice bellows, "It's Drake! Let me in!" Of all the people I want to see right now, Drake is very far down the list. Why on earth would he want to visit me? I've made a conscious decision to avoid him as much as possible for the past four years. "I'll bash the door down!" He continues and I begrudgingly let him in.

"Sorry for the smell," I slur, "I wasn't expecting company."

"I can see that," he says with a smirk before helping himself to a glass of white liquor. I take in his face for the first time in a long time and it's only then that I notice how much he has changed since he was a young man. He's got the wrinkles that a man of his age usually has but there's a hardness there, too, that only comes with great loss. The loss of a younger sister. The loss of a son. There's been too much loss for those around me and most of it's my fault.

"So what do you want? Apart from my drink?" I say, snatching the bottle away from him.

"I just wanted to see how you are, I thought you might be a bit happier now that you've managed to bring your tributes home."

"If only," I reply and finish off the contents of the bottle. "Look, I'm sure you've got good intentions but I don't want to see anyone right now."

"No change there, then," he says with a sigh. "I wish you'd let us in to your life, Haymitch. You know more than anyone how fickle life is and facing it alone doesn't help you."

His words stay in my mind as he leaves and I can't seem to shake them all night. I got his sister killed and I couldn't do anything to bring his only son home alive and yet he still tries to look out for me. I rarely see him and yet I still know in the back of my mind that he'd be there for me if I ever called upon him. But whenever I think of rebuilding those bridges that I burnt all I can see is Freya and the devastation that would be on her parents' faces if she ever got reaped. The same devastation that was on Katniss' face when she heard Prim's name being called two months ago.

I should be revelling in my success right now but all I see is loss and pain. If people aren't getting killed they're getting their hearts broken and as much as I want to blame Snow I feel responsible for most of it.

As I break the seal on another bottle all I can think is that I welcome the blocked out days and nights. The less I remember, the better.


	48. Chapter 48

**Hello and thank you for reading my story, it's very pleasing to know that there are some of you who are still logging on to read it this far along. As always, I welcome your feedback and appreciate anything you lovely people have to say.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

Blocking out the six months that lead up to the Victory Tour is not as easy as it usually is, probably because my tributes are actually alive this year and feel the need to make regular visits. They're never together, of course, the only time they speak to each other is if they accidentally end up in my house at the same time.

I think that most of the district has worked out that Katniss and Peeta's relationship was mainly for the cameras but they have so much respect for both of them that no one says anything let alone informs the authorities. You can say what you want about 12 but we tend to stick together for the most part, after all, having nothing only encourages you to cherish the things you do have such as family and friends.

The day before we're due to head off on our tour of Panem I stock up on white liquor so that it's ready and waiting for me when I get back, I have a feeling that I'm going to need it more than ever. I've only been on one Victory Tour and that wasn't the most pleasant of experiences.

As I'm leaving The Hob Katniss is entering with her bag filled up with game, I think hunting keeps her mind away from the Games and I know she doesn't want to turn her back on the people that helped bring her home. Greasy Sae managed to rally most of The Hob in to donating money for Katniss and Peeta and quite a lot of the district chipped in, too. That's another debt that Katniss will spend her life repaying, I know it.

"Hey," she says to me, "I was going to drop by later but you can have your pick of the game now if you like."

"That's okay, thanks, I've got enough food in the house," I reply.

"Oh, okay." She bites her lip as if she's trying to stop herself from talking and those grey eyes are boring in to me as if pleading for me to know what's going on in her head.

"Everything all right?"

She moves back a little so we're out of the way of the entrance to The Hob. "I'm worried, Haymitch. About the tour and…and Peeta. I mean, we've hardly spoken these past six months."

"You'll be fine," I say, although I'm not sure that's true but I can't afford for her to be worrying right now. "You just have to act like a love sick puppy again and zone everything else out, okay?" She nods, "And come and wake me up an hour before the prep team and cameras arrive, I doubt I'm going to be up early." I raise the bottles of liquor, which gets a small smile out of her and begin to walk home.

For someone so young I think she understands my compulsion to drink, especially now that she's been through the Games and come out the other end. Ripper had a shortage a few months ago and I know I terrified her and Prim when visions of Dinium covered in lava appeared before me but, luckily, she's never chastised me for it. Not since before the Games, anyway.

We're going through a cold winter and it takes so long to heat up this house that it makes no difference to my body temperature once I'm inside. I sit down at the table in my kitchen, break open the seal on one of the bottles, clutch my knife and drink until I pass out.

An ice cold sensation suddenly comes over my head and my gut reaction is to jump out of my chair and slash my knife at the air, screaming at my nightmares.

"Get away!" I yell, "I'll kill you, you bastard!" My vision becomes a little clearer and I can see Katniss standing before me, looking a little annoyed and I realise that I'm covered in water. "What are you doing?"

"You told me to wake you an hour before the cameras come."

"What?" I snap, struggling to remember this.

"Your idea."

"Why am I all wet?"

"I couldn't shake you awake. Look, if you wanted to be babied, you should have asked Peeta."

"Asked me what?" Says Peeta voice, followed by the boy himself. He walks over to the table and places a loaf of freshly baked bread upon it. The smell is nothing short of divine. He holds out his hand, waiting for me to hand over my knife.

"Asked you to wake me up without giving me pneumonia," I say, obligingly giving him the knife. He cleans it with the liquor and begins to cut the bread.

I take off my wet shirt and begin to pat myself down but there's not much point, I'm covered in vomit and what I really need is a hot shower.

"Would you like a piece?" Peeta asks Katniss as if they've never met before.

"No, I ate at The Hob," she says. "But thank you."

"You're welcome."

I throw my shirt on the floor in annoyance and turn back to the confused teenagers standing in front of me. "Brrr. You two have got a lot of warming up to do before showtime."

Katniss scowls and says, "Take a bath, Haymitch."

I send Peeta home and take Katniss' advice, even _I _think I'm in a worse state than usual. I must have had a really heavy night last night.

As I lie in the tub I can't help but think about how Peeta and Katniss must get over whatever issues it is they have with each other in order to continue their fake relationship on the tour. But that's not the only thing that's worrying me. I haven't spoken about it to Katniss, yet, but I'm hoping she's worked it out. We've all had months to think about it and it's never been far from my thoughts.  
Until Snow is brought down and Panem can be free her and Peeta will have no choice but to keep up this relationship if they are going to show that they never meant to undermine the Capitol. Snow will never let them be anything other than in love and if the rebellion doesn't happen for another twenty years or more they're going to have to get married and, no doubt, be forced to have children. And those children will almost certainly be reaped.

I'm broken from my thoughts by the sound of Effie's voice calling me from downstairs. How the heck did she get in here?!

I groan as I get out of the tub and wrap a towel around myself. I could get dressed but I have so few sources of pleasure these days that making Effie feel uncomfortable will give me some of buzz.

"Oh, Haymitch, you could have put some clothes on!" She screeches as I walk in to the living room. She's doing everything she can to avoid my gaze.

"Why? It's my house, you're the one who's trespassing."

"I am not tres…never mind! Just get dressed, we're leaving soon!" She shouts and totters out of the house, her huge orange wig struggling to stay attached to her head.

When I'm finally dressed and ready to leave I open the door to find Katniss and Peeta kissing in the snow; the cameras refusing to move away from them. I smile to myself, hoping that they can keep this up for the rest of the tour. Maybe this won't be as difficult as I thought.

The train is as luxurious as ever, as is dinner, but no one is in a particularly talkative mood. I guess we're all feeling the pressure of this trip, especially Katniss and Peeta.

Night time soon comes and Katniss is knocking on my door telling me she needs to talk to me. The train is stopping for fuel so I suppose now is as good a time as any to speak away from the hidden microphones.

We go outside, where I almost fall to the ground but Katniss manages to help me back up.

"What?" I finally ask and a long story comes flying out of her mouth. President Snow paid her a visit this morning to inform her that some of the districts are on the verge of rebelling, which makes me feel more happy than worried but I don't let on, and it's vital that her and Peeta keep the peace across Panem. If they don't then the repercussions for all of us are unimaginable, especially her friend, Gale, who she stupidly kissed one day in the woods. Did she really think that Snow wouldn't find out about that?!

"If you could just help me get through this trip-" she says but I interrupt her.

"No, Katniss, it's not just this trip."

"What do you mean?"

I sigh, I really did think that she would have given this some thought before, sometimes I wonder if I overestimate her. "Even if you pull it off, they'll be back in another few months to take us all to the Games. You and Peeta, you'll be mentors now, every year from here on out. And every year they'll revisit the romance and broadcast the details of your private life, and you'll never, ever be able to do anything but live happily ever after with that boy." Her face drops and I can see her working it all out, I wonder if I should tell her about the rebellion but she's so full of anger and confused emotions right now that she could ruin the whole thing. "Do you understand what I mean?"

She nods and whispers something about marrying Peeta and for the first time I don't see the fearless young woman who fought in and won the Hunger Games. Instead, I see a little girl terrified for her family and carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

We go back to the train and I say, "You could do a lot worse, you know," before going back to my room but I doubt those words will bring her any comfort. She knows what a decent young man Peeta is but if she doesn't love him, she'll never be able to force herself to.

I wake up about midday and instantly go in search of Cinna and Portia; they're the only people on this train who I would trust with the information Katniss gave me last night.

Neither of them are surprised, I think we all knew that our strategy in the Games could come back to hurt us but they both assure me they'll do what they can with Katniss and Peeta's clothes to present them as the Capitol's latest recruits. The less they look like District 12 rebels, the better.

We all head for the dining cart where Peeta and Effie have already started eating but I'm not very hungry so I just pick at a muffin and make sure I have a bottle of liquor near me. Katniss joins us and from the bland expression on her face I can tell that she'd rather be anywhere else other than here.

When the train suddenly stops it turns out that there's a malfunction, which, of course, sends Effie doolally but Katniss snaps at her and storms out of the cart, much to everyone's surprise. She usually just sits there and endures the situation. Peeta goes after her and I can already feel that our plan is falling apart at the seams.

"Well, that was beyond rude!" Screeches Effie, "I hope she learns some manners before we reach Eleven!"

"It's going to be nice to see Chaff and Seeder before the Games," I say to no one in particular, still staring at my muffin.

"Oh no, Haymitch, did I not tell you?" Says Effie, "None of the victors will be attending the tour events this year."

"Why am I not surprised?" I say but Effie just tutts and turns her attention to her bowl of stew. She must know that Snow doesn't want his victors mingling with anyone who could represent rebellion.

Katniss and Peeta finally return so that Katniss can say sorry to Effie, which involves a very long and over the top speech, before they both leave to go and view Peeta's paintings. Now that neither of them need to go to school they're supposed to have a talent but I know that Cinna has been designing clothes so that Katniss can pretend to have some sort of gift. Apparently hunting isn't very fashionable in the Capitol.

I should go and see Peeta's paintings but he brought me one once and it was of the Careers taunting Katniss whilst she was high up in a tree and I didn't want to see any more; it was far too vivid and brought back horrible memories.

As we approach 11 we all get changed and make ourselves look a little more presentable. The coldness and snow from 12 is long gone and instead we are faced with a glaring sun and heat.

After the obligatory photos at the station we are hurried in to the Justice Building by the peacekeepers, much to Effie's outrage, and Peeta and Katniss are almost pushed on to the stage by their brightly coloured escort.

Myself, Cinna, Portia and Effie are all standing inside the Justice Building watching a nervous Katniss and Peeta on one of the television screens.

The Mayor gives a boring speech before the flowers are presented to the victors and then it's Katniss's turn to speak. She has the monotone voice that occurs when someone is trying to recite something from memory and she's boring me to tears. When Peeta takes over he's as vivacious as always and when he talks about Rue and Thresh it's easy to see that he means every word he's saying but then he declares that him and Katniss are going to give a month of their winnings each year to Rue's and Thresh's family.

"No!" I shout at the screen.

"What? I think that's a lovely gesture," says Effie.

"He's going to get us all killed!"

Effie turns her head away as if I'm not there and I catch Cinna's and Portia's eyes; they look as worried as I feel.

"Wait!" Katniss' voice suddenly shouts from the screen and I turn to see her running forward on the stage. What the hell is she doing now?! "I want to give my thanks to the tributes of District Eleven," she looks towards Thresh's family and describes what a powerful and admirable boy he was and suddenly the whole crowd are gripped by her words. Then she turns to Rue's family, "I feel as if I did know Rrue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind. I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees. But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim. Thank you for your children. And thank you all for the bread."

There is silence and then the four note tune that Rue whistled in the arena is sung from someone in the crowd but before we can figure out who it is the screen goes black and no matter how much Effie hits it the picture doesn't come back.

BANG! My head spins around, looking for the source of the noise.

"Did you hear a gun shot?" I ask, panicked and willing Katniss and Peeta to walk back in to the building.

"Don't be so ridiculous!" Says Effie but her voice lacks conviction.

Eventually Peeta and Katniss re-enter the building but Katniss' face has gone white and she looks like she could pass out at any time. Peeta's holding her close and has that protective look in his eye that I saw so many times in the arena.

"What happened?" Asks Effie. "We lost the feed just after Katniss' beautiful speech, and then Haymitch said he thought he heard a gun fire, and I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!"

"Nothing happened, Effie," says Peeta, "An old truck backfired."

Two more gun shots follow his words and now everyone is wearing looks of worry and it's clear that the Hunger Games are not over. We may be out of the arena but we're still fighting for our lives.


	49. Chapter 49

**Thank you for reading and for all of the lovely reviews I've had so far, you lot are the best!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

"Both of you. With me," I order and Peeta and Katniss follow me through the Justice Building. I'm amazed I can still remember my way around but the memory of first meeting Chaff and sneaking off to a quiet room for a long drinking session is still fixed in my mind.

We climb the marble staircase and I lead them in to a luxurious room that has everyone's evening clothes hanging up. I take their microphones off them, stuff them under a cushion on one of the sofas and exit the room, indicating that they should follow me.

We take many rights and lefts until we are finally high up in the dome of the building and in a dusty room that looks like it was last used when Chaff and I were here.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Katniss was finishing her speech and then an old man at the back of the crowd sang Rue's tune and then everyone gave us the three finger salute as if he had been giving them a signal. After the mayor finished speaking we came back in but Katniss forgot her flowers so we went back out on to the veranda and…and we saw one of the peacekeeepers…he shot the old man in the head." He pauses for a moment as if he can see the man being shot all over again. "What's going on, Haymitch?"

I turn to Katniss. "I think it will be better coming from you."

Katniss takes a deep breath and relays everything that she said to me on the train about her visit from Snow and the unease in the districts. The entire time that she's telling her story I can see Peeta's face growing in anger and I can't say I blame him. There have been too many secrets in that boy's life.

"Then I made things worse, too," he says, "By giving the money." He smashes a lamp on a small table next to him and I almost jump back in surprise. "This has to stop. Right now. This-this-game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I'm too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them."

"It's not like that-" Says Katniss.

"It's exactly like that! I have people I care about, too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District Twelve who will be just as dead as yours if we don't pull this thing off. So, after all we went through in the arena, don't I even rate the truth from you?"

"You're always so reliably good, Peeta," I say, in a vague attempt to calm down the situation. The peacekeepers could be on us at any minute. "So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that."

He starts ranting and raving about how stupid he is and worrying about Rue and Thresh's families in a way that I've never seen before. I've seen people change once they're out of the arena but the sweet, protective boy that went in seems so distant right now. He even starts getting angry about the lack of gifts I sent him.

"Look, boy-" I begin, started to get annoyed, myself, now.

"Don't bother, Haymitch," he says, "I know you had to choose one of us. And I've wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking in to."

"From now on you'll be fully informed."

"I better be," he says before leaving, avoiding Katniss' eyes.

"Did you choose me, Haymitch?" Asks Katniss.

"Yeah," I reply, thinking that that was blindingly obvious.

"Why? You like him better."

"That's true. But remember, until they changed the rules, I could only hope to get one of you out of there alive. I thought since he was determined to protect you, well, between the three of us, we might be able to bring you home."

"Oh."

"You'll see, the choices you'll have to make. If we survive this, you'll learn." I'm still learning, now. I thought my days of being on Snow's most wanted list were over but I'm suddenly back on there and I'm sure I'm in the top five. "Come on. We've got a dinner to attend."

I head for my assigned changing room and dress in some sort of deep green suit that Cinna has designed, if I was bothered by clothes I would probably be going crazy for this right now. I have a couple of glasses of wine before going off in search of Peeta, I'm partly annoyed with him and feeling guilty at the same time. This mix of emotions is becoming far too regular for me, now.

I can hear him talking to Portia behind one of the doors so I open it without knocking, after all, we're not meant to be keeping secrets from each other now.

"Oh, it's you," says Peeta.

"Were you expecting someone else?" I say and Portia makes up some excuse about needing to see Cinna so she leaves us alone.

"Never mind," Peeta says.

"I know you're mad at Katniss and me but you shouldn't have shouted at her, you know what she's like. She's just doing what I tell her to. You've kept things from her before, too, remember. If you want to be mad at anyone you should be mad at me, not her."

"I am mad at you," he says and I give him a smirk in return. "But you're right, I'm just fed up of being seen as the stupid, weak one all the time."

"Trust me," I say as I put my hand on his shoulder. "I have never thought of you as weak."

"I've been thinking…I'm going to have to marry Katniss, aren't I?"

I take in a deep breath and nod, unable to give him verbal confirmation. "It's the only way to protect her, to protect both of you."

"I know," he says but there's no happiness to his voice. The prospect of marrying the girl he loves doesn't bring with it the euphoria and excitability that it should. If only Katniss could just forget about Gale, maybe she'd see how lucky she is to have a boy like Peeta.

As soon as the celebrations begin I hit the booze hard and try to black out the little voices in my head that keep nagging at me. _Tell them, don't tell them, tell them._ As the tour goes on I find it increasingly difficult to quieten them but I know neither Katniss nor Peeta need the extra stress right now, who knows what Katniss would do if I told her about the rebellion?

The tour is miserable but some districts seem genuinely happy to see Katniss and Peeta, mainly 8, 4 and 3. Visiting 4 is the most difficult because all I want to do is talk to Finnick and Mags to see what the feeling is in the district and, more importantly, what they think of Katniss. However, the crowd seems so elated to see her that I can't help but think an uprising is just around the corner.

Katniss and Peeta's relationship seems to be taking a strange turn, too. Neither of them speak about their impending engagement but every night Peeta climbs in to Katniss' bed and I have no idea what happens, then. Knowing Katniss I think she just wants the company while she endures her nightmares, I know I did. I know I do.

When we arrive in the Capitol we stay in the same apartment that we did for the Games. I hate coming here; the whole place just reminds me of death, even when we're on the Victory Tour.

Katniss suggests that Peeta proposes live on stage during their interview with Caesar that night and we all agree that would be the best way to show Snow how much they're trying. Peeta disappears in to his room for the rest of the evening in an attempt to psyche himself up for the whole thing.

"I thought he wanted it, anyway," says Katniss.

"Not like this," I reply, still wondering how she can be so socially dim at times. "He wanted it to be real."

Cinna, Portia, Effie and I all take our seats in the audience and wait for Katniss and Peeta to appear on the stage. When they do the applause and cheering is deafening and I can't help but groan at the idiots that surround me. As if reading my mind Effie shoots me a look of disdain.

Caesar asks them about their experiences on the Victory Tour and, of course, how it's affected their relationship.

"Well, it's definitely made us closer than ever," says Peeta and, as if on cue, Katniss gazes in to his eyes with such a sweet smile that she almost has me fooled, too.

"Isn't that great?" Caesar asks the audience and they all cheer. "So, tell me, you two. What are your plans for the future?"

"I'm glad you asked that Caesar," says Peeta with a smirk and proceeds to get down on one knee. The whole crowd gasps, as does Katniss, but I just breathe a sigh of relief. "Katniss, I love you so much and, even though I knew it before, the past six months have convinced me that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I try to imagine what would have happened if I'd lost you in the arena and every time I do it just makes me feel cold. Now that we can be together I don't ever want to let you go. Will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?"

The whole room is silent as they stare at Katniss. She strokes the side of his face and smiles.

"Of course I will," she says and the levels of cheering become so high that I'm worried I'm going to punch someone.

The cameras swing round to me, Portia, Cinna and Effie and we're all smiling and hugging each other as if we hadn't planned this all along. Well, to be fair to Effie, she hadn't and is looking suitably shocked.

Suddenly, the doors on the stage swing open and our snakey president saunters on stage with a big grin to congratulate the happy couple.

"What do you think about us throwing them a wedding right here in the Capitol?" He shouts and Katniss manages to look ecstatic at the thought but I know this must be her worst nightmare.

"Do you have a date in mind, Mr. President?" Asks Caesar.

"Oh, before we set a date, we better clear it with Katniss' mother," this gets a huge laugh. "Maybe if the whole country puts its mind to it, we can get you married before you're thirty."

"You'll probably have to pass a new law," giggles Katniss.

"If that's what it takes," says Snow and his blown up lips curl in to a sinister smile.

The party at Snow's mansion is even more over the top than it was on my Victory Tour. The amount of food has tripled as have the decorations and the number of scary looking Capitolite guests. The music is loud and everyone is having a good time, apart from those who this this party is in aid of, despite their attempts to look overjoyed.

I order a very large glass of wine and help myself to some of the delights that are on offer but I'm in no mood to eat, no matter how delicious everything is.

It doesn't take long for Plutarch to spot me moping around in a corner and make a bee line for me, he probably wants to talk before I become too inebriated.

"That was quite a proposal," he says.

"Yep, poor kid," I reply and take another large gulp of my wine.

"I suppose you haven't heard about the districts using the mockingjay?" I just shrug, completely oblivious as to what he's talking about. "A lot of the districts, particularly Three, Four, Eight and Eleven have been using Katniss' mockingjay symbol to spread the word of rebellion. They've been baking it in to bread and crackers and so on so that it can be eaten before the peacekeepers see it."

"Should we be talking about this here?"

"It's fine, I may or may not have someone who has temporarily disarmed the bugs in this area of the room," he chuckles. "Anyway, using the mockingjay as a symbol only goes to prove how important Katniss is to us. There's even an uprising going on in Eight as we speak!"

My head snaps around at that point, I knew people were angry but I didn't think there had been any uprisings. I urge Plutarch to go on and he tells me that during the interview this evening the residents of 8 put on masks and took over the main buildings in their district and it looks like they're outnumbering the peackeepers.

"The fighting is still going on as we speak," says Plutarch, "And extra peacekeepers are being sent in right now so I doubt it will lead to anything. Not unless we can get the word out."

"But still, I think it shows that the hour may be upon us," I say, hoping that this long waited for rebellion is finally on the horizon.

Plutarch nods and shows me a pocket watch that when tilted reveals a mockingjay design before disappearing again. There are mockingjays everywhere in this room, it's become the latest fashion trend but it's not a symbol of rebellion like it is in the districts.

"I'm going to show this to Katniss, it's a hint about the arena. Maybe it will help her to trust me." I nod, thinking that he's got a lot of work to do if he wants Katniss to trust a Gamemaker. He moves a little closer and whispers, "It's going to be a clock, a new horror at each hour."

This is the first time he's ever told me what the arena will be like before the Games, which only makes me think that the rebellion is around the corner. Why else would he reveal such crucial information that I could use if I were to be a mentor? I could easily be one step ahead of the game, showing that someone had told me the plan before and why would they do that?

"It could only be a Quell arena," is all I say. It's been twenty-five years since my win, which means our third Quarter Quell is upon us and this arena sounds even more deadly than the last, if that's possible.

Plutarch says goodbye and heads over to a dancing Katniss and Peeta in order to attempt to gain Katniss' trust. _Good luck with that one_, I think.


	50. Chapter 50

**Thank you for continuing to read my story, I hope you're enjoying it and please let me know any thoughts you may have!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty**

I'm glad when we get back to 12, despite the required banquet, which I just drink my way through. Pertha ignored me for most it, although I don't blame her, I'm just a constant reminder to her that Maysilee never came home.

The day after we get back Effie calls to inform me about all of the wedding preparations and photo shoots that will be required of Katniss and I just say yes when there's a pause in conversation. Does she really think I have any interest in this stuff? I just have to make sure that Katniss doesn't cause the rebellion before we're ready. The last thing we need is Snow scaring off District 13, like it or not, we need their help.

It doesn't take me long to hit The Hob and buy almost everything Ripper has on offer; I know from experience that as winter gets colder it becomes more difficult for her to make the booze so I'm stocking up while I can.

On my way back I can see a huge crowd gathered in the square, which is strange for this time of year. There's been nothing scheduled so I push my way through, hoping for a closer look. As I do I can see people looking at me with worry and my first thought is _what have I done now?  
_But when I can finally see what's happening I know that I'm not to blame.

Gale is shirtless and tied to a post with a turkey pinned to the top. A new peacekeeper is standing over him and whipping him hard, causing deep cuts in Gale's back. It's horrific and I find myself scanning the crowd to see if Katniss is here, I don't know what she'll do if she sees this but I know it won't be good.

I can't see her but I'm interrupted by Darius, one of our peacekeepers who regularly visits The Hob, stepping forward and shouting, "Okay, that's enough!"

The man with the whip doesn't think so, though, and turns around, punching Darius in the face and knocking him out. The whole crowd gasps and I can feel them shuffling away as the whip comes down on Gale's back, again.

Five minutes later he's passed out and I'm wondering what I should do; Katniss would never forgive me if I just left him there but it's pretty clear he's been caught poaching and there's nothing I can do. Why else would there be a turkey presiding over him? Most of 12 know that he and Katniss hunt in the woods every Sunday.

"No!" A voice shrieks and I can see that Katniss has run in to the square, placing herself between the peacekeeper and Gale. The whip comes down on her face seconds later. "Stop it! You'll kill him!" She continues to shout.

The peacekeeper lifts his arm again but by now I've dropped my liquor and I'm stumbling over Darius and in to the centre of the square. "Hold it!" I yell. I grab Katniss and inspect her chin. "Oh, excellent! She's got a photo shoot next week modelling wedding dresses. What am I supposed to tell her stylist?" This man seems like the kind of peacekeeper who will defend the Capitol until the end so I'm hoping that this scares him a little bit. My skill of thinking on my feet is more active than ever right now.

"She interrupted the punishment of a confessed criminal," says the man.

"I don't care if she blew up the blasted Justice Bbuilding! Look at her cheek! Think that will be camera ready in a week?"

"That's not my problem," he replies but I can tell he's starting to worry.

"No? Well, it's about to be, my friend. The first call I make when I get home is to the Capitol. Find out who authorised you to mess up my victor's pretty little face!" I'm really sticking the boot in, now and I can see that Peeta is making his way through the crowd to join us.

"He was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?"

"He's her cousin," says Peeta, holding Katniss' other arm, "And she's my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us."

That's when Purnia, a woman from The Hob, steps forward. "I believe, for a first offence, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad."

"Is that the standard protocol here?"

"Yes, sir," says Purnia as well as a few others.

"Very well. Get your cousin out of here, then, girl. And if he comes to, remind him that the next time he poaches off the Capitol's land, I'll assemble that firing squad personally." He wipes the whip before coiling it back around his waist and leaving.

Katniss rushes over to Gale and starts fumbling with the knots but someone passes a knife to Peeta and he manages to cut him free.

"Better get him to your mother," I say and we manage to buy a table off a woman in the market to use a stretcher. Once Gale is strapped on to it myself, Peeta and some workers from the mines begin to walk towards Katniss' house. I tell her to put some snow on her cheek and Gale's crew mates retell the story of what happened.

Apparently, Gale went to Cray's house with the turkey but he wasn't there. Instead, he met our new Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, who put him under immediate arrest and was sentenced to whipping in the square straight away.

We reach Katniss' and Clara opens the door, her mouth slightly agape as she sees who we're carrying on the stretcher.

"New Head," I say and she just nods.

Clara spreads a white cloth on the table and we slowly lower Gale on to it before her and Prim get to work. Katniss was right in the arena when she said she's not like her mother; the way Clara and Prim get to work on the herbs and stews just amazes me.

"Did it cut your eye?" Asks Clara to Katniss.

"No, it's just swelled shut," says Katniss.

"Get more snow on it," she says before returning to Gale's wounds.

"Can you save him?"

"Don't worry," I say, in some sort of attempt to calm her down. "Used to be a lot of whipping before Cray. She's the one we took them to." Clara glances at me and I know we're both thinking about the time after my Games. A time when a tribute from 12 dared to undermine the Capitol and those he loved were forced to pay the price. It's easy to see the similarities.

I tell Gale's crew mates to go home and give them a few coins just in case the worst happens and they're all punished for Gale's crimes.

Gale's mother, Hazelle, soon arrives and we spend the next hour or so all watching as Clara and Prim attempt to heal the many gashes on Gale's back. It looks disgusting and painful in equal measure and I'm struggling not to get pulled back in to memories of the arena and the horrific injuries I had to see.

Katniss soon becomes hysterical and is shouting at her mother to give Gale something stronger to ease the pain. She has tears forming in her eyes and there's a kind of fear in them that you only see when someone is terrified about losing someone they love. She becomes so manic that Clara orders Peeta and I to remove her from the room so we have to physically drag her in to one of the bedrooms and pin her down.

Whilst she's crying Peeta takes me to one side and tells me that she thinks President Snow isn't impressed by their star crossed lovers performance and that she's found out about the uprising in 8. Apparently, she saw a news report on it at the Mayor's house. I'm not sure if this is good or bad.

"She wants us to all run," says Peeta but I just sigh. I can see the appeal of running away but you can never outrun Snow and with a full on rebellion just waiting to happen would we want to?

Once she's settled down Clara comes in and I tell her everything that Gale's friends said.

"So it's starting again?" She says "Like before?"

"By the looks of it," I reply. "Who'd have thought we'd ever be sorry to see old Cray go?" I never thought I'd be saying those words. Ever since I found out about him telling tales to the Capitol about me and Vieve my opinion of Cray has been incredibly low, especially when he's notorious for paying the poorest of women to spend a night with him. He's definitely vile but he didn't hand out whippings in a second like Thread.

There's a knock on the door and Katniss' face flashes with panic. The only person this could be is peacekeepers.

"They can't have him," she says.

"Might be you they're after," I say.

"Or you."

"Not my house, but I'll get the door."

"No, I'll get it," says Clara but we all follow her, anyway.

She opens the door to find Pertha's daughter, Madge, standing on the porch with a small box. I know that she and Katniss have become quite close since the Games but I don't know much about her. What I do know is that she gave Katniss the mockingjay pin that has become the symbol for rebellion all over the country.

"Use these for your friend," says Madge and Katniss opens the box to find six syringes of morphling. "They're my mother's. She said I could take them. Use them, please." She runs away in to the building storm before anyone can speak.

"Crazy girl," I mutter and turn around to see Clara plunging one of the syringes in to Gale's arm.

I rarely see Pertha, she's always meant to be ill, but it looks like she's just hooked on morphling and who can blame her? She lost her twin at sixteen in the cruelest way, maybe dosing up on morphling is the only way she can get through the day.

"What is that stuff?" Asks Peeta.

"It's from the Capitol. It's called morphling," says Clara.

"I didn't even know Madge knew Gale," says Peeta.

"We used to sell her strawberries," replies Katniss.

"She must have quite a taste for them," I joke trying to lighten the mood but the look on Katniss' face suggests this was a bad move.

"She's my friend," she spits.

Gale eventually goes back to sleep and, despite everyone being prepared to stay the night, Clara sends us all home. As soon as I'm inside I dial Effie's number and tell her that we need to rearrange the photo shoot because they've made some changes to 12, I try to be as vague as possible for all of our sakes.

"This is going to mess everything up but I suppose there's nothing to be done!" She screeches and I have to hold the phone away from my ear to stop it ringing. "Anyway, seeing as I've finally got you on the phone, I was wondering if you would like to give Katniss away?"

I laugh and say, "The sooner the better!" But as soon as I've said it I feel strange, almost guilty. I try to imagine me walking Katniss down the aisle and the image is just wrong. She looks miserable and I look like a mess. No, I definitely don't want that.

"Fine, I'm sure we can find someone else. Goodbye, Haymitch."

I slam down the phone and go in search of some booze, I'm running low but I don't want to ration it. I need to drink and that's how I spend the next two days, locked inside away from the storm and blacking out once I've drank too much.

On the third day Katniss and Peeta come over and drag me outside for a walk, although I'd much rather be sat inside in the warm. I know they want to discuss what's happened, which I know we should, but I'm starting to get fed up of monitoring them all the time.

"So we're heading in to the great unknown, are we?" I finally say once we're away from Victors' Village.

"No," says Katniss, "Not anymore."

"Worked through the flaws in that plan, did you, sweetheart? Any new ideas?"

"I want to start an uprising."

All I can do is laugh, she may have the same goals as me but she has no idea how to achieve it. I've been part of an organised rebellion for years that is only now coming to fruition and she thinks she can just start an uprising with the three of us?!

"Well, I want a drink," I say once I've finished laughing. "You let me know how that works out for you, though."

"Then what's your plan?"

"My plan is to make sure that everything is just perfect for your wedding. I called and rescheduled the photo shoot without giving too many details."

"You don't even have a phone."

"Effie had that fixed. Do you know she asked me if I'd like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better."

"Haymitch," Katniss pleads.

"Katniss," I snap, mimicking her voice. "It won't work."

We stop talking as we pass some workers with shovels and it's then that we can see out over the square. We all stop at the same time and take in the sight; the whole area has been transformed. There are machine guns, a whipping post and even a gallows. It's as if the Hunger Games arena has come to 12 and we all know who's responsible for it.

"Thread's a quick worker," I say and seconds later I can see smoke billowing up in to the air. We all know what's happened; The Hob is on fire.

"Haymitch," says Katniss, "You don't think everyone was still in-"

"Nah, they're smarter than that. You'd be, too, if you'd been around longer. Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare."

I walk off towards the square but the sense of foreboding is immediate. During the reaping there is always a chill sent through my body but this is a hundred times worse, this is no longer a place for the market and celebrations. This is a place for death.

It turns out that the apothecary will not sell me any rubbing alcohol so I'm forced to go home and work out how I'm going to ration what little alcohol I have left.

As I'm boiling cabbage for a stew the phone rings and I, begrudgingly, answer.

"Hello," I groan.

"Haymitch, it's Plutarch. I've managed to untap your phone but I can't speak long."

"That suits me fine. What's wrong?"

"Districts Three and Four have been in rebellion for two days, which means that three districts are taking a stand against Snow!"

"It's not enough," I reply. I can't get too excited quite yet.

"I know but it's a start. I also thought you should know that Finnick has been involved and…his parents have died. Annie and Mags are fine but I just thought you should know."

"What's he doing taking part in a rebellion?! Snow's going to hear about that straight away! He'll be killed!"

"Maybe he thinks the time is right to take a stand. Look, I have to go. Goodbye."

And in true Plutarch fashion he ends the conversation as quickly as he's started it.

My first thought is that I should tell someone but who? If I told Katniss I don't know what she would do but I'm sure it would get us all killed. She wants to start an uprising but how, exactly? I desperately want to tell her but I know her better than she knows herself sometimes and she needs to find out everything at the right time or else we'll be paying for it but with her would-be boyfriend still recovering from his injuries I know that is definitely not the time. No, the less she knows for now, the better.


	51. Chapter 51

**Thank you for continuing to read my story and sorry for taking a little longer to update recently, life has been starting to get a bit hectic! As always I appreciate any feedback you have and am incredibly grateful to those who have taken the time to give me their thoughts.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty-One**

The blizzard gets worse and the mines are forced to close for two weeks, meaning more and more families go hungry. When Parcel Day arrives the food is spoiled before it even reaches us.

This also means that getting my hands on alcohol is impossible and my nightmares become more vivid and real every night. One morning I ran through the house, slashing my knife at the air and destroying the cushions on my sofa because I thought Dinium was chasing me. Hazelle, who Katniss persuaded me to take on as a housekeeper, froze on the spot when she saw me. If she hadn't shouted at me to calm down I don't know what I would have done to her. To me, she looked just like Opal with that evil gleam in her eye that has never really left me.

One afternoon I leave the nightmares and go to visit Katniss, as much as she drives me insane I still feel the need to keep an eye on her. Partly because I don't want her getting in to any more trouble with Snow and partly because I care about her in some, strange way. Peeta was right, she has no idea the effect she can have on people.

Clara opens the door and quickly ushers me in but Katniss has gone to see if she can get Prim's goat pregnant, I vaguely remember having this conversation with her last night.

"She's been gone a long time," says Clara, "I'm starting to worry. You know how reckless she can be sometimes."

I smirk, "Yep but she's also very resourceful. I'll hang around for a bit if you want."

Clara smiles and goes in to the kitchen to make us some tea. There will never be anything romantic between Clara and I, we're both still pining after people we can't have, but I'm starting to warm to the idea of having her as a friend. Ever since Katniss won she seems desperate to include me in her family's life and it's getting a lot harder to refuse the hand of friendship these days. Who knows how long it will be there for?

About an hour later there's a knock on the door and Peeta enters the house, his face red from the cold.

"I'm _really_ starting to worry, now," says Clara.

"I'm sure she's fine," says Peeta with a half-smile. He looks like he wants to hug Clara but, being the gentleman that he is, he just stands there, awkwardly.

The longer we wait the more I'm starting to wonder if she has been foolish enough to run away but would she really do that without Prim? Or Peeta, even? I don't think so. I hope not.

"I'm going to get dinner started, I need something to do," says Clara and calls Prim down to help her.

"I really need a drink," I grunt, looking around for any sign of one.

"Would you settle for a game of chess?" Says Peeta and disappears upstairs before returning with a chess board. I have no idea who that belongs to but it seems a decent way to pass the time.

Seconds later there's another knock on the door and Clara almost sprints towards it, no doubt hoping that it's Katniss but instead she returns with a pair of peacekeepers, one male and one female.

"Can I get you any tea while you wait?" Asks Clara, "I'm sure Katniss will be back from her walk soon."

"In that case I don't think we'll be needing any tea," says the male peacekeeper in a monotone voice. "We only have a message to pass on from Romulus Thread."

It turns out that Katniss doesn't return soon and we have to wait for almost three hours, which is a long time to play chess for, especially when you're not very good and getting beaten by a seventeen year old.

When our famous victor finally comes home Clara quickly covers for her, asking if she's enjoyed her walk.

"May we ask where you've been, Miss Everdeen?" Asks the woman, who has stood in the corner of the room looking menacing for hours. Apparently it would be inappropriate for them to sit down.

"Easier to ask where I _haven't_ been," says Katniss, walking across the room towards Prim.

"So where haven't you been?" I ask and she immediately launches in to a long spiel about getting Prim's goat pregnant, which turns in to a playful argument between everyone. It's all incredibly dull but it's annoying the peacekeepers and, more importantly, keeping up the pretence that Katniss hasn't been doing anything illegal, which I'm sure she has.

Peeta wraps his arm around Katniss and lightly kisses her before she turns to the peacekeepers. "You have a message for me?"

"From Head Peacekeeper Thread," says the woman. "He wanted you to know that the fence surrounding District Twelve will now have electricity twenty-four hours a day."

"Didn't it already?" Asks Katniss as if she didn't make it obvious in a nationwide screening of her fight for survival that she hunted illegally in the woods.

"He thought you might be interested in passing this information on to your cousin."

"Thank you. I'll tell him. I'm sure we'll all sleep a little more soundly now that security has addressed that lapse."

Both of the peacekeepers leave and Katniss slumps against the wall, claiming that she banged her foot when she fell on some ice but we know that's not true, otherwise she would have said when the peacekeepers were here. My guess it has something to do with the fence now having electricity.

She spends the following weeks resting her foot, which is actually a relief because it means I know she's in her house all the time and that's the safest place for her. I also seek out Ripper who has started selling white liquor again so, despite the worsening conditions in 12, I can block it all out.

I spend most of my time with my head on the kitchen table until a high pitched voice screaming "Haymitch!" awakes me one day.

I slowly raise my head to find Effie standing before me, an exasperated look on her face that always seems to be there when she speaks to me. "What are you doing here? You're weeks too early."

"Well if you bothered to answer your phone you would know that Snow wanted us to film Katniss in her wedding dresses as soon as possible!"

"Typical Snow, always getting his own way," I mumble before remembering the house is probably bugged. I'm not even sure if I care anymore.

"Umm…Plutarch gave me a message for you," she says quietly. "Seven and eleven." She clears her throat before flashing me a creepy smile, "Although I have no idea what it means! I'll be at Katniss' if you need me."

She scurries out of the house as if she's worried she might catch something. There's no way I'm walking in to a room full of Capitol wedding dresses and there's also no way I think that Effie is as clueless as she makes out. Districts 7 and 11 are in rebellion and she knows it.

I avoid Katniss and the wedding extravaganza that Snow has laid on for her, the whole thing makes me feel uneasy, but we do go for a walk in to Town the next day and she tells me where she really was the day she hurt her foot. Apparently she met two women from 8 called Bonnie and Twill hiding in the woods and they were on their way to 13. They said every time they see footage of a burning District Thirteen a mockingjay flies in to the corner of the picture, which Katniss has also seen. I act nonchalant about the whole thing, she's still erratic and as much as I want her to become the symbol of the rebellion, the mockingjay that was never meant to be made but continued to survive, I don't want her flying off the handle too soon. We're still playing a waiting game.

I do, however, mention that I've heard 7 and 11 are in revolt, too, hoping that it keeps her fire burning. I don't want her to give up, I just need her to explode at the right time.

"What do you think they'll do, Haymitch?" She says, "To the districts that are rebelling?"

"Well, you've heard what they did in Eight," I reply, "You've seen what they did here, and that was without provocation. If things really do get out of hand, I think they'd have no problem killing off another district, same as they did Thirteen. Make an example of it, you know?" I know I'm using scare tactics but I need to throw her off the scent, for now.

"So you think Thirteen was really destroyed? I mean, Bonnie and Twill were right about the footage of the mockingjay."

"Okay, but what does that prove? Nothing, really. There are plenty of reasons they could be using old footage. Probably it looks more impressive. And it's a lot simpler, isn't it? To just press a few buttons in the editing room than to fly all the way out there and film it? The idea that Thirteen has somehow rebounded _and _the Capitol is ignoring it? That sounds like the kind of rumour desperate people cling to."

"I know. I was just hoping," I say.

"Exactly. Because you're desperate," says Haymitch

When I come home I find a lovely peacekeeper standing on my porch, I don't bother to say hello and just walk up to him.

"Hello, Mr. Abernathy," he says, "I have a message from the Capitol, there is mandatory viewing on the television tonight at seven thirty."

I groan as I push past him, wondering what it could be. The only time we have mandatory viewing is when there is a big announcement about the Capitol's laws or there is news about the lead up to the Games.

_The Quell,_ I think. It must be the reading of the card. The big twist that only happens every twenty-five years. The last of which involved me facing forty-seven other tributes and winning.

At seven twenty I grab the largest bottle of liquor I have and sit in front of the television, which has now switched itself on. My knife is in my right hand and my heart is pumping hard against my chest. This time twenty-five years ago I was surrounded by the family I adored and now I'm alone, drinking worse than my father and gripping a knife so hard it's giving my hand cramp.

I'm just catching the end of a special on Katniss' wedding dresses where there seem to be a million images of her in different white dresses. Seeing Katniss like this makes me wonder what it would have been like to have a daughter. Would I have been a proud father on her wedding day or worried about what she was about to enter in to? Would I be loving and protective or a terrifying wreck that she would never want to be around? The Games have not only robbed me of my sanity but also of the life that many men would like. I can't help but think of our ancestors, who may have faced war and destruction, but never had to fear handing their children over to a definite death. There was always hope. I've been clinging on to hope ever since I won and it's waned each year.

"That's right," Booms Caesar Flickerman from the television, "This year will be the seventy-fifth anniversary of the Hunger Games, and that means it's time for our third Quarter Quell!

The anthem plays and Snow takes to the stage, telling all of Panem how awful the war was seventy-five years ago and how the Hunger Games came to be.

"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it." Says Snow, "On the fiftieth anniversary, as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." I take a large swig from my bottle, trying not to think about the three other tributes who joined me from 12. The three tributes who didn't come home.

And now we honor our third Quarter Quell," continues Snow and a boy in white steps forward with the box of cards. Snow plucks the one with '75' written on it. I take another swig. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

I scream at the top of my lungs, dropping the bottle and knife as my hands go weak. The sound of the glass smashing doesn't even cut through my pained scream.

I could be going back in to the arena. With Katniss. She's 12's only female victor and the only name that will be in that reaping bowl. We could face any number of terrors and the brutal Careers.

I scream again, I don't know what else to do.


	52. Chapter 52

**Thank you for reading my story and I hope you're enjoying it so far! I also want to say a massive thank you to all of my reviewers, you guys are amazing!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty-Two**

I stumble in to the kitchen but it's transformed in to the arena I was placed in twenty-five years ago. The hedges cut in to a maze stand before me and Katniss walks out of them with her bow and arrow pointed at me, a deadly look on her face. She fires her arrow and is replaced by Maysilee, who has blood pouring out of her neck. She runs towards me with her hands outstretched, only they're not her hands but claws dripping with blood.

"No!" I scream, grabbing my knife and slashing it at my visions. I close my eyes and when I open up them the arena has vanished and I'm back in my kitchen.

I grab a bottle of liquor and down half of its contents in one gulp before slamming it onto the table.

I can't go back in there. But I can't make Peeta take my place, either. He's sacrificed enough. Is this my payback for not bringing all of those tributes home? For watching forty-four children die when I could have done something?

I sit down at the table and drink the rest of the bottle, my head is still spinning from the announcement. I'd die straight away, I'm not as fit as I used to be and I've spent enough time around the Careers to know that some of them would happily go back into the arena and enjoy killing me.

I look at the knife in my hand. There is a way out. I don't have to go back, I could end it all before the Capitol even gets a chance.

I'm broken from my thoughts by my front door swinging open and Peeta marching in to my kitchen. He doesn't look upset or scared, or even angry. There seems to be a look of determination on his face.

"So which one of us is it going to be?" I snicker and open another bottle of liquor.

"Me," he says, "And we're going to do everything we can to get Katniss home. You owe me that."

"And how did you come to that conclusion?" I slur.

"Because last time you helped her so this time you have to help me and I want to get her home."

He doesn't say any more on the matter and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He's prepared to throw himself in to certain death for that girl and what am I doing? Contemplating suicide so that I can avoid the arena. Peeta doesn't deserve to die. I'm pathetic.

I spend the rest of the evening drinking at the table with thoughts of Plutarch's spectacular arena flooding my brain. I know it's a clock and I know that on every hour something horrendous will occur. I can only imagine what, which is worse than knowing.

Katniss staggers in to the kitchen with a bleeding hand and a look of desperation. I know how she feels.

"Ah, there she is," I say, "All tuckered out. Finally did the maths, did you, sweetheart? Worked out you won't be going in alone? And now you're here to ask me…what?" I take another sip. "I'll admit, it was easier for the boy. He was here before I could snap the seal on a bottle. Begging me for another chance to go in. But what can you say?" I mimic her voice, "'Take his place, Haymitch, because all things being equal, I'd rather Peeta had a crack at the rest of his life than you?'" I know it's not her fault and that I shouldn't be so vile towards her but I know she wants to protect Peeta and the only way for that to happen is if I die in the arena.

She bites her lip and looks at me for a moment in that infamous calculating way she has. "I came for a drink," she finally says.

I roar with laughter and slam the bottle towards her, which she takes a long gulp from before sitting down.

"Maybe it should be you," she says. "You hate life, anyway."

"Very true," I reply, "And since last time I tried to keep _you_ alive…seems like I'm obligated to save the boy this time."

"That's another good point."

"Peeta's argument is that since I chose you, I now owe him. Anything he wants. And what he wants is the chance to go in again to protect you. You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. No question, he's the superior one in this trio. So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I sigh, "Go back in with you, maybe, if I can. If my name's drawn at the reaping, it won't matter. He'll just volunteer to take my place."

"It'd be bad for you in the arena, wouldn't it? Knowing all the others?"

"Oh, I think we can count on it being unbearable wherever I am." I nod at the bottle she's holding, "Can I have that back now?"

"No." I sigh and grab another one from under the table. "OK, so I figured out what I'm asking. If it is Peeta and me in the Games, this time we try to keep _him_ alive."

No, no I can't do that. _She's_ the symbol of the rebellion, not Peeta. But he's a decent person, I can't just condemn him like that. I look at her, almost begging her to change her mind. Maybe if she does I won't feel so guilty.

"Like you said," she continues, "It's going to be bad no matter how you slice it. And whatever Peeta wants, it's his turn to be saved. We both owe him that. Besides, the Capitol hates me so much, I'm as good as dead now. He still might have a chance. Please, Haymitch. Say you'll help me."

I look away, "All right." What else can I say? I still have a month or so to figure out what I'm going to do. Who I'm going to save.

"Thanks," she says and leaves.

I want to call Mags and Finnick. I want to call Chaff. I want to call everyone I've grown close to and ask them how they're feeling and reacting because I don't know what to do and I don't know how long I'll have left with them.

That is my last thought before I pass out in to darkness.

The phone rings violently and wakes me up. I don't want to answer it but I'm in no position to be pissing off the Capitol right now. Besides, it could be Katniss or Peeta.

"Hello," I grumble.

"It's Plutarch, I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday but this is the first chance I've had."

"I'm not sure if I want to be talking to a Gamemaker right now."

"Listen, I've been in touch with Thirteen and they're going to help us break Katniss and Peeta out of the arena. Just act normal around them, I'll tell you more in the Capitol."

"Wait!" I shout before he can put the phone down, "Was this really on the card or does Snow just want to kill off Katniss?"

He sighs, "I don't know, Haymitch, he only gives me the responsibility of the Games. I really have to go, I'll sort it out, I promise."

He puts the phone down and all I can hear is the dial tone. This is it, then. The rebellion really is just around the corner. I should feel excited, enthusiastic, happy, even but I don't. It feels like it's coming too late and who knows if it will even work? We could all be dead in a few months whether it goes to plan or not and then it could be another seventy-five years before Panem tries again. And that means thousands more dead kids.

I hit the bottle hard and I'm overcome with nightmares as I sleep. Clo, Dinium, Maysilee, Alba, Chester and other dead tributes I can't remember the names of float in and out of my consciousness. None of them are how I remember them, though, they're all disfigured and bloody and they want me dead.

I wake up just as Katniss comes through the door in the late afternoon. She hands me a mug of broth and I slowly drink, grateful for something other than alcohol to be in my stomach.

We don't speak as we drink and I can see that last night's drinking has made her look tired. I can only wonder what she must be thinking. She's preparing herself to die, again, only this time she's determined not to come home.

Peeta marches in to the kitchen with a box full of empty bottles. I didn't even know he was here.

"There, it's done," he says.

"What's done?" Asks Katniss.

"I've poured all the liquor down the drain."

"You what?" I shout, looking through the bottles to find every single one of them has been emptied.

"I tossed the lot," says Peeta.

"He'll just buy more," says Katniss.

"No, he won't. I tracked down Ripper this morning and told her I'd turn her in the second she sold to either of you. I paid her off, too, just for good measure, but I don't think she's eager to be back in the peacekeeper's custody."

Before I can think I'm swiping my knife at Peeta but he easily deflects it.

"What business is it of yours what he does?" Says Katniss.

"It's completely my business. However it falls out, two of us are going to be in the arena again with the other as a mentor. We can't afford any drunkards on this team. Especially not you, Katniss."

"What? Last night's the only time I've ever been drunk."

"Yeah, and look at the shape you're in," says Peeta.

Katniss turns to me, "Don't worry, I'll get you more liquor." I can't help but think she just wants to keep me sweet so that I'll save Peeta.

"Then I'll turn you both in," he says, "Let you sober up in the stocks."

"What's the point to this?" I ask.

"The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor. Effie's sending me recordings of all the living victors. We're going to put on weight and get strong. We're going to start acting like Careers. And one of us is going to be a victor again whether you two like it or not!" He marches out the same way he marched in and slams the door behind him, making me wince.

"I don't like self-righteous people," says Katniss.

"What's to like?"

"You and me. That's who he plans on coming home."

"Well, then the joke's on him," I say but I still haven't decided if that's true.

Peeta eventually persuades us to join him on his mission to be more Career-like and soon I'm thrown in to a strict regimen of running, throwing knives and learning how to set snares from Gale. I'm not as fit as the other two and I could easily refuse but I need to keep up pretences until we get to the Capitol. Besides, I don't want to upset Peeta and if he is going back in to the arena he needs to be fit. Plutarch may be working on a plan but Panem is going to expect to see a lot of blood and both Katniss and Peeta need to be ready for that, again. Of all the things I've seen during the Games this Quell was the most unexpected and I thought I was pretty clued up on what the Capitol was capable of.

Every night we sit down and watch the tapes that Effie has sent and I try to give tips on what I know about the victors. Enobaria, who ripped out a tribute's throat with her teeth, is as terrifying as she looks, as is Brutus. When we watch Finnick's and Chaff's games, however, I'm more reluctant to give anything away. If they get reaped, too, they're going to be in on the plan, I'm sure, and we'll need them alive. Not to mention that I don't want to give Katniss and Peeta tips on how to murder my closest friends.

One evening, after I've left Katniss' house and been forced to watch a much younger Andum Harcourt stab his final opponent to death, there is a light knock on my door. I assume it's Peeta but when I open the door my mouth instantly widens. It's Vieve.

The last time we had a conversation was a decade ago and it didn't go very well. Every time I see her in the square I want to talk to her but, instead, I just turn around and walk in the other direction. I know that she does the same.

"Hello," she says softly. She has the faintest wrinkles around her eyes but I still think she looks as beautiful as ever.

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

I nod and lead her in to the living room. Thankfully, Hazelle cleaned it top to bottom this morning so it's not as messy as it usually is.

"This place hasn't changed much," she chuckles, looking around. I've still kept the cushions she sewed when we were "married," I've thought about throwing them out thousands of times but I can't bring myself to. She's the only person I know who makes me feel slightly soppy.

"I would offer you a drink but Peeta threw my stash away."

She smiles, "I was going to visit once you got back last year but…I don't know. I had a feeling that it would make things worse."

She's always been smart and if anyone could see that Katniss, Peeta and I are in trouble it would be her. If she started popping over it would quickly get back to Snow and make the situation ten times worse.

"Well, it's nice to see you now." I say. I should ask about her family but I don't want to. I want to pretend that they don't exist.

"You, too. I've seen you training with Katniss and Peeta, you're not…" she pauses and looks away from me for a moment before turning back and looking in to my eyes. She almost looks like she's pleading with me for something. "You're not going back in, are you?"

I shake my head, "No, Peeta's determined to go in with her. He'd do anything for that girl."

"I remember being that in love."

I groan, "And I remember a time when I could have a drink. Is there anything else you wanted?"

She doesn't look angry, just plain. "No, just to say good luck, I suppose. I hope you can bring one of them home, again."

"Yeah, me, too."

She gives me one last smile before leaving and, once again, making the whole house feel like the loneliest place in the world.


	53. Chapter 53

**Thank you for continuing to read and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter! Any comments you may have are always appreciated and I read every single one of them!**

**I do not own the Hunger Ggames nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty-Three**

The day of the reaping brings with it heat and despair. As I make my way towards the square I feel so helpless and angry that it takes all of my might not to lash out at someone.

The whole of 12 has gathered but only Peeta and Katniss are standing in the centre of the square with Effie and the Mayor standing on the stage. It's a chilling sight and all I can do is hope that this will be the last reaping to take place in 12 but I'm doubtful. Snow isn't stupid, he's going to do all he can to stifle any more uprisings.

Effie has to do her usual elaborate display of fishing around in the reaping bowl before plucking out Katniss' name, the only strip that's in there, although, to be fair to Effie, she's not as bright as she usually is.

She dips her hand in to the other bowl and calls out my name but as soon as she does Peeta is shouting "I volunteer as tribute!" and climbs up on to the stage before I can even move.

They are both marched in to the Justice Building by peacekeepers and seconds later I find another one is poking a gun in my back and walking me towards the back of the building where Peeta and Katniss are waiting for us.

No one is allowed to say goodbye this year and minutes later we're sat on the train, with Katniss staring idly out of the window as she bids 12 goodbye.

I really want a drink but seeing Katniss so upset spurs me on to remain sober, at least for now. Once they're in the arena I'm not sure I'll be able to get through it without a drink.

Dinner is a somber affair with any attempts at conversation quickly coming to a halt. I know that there's a chance they'll both get out of this alive but, then again, they could both be killed on the first day. I know the Careers would love to have Katniss and Peeta under their list of kills.

"I love your new hair, Effie," says Peeta, nodding towards Effie's golden wig.

"Thank you. I had it especially done to match Katniss' pin. I was thinking we might get you a golden ankle band and maybe find Haymitch a gold bracelet or something so we could all look like a team," says Effie.

"I think that's a great idea," says Peeta, "How about it, Haymitch?"

"Yeah, whatever," I reply.

"Maybe we could get you a wig, too," says Katniss and I shoot her a look to shut her up. She may be able to make jokes but I'm finding it hard when I know she could be dead within days if Plutarch's plan doesn't work.

"Shall we watch the recap of the reapings?" Asks Effie and we all agree.

Peeta fetches a notebook he's been writing information about previous victors in and we all gather on the sofas around the television.

I try not to show any emotion as the reapings are shown, not only do I not want to acknowledge that some of my friends are being sent to their deaths but I don't want Katniss and Peeta to get too attached to them for my sake. I'm still not sure how I feel about losing my friends in order to get Katniss and Peeta out of the arena. I just wish I knew what Plutarch is planning.

Cashmere and Gloss are reaped, a brother and sister who won in consecutive years. I would feel sorry for them if I hadn't seen the vicious way in which they won their Games.

Brutus volunteers for an elderly man from 2 but anyone who knows him knows he hasn't volunteered out of compassion but because the idea of winning _two_ Hunger Games is just far too appealing for him.

Beetee and Wiress are next, followed by Finnick. I bet the women in the Capitol are crying in to their bed sheets. The next name called is Annie and my heart sinks as she starts screaming in terror but I try not to show it.

However, Mags volunteers and hobbles to the stage to join Finnick. Watching this is harder than I thought it would be, it seems like anyone close to me just has a date with death. I know it's not related to me but it's still a difficult emotion to deal with.

As the recap continues through the districts and Johanna, Cecelia, Chaff and Seeder are reaped I can't help but think that a large number of these tributes are part of the rebellion. Does Snow know? Has he rigged the whole thing?

I begin to feel uneasy as we approach 12 and our reaping. The commentator begins to get teary as Peeta joins Katniss on the stage, saddened by the fact that nothing ever seems to go right for these two. Well, whose fault is that, exactly?

Once it's over I head to my room simply to avoid the others rather than to sleep. I know my mind will be filled with horrors if I put my head on that pillow. I order a bottle of wine, hoping it will take the edge off but it doesn't. All my friends could be dead by the end of the month. Mags, who has been like a mother to me all of these years, could be mutilated in front of my eyes and Chaff, who is the closest thing I've had to a brother besides Layle, could be decapitated for the whole of Panem to see. These thoughts and more enter my head throughout the night, the many ways in which those I have grown close to could be killed are the only things I can concentrate on.

I wonder if Plutarch got in touch with them, too. He must have, I can't be the only one who knows there is a plan. None of them seem fazed when their names were read out but, after years of mentoring, I suppose that nothing surprises them. Apart from the Quell announcement, even I didn't see that coming.

When I can no longer handle the visions that haunt my mind I leave the room, order another bottle of wine and hope that a walk around the train will calm me down slightly.

As I head towards the dining cart I can see a light from the lounge and faint voices. I quietly walk over and stand in the doorway to find Katniss and Peeta curled up on the sofa watching a video of my Games.

I shouldn't be surprised, they were bound to be curious, but it still hurts to watch. I've not looked at the footage since my post-Games interview and Snow wasn't especially keen to show replays of me undermining the Capitol to Panem.

Suddenly I'm faced with the sixteen-year old version of myself kneeling down next to Maysilee as blood drips from her neck.

"Win," she whispers and, even now, her words hit me hard in the chest, only now they have a different meaning. It's not the Games I have to win but the war that is inevitably going to come. We have to win for Maysilee and all of the children that met the same fate. We have to.

The video quickly skips over the next two deaths and soon the final fight between me and Opal is playing across the screen. I can remember every move and injury that we sustained but seeing it is a hundred times more horrific, especially as I didn't realise at the time just how much of my guts was spilling out of my stomach.

Opal loses her axe and seconds later it lands in her head and I'm declared the winner.

Peeta switches off the television and he and Katniss sit in silence for a moment.

"That force field at the bottom of the cliff," says Peeta, "It was like the one on the roof of the Training Centre. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon."

"Not just against the other tributes, but the Capitol, too," says Katniss. "You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television. It's almost as bad as us and the berries!" She starts laughing like a maniac but I can understand why, I bet she never considered the crazy way in which I won.

"Almost, but not quite," I say, taking a large gulp from my bottle and they both snap their heads around to look at me. Something in Katniss' face changes, though. That calculating look is fading and I know what she's thinking because it's the same reason I know what she's thinking. She's finally realised just how similar we really are.

* * *

Once we reach the Capitol I clean myself up and head for the Sponsorship Room, even if Plutarch can get them out of the arena alive we're still going to need sponsors until that time comes. I also need to keep up the illusion that there is no plan and I just want to get one of them home.

Unsurprisingly, as soon as I walk in a large group of Capitolites descends upon me, trying to stop themselves from crying. They really are like children with their favourite toys.

"It's just so sad!" Cries one woman with a scarlet wig on that almost touches the ceiling. "Peeta will do anything to protect her!"

"Yes," I agree, "And I know that both of them wants the other to come home so maybe we can make that happen."

"Yes, yes, of course!" She splutters, "Whatever it takes! But that means poor Finnick has to die!" This causes her to burst in to even more tears, if possible, and one of her friends has to console her for a good half hour before she signs any paperwork.

It's a similar story with everyone I speak to that afternoon. Many of them have sponsored the current tributes in their previous Games and having to choose just one is proving too traumatic. I bet Snow never saw this coming.

Plutarch arrives and asks if I want to go for a walk, which I obviously do. We talk about nonsense until we reach the centre of the Capitol where there's a lot of people to cover our voices.

"I've spoken to Beetee, Finnick and Mags," he says, "But I need you to tell the others because I haven't got enough time. I'm still in touch with Thirteen and when the Games begin we will agree on a day and time for one of their hovercrafts to come and rescue as many of the rebels, particularly Katniss, from the arena."

"And how are they doing that exactly?" I ask.

"Beetee has come up with some clever contraption involving a wire, which I'll make sure is in the Cornucopia. When the time is right he'll blow up the force field and we'll be able to fly in. In order for the rebels to know the day and time you will send in bread with the district number indicating the day and the number of rolls the hour. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. So who shall I tell?"

"Chaff, Seeder and anyone else you trust. But I suggest that you don't tell them all the full details in case they are captured."

"Yeah, that's why I'm not telling Katniss and Peeta a thing."

"I agree. I'll talk to you soon," he says, nods his head at me and rushes off in to the crowd.

It's not a perfect plan but nothing ever will be where the Capitol is concerned. At least it's a start and who knows what will happen afterwards? The Districts are already desperate to overthrow Snow and if they see something rebellious on a national television show that can only be a good thing.

I head up to Mags' and Finnick's room, who are both smiling when I get there but there's a sadness tinging their faces. I'm surprised that they're here, to be honest, I thought they'd be stuck in the Remake Centre.

"How are you holding up?" I ask.

"Not too bad," says Mags, "Finnick's been moaning about his costume, though."

"It's literally a knot around my crotch and nothing else!" He exclaims and I guffaw.

"Why aren't you in the Remake Centre?" I ask.

"We didn't see the point," says Finnick, "I've got some very loyal followers and Mags wanted a nap."

I laugh and Mags gives me a big, gummy smile. She's rebellious until the end.

"Listen, I know you probably both know this but the only way Katniss will ever team up with you is if you keep Peeta alive. Her only goal is to get him home and she'll kill anyone who gets in her way."  
They both nod and we begin to speculate about what we should tell and to whom. Chaff, Seeder and Johanna obviously need to know everything and Beetee is already in on the plan so there's no need to talk to him. They'll just have to make sure he stays alive, too, otherwise they'll never get out of there.

I spend the rest of the evening banging on people's doors so that I can tell them the plan, I even tell the morphlings that they have to keep Peeta alive. I know they won't tell anyone important and I know that a long time ago they had rebellion in their blood.

I find Chaff towards the end of the afternoon and he's already drunk so I join him and ask about Rue's and Thresh's families, who are thankfully alive. Although I wonder for how long.

After I'm ushered out by Chaff's stylist I head to the Victor's Box and a sudden sense of loneliness overcomes me. There's still a large group of mentors around me but I'm not close to any of them. Even Annie isn't here, after her name was called she went so mad that Finnick refused to let her get on the train.

The Careers are all standing together, laughing and joking whilst I find a chair and a large bottle of white liquor. I would love nothing more than to punch each and every one of them right now.

Soon the anthem is blaring and the first chariot is entering City Circle. They all look ridiculous in their costumes apart from Peeta and Katniss who look simply incredible. Their black outfits look like burning coals and they are completely ambivalent to the crowd.

_Here we go, then,_ I think. _Let the seventy-fifth Hunger Games begin._


	54. Chapter 54

**Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope you're enjoying it! As always, I appreciate any feedback you have and feel very humbled by the response I've had so far.**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty-Four**

I head down to the entrance of the Training Centre just before the ceremony ends and wait for the tributes to arrive. As Chaff and Seeder enter, looking ridiculous dressed as grains of wheat, Chaff beckons for me to approach his chariot.

"She's never going to ally with us," says Chaff once I'm close enough to his chariot. "She's too aloof."

"I know," I reply, "But you need to keep her alive, somehow."

"Maybe we should introduce ourselves," suggests Seeder.

I nod and all three of us walk over to Katniss and Peeta with Seeder throwing her arms around our little mockingjay and whispering something in to her ear. I'm guessing she's asking about Rue's family.

Chaff leans in and whispers to me, "Watch this." He gives me a wink and once Seeder has let go of Katniss he throws his arm around the young girl and kisses her square on the lips. I don't even hate myself for laughing.

I let them go on ahead in to the elevators and notice that Johanna squeezes herself in next to Katniss before the door closes. I'd love to see how those two are going to get along.

Effie catches up with me and we get in to the next elevator. Once it opens I can see a burst of red hair behind Katniss and I can feel my face drop. One of the avoxes is Darius. A clear threat from Snow.

"Looks like they've got you a matching set this year," says Effie as we walk in.

Katniss turns around just at the same time that I grab her wrist. I don't want her to do anything stupid that gets either her or Darius in trouble. Luckily, she behaves and just twists her wrist from my grasp and goes in to her room.

Dinner is a very quiet affair and I can't help but stare at Katniss the whole time, despite the many other members of our party that sit around the table. Cinna and Portia are making polite conversation but I just zone them out. At one point Katniss drops a dish on the floor and Darius runs over to help her, my heart stops as they come in to contact for a few seconds. It looks like Snow is getting inside everybody's heads this year.

After we watch the Opening Ceremony recap we head to bed but not before Effie grabs me and secures a gold bangle around my wrist.

"Really?" I groan.

"Yes," she snaps. "You're the one who wanted them to be a team last year so you should stand by that!"

I pull my wrist away, grab a bottle of wine and head to bed. Of course, I don't sleep all night. Instead I'm trying to think of a strategy to keep Peeta and, more importantly perhaps, Katniss alive. The Careers are going to be gunning for them from the start and even if either side were prepared to form an alliance I doubt it would last very long. All I have to do is keep them alive until Thirteen comes in with the hovercraft, no matter what. It sounds simple enough but I still feel like someone is stamping on my chest repeatedly.

Peeta and I head for the dining room at the same time the next morning and I mention that they will need to form alliances this time around, although Peeta is sceptical. I wonder if that's him speaking or if he knows that Katniss will hate the idea.

We sit down and begin to eat, although my stomach feels a little queasy. Katniss walks in half an hour later and I can't hide my annoyance. "You're late," I groan.

"Sorry," she says, "I slept in after the mutilated-tongue nightmares kept me up half the night."

"All right, never mind," I scowl, "Today in training, you've got two jobs. Once, stay in love."

"Obviously," says Katniss.

"And two, make some friends."

"No," she says, "I don't trust any of them, I can't stand most of them, and I'd rather operate with just the two of us."

"That's what I said at first, but-" begins Peeta.

"But it won't be enough," I interrupt, "You're going to need more allies this time around."

"Why?" Asks Katniss and I'm finding it increasingly difficult not to scream at her.

"Because you're at a distinct disadvantage. Your competitors have known each other for years. So who do you think they're going to target first?"

"Us. And nothing we're going to do is going to override any old friendship. So why bother?"

"Because you can fight. You're popular with the crowd. That could still make you desirable allies. But only if you let the others know you're willing to team up with them."

She makes it quite clear that she doesn't want to form an alliance with the Careers, which is fine with me as I don't want her anywhere near them but I think she's starting to come around to the idea of teaming up with the others. After all, they're all trained killers. This is my moment to suggest who she should ally with and I easily drop Chaff, Seeder and Finnick in to the conversation.

"Find someone to team up with who might be of some use to you," I say and she seems to be more on board with the idea than she was fifteen minutes ago.

After they leave for training Effie and I head towards the Sponsorship Room but once we arrive Plutarch quickly accosts me and suggests that we walk to a nearby park. As usual, the walk there is a huge pretence with discussions of food and the weather dominating conversation until we reach a small pond at the corner of the park.

"So who have you told?" Plutarch asks and I quickly reel off the names. "Excellent. I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to talk to you properly, again, so I thought I'd better give you some background on Thirteen."

"Well it's taken you long enough," I reply.

He ignores my jibe and goes on to tell me that the whole district lives underground and their president, Alma Coin, is ready to wage war on Snow but she wants Peeta and Katniss to be the figureheads of the rebellion.

"And what if they don't want to?" I ask, "Katniss might be rebellious but everything she's ever done is only to protect those around her."

Plutarch sighs, "I know but I couldn't tell Coin that. Thirteen have the weapons and the power to truly help our cause, Haymitch. We just have to keep them sweet for as long as possible."

The whole situation still doesn't sit right with me; Thirteen have done nothing to help us all of these years and now, all of a sudden, they're preparing for war. I don't say this, though, because Plutarch is right. We don't have weapons, nuclear or otherwise, and we can't win a war against the Capitol without them.

I go back to the Sponsorship Room where I'm met by even more wailing women and arrogant men but I try and suck it up so that they promise to sponsor Katniss and Peeta. I spend most of the day there and as late afternoon rolls in I'm approached by almost half of this year's mentors requesting Katniss as an ally for their tributes, even the Careers want her!

I try not to let my shock show on my face and thank them for their interest, telling them that I'll ask my tribute what her preferences are, although I'm sure I already know the answer to that.

When I return to the apartment for dinner Katniss and Peeta are already sitting in the lounge looking fairly relaxed considering the circumstances.

"So at least half the victors have instructed their mentors to request you as an ally. I know it can't be your sunny personality," I say.

"They saw her shoot," says Peeta proudly, "Actually, I saw her shoot, for real, for the first time. I'm about to put in a formal request myself."

"You're that good?" I ask. "So good that Brutus wants you?"

"But I don't want Brutus. I want Mags and District Three."

I'm secretly over the moon that these are her choices but I know that her best chances of survival are teaming up with Finnick, Johanna and District 11 so I keep up the façade of the annoyed mentor and sigh. "Of course of you do, I'll tell everybody you're still making up your mind."

The next evening, before dinner, I visit Finnick and Mags in their apartment and suggest that we head to a bar. Their awful Career mentors kick up a fuss but I tell them in no uncertain terms to get lost. Mags and Finnick may be tributes but they're also victors, the Capitol expects to see them out and about.

After we've ordered a round of drinks and sat down I ask them how things are going in training because I know that Katniss isn't exactly the best judge of character.

"I'm trying to get her on side but I think my reputation puts her on edge," says Finnick, "She's not the easiest person to get on with." I guffaw, he's not wrong.

"Despite what she's been through she's still a pure young woman," says Mags. "And she's the symbol of the rebellion, we need to help her, Finnick!" Mags starts coughing and I shoot Finnick a look as I pour her a glass of water.

"I know, I'm signing my life away, remember!"

"Oh, poor you," I say and all three of us chuckle. It's the only way to stop yourself breaking down, sometimes.

As training goes on I check in with as many of the rebels as I can, Johanna seems to actively loathe Katniss, Chaff says that she's being very cool with him and Beetee says she's been very kind to him and Wiress. Katniss may not be the best of friends with our clan but at least she's trying, I just hope she keeps it up in the arena.

On the final evening of training I arrive at the apartment just in time for dinner after I've spent all day in the Sponsorship Room. I thought last year was hard but this has been truly exhausting; each Capitolite has their favourite victor and trying to make them switch allegiance is no easy feat.

"All right, so how did your private sessions go?" I ask my tributes as we eat.

"You first," says Katniss to Peeta, "It must have been really special. I had to wait for forty minutes to go in."

Peeta suddenly becomes nervous and reluctant to answer the question but Katniss begins to coax it out of him, saying that she saw dyes on the floor covered by a mat when she was called through. Eventually he reveals that he painted a picture of Rue on the floor, which instantly agitates me.

"And what exactly were you trying to accomplish?" I ask.

"I'm not sure," says Peeta, "I just wanted to hold them accountable, if only for a moment, for killing that little girl."

"This is dreadful," says Effie, "That sort of thinking…it's forbidden, Peeta. Absolutely. You'll only bring down more trouble on yourself and Katniss."

"I have to agree with Effie on this one," I say, growing increasingly worried as to what is going to happen them when they get in to that arena.

"I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Ccrane's name on it," says Katniss and everyone's mouths gape open.

"You…hung…Seneca Crane?" Says Cinna.

"Yes. I was showing off my new knot-tying skills, and he somehow ended up at the end of the noose."

"Oh, Katniss," says Effie. "How did you even know about that?"

"Is it a secret? President Snow didn't act like it was. In fact, he seemed eager for me to know." Effie doesn't reply but leaves the table, increasing the tension that surrounds it.

"You'd have thought we planned it," says Peeta, smirking.

"Didn't you?" Asks Portia.

"No," says Katniss. "Neither of us even knew what we were going to do before we went in."

"And Haymitch?" Says Peeta, "We decided we don't want any other allies in the arena."

"Good," I snap, "Then I won't be responsible for you killing off any of my friends with your stupidity."

I avoid their gazes as we eat, furious at them for being so idiotic. How the hell am I meant to get them out of the arena before the Gamemakers kill them off? I have no doubt that they'll send a number of horrors Katniss' and Peeta's way just to bump them off and please Snow and now they're going to be even more eager to kill them.

We sit down for the training scores and, predictably, the Careers score high, the morphlings score a three each and everyone else scores somewhere in between. When Katniss' and Peeta's faces flash up, for the first time in history, a twelve appears underneath and all I want to do is punch the wall.

"Why did they do that?" Asks Katniss.

"So that the others will have no choice but to target you," I reply, "Go to bed. I can't stand to look at either one of you."

The next day Effie and I agree that our time would be better spent trying to gain sponsors rather than coaching Katniss and Peeta for the interviews, after all, they seem to be ignoring my advice, anyway. I leave Effie to chat up the rich men and women of the Capitol while I search out my fellow rebels to go over the plan. Chaff knows that Katniss doesn't think much of him so he's said he'll keep his distance in the arena but still keep an eye on her, especially when Beetee's plan comes to fruition. If he's not with them I'm not sure if we'll be able to get him out and the thought is starting to scare me.

"There's something I need to say to you," says Mags over a cup of coffee. She's treating Finnick and I to a luxurious hot chocolate and a plate full of pastries in a Capitol coffee sho pin a bid to calm my nerves. "Finnick and I have already agreed on this so no matter what you say, Haymitch, you cannot change my mind."

"What are you talking about?" I ask and Finnick shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

"There may come a point in the arena where Finnick will have to decide whether to save me or protect Katniss and Peeta and he _must_ choose them. I've lived a long life and if I have to die in order for Snow to finally be brought to justice then so be it."

I look over at Finnick and his face hardens. I know that Mags is old but I've never seriously contemplated a time when she wouldn't be here and she, more than anyone, should have the chance to see Snow die.

I can't say anything in response so I just nod and sip my sweet drink. It's somewhat comforting, I suppose.

"You're going to need this, Finnick," I say and hand over the golden bangle that Effie gave me. "It might not work but I'm hoping that it will make Katniss realise that she should trust you. I'll also send her bread from District Four when you team up with her but she's so hard to predict I don't know if she'll listen to me."

Finnick takes the bangle and examines it. "I still don't understand how she can resist me."

Mags cackles and I guffaw at his statement. I should go and spend the rest of the day drumming up sponsors but I have a growing feeling in the back of my brain that this is the last conversation I'll ever have with Mags and so I treasure it.

When we say goodbye I pull her close and I can feel tears beginning to well in my eyes. "Mags," I whisper.

"I know," she says, also teary eyed. "You just get them out, okay? And don't forget about me or I'll come back and haunt you!"

"I wouldn't dream of it." I kiss her on the cheek and head back to the apartment, trying not to have a breakdown in the middle of the Capitol.


	55. Chapter 55

**Thank you for continuing to read my story, I hope you're enjoying it. Any feedback you may have is always appreciated!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.**

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

The interviews are soon upon us and I'm twitchier than I've ever been. As we make our way towards our seats, Effie even slaps me across my face and tells me to calm down. I just stand there staring at her for a moment, unsure how to react.

Katniss and Peeta are wearing typical Capitol wedding attire on Snow's orders and I'm dreading the moment they get on that stage. Our infamous president is evil in more ways than I can count.

I sit down between Cinna and Effie, which is a strange feeling as I'm always sat next to Chaff at this event and passing a bottle of wine back and forth. I look down the row and even though I know all of the faces, I feel no connection towards them. Satin catches my eye and gives me a wicked smirk so I turn my head back towards the stage, ever since she won she's rubbed me up the wrong way.

"This is probably going to be the last time I see you," whispers Cinna to me.

"What?!" I snap, suddenly wondering why another one of my friends is never going to see me again.

"You'll see," he says. "I know that you can help right the wrongs of Panem, Haymitch. Please don't forget that."

I sit there in confusion and take a swig from a bottle of liquor as the interviews begin. Caesar is as effervescent as he always is but each tribute is making the whole interview incredibly difficult for him. Cashmere and Gloss act upset that the Capitolites will never see them again, Beetee even questions the legality of the Quell and Johanna and Chaff even call for the whole thing to be cancelled. Finnick, however, plays his part well and recites a love poem for a special woman in the Capitol, only everyone here is so stupid they're convinced he's talking about them and not the poor mad girl from District Four.

By the time Katniss sits down for her interview the audience is in hysterics and I realise that I don't want her to calm them down. I have no idea what her angle is but creating even more unease about these Games might not be such a bad idea.

"So, Katniss," says a slightly unnerved Caesar, "Obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"Only that I'm so sorry you won't get to be at my wedding…but I'm glad you at least get to see me in my dress. Isn't it just…the most beautiful thing?" She stands up and begins to twirl and soon her whole body is encased in smoke. The pearls from her dress fall away and when she finally stops spinning her whole dress has been transformed in to a mockingjay.

I turn to Cinna, finally realising why I'm never going to see him again. He's placed the symbol of the rebellion on national television and there's no way Snow is going to let that slide. He looks at me and simply nods before looking back at Katniss.

Effie, meanwhile is holding her breath and digging her long nails in to my skin but I don't flinch. I know that anything rebellious puts her on edge.

Caesar remarks on how beautiful the dress is and Katniss has to clarify that the mockingjay is simply the bird she wears on her token pin but she knows it means more than that, now. Cinna takes a bow and I can see the look of faint terror on Katniss' face. Cinna means so much to her.

The buzzer sounds and her time is over, meaning that it's Peeta's turn to take to the stage. I know I don't need to worry about him as he's such a natural with words, the only problem is I doubt he knew about Cinna's design and he might have to do some damage control.

"So, Peeta," begins Caesar, "What was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?"

"I was in shock," replies Peeta, "I mean, one minute I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next…"

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding?"

Peeta doesn't speak for a moment, looking at the audience, then the floor before finally lifting his head up towards Caesar. "Do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?"

"I feel quite certain of it," says Caesar.

"We're already married."

The whole audience gasps and I suddenly feel uncomfortable. I have no idea what his plan is, I don't understand how them supposedly being married is going to help them in the arena.

"But…how can that be?" Asks Caesar.

"Oh, it's not an official marriage. We didn't go to the Justice Building or anything," he says and begins to describe the toasting. From the affection that laces his voice as he tells his made up story it's easy to imagine that he has actually fantasized about marrying Katniss.

He says that neither of them told their families, including me, and if they only did it because they would never had had the chance if they had got married in the Capitol.

"So this was before the Quell?" Says Caesar.

"Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew but who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together, and then out of nowhere- I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?"

"You couldn't, Peeta. As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two had at least a few months of happiness together."

The whole audience bursts in to applause and Katniss lifts her head to smile at them. I bet she has a thousand thoughts running through her head right now, I know I do.

"I'm not glad," says Peeta. "I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially."

"Surely even a brief time is better than no time?"

"Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar, if it weren't for the baby."

The room erupts and most of the audience are on their feet, yelling how unjust the situation is and calling for Katniss to be removed from the competition. Caesar can't control the room, even when Peeta returns to his seat.

He's left me completely dumbfounded. All of this time I thought that Katniss was the rebellious one but what Peeta has just done almost rivals Katniss' actions. Have I underestimated him this whole time?

I feel Effie grab my arm and her eyes stare in to mine. I can see the same look of helplessness that I saw in Peeta last year. I've always know she's cared about them but I didn't realise how much.

"Haymitch, what are we going to do?" She asks but I can't reply because in that moment every victor on the stage has stood up and joined hands, not one of them breaking the chain. The whole thing is incredible and it doesn't take long for the screens to black out and a voice to announce over a speaker that all Capitol citizens are to go home immediately. They also announce that there will be no recaps tonight.

I don't even get the chance to say goodbye to Effie, Portia and Cinna as peacekeepers are on us within seconds and dragging them away. I try to push past but a gun is pointed at my head and I know the best thing to do is head for the apartment.

Katniss and Peeta are already there when I arrive with looks of worry on their faces.

"It's madness out there. Everyone's been sent home and they've cancelled the recap of the interviews on television."

They both run over to the window and look down on the streets. They're filled with people shouting and screaming things against the Capitol. I've never seen anything like it.

"What are they saying?" Asks Peeta, "Are they asking President Snow to stop the Games?"

"I don't think they know themselves what to ask. The whole situation is unprecedented. Even the idea of opposing the Capitol's agenda is a source of confusion for the people here," I reply, "But there's no way Snow would cancel the Games, you know that, right?"

"The others went home?" Asks Katniss.

"They were ordered to. I don't know how much luck they're having getting through the mob."

"Then we'll never see Effie again," says Peeta. "You'll give her our thanks."

"More than that," says Katniss, "Really make it special. It's Effie, after all. Tell her how appreciative we are and how she was the best escort ever and tell her…tell her we send our love."

I can't believe how crazy this night has become. There's a riot in the Capitol, I'll probably never see Cinna and Portia again and all I want to do is lock the door so that neither of my tributes has to enter that awful arena tomorrow.

"I guess this is where we say our goodbyes as well," I say.

"Any last words of advice?" Asks Peeta.

"Stay alive," I groan and give them each a hug. My emotions are definitely more intense than they were this time last year, which I didn't think would be possible. "Go to bed. You need your rest."

"You take care, Haymitch," says Peeta, who really thinks this is our final goodbye.

As I turn to leave, I stop myself. "Katniss, when you're in the arena," I pause, scowling at myself. Should I say it?

"What?" Snaps Katniss.

"You just remember who the enemy is. That's all. Now go on. Get out of here."

I don't sleep. That's a given. Instead, I stay awake all night hoping that the others can protect Katniss and Peeta and that Alma Coin comes good on her promise. When I do finally doze off I'm greeted by all of the faces of past tributes, each with blood pouring from their eyes.

* * *

Walking in to the Control Room the next day is eerie as there is no one here I want to talk to. I pour myself two shots of white liquor, one for me and one for Chaff, and down them both.

I look at the arena to see that it's a perfect circle that can easily be divided in to twelve equal sections and has a beach and jungle that reminds me of District 4. The Cornucopia sits at the centre of an island, surrounded by water, with twelve spokes attached to it. I don't even know if Katniss and Peeta can swim!

_Great_, I think, _They're going to be dead within minutes._

The half an hour announcement is given and all of the mentors take their places at their stations but it seems like no time at all before the tributes are rising through the ground.

Katniss and Peeta are blocked from each other's view by the golden horn and as I lean in I can see that Katniss looks more distressed than I've ever seen her. What's going on? All she's doing is standing there! Unless something happened in the catacombs…

I'm broken from my thoughts by the sound of the gong and Katniss instantly dives in to the water, followed by Finnick. Katniss reaches the island first and grabs a golden bow while Finnick, swiftly grabs a trident without Katniss noticing.

However, she quickly turns around with her arrow pointed at him, if ever he needed to be charming, it's now.

"You can swim too," he says, "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?"

"We have a big bathtub," she says.

"You must. You like the arena?"

"Not particularly. But you should. They must have built it especially for you."

The bitterness in her voice is hard to miss and I'm praying that she doesn't let that arrow go. Some of the other tributes are now off their podiums and heading their way and she needs to get Peeta and clear out soon if she wants to stay alive.

"Lucky thing we're allies. Right?" He says and ever so slightly twists his wrist so that the golden bangle I gave him comes in to her eye line. I can see her thinking it over, wondering what it is I'm up to.

"Right!" She says.

"Duck!" Shouts Finnick and throws his trident at the male tribute from 5. I didn't even know him that well and yet his quick death still stings. "Don't trust One and Two."

They each take a side of the horn and inspect the supplies. Katniss shoots an arrow at an oncoming Enobaria but she ducks back under the water. She sends another arrow flying at Gloss, hitting his calf before he disappears in to the waves.

Brutus comes towards them and Finnick yells at Katniss to take him out but he blocks her arrow with the purple belt they are all wearing.

"Let's clear out!" Shouts Katniss before spotting Peeta across the water.

She runs to the edge of the water and begins to take off the weapons she's collected but Finnick stops her, saying that he should fetch Peeta because she's pregnant and shouldn't exert herself. Before she can protest he's in the water and swimming over to Peeta.

She has her arrow poised as she notices Mags bobbing along in the water but she doesn't move from her spot. Anyway, Mags is more than capable of keeping herself afloat.

Peeta and Finnick arrive back on land and the former kisses Katniss' cheek. "Hello, again," he says. "We've got allies."

"Yes. Just as Haymitch intended."

"Remind me, did we make deals with anyone else?"

"Only Mags, I think."

"Well, I can't leave Mags behind," says Finnick. "She's one of the few people who actually likes me."

They all agree that Mags should join their alliance and Finnick helps her out of the water. She tells them that the belts help them bob in the water but it's clear from the looks on Katniss' and Peeta's faces that they don't understand her so Finnick has to translate.

They divvy up some of the weapons and then head in to the jungle, leaving Beetee floating in the water while the others either flee or engage in the bloodbath. Chaff has disappeared in to the jungle without a weapon and Johanna is standing on the outskirts of the jungle, observing everyone on the beach.

They might not all be together, yet, but at least Katniss has accepted Finnick for now, which means we're well on our way to keeping our mockingjay safe and alive. I just hope this is all worth it.


	56. Chapter 56

**Thank you for reading my story and for all of your reviews, I really appreciate it! Sorry for taking a little longer to update these days, things are getting quite hectic but it means a lot to me that people keep reading. Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Fifty-Six**

Finnick puts Mags on his back and the four of them are away, heading deeper in to the jungle. I don't want to look at the bloodbath going on at the Cornucopia but I can't help myself, some of my friends are there.

Luckily, Johanna has managed to team up with Beetee and both of them have grabbed Wiress before anyone has turned their attentions to them and legged it in to the jungle. Although, Wiress is walking at a snail's pace.

Unsurprisingly, the Careers have formed their usual alliance and Enobaria is fighting Seeder, they both have knives but when the former wrestles her opponent to the ground my heart is already in my mouth. She slits Seeder's throat and the blood begins to pour out.

I look over to Seeder's mentor, a young woman in her twenties who I hardly know, and I can see that she's shaking her head before she leaves her station. I wonder just how close they were.

_Goodbye_, I think and thoughts of strangling Snow quickly follow.

I can see that both tributes from 10 lie dead just metres away from Seeder and I'm grateful that I hardly knew them, although I've seen their faces around for years so it's still difficult to look at.

Cecelia has got her hands on an axe and several knives in her belt but she has to keep dodging Cashmere's knives as she tries to escape the beach. One catches her in her thigh, which slows her down, but she keeps going.

I glance over to Finnick and the others to see that Katniss is high up in a tree, looking down on the beach. Cashmere launches her body at Cecelia and stabs her heart but I don't think Katniss can see from the expressionless look on her face.

And just like that, three children have become motherless. We're only an hour in and I can feel my body going weak, this is a hundred times harder than I'd imagined in my head. Not just because our alliance is dwindling fast but because I know all of these people to some extent, even if we're not that close.

"What's going on down there, Katniss?" Asks Finnick after Katniss has climbed down from her tree. "Have they all joined hands? Taken a vow of non-violence? Tossed the weapons in the sea in defiance of the Capitol?"

"No," says Katniss

"No, because whatever happened in the past is in the past. And no one in this arena was a victor by chance. Except maybe Peeta." I have no idea where he's going with this, what he's saying is right, of course, but I don't know if it's going to convince Katniss to trust him.

I can see that calculating look on her face but Peeta, always the diffuser of tension, steps in between them to ask how many are dead. They discuss this for a moment before deciding to move on in search of water.

Peeta takes the lead, slashing his knife through the greenery as he walks but, all of a sudden, Katniss lets out a deafening scream and Peeta goes flying back, landing on the hard ground, motionless.

"Peeta?" Says Katniss, kneeling down next to him. "Peeta! Peeta!"

_No, no, no_, I think. He's not allowed to die! Katniss needs him, we all do, whether he knows it or not.

Finnick pushes past Katniss and leans over Peeta, holding his nostrils and breathing air in to his lungs. He stops for a moment and pushes down on Peeta's chest before repating. He's calm and collected whereas Katniss is hysterical, I don't think I've ever seen her like this. I know she cares about him but…could it be more than that?

Finally, Peeta coughs and everyone breathes a sigh of relief, including myself. Although, I can take a huge swig from my bottle to help relieve my stress.

"Careful," says Peeta, "There's a force field up ahead."

Katniss smiles and they check he's okay before deciding to move on, albeit slowly. I scan the arena in search of Chaff, who's clutching a knife and seemingly wandering through the jungle as if he has no purpose but from where he's positioned I can see that he's trailing Katniss. He must be very quiet for her not to hear him.

As they walk on Mags munches on some nuts she finds, which Katniss chastises her for as they may be poisonous but she just ignores her younger ally, which Finnick finds hysterical.

Eventually Katniss decides to check out the arena and climbs a tree to find that the force field has them trapped in a dome and that the only water source seems to be the lake by the Cornucopia. I just wish I could tell them soon the whole place will turn in to a deadly clock and they have to keep moving in order to stay safe.

Katniss goes hunting while the others begin to transform their little holding in to a more habitable place with Finnick and Mags weaving vines and constructing a makeshift hut.

As I watch the three of them work and talk about the arena, they're all very careful to avoid any talk of the uprising districts, an avox comes over to me with a note. I open it to find it's a message from Plutarch.

_Day three at midnight. Send them a spile._

I let out a breath, District 13 are actually helping us, then. We're going to start this rebellion in just over three days and the whole of Panem will know about it. The thought both pleases and unnerves me.

I have no idea what a spile is but I find it in the catalogue easily enough and send it in after the anthem plays to avoid arousing suspicion. You can never be too careful when Snow is watching and I don't want him to crush the rebellion when we're finally teetering on the edge of it happening.

It takes them a while to figure it out but, unsurprisingly, Katniss knows what to do with it and helps force it in to a tree where water runs out of it for them drink. They settle down for the night with Finnick taking the first watch, which must mean that Katniss is either exhausted or starting to trust him. I'm not sure which one it is.

I allow myself to doze but I don't get much rest in and I'm soon awoken by the sound of a bell tolling. I open my eyes and look to the screen where only Katniss and Finnick are awake.

"I counted twelve," says Finnick and Katniss nods in agreement.

"Mean anything, do you think?"

"No idea."

They both look around as if waiting for something to happen but nothing does. It's obviously a clue about the clock but they're not to know that, this is definitely the most frustrating arena I have ever seen!

A lightning bolt appears a little way from them and that section of the arena is suddenly flooded with rain. As it's not close enough to my tributes I close my eyes again but it feels like only seconds have passed before I can hear Katniss screaming.

"Run!" She shouts, "Run!" And my eyes fly open to see a hazy fog racing towards them.

Finnick jumps up and pulls Mags on to his back and Katniss grabs Peeta as quickly as she can before they start running further in to the jungle.

"What is it? What is it?" Asks Finnick.

"Some kind of fog," says Katniss, "Poisonous gas. Hurry, Peeta!"

Peeta is finding it difficult to keep up and the anguish on Katniss' face is clear as Finnick continues to run. He stops to shout at them to keep running but it doesn't alter the fact that Peeta is still recovering from his ordeal with the force field.

Katniss' arm soon starts going in to a spasm, which must mean that the fog is designed to target their nerves. My grasp on the bottle next to me tightens as I stare at the screen, knowing there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can send them to stop this horror.

"It's no good," says Finnick, "I'll have to carry him. Can you take Mags?"

"Yes," says Katniss but I think we both know that's going to be difficult, no matter how frail and small Mags may be.

They all run down the hill towards the Cornucopia but Katniss' body is growing weaker and so holding on to Mags is even more of struggle. The old lady rests her head on Katniss' back calmly, as if she knows what's coming.

No, I can't think like that. Mags has survived all these years, she can survive a little fog. She can. She can.

"It's no use," says Katniss. "Can you take them both? Go ahead, I'll catch up."

"No," says Finnick, tears welling in his eyes, "I can't carry them both. My arms aren't working." He turns to his old mentor, "I'm sorry, Mags. I can't do it."

Mags wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the cheek. I know what she's doing to do but it doesn't mean that my heart rate decreases. She walks in to the fog and her body starts to shake uncontrollably before she falls to the ground.

I want to scream louder than I ever have. Mags, my surrogate mother and friend is gone. She'll never get to see the rebellion she worked so hard for come to fruition.

I glance over at Chaff, who is dozing under a tree and wish that I could tell him. I know he'll see it in the sky tomorrow night but that seems so impersonal when Mags has been there for most of our lives.

I gulp down more of the bottle as Katniss and Peeta slowly make their way in to the water near the beach, it seems to be drawing out the poison from their bodies judging by the reactions on their faces. They then drag Finnick in to the water and slowly he returns to life while Peeta goes to tap a tree.

He dives underwater and stays there for a long time and I'm half wondering if he's decided to drown himself before he pops back up again.

"Don't do that," snaps Katniss.

"What?" Says Finnick. "Come up or stay under?"

"Either. Neither. Whatever. Just soak in the water and behave. Or if you feel this good, let's go help Peeta."

I don't have time to think about Katniss' change in emotions towards Finnick because ever so slowly a large group of monkeys appear in the trees above Peeta. Of course, these can't be real, harmless monkeys. They must be evil mutts made in the Capitol. Plutarch is really putting his stamp on this year's Games.

"Peeta," says Katniss, her bow raised. "I need your help with something."

"Okay, just a minute," says Peeta. "I think I've just about got it. Yes, there. Have you got the spile?"

"I do. But we've found something you'd better take a look at. Only move towards us quietly, so you don't startle it."

"Okay," he says and begins to move back but within seconds they attack and both Katniss and Peeta are firing everything they've got at them to take out the awful creatures. Peeta is hacking away with his knife but there's so many of them I'm finding it difficult to separate human from monkey.

That's when the female tribute from District 6, a morphling addict named Tressa, jumps on to a monkey as it's about to bite in to Peeta and blocks its path. It sinks its fangs in to her chest just before Peeta stabs it in the back.

"Come on, then!" Shouts Peeta as the monkeys begin to withdraw. "Come on!"

"Get her," says Peeta, "We'll cover you."

Katniss and Finnick raise their weapons while Peeta kneels down next to Tressa, soothing her with calming words about rainbows and colours. This is what makes him special, his ability to see other people's pain and know how to react to it. As she finally drifts off it's with a small smile on her face. He drags her over to the water and watches her float away. It would almost be poetic if it wasn't so horrific.

Finnick says he wants to take the night watch and, for once, Katniss doesn't argue. When he's certain that both she and Peeta are asleep he allows the tears to fall for his dead mentor. And I do the same.


End file.
